re: Tell us: Grandma rules?

I don't think my mouth has closed once since hearing this story.  Possibly the most disturbing thing I've read recently... and yet I can't stop thinking about it. What I really want to know is, did this grandma breastfeed her own children? Because surely if she did, she would know a thing or two about breast milk... chief among them: it doesn't survive in the breast for 30+ years.

Posted by Bump Kaitlin    Wednesday, June 04, 2008 2:55 PM

re: Tell us: Grandma rules?

I don't like the idea of anyone other than me nursing my baby...but at the same time, how is this so different from wet nurses which were/are common in other times/cultures?

Posted by KnittingBride    Thursday, June 05, 2008 2:32 PM

re: Tell us: Grandma rules?

My mom is watching Cooper for a few days next month when DH and I take our first vacation in two years. I warned her, DO NOT ROCK HIM TO SLEEP!!!! Sure, it's a 'tender moment' but I have worked way too hard with sleep training and endured awful nights of CIO to get him to be a good sleeper!

Posted by Bump Lori    Thursday, June 05, 2008 2:33 PM

re: Tell us: Grandma rules?

That grandma would never be left alone with my child again.  That's just insane!  Sounds like grandma is super jealous of her DIL.  

Posted by TayLynn    Thursday, June 05, 2008 2:43 PM

re: Tell us: Grandma rules?

I find the mere thought disturbing....

Posted by surashan1    Thursday, June 05, 2008 2:53 PM

re: Tell us: Grandma rules?

I was wondering how long it would be before something like this came up. I would have Grandma committed! My MIL constantly threatens to "teach" my child to breastfeed! We didn't have any luck latching on so I've been pumping and feeding and my MIL constantly reminds me that Grandmas were wet nurses back in the day! I'm not impressed!

Posted by lyndie314    Thursday, June 05, 2008 3:09 PM

re: Tell us: Grandma rules?

OMG, I don't even know what to say.... so very distrubing.

Posted by RacerGirl    Thursday, June 05, 2008 3:17 PM

re: Tell us: Grandma rules?

This really makes me think about her mental status and if she is really capable of taking care of an infant.

Posted by mamasher    Thursday, June 05, 2008 3:26 PM

re: Tell us: Grandma rules?

That is just so wrong on so many levels.  My mother has actually joked about the very same thing.  I let her know right away the idea is not even funny, it's sick and don't ever mention it again.  I'm with some others, I'd never leave my baby alone with that grandma again after witnessing that!  That is just sick!  

Posted by EmilyKristine    Thursday, June 05, 2008 3:27 PM

re: Tell us: Grandma rules?

I am actually angered about this as if it happened to me personally.  I'm not so much completely disgusted with the idea of nursing someone's baby, as I did that once for my sister's son, who is 5 months older than my own.  It was an emergency situation and he would NOT take a bottle, and she had already mentioned it on her own that it was an option if nothing else seemed to work.  I did it reluctantly, and because it was my only option, other than letting him starve and scream.  But I would NEVER EVER have DREAMED of doing something like that without the mother's permission.  It is unfathomable.  If someone who DID have milk did that to someone's baby they would actually run the risk of passing HIV to the baby--HIV can be spread easily through breastmilk!  I'm just appalled that someone could be so without boundaries.  What other boundaries would she choose to ignore?

Posted by crickett_4jc    Thursday, June 05, 2008 3:56 PM

re: Tell us: Grandma rules?

Ok, sure, I get the idea of wetnurses.  It's not a bad idea, they've been used since the dawn of time, and I don't think that's the issue here.  

The issue is actually that this woman stuck her breast in her gandchild's mouth.  She is not producing milk.  So what she did was sexually assault this baby.  I don't think this is funny in the slightest, and that woman most likely needs help for mental instability.  

And I agree with others - my child would no longer be left alone in this woman's care - I wouldn't leave my child with a child molester.  That would just be insane.

Posted by LisaThakker    Thursday, June 05, 2008 4:50 PM

re: Tell us: Grandma rules?

CHILD MOLESTER???  You have got to be kidding me. Sure it's crazy, and I'm not saying grandma's playing with a full deck, but you cannot tell me there was anything remotely sexual about that.  You just offended breastfeeding mothers everywhere... breastfeeding does not become "sexual" just because it's unsuccessful!!  Otherwise every mommy with a latch problem would be "sexually assaulting" her child.  

Posted by OUMedBride    Thursday, June 05, 2008 5:27 PM

re: Tell us: Grandma rules?

I'm quite sure the Grandmother knew she was NOT HIV positive and would not have endangered her grandchild's life. My mother had said she missed breast feeding and wishes she could feed my baby for me but she's content to give her the bottle. I'm going to read that article. Is there more to the story?

Posted by PepperGibson    Thursday, June 05, 2008 7:30 PM

re: Tell us: Grandma rules?

I highly doubt the granfmother was lactating for any reason, so I can't hepl but wonder what drove her to to bring the child to her breast. I can only think that the grandmother is somewhat unstable.

I think the shock would have been a little less (but still very shocking) had it been the grandmother on the mother's side, but I would be even more horrified if it was my MIL.

Posted by Mom_Of_Damien    Thursday, June 05, 2008 8:36 PM

re: Tell us: Grandma rules?

I think I'm going to throw up!

Posted by Kflie83    Thursday, June 05, 2008 8:38 PM

re: Tell us: Grandma rules?

MIL has said that when she was looking after our son that we would root around when he was hungry, and that one time she was starting to get frantic as she'd forgotten to defrost my EBM and thought about opening her shirt just to give him some "comfort" while the milk warmed up. Umm, next time please plan ahead and have a pacifier! You can be sure that never happened again, I defrosted the stuff myself and set everything up before I ever left him with her.

Posted by reeni    Friday, June 06, 2008 7:13 AM

re: Tell us: Grandma rules?

OUMedBride :  I think you may have misunderstood.  I don't think that LisaThakker  was saying that breastfeeding mothers do it for sexual pleasures, i think she was saying that the one who does this and is clearly not producing milk may be considered doing it for sexual reasons. I have to agree with Lisa- either that or to pacify the baby which is still sick... they have pacifiers for that!

Posted by About2bGold    Friday, June 06, 2008 8:14 AM

re: Tell us: Grandma rules?

I believe that we as women are culturally trained to be grossed out at our future selves, who are supposed to be aged and ugly and sexless.  Therefore even the thought of a "grandmother's breast" is abhorrent to us.  I completely agree that anyone, family or not, should get permission to breastfeed someone else's child.  But I do think some age-ism is happening here.  

Posted by s98spunky    Friday, June 06, 2008 8:26 AM

re: Tell us: Grandma rules?

I don't think it has anything to do with age-ism. Young or old it is just gross to think you can breastfeed someone else's child.  If some one was breastfeeding your kid young or old how can you not find it distgusing either way?

Posted by Talibah    Friday, June 06, 2008 12:31 PM

re: Tell us: Grandma rules?

this story is pretty gross. however i feel it is not completely crazy to suggest for a grandmother to nurse her own grandchild. i have discussed on several occasions with my own mother that if (god forbid) something was to happen to me, that i would like her to nurse my daughter. yes, she obviously would not be lactating. but why can't she? the human body is an amazing thing. the act of an infant suckling the nipple stimulates the production of a hormone called prolactin, which fills the breast with milk. prolactin is also released as a result of pregnancy. then with regular supply and demand the woman can breastfeed normally. this has nothing to do with age or if you have been pregnant either. this is why an 80 year old woman can still nurse. technically a man can breastfeed if he takes the hormone. we all have mammary glands. this is why we are called mammals. i digress. so as you can see the grandmother could breastfeed the grandchild. but this isn't to say that i think the grandmother was right in what she did. i feel the should have definitely discussed the idea with the daughter in law. no one but a child's parent has a right to decide if this should happen. the grandmother probably missed the feeling of the closeness you feel when you breastfeed. it was a very selfish act. to actually feed a child is selfless. milk nurse, relative or friend i see no problem as long as there is consent. i could go on and on but i have basically said my piece.

Posted by Nickygrl84    Friday, June 06, 2008 4:19 PM

re: Tell us: Grandma rules?

I just hope I don't get so jealous of my daughter's new motherhood that I don't do the same thing!  I miss newborn-ness.

Posted by brookedny    Saturday, June 07, 2008 6:11 AM

re: Tell us: Grandma rules?

The only thing that truly upsets me about this story is the fact that grandma didn't ask permission of her daughter-in-law and son before deciding to "breastfeed" her grandchild.  In all honesty, she probably missed the closeness breastfeeding provides, but this is still definitely an act of selfishness on grandma's part.

Posted by DavesPrincess    Tuesday, June 10, 2008 12:35 PM

re: Tell us: Grandma rules?

I think it was wrong but not so horrible I am sure she just wanted to comfort and bond with the child not harm it.  What would you do if you couldn't breastfeed and there was no formula like in the old day then you have to have someone else nurse your child or it will starve.  She should not have done it but I don't think she is a child molestar!

Posted by rhutchin    Wednesday, June 11, 2008 1:23 PM

re: Tell us: Grandma rules?

the sketchy part to me after reading the other posts, is the secrecy that this was done in.  The DIL walked in on this.  I kept havign flashbacks to scenes of "the hand that rocks the cradle" where the main character breastfed the mothers child so that it wouldn't want its own mothers milk, but desired phycho's instead.  The idea that the child might reject his mothers milk if this continued is absolutly haunting.  

Grandma's desire for this bond was definatily selfish and that would not be the kind of bond that I would want my mom or MIL to have with my child.  

Posted by Reid&Lauren    Thursday, June 12, 2008 3:04 PM

re: Tell us: Grandma rules?

It was a selfish thing for the grandmother to do.  And I believe she knew it was selfish because she was clearly too embarrassed to ask her DIL for permission.  This goes way beyond the boundary of typical care for a grandchild.

Posted by snickelfritz    Saturday, June 14, 2008 12:49 AM

re: Tell us: Grandma rules?

In this day and age where we have great formulas to suplement breastmilk, no one has any business trying to breastfeed someone else's baby, unless the mother has given approval first, which I personally still find disturbing.  Considering the mother was close enough to catch grandma in the act shows that grandma is mentally disturbed.

Posted by JAC1027    Sunday, June 29, 2008 2:13 PM