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12-19-2012 at 11:52 AM
mom2one
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Sucks being the bigger person

Dealing with an ex with narcissistic personality disorder blows. We have split Christmas day early every.single.year. since ex started having visitation. Always by noon. It is ex's year and we agreed on Saturday that I would let ex have Christmas eve day, too, and that I would pick DS up at 11 on Christmas. Today I get email that he has changed his mind and I can't get him until 5. I know it's a matter of hours and I will just let it go. But I hate that if I even tell him how much it bothers me that he will take GLEE in it so I will just say nothing. But I'm wicked sad now. Ugh.
Stay at Home Mama to 3 Beautiful Children by the miracles of Birth & Adoption 
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12-19-2012 at 12:01 PM
Mama2TwoBo...
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FI's ex-w has BPD... I'm somewhat new to understanding all this PD crap, but from what I'm getting I think they are in the same grouping of PDs... so I feel you.

I'm sorry you can't get your son until later, holidays are always a pain for us too.  I don't have much to say, other than you're not alone!

 
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12-19-2012 at 12:36 PM
MelRC117
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Why does he get to decide the time?

That stinks...thats pretty much the whole day :( Especially if you didn't have to also let him has Xmas Eve.
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12-19-2012 at 12:41 PM
mom2one
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MelRC117:

Why does he get to decide the time?

That stinks...thats pretty much the whole day :( Especially if you didn't have to also let him has Xmas Eve.


Well, it's technically his year for Christmas day, but we've always traded time early that day. I said he could keep him from Friday night through to Christmas morning on Tuesday (so instead of picking him up on Sunday afternoon he would stay on Sunday night). And I won't go back on my word, but DS is going to be upset and it's just petty. You know?
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12-19-2012 at 12:43 PM
kaholland4
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MelRC117:

Why does he get to decide the time?

That stinks...thats pretty much the whole day :( Especially if you didn't have to also let him has Xmas Eve.

THIS. Does he have a good reason that you can't pick him up until later? I assume nothing is written in the CO about it? I'm having the same problem...BD and I split Christmas Eve and Day last year to accomodate each of our family parties, which are the same every year. Now this year that schedule isn't good enough, although he hasn't contacted me with an alternate schedule. I'm pretty sure if BD were to ever go to a psychologist he would be diagnosed narcissistic too!
 
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12-19-2012 at 1:08 PM
FutureMrsW...
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I think my MIL has a narcissistic personality disorder too.  I feel your pain.  And I know like you do, that it's almost never worth the fight.

Hopefully there's karma that will come back and bite him in another area of his life; one that won't affect your or your son.  ((hugs))
Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart. 
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12-19-2012 at 2:34 PM
tifanico
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You have done it every year so he should give you a good reason to change the arrangements this time. I would also ask him that if he is willing to change the time even when its your year for having him for Christmas. I'm willing to bet that next year, he will want to pick up your son at 11am not at 5pm. 
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12-19-2012 at 3:39 PM
MelRC117
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tifanico:

You have done it every year so he should give you a good reason to change the arrangements this time. I would also ask him that if he is willing to change the time even when its your year for having him for Christmas. I'm willing to bet that next year, he will want to pick up your son at 11am not at 5pm. 

I just don't get why some parents are so inflexible, yet expect the other parent to be flexible.  Its a two way street.  As crappy as our situation can get with BM and some behaviorial issues going on, except for a time frame that we followed the CO to the "T", we have always been flexible even with holidays.  It benefits both parents and the child....I just don't get it. We let BM have SS on our weekend that was before Christmas last year and we got him all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. He was able to be with his mom's family for their Christmas thing on the weekend and was able to go to both my and H's families' get togethers, so all around it worked out.
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12-19-2012 at 4:40 PM
&babymakes...
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Sounds like we have ex husbands that are related...I feel your pain!
 
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12-19-2012 at 9:54 PM
twister22
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mom2one:
MelRC117:

Why does he get to decide the time?

That stinks...thats pretty much the whole day :( Especially if you didn't have to also let him has Xmas Eve.


Well, it's technically his year for Christmas day, but we've always traded time early that day. I said he could keep him from Friday night through to Christmas morning on Tuesday (so instead of picking him up on Sunday afternoon he would stay on Sunday night). And I won't go back on my word, but DS is going to be upset and it's just petty. You know?

I have a feeling BD knows this. He knows he can "take" time from you but that you won't take it from him. He is maxing out time and leaving you with the way short end of the stick. He's manipulating the situation. I would say you're fine with picking DS up at 5 on Christmas day, but that he will not be picking up DS until x time (when it's actually supposed to be vs. what you were giving him.) 
 
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12-20-2012 at 7:15 AM
SimpleJane
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twister22:
mom2one:
MelRC117:

Why does he get to decide the time?

That stinks...thats pretty much the whole day :( Especially if you didn't have to also let him has Xmas Eve.


Well, it's technically his year for Christmas day, but we've always traded time early that day. I said he could keep him from Friday night through to Christmas morning on Tuesday (so instead of picking him up on Sunday afternoon he would stay on Sunday night). And I won't go back on my word, but DS is going to be upset and it's just petty. You know?

I have a feeling BD knows this. He knows he can "take" time from you but that you won't take it from him. He is maxing out time and leaving you with the way short end of the stick. He's manipulating the situation. I would say you're fine with picking DS up at 5 on Christmas day, but that he will not be picking up DS until x time (when it's actually supposed to be vs. what you were giving him.)&nbsp;



.This.
 
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12-20-2012 at 10:19 AM
mom2one
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SimpleJane:
twister22:
mom2one:
MelRC117:

Why does he get to decide the time?

That stinks...thats pretty much the whole day :( Especially if you didn't have to also let him has Xmas Eve.


Well, it's technically his year for Christmas day, but we've always traded time early that day. I said he could keep him from Friday night through to Christmas morning on Tuesday (so instead of picking him up on Sunday afternoon he would stay on Sunday night). And I won't go back on my word, but DS is going to be upset and it's just petty. You know?

I have a feeling BD knows this. He knows he can "take" time from you but that you won't take it from him. He is maxing out time and leaving you with the way short end of the stick. He's manipulating the situation. I would say you're fine with picking DS up at 5 on Christmas day, but that he will not be picking up DS until x time (when it's actually supposed to be vs. what you were giving him.) 

.This.

 

It would be more stress that it is worth I think...I am guessing he would "not be home" when I came to pick him up at 5 on Sunday. :-/

Stay at Home Mama to 3 Beautiful Children by the miracles of Birth & Adoption 
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12-22-2012 at 9:00 AM
SueBear
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You should have said "in that case, I will be keeping DC on Sunday through xmas eve, as was the original plan."

He can't hide out forever.  Sooner or later, he will go home.

After this, go strictly according to the CO.  If he wants to switch, too bad, so sad.  And if you do switch....."fool me twice, shame on me."
 
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