Hi, I'm new on here but I read your post and I had to reply because I felt like I was reading my diary when you expressed how you were feeling. I have had 3 pregnancy losses in just over a year and it's been physically and emotionally painful to say the least. A month ago my doctor cleared me to start trying again but it's been so hard because my husband can't emotionally put himself in a place where he is actively trying with me. He isn't preventing it from happening, but he isn't saying he wants it to happen either. He just doesn't even want to talk about it. So I feel very alone in the process and he has no idea what I'm going through.
Anyway, I haven't started charting but I was trying to pay attention to my CM and I think I may have a chance this month. I start AF between days 28-31, most consistently around day 29. Right now is day 26 and I am driving myself crazy looking for signs. I also tested too early and got a BFN. I have one test left and I don't want to waste it, so I'm crossing my fingers hoping I won't start on Christmas. I hate that I feel like my Christmas is either going to be joyous or miserable depending on whether AF arrives.
I will cross my fingers for all the women hoping for a Christmas miracle. And let's hope the pms symptoms may actually be pregnancy symptoms! Good luck!!