Jennifer*L*923's TTC Story

Posted Wednesday, April 08, 2009 3:59 PM

"This summer, it will have been two years and probably almost 30 cycles since we started this adventure. I did not see that one coming..."

How we met

Justin and I met in early December of 2001. We were unknowingly set up by his roommate’s girlfriend, whom I was in a business class work group with. We both were unimpressed upon the first meeting, so I definitely can’t claim it was love at first sight! We actually ended up giving each other another chance and going out on a date a week or two later, it was after that date that we became virtually inseparable. We moved in together after I graduated in 2003. That was rough and a little rocky, as combining two forces isn’t always easy, but we ended up adopting a little pit bull lab mix named Fudge who became the center of our lives and our little angel.

Six months after Fudge came along, we adopted another little ball of joy—another pit bull mix named Memphis. Justin bought our first house in the summer of 2004 and with that came, you guessed it, another little one, our pit bull mix Peyton. Our dogs are the light of our world; they are our babies. We are well aware of the stereotypes pit bulls have in our society and it has become a passion of ours to educate people and prove them wrong. I think we’ve done well so far!

Getting married

We were engaged in August of 2005, Justin actually proposed with the key to the safe deposit box that the ring was in. We were planning a trip to Las Vegas and Justin had all kinds of elaborate plans to do it there on our trip; but then the ring came in a bit earlier than expected and he just couldn’t wait. We went out to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants and the entire evening, he seemed anxious and distracted. We went home and as I was looking for something in the bedroom, he got down on his knee and proposed. I thought he was kidding, but he wasn’t! We were married the following September at the Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower Center in Austin. Unfortunately our ceremony was rained out and we had to move it indoors, but that means good luck, right? It turned out to be a wonderful evening, despite the weather, and I couldn’t have imagined it turning out to be a better celebration with our families and our friends than it did.  Everyone, including us, had a fantastic time.  

Trying for a baby

I went off birth control in May 2007. I don’t know that either of us were completely ready, but we knew that if we waited until we were both “ready”, we’d always find other excuses as to why we weren’t. There would always be more money to make, more vacations we want to take, more time we’d want to spend alone. We had a home with plenty of room to grow, our dogs are well-behaved adult dogs, our parents are all more than ready for grandkids, and we both have solid careers. All signs pointed to “go”.  

When we made the decision to TTC, the images that played through our heads were those of jumping for joy in the kitchen after seeing those two pink lines, the tears of joy our parents would inevitably cry when we announced the news, the painting of the nursery and the subsequent pink or blue paint we’d certainly get all over each other; we thought about the tears of joy we’d cry at the first sight of our new son or daughter and the sleepless nights we’d endure for the first few weeks. I never dreamed of what became the reality we’d face; the tears of sadness and hurt at another failed cycle, the painful periods I’d experience, the sleepless nights wondering what was wrong and then the “Why me?” and “Why us?” questions; just as I never imagined the guilt that would swallow me because I’m the one with the problem, or that the jumping for joy would simply be because our insurance would cover yet another surgery to attempt to fix the problem.

Doing everything it takes

In March of 2008, I was diagnosed with moderate endometriosis and a blocked fallopian tube due to the endometriosis. I’ll be having a laparoscopic surgery this summer to fix or remove the tube and hopefully this will do the trick. By then, it will have been two years and probably almost 30 cycles since we started this adventure. I did not see that one coming.

This process, despite the results so far, has brought Justin and me closer together. He’s my rock, my best friend, and someone that I don’t want to have to be without. It’s strengthened our relationship in ways that I can’t describe. It has challenged us and it has challenged our faith, but we’re better together and as individuals because we’ve gone through something that’s broken us down, something that’s pushed us. I know that when we finally have the baby we are meant to have, it is going to be that much sweeter and happier because we know what we went through to get there. We’re going to have a different perspective than we would have had if we had gotten pregnant right away.

I’m looking forward to being a mother for a few different reasons. I love to watch my dogs play, learn, and figure out new things. That “Ah ha!” moment is priceless. I know that I’ll love to watch our children learn and discover new things, and I can’t wait to teach them about the world. I think I’m going to also love watching Justin be a father. It’s something that he has always wanted and he’s such a great “dad” to our pups, so I know he’s going to be a natural. After wanting this for so long, I’m actually also looking forward to some of the not-so-great moments, like middle of the night feedings, or cleaning up messes.  It will just mean that I’m finally someone’s mother and it will have been worth it.

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