Caytibeth: Learning to Trust Myself

Posted Friday, November 21, 2008 11:42 AM

"It feels great to be confident (well most days anyway!) and I know that if I have a question, there is support around me to help figure it out..."

For all the moms out there who read too many books, blogs, web pages and of course The Bump... I have this to say: trust in yourself. You are the only one who knows your baby, from his crooked pinky toe to that adorable little birthmark, to those sparkly eyes that change from green to blue depending on the light. You know when he cries whether he is serious or just faking it to get your attention.
 
I write this as a mom who has learned to trust herself. There are days that I still reach out to The Bump, blogs and books, just to "check in," to be sure I'm not the only crazy mom out there.  As a first time mom, this hasn't been an easy path. When I was pregnant, every movement and feeling would send me straight to the phone to call other pregnant moms or moms who had traveled this road before. I thought of my impending labor. I wanted a natural labor, but how would I get what I wanted when I had never done it before? That day came. I was described as being bossy in the labor room. Who knew how to do this or what I wanted better than me? So I asked for ice when I wanted it, a back rub when I needed it, and turned my faith over to my body when Patrick was ready.
 
When I brought Patrick home, I was so unsure of everything. What did that cry mean? How do I figure out breastfeeding? Is he warm/cool/happy enough? I had wonderful support around me, I read books and logged on to the internet. I even blogged about it all so I wouldn't forget a minute of it. Through the last seven months though, I have now come to realize that I do know. I know what that cry means, I know how to feed him; I don't know how to help him sleep better, but I do know that he is loved and safe and secure. I may have made some choices that others disagree with, but they are my choices and they work for my family and for Patrick.
 
I wrote a blog entry one day when I was feeling insecure about all the choices that I had made:
 
No, Patrick is not sleeping through the night
Yes, he does sleep in our bed part to most of the night
Yes, this is a decision that Ryan and I are BOTH ok with for now
No, we don't plan to have him sleep with us until he is 10
Yes, I am tired most of the time
Yes, my plan is to breast-feed a year or so depending on what Patrick decides
No, we aren't worried about doing solids yet, although he has had a taste of cereal this past week.
No, he doesn't need extra vitamins or food really, he gets all he needs from me
No, we don't let him Cry it Out (if you have heard him go from sound asleep to wailing as quickly as we have, you would understand)
Yes, Ryan is an awesome dad and a great support
No, I don't know what I am doing
Yes, I am learning as I go
No, I didn't read "it" in a book, I just do what feels right (and then constantly question myself!)
 
After I posted that, my mother in law sent me the most encouraging note. She said: "You don't need to answer to anybody. There are about as many theories of raising kids as there are parents. Some people just ask questions out of curiosity, some make remarks we take the wrong way, and then there's some who will judge us no matter what we do. I know -- I had a tough sister-in-law and absolutely EVERYTHING I did was wrong, and she sure didn't mind telling me.  My kids were going to be spoiled rotten and never amount to anything. After a while you start wondering if they're right. The first baby is the hardest. After everyone has the second and third, they (most people) relax a little and realize there are no hard and fast rules. You do what works for you and that child...chances are they'll grow up just fine. And he WILL start sleeping through the night...you'll have a few good years before he becomes a teenager and you start losing sleep again! They grow up too fast. Enjoy him and do things with and for him that you're comfortable with... he's an awfully nice little guy -- and I'm sure I'm not prejudiced."
 
It feels great to be confident (well most days anyway!) and I know that if I have a question, there is support around me to help figure it out.

 > Read more about caytibeth! (Love her pics? See more of her photography at www.blissphotographymn.blogspot.com/.)

> Share your mom story! Email it to Bump Kaitlin at kstanford@theknot.com.