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12-13-2012 at 6:49 PM
howleyshel...
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Joined on 02-23-2004
Denver, CO
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howleyshell is not online. Last active: 06-11-2013, 10:22 AMGold

Need help dealing with perfectionist child

I'm sure there are books on this but if anyone can share the cliff's notes I'd appreciate it.

He's 6.5.  He's a late summer birthday and we held him back so he's in kindergarten and doing awesome both academically and socially.   This is only an at home thing and usually only at the end of the day so it's likely exacerbated by being tired and hungry but still.....

When he's writing words and drawing pictures at home he will often become frustrated and crumple up the paper throwing it in the recycle and saying things like:

"I'm not talented at ANYTHING"  or "I hate this picture, I can't draw" etc etc etc.

 Where is all this self loathing coming from?  yikes!!!!  That's a lot of self esteem issue for such a young guy! 

He ends up quite dialed up, frustrated and crying.  He's not really in a good place to listen to me helping him calm down or problem solve once he's headed down this path.  

Advice?  Feedback?  Experiences? 


Our IF journey: 1 m/c, 1 IVF with only 3 eggs retrieved yielding Dylan and a lost twin, 1 shocker unmedicated BFP resulting in Jace, 3 more unmedicated pregnancies ending in more losses.
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
 
12-14-2012 at 10:06 AM
-auntie-
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Joined on 12-14-2003
New Hope
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-auntie- is not online. Last active: 06-19-2013, 5:42 PMPlatinum

This is typically an anxiety driven behavior. Not necessarily external stress but something that's a part of his basic makeup. Some kids benefit from parental modeling of "good enough". Some need more direct intervention.

There are some good books on children and anxiety out there.

This is a good one-

http://www.amazon.com/Freeing-Your-Child-Anxiety-Practical/dp/0767914929/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355501041&sr=8-1&keywords=children+and+anxiety

 

Even though he probably doesn't have OCD, books about childhood OCD might have useful strategies.

 
12-14-2012 at 3:57 PM
neverblush...
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Joined on 04-25-2002
10,406 Points
neverblushed is not online. Last active: 06-19-2013, 6:34 PMSilver

Both of my kids can at times display this type of perfectionism.  

I tried to talk about it with them when they were NOT working on homework.  When they actually were doing homework or drawing or anything that was likely to cause frustration, I just tried to be very careful about my comments, both positive and negative. 

My kids at ages 8 and 12 both still want to do well on stuff.  But they've both dialed back the anxiety and perfectionism they showed in their early school years.

It was as if at age 6, they expected that they would draw as well as the pictures they saw in books.  They just didn't have a realistic idea of what they could do.  As they matured, they realized that it was not realistic and became more satisfied with their own efforts.


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12-17-2012 at 12:17 PM
KL777
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Joined on 03-29-2005
United States
4,558 Points
KL777 is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 12:41 PMBronze
I think this behavior is fairly common.  My DS does this too---more often than I would like.  He's just trying to do it right and he's still in the learning process.  I just talk calmy and redirect his actions to try again and show him where he did something else correct before.

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