Califlorida: My Mom Story

Posted Friday, November 14, 2008 3:40 PM

"I returned to work when DD was a mere six weeks old. Despite the many text messages and emailed updates DH would send me, I think I cried every day that first week alone..."

After carrying my daughter for nine months and giving birth to her in May, I didn't think I'd ever be able to leave her side. But DH and I made the decision that I would continue my career and he would become a SAHD. And while we felt very happy and secure with that idea, the reality of our arrangement has had a few bumps along the way.

I returned to work when DD was a mere six weeks old. We were still getting to know each other, still working hard at breastfeeding, and still nowhere near any semblance of a sleep schedule.  But I packed off to work with my breast pump and a handful of pictures to remind me of her throughout the day. Despite the many text messages and emailed updates DH would send me, I think I cried every day that first week alone. It was no picnic for DH either. On more than one occasion he confessed the small twinge of jealousy he felt when he realized how "easy" it was for me to nurse DD compared to the screaming tear-fest he experienced every time he couldn't heat up a bottle fast enough.

Every parent has their own way of doing things. But I've had to learn to ask DH for help when my way just isn't working. You can imagine my frustration when I'd come home from a long day, ready to play with DD only for her to get cranky and DH say, "No, we were just in the Jumperoo," or "We already played with the blocks. She needs downtime."  And I felt like saying "Well, how was I supposed to know?"  But I've realized that if I listen to DH and accept his input, DD and I can settle in and enjoy each other a lot easier. But that doesn't mean we don't occasionally disagree. Like the time DD was six weeks old and he called me at work to tell me he was going to take her rollerblading through the park!  I put my foot down immediately. We came to the agreement that anything out of the ordinary routine has to be discussed ahead of time and that sometimes, for reasons that don't have to be explained, mommy-judgement trumps all.

Most days I can be home by dinner, but occasionally I'm stuck pulling an all-nighter which means I'm home well after DD has already gone to sleep.  These nights are the hardest on all of us. I like to put DD to bed.  She looks forward to that time with me as well.  When I'm not there, she let's DH know, she's not happy. And with a round the clock day for me, it means DH hasn't had a break at home either. And as all SAH parents know, downtime is crucial. But on those good nights when I get home, bath and feed DD, and read and rock her to sleep, DH is free to relax.  Although once I put DD down for the night, I'm in desperate need of some downtime of my own.  And that's usually when DH is looking to spend time with me. It's been tough finding a balance between what our daughter needs, what we as individuals need, and what our marriage needs.

DH will be the first to admit that he misses adult interaction. He has yet to meet any other fathers who are doing the job he is doing.  But in an effort to get out of the house and around some grownups, he's joined a Music Together class with DD. While they're happy to have a SAHD join, none of the mom's have yet to chat with him about milestones, diaper rash, pediatricians, or any of the other million things that happen with their DC's on a daily basis. He's gotten some off-the-wall comments from friends and family who think that staying at home caring for DD is some kind of walk in the park. Or people who, after learning he is a SAHD, continue to press him by asking, "But what do you do for work?" He's also identified a small but annoying set back in his travels with DD.  Most women's bathrooms have changing tables for infants, but he has yet to find a men's room with one of these!

Every month brings something new with DD growing faster than we can keep track of.  I love watching the bond between DD and DH strengthen.  And DH is already asking when I'd like to try for DC #2, so obviously he loves his new job!  I hope DD can look back on this time and appreciate what her father did for her and for our family.  And I will always be indebted to him for the choice he made and for being the best father I could have ever hoped for our daughter.

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