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12-02-2012 at 6:05 PM
Lex703
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Lex703 is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 3:14 PMNewbie

Problems with S/O

Hi Ladies,
Is there anyone else put there who is having issues with their S/O since finding out you were pregnant? I feel like I am always trying to take his feelings into consideration so he doesn't feel left out. Last night he came home saying he didn't want to come to the baby shower because its not that important. I can honestly say this hurt me more than anything he has ever said or done before. I feel like I am ready to leave and never come back because if we are a family, every moment involving our baby is important. I just don't know anymore. Please help if you can.
 
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12-02-2012 at 6:17 PM
Kota26
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I'm sorry your feelings were hurt Lex... I think that is a pretty typical guy response though.  Our group of friends are a bunch of married couples and they want to throw a baby shower for the both of us instead of the wives just throwing me one. DH's response to this was "Cant the guys just go out drinking?" I admit that annoyed me and I told him to shut up, show up, and enjoy his baby shower Super Angry  

We also threw a baby shower for my male grad advisor earlier this week.  He was so embarrassed and you could tell her DID NOT want to be there.  Baby showers are generally associated to be a girly girl thing and some guys just are not up with the modern times.

Don't leave your husband and never come back! Just tell him to show up or sleep on the couch.

 
 
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12-02-2012 at 6:23 PM
msf11
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My husband went out drinking with his friends and came by at the end to help load the car up with gifts. Honestly, I get why a guy wouldn't want to be a part of it.
 
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12-02-2012 at 6:42 PM
mal922
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My DH has been really supportive and interested in the pregnancy, but honestly, he would hate having any involvement in a baby shower.  I guess if I made an issue out of it, he might do it just to make me happy, but when we went to a couple's bridal shower, he referred to the process of watching the couple open the gifts as "inefficient."  I honestly can't imagine that he'd be much more interested if we were the ones opening the gifts, so I've always been content to let the bridal and baby showers be girl time.  I believe he did make an appearance to say hello at the end of my bridal shower, but several of my friends are flying in for my baby shower, so I may actually send him away for the weekend and enjoy the time with my friends. 
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12-02-2012 at 7:47 PM
Lex703
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Lex703 is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 3:14 PMNewbie
Thanks for responding ladies! I would usually think of the baby shower process as a girly thing, but I already asked him months ago if he wanted to do a coed shower. He agreed to a coed shower and he picked out the baby shower theme. Since it is his first born son I thought this was important. I even asked him how he felt. I just think he is being a diva. If he can't be the center of attention, then there's a problem. He needs to get over himself.
 
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12-02-2012 at 8:02 PM
Bliss+Berr...
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My H wouldn't want to have anything to do with a shower, coed or otherwise and it's not something I would ever force on him.  He's into picking out the gadgety things and safety factors but other than that, he's not interested in the "baby stuff."  I'm sure once she's here and not such an abstract, it will be different.  

A baby shower however is not a hill I'm willing to die on.  It's nice that your hostess let him choose the theme though.   
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12-03-2012 at 12:31 AM
sucrets4
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It sounds like his delivery sucks, but I don't get why a guy would have a burning desire to go to a baby shower.  

However, if this one thing makes you want to leave him, then I'd suggest counseling for both of you.

You'll also need to learn that you can't do EVERYTHING together as a family.  You will need time to yourself, as will he.  It doesn't make you bad people. 
BFP(1) DD1 born 4.17.10 @ 33w5d due to pPROM
BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM


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12-03-2012 at 3:16 PM
daylights1
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MH is one of the best fathers I know.  He is super supportive and is so incredibly helpful most days I feel like I don't deserve him.  That being said, I'd never expect him to go to a baby shower.  In my opinion showers are for women.  

If this is something that you feel the need to end your relationship on, I really think you need to be in counseling.  

 
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12-03-2012 at 4:33 PM
rm2013
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Lex703:
Thanks for responding ladies! I would usually think of the baby shower process as a girly thing, but I already asked him months ago if he wanted to do a coed shower. He agreed to a coed shower and he picked out the baby shower theme. Since it is his first born son I thought this was important. I even asked him how he felt. I just think he is being a diva. If he can't be the center of attention, then there's a problem. He needs to get over himself.

I can see why you're upset because he is changing it up on you, but if you haven't sent out the invitations already then just switch it to a girls only shower and keep it moving.

My DH is being a total douchebag lately but I know he loves me and the baby and I'm not considering leaving him. I even told him - "Who's the one who's pregnant?" because I think the guys get hormonal too. I think that's a bit drastic for you to consider leaving over the shower. It seems like there must be something else going on. Even if there's not, I agree with PPs some counseling is in order.
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12-03-2012 at 9:45 PM
shibby00
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Lol. No I don't think this is anything to be upset about. My DH was not at my shower, no men were. I think perhaps you need counseling for some perspective.
 
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