community

all boards


birth clubs



my blog

Sort:
12-03-2012 at 6:39 PM
Erin10408
Not Ranked
Joined on 09-25-2009
Somewhere, MN
1,920 Points
Erin10408 is not online. Last active: 05-21-2013, 6:37 PMNewbie

Intro, and needing advice on a difficult situation*loss mentioned*

Hello ladies...I'm a longtime lurker:) My husband and I are thrilled to be expecting our child on April 30th. I'm cautiously awaiting our a/s next week, and since we're team green, just anxious to make sure our peanut is safe and sound. I suffered two back to back losses this year in October and December, and hopeful that the third time in a year is a charm:) So far, everything seems great.

Which brings me to my situation...I have a co-worker/good friend that lost her baby at 22 weeks this past August. When she told me about her pregnancy, I was very happy for her, although it stung a little due to my recent losses at the time. I was devastated when she lost her little boy, and offered a lot of support in various ways. Well, fast forward to me finding out I was pregnant in September. I kept it a secret from her until about 11 weeks, when she basically guessed I was pregnant when I was out for some appointments. I did not expect her to be thrilled, and was very nervous about her finding out, but she seemed to handle it very well. I have made it a point to not talk about my pregnancy, and to focus on other things.

We now work in seperate offices, and mostly communicate by email. She is constantly emailing me and saying VERY bitter and negative things about any pregnant woman/FB announcement/celebrity pregnancy that comes up. I understand her hurt and frustration on some level, but her comments make me very uncomfortable, and hurt my feelings, like I'm doing something wrong by being a pregnant woman. Do I just suck it up and take it, or try to nip it in the bud? I can't imagine the pain she is going through, but I feel like a punching bag right now, and my hormones are not up for the constant negativity and bitterness. I think she has every right to have those feelings, but I don't think I'm the best person to be sharing them with.I want to support her, but not this way.

Sorry so long...and TIA! I wish all of you happy and healthy pregnancies!

 


Married 10/04/08 to the love of my life and best friend. Bought our first house 7/15/09 Expecting our first baby 4/30/13 
12-03-2012 at 6:58 PM
agytay
Not Ranked
Joined on 07-09-2010
5,863 Points
agytay is not online. Last active: 05-21-2013, 9:45 PMBronze

Seriously, just shake it off. If you were to say something what would you possibly say?

If most of the communication is in an email, just scan it really quickly and see if any thing warrants a specific response to a direct question (e.g., so are you going to such and such tonight?). If not, then don't sweat it. It really isn't worth making a big deal of it since emotions are running high on both sides now. 

 
12-03-2012 at 7:03 PM
tondraluv
Not Ranked
Joined on 08-24-2008
Covina,Ca
37,294 Points
tondraluv is not online. Last active: 05-21-2013, 9:21 PMBronze
I would say not to even mention it and if it continues just ignore her emails. If she asks why just tell her some comments she makes make you uncomfortable.
12-03-2012 at 7:17 PM
pamperedgi...
Not Ranked
Joined on 09-24-2012
25,595 Points
pamperedgirl83 is not online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 6:42 PMBronze
i would have to say to just try and ignore it for now. and just don't bring up the pregnancy. if it continues to bother you then bring it up. but be very careful how you address it. hope the situation gets better for you. and congrats on the baby!

 BabyFruit Ticker  BabyFetus Ticker  IAmPregnant Ticker 
12-03-2012 at 7:29 PM
Erin10408
Not Ranked
Joined on 09-25-2009
Somewhere, MN
1,920 Points
Erin10408 is not online. Last active: 05-21-2013, 6:37 PMNewbie
Thank you everyone...I've been doing all of the above, and figured that was the best route, but just wanted some more perspective.

Married 10/04/08 to the love of my life and best friend. Bought our first house 7/15/09 Expecting our first baby 4/30/13 
12-03-2012 at 7:54 PM
sherina825
Not Ranked
Joined on 07-07-2008
Virginia
16,033 Points
sherina825 is not online. Last active: 05-21-2013, 5:15 AMSilver
I don't really have any advice but I think you're being a good friend about being so understanding. 

 
12-03-2012 at 8:59 PM
mrsjami
Not Ranked
Joined on 11-29-2006
Bucks County PA
10,748 Points
mrsjami is not online. Last active: 05-13-2013, 9:49 PMSilver
I've been on both ends. We lost our last baby at 17 weeks. If its bothering you than you may just need to stop communicating for a bit. I had a very close friend that was due within a few days of me and I had to just put things on hold until I had control over my emotions. Took me quite some time.


 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
6/20/11 mc @ 5wks
10/19/11 mc @ 17wks- Trisomy 18
IUI #1 4/26/12 BFN
Moving on to IVF in July
37 with DOR...fabulous
ER 7/14/12 6R 5F, ET 7/17 3 embies, beta #1 7/26: 147, beta #2 7/28: 326, beta#3 7/30: 422...ugh, beta#4 7/31: 607...hopeful, beta #5 8/2: 1280, beta #6 8/7: 7184 and u/s shows 1 possibly 2 sacs! 8/14 2 beautiful heartbeats! 9/24 we are TEAM BLUE!!!!!
 
12-03-2012 at 10:13 PM
lifesadanc...
Not Ranked
Joined on 05-04-2009
Illinois
14,367 Points
lifesadance is not online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 11:37 AMSilver
I agree with PPs.  There isn't really a good way to address the topic.  You're a good person for being so understanding of her feelings.

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers  
12-03-2012 at 10:23 PM
DarlingNIk...
Not Ranked
Joined on 05-18-2012
23,062 Points
DarlingNIkki1028 is not online. Last active: 05-22-2013, 12:52 AMBronze
tondraluv:
I would say not to even mention it and if it continues just ignore her emails. If she asks why just tell her some comments she makes make you uncomfortable.


I agree with this. Tough situation to be in, but hopefully you keeping your distance will clue her in and she'll back off without making a confrontation necessary.

 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
Anniversary
BFP #1: 5/10/12; 5/22/12: pregnancy deemed not viable (probably CP)
BFP #2: 8/2/12; Due date: 4/14/13 
12-04-2012 at 5:21 AM
akraxner
Not Ranked
Joined on 12-25-2008
6,113 Points
akraxner is not online. Last active: 04-26-2013, 9:49 AMNewbie

I have had two similar situations.  The first involved a co-worker who had two miscarriages, one most recently about a month before I found out I was pregnant.  I was so worried to tell her, but I knew I had to eventually.  The day I announced my pregnancy she got up and left the meeting for a few minutes.  She later emailed me that she was sorry for the way she reacted and that she was truly happy for me.  Hind sight I wish I would have told her first, away from the group.  Now she has been completely supportive and always asks how things are going.  But I think I lucked out.

The second situation was with a friend who I didn't realize couldn't have children because she is allergic to her husband's sperm.  When she told me I felt so horrible, but I honestly didn't know until then.  After I found out about the second person I thought I would just not tell anyone else or ever talk about it again.  But my family and friends told me that while its horrible to have a loss (I've been there) I have every right to be excited about my baby and shouldn't have to hide it.  While I agree that you should be sensitive to anyone who has suffered a loss, you have been there too.  Perhaps you can find some common ground there with your co-worker.  I also ask a lot of questions about how their fertility treatments/testing is going which makes it about their future baby instead of focusing on mine.  

Hope this helps.  Good Luck! 

12-04-2012 at 7:44 AM
Erin10408
Not Ranked
Joined on 09-25-2009
Somewhere, MN
1,920 Points
Erin10408 is not online. Last active: 05-21-2013, 6:37 PMNewbie
akraxner:

I have had two similar situations.  The first involved a co-worker who had two miscarriages, one most recently about a month before I found out I was pregnant.  I was so worried to tell her, but I knew I had to eventually.  The day I announced my pregnancy she got up and left the meeting for a few minutes.  She later emailed me that she was sorry for the way she reacted and that she was truly happy for me.  Hind sight I wish I would have told her first, away from the group.  Now she has been completely supportive and always asks how things are going.  But I think I lucked out.

The second situation was with a friend who I didn't realize couldn't have children because she is allergic to her husband's sperm.  When she told me I felt so horrible, but I honestly didn't know until then.  After I found out about the second person I thought I would just not tell anyone else or ever talk about it again.  But my family and friends told me that while its horrible to have a loss (I've been there) I have every right to be excited about my baby and shouldn't have to hide it.  While I agree that you should be sensitive to anyone who has suffered a loss, you have been there too.  Perhaps you can find some common ground there with your co-worker.  I also ask a lot of questions about how their fertility treatments/testing is going which makes it about their future baby instead of focusing on mine.  

Hope this helps.  Good Luck! 

Yes...there have been times where I feel like I don't have a right to be excited, and that is what bothers me. This pregnancy is so sweet to me b/c of the previous losses...but I just don't know her pain, as I didn't lose my babies so far along.It's still pain, but very different, I'm sure. I NEVER bring up my pregnancy or others to her.  I'm going to shake it off, and just hope she gets the hint and doesn't seek me out to vent about other pregnant women. Thanks again, everyone.


Married 10/04/08 to the love of my life and best friend. Bought our first house 7/15/09 Expecting our first baby 4/30/13 
Hot Topics

New dad or dad-to-be? Chat with other dads here!
Visit the Dads & Dads-to-be board

Need baby shower inspiration? Get ideas here!
Visit the Baby Showers board

Chat with other crafty moms here!
Visit the Crafty Moms board

search boards

choose another board