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12-03-2012 at 10:04 AM
irishmom20...
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DC2London & any other STMs with advice

I didn't want to take over the Extreme Fatigue post, or confuse others who are just as exhausted. Wink

 

DD's problem is going down initially.  I think we are missing that golden 30 minutes of actual downtime somehow.  So, last night I started bedtime at 7:30 instead of 8. She had a bath, we read stories in her bed, she was excited to cuddle for a minute and was yawning.  I cuddled with her for about 10 minutes and when I went to leave she had a total meltdown.  I didn't get out of her room until 9:15, when I left and she had another complete meltdown where she sobbed so hard that you couldn't understand her.  She freaked when DH went into the room and cried for me.  I finally went back in, calmed her down, and told her it was bedtime.  That was at 9:50 - she was out cold by 10 pm.

We're both exhausted.  DH is exhausted and DH & I are at the ends of our ropes.  I can't think of what else to do.  I've tried re-ferberizing her - which we did all weekend - and it seemed to only make things worse.  

PS - this kid used to sleep 8pm - 7am with a 2-3 hr nap.  She started going a little later around her 2nd birthday, so around 9, but would sleep unitl 8 and then nap from 12:30ish to 3.


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12-03-2012 at 10:25 AM
kat1221
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My son had phases like that throughout the "toddler" years.  I feel your pain.  The only thing that worked for us EVER was CIO.  We found that if we stayed or kept going back into his room, it just made it worse.  It stinks to let them cry but it only takes one or two nights and then it works...for us anyway.

 Good Luck!! 


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12-03-2012 at 10:30 AM
+adamwife+
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At that age I have them CIO.  They are just testing you because they know you will come back in and snuggle them and they don't want to be alone.  Both of my boys went through that phase - I think it lasted a few weeks.  We let them CIO and they would end up getting out of bed and sleeping behind the door, which was pathetic and made me feel horrible, but they got over it.
12-03-2012 at 10:38 AM
KD79
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First of all, how old is she again?  It sounds like she might be taking too long of naps and isn't tired enough at bed time.  Try limiting her naps to 1.5 hours or so and see if that might help get her tired enough at bedtime.

Also, a blogger that I follow recently did a post about something very similar.  Rather than try to summarize it, here's the link to what they did:

http://www.mommyshorts.com/2012/11/breaking-a-bad-bedtime-routine.html  (sorry it's not clicky...my computer won't turn it clicky). 


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12-03-2012 at 10:50 AM
expatmama
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It sounds like from what you have written this is a new routine -- I know my 2.5 year old always reacts a bit to changes in the routine and settles less easily in the beginning. We usually sit with him until he calms and then leave -- and then repeat if necessary --- usually this only takes a few nights and then the new routine is solidified. 

We also try to get LO aware of what is going on -- we talk about how we go upstairs at 7pm and have taught LO how to see when the clock says 7. Then LO says 'oh time to go to bed' and we don't have to.

Usually if LO is exceptionally fussy it is because of illness, a tough day or over tiredness--- but that is just us. LO doesn't take a nap that is longer than 1.5 hours during the day and usually sleeps from 7:30/8:00-7:00/7:30.

 

Our routine is bath/wipe down (sensitive skin so bath every 3 days), brush teeth, put on PJs, read 3 books, get into bed, have a last drink of water, sing 3 songs -- say goodnight. 


LO born Feb 2010 m/mc 03.25.12 @ 11 weeks measured 8 Pgal/Pal always welcome 
12-03-2012 at 11:08 AM
Brian'sWif...
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I don't have any advice because we are going through the same thing. I just wanted to thank KD79 for posting the link to that blogpost. I forwarded it to DH and hopefully the nightmare ends soon.

 Good luck! 


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12-03-2012 at 11:10 AM
irishmom20...
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Thank you, ladies!

 

KD79 - she turned 2 on August 30th.  The days that she doesn't nap at all are actually worse.  Her naps for the last week have been no more than 2 hours, if that.  The longest was on last Tuesday when she finally fell asleep at 9:45 on Monday night and woke up at 7:30 Tuesday morning and was beyond crabby.  The sitter was there, though, and she played with other kids for a good 3 hours before needed a nap.  

Ok. So I'm not being a horrible mom if I let her CIO.  We have done that before, but aaaack - it's been over a year and it was so much less nerve wracking when she was contained in a crib! Sad


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12-03-2012 at 11:12 AM
mhbraymer
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adamwife:
At that age I have them CIO.nbsp; They are just testing you because they know you will come back in and snuggle them and they don't want to be alone.nbsp; Both of my boys went through that phase I think it lasted a few weeks.nbsp; We let them CIO and they would end up getting out of bed and sleeping behind the door, which was pathetic and made me feel horrible, but they got over it.


This. Except my dd just stays in bed and cries. I put her down between 8:158;30. We bath, read and then snuggle and she asks where's the kitty, daddy, and the baby.

But then this past week it's been meltdown city here. After I leave all I here is "mommy" for at least 1530min. It breaks my heart but she needs to realize that I can't always be there especially when I go have the baby.

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12-03-2012 at 11:14 AM
irishmom20...
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expatmama:

It sounds like from what you have written this is a new routine -- I know my 2.5 year old always reacts a bit to changes in the routine and settles less easily in the beginning. We usually sit with him until he calms and then leave -- and then repeat if necessary --- usually this only takes a few nights and then the new routine is solidified. 

We also try to get LO aware of what is going on -- we talk about how we go upstairs at 7pm and have taught LO how to see when the clock says 7. Then LO says 'oh time to go to bed' and we don't have to.

Usually if LO is exceptionally fussy it is because of illness, a tough day or over tiredness--- but that is just us. LO doesn't take a nap that is longer than 1.5 hours during the day and usually sleeps from 7:30/8:00-7:00/7:30.

 

Our routine is bath/wipe down (sensitive skin so bath every 3 days), brush teeth, put on PJs, read 3 books, get into bed, have a last drink of water, sing 3 songs -- say goodnight. 

If we had just started this routine, I would totally agree.  However, we've had the same routine for almost 2 years and the only thing that has changed was the big girl bedroom, which she has adamantly refused to sleep in the "baby room" since, so I know it's not the room, persay.

Bath (bath, hair dried, teeth brushed), book & cuddles, bed.  

She is now  pushing for everything from a snack to water to a movie - basically, just pushing as far as she can.  We definitely need to reign her in.


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12-03-2012 at 11:17 AM
MexiCali
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When Z acted like that it ended up being his 2 year molars coming in. I felt bad because we did CIO and he was fine, but after the first couple night I knew it was something else. Finally I checked his mouth and there they were - his molars coming in.

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12-03-2012 at 11:21 AM
irishmom20...
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MexiCali:
When Z acted like that it ended up being his 2 year molars coming in. I felt bad because we did CIO and he was fine, but after the first couple night I knew it was something else. Finally I checked his mouth and there they were - his molars coming in.

 

She has all of her teeth and isn't sick...I thought it might be a cold or something, but she's fine.   


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12-03-2012 at 12:32 PM
DC2London
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No, you are not a bad mom if you let her CIO.  She is old enough now to handle it.  It still really, really sucks though :(
The other thing I have tried when we started having bedtime issues is a VERY early bedtime.  I know it sounds counter intuitive, but usually they start fighting sleep and/or resisting their routines when they have somehow become chronically overtired.  She may be going through a growth spurt or something else is disturbing her sleep, or she has just had enough late nights now that she needs to kind of re-set her clock.  

When something like that happens, we go to a 6:30 bedtime for a few nights.  It works EVERY time.   


EBFing, CDing, BWing, co-sleeping crunchy SAHM since 2010

Missed m/c discovered 3/15/12 at 8w2d: "Henry."


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12-03-2012 at 12:36 PM
+adamwife+
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irishmom2010:

Ok. So I'm not being a horrible mom if I let her CIO.  We have done that before, but aaaack - it's been over a year and it was so much less nerve wracking when she was contained in a crib! Sad

Not at all.  

I don't do CIO with my babies.  But once they are older and I know that they can physically go through the night without nursing or needing a diaper change, stuff like that, I have no problem letting them CIO.  When you have other children to take care of, you can only do so much and mommy needs good sleep!  In your case, you're pregnant and in a few months you'll have sleepless nights with a new baby.  You've got to get the older child sleeping well on her own without you so you can get some rest before the new baby comes and it is impossible for you to tend to both at the same time!

And I'm with you about the naps.  My kids are terrors at night if they don't have their naps.  They actually sleep better with them.  My five year old still takes a 2-3 hour nap every day and also sleeps well through the night (about 10 hours at night).  Don't let people try to get you to give up that nap with the older child.  The only reason I am sane right now is because all three of my children nap at the same time, giving me a chance to unwind myself and catch a quick nap if I need it.  My oldest son can nap until he's a teen if he wants to!

12-03-2012 at 12:48 PM
expatmama
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irishmom2010:
expatmama:

It sounds like from what you have written this is a new routine -- I know my 2.5 year old always reacts a bit to changes in the routine and settles less easily in the beginning. We usually sit with him until he calms and then leave -- and then repeat if necessary --- usually this only takes a few nights and then the new routine is solidified. 

We also try to get LO aware of what is going on -- we talk about how we go upstairs at 7pm and have taught LO how to see when the clock says 7. Then LO says 'oh time to go to bed' and we don't have to.

Usually if LO is exceptionally fussy it is because of illness, a tough day or over tiredness--- but that is just us. LO doesn't take a nap that is longer than 1.5 hours during the day and usually sleeps from 7:30/8:00-7:00/7:30.

 

Our routine is bath/wipe down (sensitive skin so bath every 3 days), brush teeth, put on PJs, read 3 books, get into bed, have a last drink of water, sing 3 songs -- say goodnight. 

If we had just started this routine, I would totally agree.  However, we've had the same routine for almost 2 years and the only thing that has changed was the big girl bedroom, which she has adamantly refused to sleep in the "baby room" since, so I know it's not the room, persay.

Bath (bath, hair dried, teeth brushed), book & cuddles, bed.  

She is now  pushing for everything from a snack to water to a movie - basically, just pushing as far as she can.  We definitely need to reign her in.

 

Ahh, ok, I was unsure based on your posting --- since it sounded like you just extended the 'go to bed' routine and changed the time, but now I get it!

 

Don't think at over 2 it is mean to do CIO -- and although I have strong opinions about using it with infants, I don't think it is 'bad parenting' just not for me. But living in an apartment with a 2 year old who could probably scream the night away, well I just think my nerves would cave before LOs.

So best of luck to you and hope it works! 


LO born Feb 2010 m/mc 03.25.12 @ 11 weeks measured 8 Pgal/Pal always welcome 
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