Sammi: Pregnancy Diary
Monday, November 29, 2010 11:38 AM
"The relief, the joy, the seeping in of reality, the BEAUTIFUL look on Tony's face when it sunk in this baby was real and he was finally going to be a Daddy. No words can decribe that moment of absolute bliss and grace."
After suffering 4 miscarriages through the years, and being told I had a 2% chance of becoming pregnant and a 50% chance if I did of suffering another, I thought my chances were over and I was meant to be childless. The morning of April 11 my wonderful boyfriend planned an intimate birthday brunch date for my 44th birthday. I was nauseated and weak, but I wasn't going to skip it!! I knew something was wrong when I barely picked at my plate, all the while trying to show him how happy I was he had brought me to this wonderful place to eat amazing dishes! I realized on the way home my period was late, and told Tony, who got pretty excited and went to get a pregnancy test for me -- I guess you could call that one of my birthday gifts from him! I took the test and it was positive. I remember a lot of crying and laughing. He was thrilled and scared, I was just scared and stunned. I didn't want to face another disappointment or drag him through the disappointment of another miscarriage as well. I waited a couple of weeks for nature to take its course refusing to get excited about it.
Tony and I were prepared for the worst, and praying for the best. We arrived at the center extremely nervous. The ultrasound technician had been the one to do ultrasounds for my last miscarriage which had been twins. She remembered us and was emotionally very gentle with us. And then, there it was, for the first time ever in my life -- A HEARTBEAT. Oh My God!! The relief, the joy, the seeping in of reality, the BEAUTIFUL look on Tony's face when it sunk in this baby was real and he was finally going to be a Daddy. No words can decribe that moment of absolute bliss and grace.
I was working in NYC for a week staying downtown, dreaming of days I'll bring my little girl to the Big Apple to see a Broadway show, eat ice cream at Serindipity and go to FAO Schwartz. As I was getting ready I saw that James Taylor and Carole King were performing at the Today Show plaza, so I went down. The guards walked my group behind the stage, which I was disappointed in, as I thought I couldn't see the show. Much to my happiness, James and Carole hung around back there during commerical breaks. James was giving autographs and taking pictures and coming my way. He got right up to me and changed directions so I yelled "James!!! Take a picture with me!! I'm pregnant!!!" And he turned right around and posed with me. When he left he put his hand on my shoulder, looked in my eyes and very sincerely said "I wish your baby the best". So I can tell Tennley she was blessed by James Taylor, which in my opinion is the coolest thing that can happen to a fetus.
September 25 and Oct 24
My first baby shower was held in my hometown of Knoxville by my sister, brothers-in-law, and best college friend. A collection of family and old friends came. My second was held in Fairfax at Grevy's by my newly adopted family of Falls Church folks who have taken me into their arms and have celebrated this miracle every step of the way with me. The theme for both was definitely to Celebrate Tennley!! The love I felt by my family and my friends for this little miracle growing inside me was evident. Tony, baby Tennley and myself were celebrated -- I felt so much excitement for her arrival and so much of a village of love that Tennley will be exposed to in the beautiful hearts of the people in my life. While the gifts were beautiful and VERY much needed and appreciated, the emotion of both days was the realization that this little baby will be showered with love inside and outside her family through her lifetime.
Cool things Tennley has done before being born
I'm a 'Collector of Memories'. I may not do things over and over with the goal of perfection -- but I want to do as much as possible at least once. So since I discovered this little one was growing inside me, I've been collecting memories I can tell her that she did before ever being born. She has been to a Broadway play seeing Kelsey Grammar in La Cage Aux Folles, she has stood in the presence of the REAL Winnie the Pooh, Eeyore, Piglet and Tigger (who really does have a thumbtack in his butt) at the Children's Library in NYC, she has floated in the Atlantic Ocean and been knocked around by pre-hurricane waves, she was in me when I met James Taylor and shook hands with Carole King. She has been to a University of Tennessee football game and felt the rush when the crowd sings Rocky Top a few thousand times, she has visited art museums to see Georgia O'Keefe and Norman Rockwell and visited DC landmarks she will come to know all too well on the outside. Most importantly, she has spent every weekend and a lot of weeknights with our awesome friends and family who have already taken her into their hearts and already love her as their own.
Thoughts on suddenly being a mom at my old age of 44!
Throughout my dating life, when asked by boyfriends if I wanted kids, I would always give the same answer: I want kids if I know the guy is 100% in -- someone who will most definitely split the experience, the joy and the pain with me, OR I wanted a guy that knew he didn't want kids and would travel with me. My relationships and ultimate marriage took me to landmark locations around the US and world and I loved and drank in every second of it. I never felt cheated. I became a young widow and relocated to DC to start over. Almost immediately God placed me smack dab in front of 100% kid man, though it took me a while to recognize him. My life started over, and I was given my second chance at love and saw Tony's incredible relationship with his godson and how much he wanted a baby of his own. I continued to fall more and more in love with him and then God gave us Tennley. As a widow, the gift you get from that experience is a renewed shiny recognition of LIFE. I am so happy I am experiencing this gift of motherhood in my 40s -- I have lived, traveled, and loved intensely and had incredible experiences I can share and encourage her to be part of. At this age, I have never felt more prepared emotionally to handle the challenges, especially with 100% kid man by my side, and to gift this child with the tools that will allow her to live and love hard throughout her own life -- that's what it's all about!
>> Want to share your pregnancy story? Email it to firstname.lastname@example.org