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12-03-2012 at 11:51 AM
ravenclaw1
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do you give relationship advice? (NTTCALR)

my friend called me on the way to work this morning. she and her husband are fighting, and they had a really nasty one yesterday. she is one of my best friends, we're with them a lot as a couple.

I gave some advice to her... trying to be as good and neutral as possible. in that instance, do you tend to just be there to listen or do you actually give advice? 

(tried to make this a poll, but for some reason it's all broken and stuff.... so no clicky poll) 
BFP #1 - Mango - 6/11/12, EDD 2/22/12 Natural MC 7/15/12
BFP #2 - Nacho - 10/14/12, EDD 6/20/13, MMC 8 weeks, D&C 11/16/12
All testing shows both H and I are perfectly normal. Baby Nacho had triploidy.
Back to normal business December 2012
BFP #3 - Froggy - 1/15/13, EDD 9/27/13


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12-03-2012 at 11:53 AM
katharine2...
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I do, and it normally gets me into trouble. One day I'll learn to keep my big (honest) mouth shut
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12-03-2012 at 11:54 AM
km_md
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hmm it is a tough spot to be in. My one best friend and I do give each other some advice and tell each other if their spouse is being a douche. We keep it respectful and I do try to be careful about what I say. I think that it depends on your relationship with that person though. 
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12-03-2012 at 11:57 AM
Bethelgal4...
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I think it would depend how good of a friend it was. If my best friend came to for advice, I would listen first than maybe give advice if she asked for it.

If by "really bad fight" you mean physical violence than that's something completely different.
First BFP 12/26/11, m/c 1/2/12 @ about 5 weeks, EDD 9/2/12
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12-03-2012 at 11:59 AM
rachaelhud...
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I usually just listen, only giving advice if its asked for. And then before I give it I say, are you sure you want my advice?

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12-03-2012 at 12:01 PM
csspencer
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I learned my lesson with my best friend, I just listen now. They never take the advice anyway.
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12-03-2012 at 12:08 PM
Katieinthe...
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I usually just listen... UNLESS it's an abusive situation, OR the person is asking specifically for my advice on a very particular situation (e.g. "should I do A or B?")
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12-03-2012 at 12:10 PM
mdharrison
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I try to shed light on both sides of the situation and (often in the situations I've been in) reinforce that a relationship requires a lot of work from both parties and a lot of open communication. 

But yes, I do give advice whether it gets me in trouble or not (sometimes it just makes them mad at me, but I do it anyway).  I feel like if it was me, I would want an unbiased third party to shed some light on the situation if I was being a twatwaffle or if I was justified, kwim?

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12-03-2012 at 12:22 PM
car seat
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I just try to listen, unless specifically asked for advice.  And then only if I know that that person is truly receptive to advice, because some people ask and then get mad if you don't tell them what they want to hear.



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12-03-2012 at 12:32 PM
OttersBite
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Wow, I've been doing it wrong.  Embarrassed

I give lots of advice, to everyone, sometimes it's unsolicited.  Perhaps I should work on this, I never really thought it was a big deal.  Of course I'm not rude or pushy but I'll listen to a problem and throw something out there to try and help, I've never pissed anyone off that I'm aware of but who knows.

ETA: Oh my god I'm turning into my mother.  ::headdesk::
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BFP #3 10/01/12 - m/c 10/30/12 uniparental disomy - EDD 06/04/13
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12-03-2012 at 1:03 PM
jenek0213
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katharine25:
I do, and it normally gets me into trouble. One day I'll learn to keep my big (honest) mouth shut

ME TOO!


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12-03-2012 at 1:05 PM
TheatreSta...
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It depends on the friend, like others have said. If it's a good friend, I'll tell them straight out what I think, while trying to point out both sides. If it's a 'friend' I'm not super close with, I tend to just listen, especially if I do say something and they just shoot it down.

I think so long as you were pretty neutral -- it sounds like what I would have done.  
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12-03-2012 at 1:12 PM
ravenclaw1
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TheatreStar86:

It depends on the friend, like others have said. If it's a good friend, I'll tell them straight out what I think, while trying to point out both sides. If it's a 'friend' I'm not super close with, I tend to just listen, especially if I do say something and they just shoot it down.

she's one of my absolute best friends. 

and that's what I did... I didn't say "he's being a douche" or "you're being a twatwaffle" (which, in all honestly, it's kind of a combo of the two in this situation)... just gave some advice on how to make things happier at home.

I hope it was good. I thought it was.... I'm sad for her, and I don't want her to be sad. I like fixing ***, apparently.  
BFP #1 - Mango - 6/11/12, EDD 2/22/12 Natural MC 7/15/12
BFP #2 - Nacho - 10/14/12, EDD 6/20/13, MMC 8 weeks, D&C 11/16/12
All testing shows both H and I are perfectly normal. Baby Nacho had triploidy.
Back to normal business December 2012
BFP #3 - Froggy - 1/15/13, EDD 9/27/13


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12-03-2012 at 1:34 PM
who_dat_gr...
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If I know what to say without hurting anyone, then yes, but if the only thing I can say will make sound like a douche, then no.
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12-03-2012 at 1:39 PM
Bookshelve...
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I am terrible at giving advice. I try to be a good listener. The queen of, "Oh, my, that is quite a situation, tell me more!"

Married a keeper - 2007
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12-03-2012 at 1:39 PM
Bookshelve...
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OttersBite:

ETA: Oh my god I'm turning into my mother.  ::headdesk::

 Real LOL! <3 

Married a keeper - 2007
TTC #1 since February 2012
BFP #1 07.21.12, D&C 08.02.12
BFP #2 11.07.12, EDD 07.08.13, M/C 11.15.12
BFP #3 05.23.13 (Hoping for charmed 3rd time!) EDD 01.31.14
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12-03-2012 at 4:49 PM
RedPhoenix...
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katharine25:
I do, and it normally gets me into trouble. One day I'll learn to keep my big (honest) mouth shut

Story of my life.
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TTC since March 2010 ~ Dx Unexplained IF September 2011
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2013: BTB IUI + Lupron/Follistim/Prometrium/PIO = CP #6
IF testing, RPL testing, Autoimmune testing = all normal
So lost.


 
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12-03-2012 at 4:49 PM
RedPhoenix...
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OttersBite:

Wow, I've been doing it wrong.  Embarrassed

I give lots of advice, to everyone, sometimes it's unsolicited.  Perhaps I should work on this, I never really thought it was a big deal.  Of course I'm not rude or pushy but I'll listen to a problem and throw something out there to try and help, I've never pissed anyone off that I'm aware of but who knows.

ETA: Oh my god I'm turning into my mother.  ::headdesk::

I think you're turning into MY mother.  She's pretty awesome though, and I'm exactly like her, so that's totally a compliment :P

PAIF/SAIF, PGAL/PAL welcome.
TTC since March 2010 ~ Dx Unexplained IF September 2011
2011: IUI + Clomid = CP#1
2012: 3 more IUIs + Clomid = 3 more CPs. One on-our-own pg, also CP
2013: BTB IUI + Lupron/Follistim/Prometrium/PIO = CP #6
IF testing, RPL testing, Autoimmune testing = all normal
So lost.


 
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