I like the idea of adopting a family and I also like that they are employees of the company.  But hell no am I buying $150 shoes for a kid on that list.  I guess maybe I'm being cynical too.  Also, yes I suppose the argument could be made that they don't have the money to buy their kids these luxuries, but I wouldn't do it.  Not sure what you can do in this situation. 

I would be flabbergasted if I saw that.  It seems like taking advantage of peoples good will, and I would have no problem mentioning this to the person coordinating it.  Just say, "We had anticipated spending $150 and this list is far above and beyond that, maybe it's better if we bow out."

However, I have to side-eye the entire thing.  Not to be a ***, but why can't your company pay its employees enough so they don't need charity for Christmas? Why are employees being asked to make up for the difference? Seems like a great way to get out of paying a living wage. 

This would really bother me. I usually buy a gift for "an angel" through our church and it's the same kind of thing. They have recommendations but nothing specific. I understand that a 17 year old has more defined tastes and maybe the parents are really trying to not let him know how bad things are, but a simple "we are cutting back this year" would work. I wonder what would happen if you got some generic jeans or less expensive cologne. Would it just end up in the trash?

that is ridiculous.  I would go back to the coordinator and see if you can swap with another dept's family that has more reasonable requests, that for your small group of 4, this boy's requests are way out of whack.

I would maybe give the family gift cards as "contributions" to those higher end gifts.  Is it just the boy who wants the higher end stuff?  If so, get the rest of the family their reasonable items and get him a gift card to Hollister, an iTunes card, and so on and so forth.  It's tough.  I work in foster care and teens are the hardest to buy for, but many in foster care are happy with what they can get...

We have a very large company in our town that all the employees donate TONS of toys for our foster kids, and believe me, they all get distributed.  It is a lot of fun and the company employees love seeing big trucks of toys that they donated being distributed.  Is there a way to suggest something similar to your company (though one small voice might not get far)?

rubber_chicken:

I would be flabbergasted if I saw that.  It seems like taking advantage of peoples good will, and I would have no problem mentioning this to the person coordinating it.  Just say, "We had anticipated spending $150 and this list is far above and beyond that, maybe it's better if we bow out."

However, I have to side-eye the entire thing.  Not to be a ***, but why can't your company pay its employees enough so they don't need charity for Christmas? Why are employees being asked to make up for the difference? Seems like a great way to get out of paying a living wage. 

At our WHQ we employ everyone from the housekeeping staff, maintenance staff, cafeteria workers, clerks, mailroom people, all the way up to the CEO. The company pays well but sometimes that may not be enough for some people due to circumstance. I know one woman who worked next to me a year ago was receiving assistance through this same group for her utility bills as her husband was laid off and had insane medical bills due to a severe illness. She probably made what I made, but with 2 kids at home, one income, and medical bills she needed the help. It has nothing to do with what the company pays, and as employees we choose to help others.

My team is meeting to discuss tomorrow since they haven't seen the list yet, and I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being a total Grinch in thinking this was crazy.

We do "angels" at my work, but it is coordinated through the Salvation Army and is not for fellow employees.  I think that's kind of weird.

I can empathize with the extravagant wish list.  The 7-year old girl I have wants a bike, American Girl Dolls, and a Barbie Dream House.  I just used these to give me some idea of what she was into and purchased items I thought she would like, but that were more reasonably priced.

Not to be snarky, but "needy" to me means you need necessities, i.e. coat, hat, shoes, not an iPad.  And your new shoes don't need to be $150 to keep your feet warm, sorry.

Are you required to buy those specific items?  Or could you just buy whatever shoes, coat, cologne, etc. is on sale?

I'm still giving the side eye to your employer encouraging you to give to the housekeeping staff, etc. They need to pay more. I don't know - I remember being 17 and its hard enough being 17, being 17 and poor? I'd give the kid the shoes. My mom did an angel tree thing a few years and was all put out that the 14 yo kid was very speciifc about what he wanted and what stores and while it was a lot more demanding (and less cute tha a 4 yo who wants "anything princess" or Cars) its also totally normal for that age. Heck - I just bought my 10 yo niece Taylor Swift perfume (gag!) I would never ask for that, but that's what she wants.

We do adopt a child at our work and I enjoy shopping for the child.  The child lists out needs and wants.  So we buy an article of clothing (coat, hat/gloves, boots) and a toy.  I do side-eye a bit when they ask for video games, because that means they have a video game system at home....

KathrynMD:

I'm still giving the side eye to your employer encouraging you to give to the housekeeping staff, etc. They need to pay more. I don't know - I remember being 17 and its hard enough being 17, being 17 and poor? I'd give the kid the shoes. My mom did an angel tree thing a few years and was all put out that the 14 yo kid was very speciifc about what he wanted and what stores and while it was a lot more demanding (and less cute tha a 4 yo who wants "anything princess" or Cars) its also totally normal for that age. Heck - I just bought my 10 yo niece Taylor Swift perfume (gag!) I would never ask for that, but that's what she wants.

Good point.  It's hard as a teen when you are trying to fit in if you are poor.  I coveted those name-brand items as well.  I don't know if that's the case with this kid, but something to consider.

Pesky:

that is ridiculous.  I would go back to the coordinator and see if you can swap with another dept's family that has more reasonable requests, that for your small group of 4, this boy's requests are way out of whack.

This. Yes, I think the items on the list are worthy of a side eye, but there still may be larger groups who are able and willing to buy the items on the list. 

I work for a nonprofit that serves victims of domestic violence. We coordinate a similar program, but it's one where employee teams/companies such as yours would adopt one of our client families and fulfill a wish list. A few years ago, we had a client who was really over the top with her wish list (stuff like a fridge, swim lessons for her kids, and just a lot of items overall).

As a result, we instituted some guidelines requesting that individual items stay in the $30 range maximum and direct service staff who work with the clients monitor their lists a bit more closely than in the past. And we do stress with our donor groups that they should fill the list to the best of their ability, i.e. if they can't get everything on the list, that's OK.

We have from time to time received push back from donor groups re: kids wanting certain video games, etc. But in all honesty, those requests have come from kids who are a bit younger (12 or under), and I can understand how they might have received a game system when the parents were together, family income was decent, and now that their folks are split up, they still have the system, but (usually) Mom can't afford to buy luxuries like new games.

I have to admit, though, even I'd be side-eyeing a 17 y.o. asking for stuff like name brand colognes, expensive shoes, etc. The parents should have sense enough to curb those requests, and it's not like a 17 y.o. isn't old enough to understand that it's people's generosity that's even enabling him to have holiday presents this year.

Having run our program for a few years, I think you're well within your rights to mention to the coordinator your and your team's response to the list, but I also think it's well within your right to just fulfill it to the best of your ability. Athletic shoes in a specific size, sure! Name brand/designer shoes that are 3-4x what you expected to pay, heck no!!

Are poor people not allowed to ask for nice things or want fancy stuff like everybody else has?  Or are you supposed to be happy w/ your Kmart/Walmart brand no-name sneakers?  Did you people not go to high school?  Kids notice who has what and you get teased relentlessly if you don't have the right stuff.

Our culture pushes material possessions constantly - I would think poor teenagers are almost the worst victims of this. 

Huh, that's interesting- especially when compared to your previous year. To contrast, when I was in college I pulled the name of a kid to buy gifts. The college I went to sponsored the gift drive. I was told by the college to spend a minimum of $100 per child! My mouth kinda dropped and I asked why? I got a long lecture about how needy kids want nice things too. I put back a request card from a kid who wanted a new bike and picked up a request card from a 1 year little girl. The card requested clothing staples. I went to an Old Navy outlet and probably spent $50 on over $100 worth of sale-priced clothing, and bought her a small elmo toy. I was actually nervous that I'd get called out for not spending enough (you had to turn in your gifts unwrapped). I then felt infuriated when the school contacted me after I dropped off my gift and asked me if "that's all there was" to my gift.

I think the solution of buying gift certs to Hollister, etc is perfect. I grew up shopping clearance sales and garage sales and always wore name brand without spending much money.

I definitely side-eye those types of requests, when they are the only thing on there.  But I've also worked places where the teams were large and those were very easy to get.

I especially side-eye it in your case, because it's not some 10 year old...or even 15 year old. It's a kid who's about to be an adult

I totally didn't intend on this turning into a debate, I was just shocked by the requests and wanted to make sure I wasn't being crazy. My team has always been very generous with the gifts and I specifically asked the coordinator for a family with one child since we have a small team and we don't do fundraisers (like bake sales, chili lunches, etc.) like some groups do since we are insanely busy this time of the year. Last year we bought everything on the list and then more since the items were reasonable in price and we had more money leftover.

I don't fault the kid from wanting nice things, I guess my frustration was the fact that a fellow employee would ask for help and only expect/want name brand items. When i asked for clarification on the shoes and I was told they employee was very specific in what they wanted for their whole list. I have donated to Angel Tree and of course they always want a bike or an iPod, but they also ask for reasonable items as well. As one PP pointed out, the kid is 17. When I was 17 I had 2 jobs so I could buy my own stuff, and Christmas at my house when I was 17 was no where near as extravagant as what this person asked for. I totalled up the wish list and w/o the iPad it was $550 for like 6 or 7 items.

Pesky:

that is ridiculous.  I would go back to the coordinator and see if you can swap with another dept's family that has more reasonable requests, that for your small group of 4, this boy's requests are way out of whack.

Oh, I would second this as well! We always try to match our donor groups with families, so that larger groups get the larger families and smaller ones get smaller families. If your team has only 4 or 5 people, we'd probably try to give you a family that was just a mom and one kid, so the list/expense of items wasn't out of whack with what you feel like you can provide.

On the flip side, though, I do have to commend you for reviewing and trying to honor the 17 y.o.'s wish list. There are so many times we've had donors come back to us saying things like, "Oh, we were hoping for a family with small children," or "a family with just girls. Is there any way we can switch?" It's very frustrating on our end because it often feels like the donors, in those cases, think this is just like a store and you can pick a needy family off the shelf, rather than actual human beings who are in need of some assistance.

KathrynMD:

Are poor people not allowed to ask for nice things or want fancy stuff like everybody else has?  Or are you supposed to be happy w/ your Kmart/Walmart brand no-name sneakers?  Did you people not go to high school?  Kids notice who has what and you get teased relentlessly if you don't have the right stuff.

Our culture pushes material possessions constantly - I would think poor teenagers are almost the worst victims of this. 

I agree with you on not getting the cheapest possible crap, and understanding that kids like brands.

BUT

I just made my own Christmas list to send to my extended family.  None of the 5 things I most want were on it.  Why?  Because they were too expensive.  I know my family was looking for gift ideas in the 30-100 range, so that's what I wrote down.  And the $150 shoes that I've been wanting for the last 5 years I'm going to keep wanting. 

I think there is a world of difference between walmart no-name sneakers and $150 sneakers, and a parent who can't talk his 17 year old through that isn't doing his kid any long-term favors.

KathrynMD:

Are poor people not allowed to ask for nice things or want fancy stuff like everybody else has?  Or are you supposed to be happy w/ your Kmart/Walmart brand no-name sneakers?  Did you people not go to high school?  Kids notice who has what and you get teased relentlessly if you don't have the right stuff. 

Yes, but there's surely a happy medium between K-Mart and $150 sneakers.  I understand putting one or two aspirational items on there, but it sounds like this list was only aspirational items. 

The idea of returning the wish list and asking for one better suited to a four-person department is excellent.

All I have to say is that I grew up as a child of wealthy parents and I wanted the stylish name-brand clothes to wear to school to "fit in" but  my parents had me shopping at TJ Maxx and Mervyns and would never buy me name-brand clothing even though they could afford it. It was how they wanted us raised. Just sayin' I think the parents are held more accountable to the teenagers requests.

I personally think that since your group is so small at 4 people that you should ask to swap with a larger group so that this particular family can have their needs/wants met.

I kind of fault the parents who allowed a 17-year-old to put such expensive items on the list.  I do not expect my parents to give my kids such expensive Christmas gifts and therefore definitely wouldn't expect/ask for a group of my fellow employees to do so.

 

jlaOK:

I kind of fault the parents who allowed a 17yearold to put such expensive items on the list.nbsp; I do not expect my parents to give my kids such expensive Christmas gifts and therefore definitely wouldn't expect/ask fornbsp;a group of my fellow employees to do so.
nbsp;

Yes, even though its normal for teenagers to want nice things parents are responsible for pulling them back a bit. Especially since you're asking for kindness from coworkers. I personally would be humiliated to ask my coworkers for an iPad as charity. This kids parents need to talk to him and tell him that even though he might like all those things, one of those items might be a star gift even for a less poor family and asking for someone to provide you all of those when they're trying to pay for their own Christmas too is a lot.

I would say either get back to the coordinator or maybe just team up to buy one of the presents together. When I was a teenager I'd usually get one big item and a bunch of smaller stuff, so fulfilling their desire for great shoes and ignoring the rest is perfectly reasonable.

I would take the money and then buy whatever we could get with that money. So if you have 4 people and they each give 25 dollars then he gets one thing for 100. Teenagers are not usually considerate and kid of selfish (not that it makes them bad kids). Even if you can't afford the one thing, maybe get a gift card to a place where the money can go toward it. Like Walmart for the ipad, or whatever. I just remember being a teenager and asking for one big thing and I think my parents got me a bunch of stuff I didn't want which was so sweet and I understand but as a teenager all I was thinking is "I just want that one thing, so just give me a gift card and I will save for the rest". I never showed that to my parents but thought it, LOL. Again thank god we grow up to normal adults lol

KathrynMD:

Are poor people not allowed to ask for nice things or want fancy stuff like everybody else has?  Or are you supposed to be happy w/ your Kmart/Walmart brand no-name sneakers?  Did you people not go to high school?  Kids notice who has what and you get teased relentlessly if you don't have the right stuff.

Our culture pushes material possessions constantly - I would think poor teenagers are almost the worst victims of this. 

I agree with this.  People with the least suffer the most from the obtuse discrimination that occurs in social circles.  No time is tougher than teenager time for this sort of thing.

I guarantee the kid will take more pride in 1 pair of $150 shoes than a basket full of crap from WalMart.

All that being said, I can see the point of the OP.  Charitable giving has its limits too.

But reading this, I feel bad for the kid.  I'd buy him something very cool.

Iblamethebeer:

KathrynMD:

Are poor people not allowed to ask for nice things or want fancy stuff like everybody else has?  Or are you supposed to be happy w/ your Kmart/Walmart brand no-name sneakers?  Did you people not go to high school?  Kids notice who has what and you get teased relentlessly if you don't have the right stuff.

Our culture pushes material possessions constantly - I would think poor teenagers are almost the worst victims of this. 

I agree with you on not getting the cheapest possible crap, and understanding that kids like brands.

BUT

I just made my own Christmas list to send to my extended family.  None of the 5 things I most want were on it.  Why?  Because they were too expensive.  I know my family was looking for gift ideas in the 30-100 range, so that's what I wrote down.  And the $150 shoes that I've been wanting for the last 5 years I'm going to keep wanting. 

I think there is a world of difference between walmart no-name sneakers and $150 sneakers, and a parent who can't talk his 17 year old through that isn't doing his kid any long-term favors.

ITA with the  bold... It's not that "you're poor you can't have nice things", but if my family was on this list, I would explain to my child that other people are buying things for you, maybe put one or two items you REALLY want, and then a few that aren't as expensive.

To the OP, I think we got our used Xbox 360 with kinect for $170, maybe that can be the "big" item, and you can get a few small gift cards for other things.

Our office does the same thing except they work with a charity that helps families that are or are about to become homeless. Our 9yo asked for an iPad, an iPod, a WiiU and jewelry. That was it. We were all asked to bring in toilet paper and soap for the family because they could not afford it.  It was a bit depressing to think about it.

We did this once at work and never since. Our family asked for the same - expensive games & clothing. We collected enough money to get everyone a reasonably priced coat, hat, gloves, etc, some games and food for a full Christmas dinner. Two of the girls went to deliver it and the family lived nicer than they did - expensive electronics, multiple gaming systems, etc and were totally unappreciative. Left a bad taste in our mouth.

Now, I just take my own kid shopping to pick out Toys for Tots.

MammaBear81:

Iblamethebeer:

KathrynMD:

Are poor people not allowed to ask for nice things or want fancy stuff like everybody else has?  Or are you supposed to be happy w/ your Kmart/Walmart brand no-name sneakers?  Did you people not go to high school?  Kids notice who has what and you get teased relentlessly if you don't have the right stuff.

Our culture pushes material possessions constantly - I would think poor teenagers are almost the worst victims of this. 

I agree with you on not getting the cheapest possible crap, and understanding that kids like brands.

BUT

I just made my own Christmas list to send to my extended family.  None of the 5 things I most want were on it.  Why?  Because they were too expensive.  I know my family was looking for gift ideas in the 30-100 range, so that's what I wrote down.  And the $150 shoes that I've been wanting for the last 5 years I'm going to keep wanting. 

I think there is a world of difference between walmart no-name sneakers and $150 sneakers, and a parent who can't talk his 17 year old through that isn't doing his kid any long-term favors.

ITA with the  bold... It's not that "you're poor you can't have nice things", but if my family was on this list, I would explain to my child that other people are buying things for you, maybe put one or two items you REALLY want, and then a few that aren't as expensive.

To the OP, I think we got our used Xbox 360 with kinect for $170, maybe that can be the "big" item, and you can get a few small gift cards for other things.

I agree with the bolded as well.  The OP never said anything about buying the family crap from Walmart vice $150 shoes.  I would swap the card as well.  And OP, I would be appalled by the list as well. 

RoxyLynn:

KathrynMD:

Are poor people not allowed to ask for nice things or want fancy stuff like everybody else has?  Or are you supposed to be happy w/ your Kmart/Walmart brand no-name sneakers?  Did you people not go to high school?  Kids notice who has what and you get teased relentlessly if you don't have the right stuff. 

Yes, but there's surely a happy medium between K-Mart and $150 sneakers.  I understand putting one or two aspirational items on there, but it sounds like this list was only aspirational items. 

The idea of returning the wish list and asking for one better suited to a four-person department is excellent.

Exactly.  And this kid has a parent who should have instructed him to ask for one large item.  And help him deal with living in an iPadless world.