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12-22-2012 at 6:44 PM
Sept07b2b
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Sept07b2b is not online. Last active: 06-17-2013, 9:08 PMBronze

s/o birth experience

The post below got me thinking.  I know a lot of people have very specific ideas about what kind of birth experience they want to have to the point where they are devastated if they don't have the birth experience they wanted.  I know people who months after are still upset about it, and I think it really negatively impacted their first few weeks with their LOs.  

I've really never understood this.  I, personally, just wanted a healthy baby with minimal damage (to both me and the baby).  Obviously, most people prefer vaginal to c-section, but if I had really needed a c-section, I would have dealt with it.  I am genuinely curious why people have such strong feelings about a "birth experience."  Is it that everyone is just skeptical of doctors and medicine and think that all doctor's just want to cut them open?  Or is it that everyone believes a med free birth is better for the baby?   

This is not meant to be snarky at all.  I would really just like to understand this.

 


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12-22-2012 at 6:48 PM
MrsGlaedr
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For me it was that- many times- once a Csection always a Csection. NOt delivering vaginally to me makes me feel like the doctors delivered my baby, not me. I feel like I'm missing out on something about being a woman by not getting to experience the feeling of pushing out my son and delivering my child. It didnt negatively impact my time with Kyle, ever, I was always so grateful to have him. But it is definitely something I will feel I missed out on for the foreseeable future.

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12-22-2012 at 7:00 PM
sparks2987
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I was/am much like you, I went in knowing that I wouldnt be able to control everything and I wanted to just get threw it with as little damage as possible. My doctor mentioned to me the chance of needing an emergency C-section and my only concern was the fact that I was already crowning and needing to be wheeled into an operating room, like that. Plus I was concerned for my daughters health.

I have always been very mellow and was the same while I was in labor...its going to happen how it happens and I just kinda go with the flow (to a point)

I didnt go in thinking I want to have a c-section but I trusted if my doctor said I needed one, then I needed one. I ended up with a vaginal birth but the doctor straight up told me if I didnt get her head out as quickly as I did, she was planning to send me for a csection within minutes, becuase the baby wasnt getting oxygen.


 
12-22-2012 at 7:02 PM
preggersIN...
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I thought med free would be better for Grant, but I just felt like it is what you are designed to do.

Had I known I was going to need a csection things might have been less devastating for me. After 7 hours unmedicated labor I found out he was breech and I needed a csection in a matter of minutes. I had zero time to process the change. It didn't impact my time with him although I had a hard time recovering from the surgery.

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12-22-2012 at 7:13 PM
kristin172...
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My problem is that while I understood the need for induction, when they start you on pitocin and it effects your baby's heart rate (which it is known to do) and you hear their heart rate drop with every contraction, there is a certain amount of trauma that carries with you.  I narrowly avoided an emergency c-section.  I was lucky and ended up with a healthy baby and I didn't have any major physical trauma.

It is hard not to think that my baby was put into fetal distress because of the pitocin, a well-documented side effect.  I can only be thankful everything turned out okay and try not to think that if we had just waited for labor to start on it's own things might have been different.  Things might have been better or they might have been worse and in the end, I've got my baby.  It was a pretty crappy experience though and I think doctors are too willing to do it because they know they can just c-section if it doesn't work and I don't think that is fair to the mother. 

With that sad, it didn't effect much of anything of my first weeks with Ben.  It is just a little piece of sadness that lingers and wanders into my mind every now and again.  You don't forget hearing your baby's heart rate drop like that. 


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12-22-2012 at 7:16 PM
Starbuck12...
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I'm skeptical of OBs and a lot of the medical interventions surrounding childbirth, and I believe a med free birth is better for the baby and mom. I feel very strongly about this, but that doesn't mean I don't understand that anything can happen during childbirth. I can believe what I do about what is the best birth experience without getting hung up on the fact that I have to have that experience or I've failed.

I took all those birth stories about women being depressed for months after the birth as cautionary tales. My reasoning for wanting a med free birth was to give me and my baby the best possible chance of having a problem free delivery and recovery. I wanted a med free birth because I didn't want anything negative having anything to do with those first few days and weeks. I realized that I might not be able to control that, but at least I could control how I would react to needing an emergency c/s, a NICU stay, etc. I tried to prepare myself thoroughly for all eventualities.

ETA-I realize after reading Kristin's response that my response doesn't take into account the scary moments that can happen during any labor that will stick with you. I think those moments happen to a lot of women and it leads them to question their decisions, but I'm not sure if that was exactly what the OP was referring to. I was thinking it was more along the lines of the birth stories I see pop up on the Natural Birth forum where the mother is upset for eventually agreeing to an epi and ending up with a c/s.


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12-22-2012 at 7:19 PM
kleMcK
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Surgery scares the ever loving *** out of me. I figured my best bet at avoiding that was to have as few interventions as possible. I didn't even consent to an IV. Luckily, it all went according to plan (and I mean that, I truly believe I got very lucky), but the plan was always simply to minimize the interventions in order to minimize my chances of having a c/s. 

 
12-22-2012 at 7:22 PM
michelleka...
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I feel the same as you. I worked at an OBGYN office during summers in college and always saw the birth plans and it made me laugh. But I know people are really into them. My only goal was a safe delivery for me and baby. I was open to anything necessary.

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12-22-2012 at 7:34 PM
Cathyr1003
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I am a recovering addict & I knew that if I had a Csection I would be in a lot of pain and probably need pain killers.  The thought of taking an addictive drug made me super nervous.  It turned out I needed a C-Section.  The hospital staff was great though.  I explained my situation & was able to control my pain without using narcotics.  I really wish I didnt get myself so stressed because it wasnt so bad!!


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12-22-2012 at 7:50 PM
pinkshades...
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I think women care so much about the birth of their children because they have such an emotional connection to it. Think about all the hormones we have during pregnancy! It's like our weddings: we have these ideas about the way they should be and feel crushed when things go wrong.

 
12-22-2012 at 7:54 PM
RNmama12
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I went in with an open mind and my birth plan was to have a healthy baby and healthy mom.  I had a medically necessary induction at 38 weeks and I knew I had an unfavorable cervix and a good chance of a c-section.  I ended up delivering via c-section, but my birth experience was still a wonderful one.  I think people get too caught up on the mode of delivery versus the end result.  I had an epidural, a spinal, IV narcotics, pitocin etc, and DS breastfed great and I felt fine after delivery.   I still debate as to whether or not I would like to try to VBAC or not.  I don't feel like I missed out on anything by delivering by c-section and I trust my OB 110%.

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12-22-2012 at 8:05 PM
Jen0204
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I had a csection and was completely fine with it, but I had months to get used to the idea. The girls were always breech and with twins a csection is fairly common so from early on I was told that if they didn't flip I wouldn't have a choice.

However, I understand the strong feelings associated with it. I had a difficult pregnancy and the birth was a csection due to positioning. I felt like the whole time I had no control over anything and it sucked. I was determined to breastfeed. I felt like my body had failed me during my pregnancy multiple complications and then I had to deliver early because of high BP and I was so sick of not having control over anything that I was determined to be successful at breastfeeding. I spent a fortune trying to get a supply in well over 1k in 12 weeks and put a ton of time into it and those first few months have up time cuddling with my girls to pump. I did a ton of research, met wih LCs, ordered drugs from overseas, rented a heavy duty pump, I went crazy over it. And in the end my peak output was 18 ounces in a day and by the last week I was only getting 7 ounces a day. I finally stopped since that's much split between 2 babies and I was devastated. I cried and was really upset, maybe even depressed for a day or two.

For me it was about control and feeling like I failed as a woman. After probably a week I was able to look at the big picture and realize I had two healthy babies and could spend more time with them since I wasn't pumping and we were all happier, but when I stopped all I could think was "great, one more thing that I failed at". You hear so much now about how natural birth is best and breastfeeding is best and when you can't do it I think it's understandable to feel like you failed a little bit. Of course, if I hadn't gotten over it quickly or if it effected my relationship with the girls I would have sought help. To this day I'm bummed that breastfeeding didn't work out but I'm not upset about it anymore.

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12-22-2012 at 8:31 PM
kayladay
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I didn't really have a "plan". Just didn't want to have a c section and if I felt too much pain I wanted meds for it. I had an epi and it failed so it didn't really matter anyway lol I still had a fast and smooth l&d so it doesn't matter :) I thought meds would actually be better for me to have. I thought if I was in pain and stress it would put more stress on the baby making it harder to deliver him. Just my thoughts and opinions nothing that I researched or anything. :)

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12-23-2012 at 10:41 AM
NatesLady1...
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I had a natural birth plan but ended up with an epi at 5 or 6cm. I wanted to go natural because I feel it is both better for the baby and the mother. I don't feel like explaining my reasons for that belief because it would take a while to type out. Basically- it's just healthier for both to be without the drugs (I could not push in the position of my choice for one thing, and to top it off I could still feel EVERYTHING in the pushing zone during delivery regardless of the epi so it made it 100x worse that I couldn't get into the position I felt like my body needed to). I do regret getting the epi, but in the moment I didn't feel like I had any other decent options due to the circumstances of my labor. If I ever have another baby I will do everything within my power to not get another epi. Looking back, I feel like I could have tried at least a little bit harder, given it 30 more minutes. Something. Although it's easy to say that sitting here pain-free and well-rested versus the state I was in at that time. I have issues about it, I know. 

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