community

all boards


birth clubs



my blog

Sort:
12-23-2012 at 1:38 AM
nyahsbabyb...
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-06-2012
14,503 Points
nyahsbabyblues is online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 9:21 AMBronze

I don't complain much...

So I'm the type of person that's always putting on a brave front.. "I'm fine".  Other than completely being a complete mess while going through the process of having my mmc confirmed by u/s and completed, I've been doing really well.  (I was an emotional rollercoaster because the process was drug out over a week and I just wanted it over).   

Anyway, I've been strong and brave, but I need to vent....

I'm angry that on my BMB everyone complained and whined about everything under the sun and how hard it was to be pg... blah, blah, blah, while I remained silent (and annoyed) because I was just happy to be pg.  I'm pissed that I had to lose my baby, when I clearly had things in perspective.  Appreciate what you have... well I did, no lesson to be learned there.

I'm also annoyed that my mc went undiscovered until week 12... that was the week we were supposed to be in the clear, and it's just unfair.  Saw a hb at 6 weeks, had no cramping or anything, so it seemed like smooth sailing.  Still, I am cautious and superstitious, almost obsessively so, so I tried not to make any assumptions about the baby sticking until then.  Week 12 I figured I was in the clear because of the whole odds thing, and ordered maternity clothes.  Great. Now they keep showing up and I have to hide them away in my basement so I don't have to look at them.  

Andplusalso, now I'm spotting again, so who knows if I am going to O this month (pregnancy tests are now showing up negative) or when AF is going to show.  My cycles were long and irregular to start with, so now I have nothing to go on. I am charting, but I'm such a sucky sleeper that I don't know if my temps are ok or not.   

I am an optimist at heart.  I always look on the bright side of things, and it helps me to cope.  I try not to stay angry, vent much or even be overly negative about things, but I'm really annoyed that this had to happen.  I know life isn't fair... but seriously!  


~PgAL/PAL Always Welcome~

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Fifth Birthday tickers

 

Diagnosed with Endometriosis 2000. D&C, Hysteroscopy, Laparoscopy- 2006. BFP #1- 09/16/2006. DS born 06/01/2007.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS

BFP #2 - 10/8/2012 - M/C @ 8 weeks - Diagnosed 12/12/2012 @ 13w0d

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

 
12-23-2012 at 2:05 AM
sonrisa
Top 500 Contributor
Joined on 07-31-2003
across the street from June Cleaver
9,506 Points
sonrisa is not online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 4:17 AMGold

It's hard to be hurting but you have to let go of that line of reasoning. Women with wanted pregnancies who gripe about throwing up shouldn't have to suffer miscarriages any more than stoic women should. It is easy to feel like being stoic or "keeping perspective" should be some sort of protection from awful crap in life but it isn't. Bad things happen. You didn't deserve this. You are allowed to grieve. You don't have to stoic "keep perspective" and just be happy your five year old doesn't live in Newtown. Feel what you feel. Others will feel what they do. 

As far as charting goes, do OPKs work for you? Temping is a bugaboo for me (irregular sleep and a lot of insomnia). OPKs work better. Good luck. 

 
12-23-2012 at 2:15 AM
nyahsbabyb...
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-06-2012
14,503 Points
nyahsbabyblues is online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 9:21 AMBronze

Thanks for the perspective.  It wasn't the throwing up complaints that always annoyed me though (who wouldn't complain about that!), it was more the little things, like stretch mark worries, weight gain, DH not wanting to buy "push presents", etc.

I know what you mean though... and I thank God everyday that my little man is safe and didn't go through a tragedy like Newtown.  I can't even imagine what those families went through...


~PgAL/PAL Always Welcome~

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Fifth Birthday tickers

 

Diagnosed with Endometriosis 2000. D&C, Hysteroscopy, Laparoscopy- 2006. BFP #1- 09/16/2006. DS born 06/01/2007.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS

BFP #2 - 10/8/2012 - M/C @ 8 weeks - Diagnosed 12/12/2012 @ 13w0d

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

 
12-23-2012 at 2:30 AM
Avion22
Not Ranked
Joined on 12-14-2001
7,740 Points
Avion22 is not online. Last active: 04-08-2013, 6:21 AMBronze

No, you are right, none of this is fair.  Unfortunately, like my mother used to say, "Life isn't fair."   Loss, tragedy, happiness, luck....it's mostly random.  It doesn't even out in the end, and there is nobody to blame for it.  It just...well...happens.  

It's easy to feel like you are being singled out stuff like this....that the universe, karma, God, or whatever you personally believe "has it out for you" in some way.   I've been struggling with this feeling a lot in the last two weeks.    If you are religious, it might help to talk with your priest, pastor, or other clergy.  If not, and these feelings persist, then it might help to see a counselor.  This is my plan...


DSC_9275 
12-23-2012 at 7:48 AM
Bmcmommy10
Not Ranked
Joined on 11-12-2012
305 Points
Bmcmommy10 is not online. Last active: 02-14-2013, 3:27 PMNewbie
I know exactly how you feel.  I have several pregnant friends and a pregnant co worker.  The coworker has no idea what I am going through and it just makes me so upset when she complains about being pregnant all day and says stuff like " I haven't found any redeeming qualities about this process yet!". Um, you get to have a baby!  Then one of the pregnant friends runs a stop light and totals her car.  I literally had a melt down in front of my husband when discussing it bc I was trying to do everything perfect and I lost my baby.  They all still have theirs.  I don't wish any harm on anyone and I am really happy they all are having babies but for me, their stories are just salt in an open wound.
 
12-23-2012 at 9:26 AM
snegde
Not Ranked
Joined on 10-04-2012
35,962 Points
snegde is online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 9:21 AMBronze
I am sorry! You are right it is unfair and it sucks. It is hard to accept that as truth and move on but we aren't really left with any choice. I keep patting myself on the back for little things like getting up in the morning, not telling off the pregnant lady in the grocery line who made a smart comment, putting up Christmas decorations, making something of some semblance of a dinner, etc. I feel like if I just keep pushing through every day it will get a little bit easier to cope with the unfairness of it all. Hope today is a little bit easier. Sending hugs your way!



BFP#1 11.14.12 (MC 12.2.12) EDD 7.24.13 TTC since 2.12 My Ovulation Chart
PGAL/PAL Welcome. 
12-23-2012 at 11:29 AM
nyahsbabyb...
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-06-2012
14,503 Points
nyahsbabyblues is online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 9:21 AMBronze

Glad to see I'm not the only one that gets annoyed with this!

 

BMCMommy10, 

Glad your coworker is ok, but it definitely doesn't seem fair that you can do everything "the right way" and still lose out. Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose I guess... It's out of our control.


~PgAL/PAL Always Welcome~

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Fifth Birthday tickers

 

Diagnosed with Endometriosis 2000. D&C, Hysteroscopy, Laparoscopy- 2006. BFP #1- 09/16/2006. DS born 06/01/2007.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS

BFP #2 - 10/8/2012 - M/C @ 8 weeks - Diagnosed 12/12/2012 @ 13w0d

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

 
12-23-2012 at 11:35 AM
nyahsbabyb...
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-06-2012
14,503 Points
nyahsbabyblues is online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 9:21 AMBronze

Snegde, You should pat yourself on the back for taking small steps! I've been doing the same thing. I even went back to work, which is hard because I work right next to the Maternity ward and part of my job is scheduling csections. That was hard enough, so I'm sending DH out to represent us at a couple Christmas parties this weekend while I stay home. Small steps.

 

ETA: This was supposed to quote Snegde.   


~PgAL/PAL Always Welcome~

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Fifth Birthday tickers

 

Diagnosed with Endometriosis 2000. D&C, Hysteroscopy, Laparoscopy- 2006. BFP #1- 09/16/2006. DS born 06/01/2007.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS

BFP #2 - 10/8/2012 - M/C @ 8 weeks - Diagnosed 12/12/2012 @ 13w0d

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

 
12-23-2012 at 12:16 PM
Chickypoo2...
Not Ranked
Joined on 06-24-2011
80,375 Points
Chickypoo2468 is not online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 7:12 AMGold
Avion22:
No, you are right, none of this is fair. nbsp;Unfortunately, like my mother used to say, "Life isn't fair." nbsp; Loss, tragedy, happiness, luck....it's mostly random. nbsp;It doesn't even out in the end, and there is nobody to blame for it. nbsp;It just...well...happens. nbsp; It's easy to feel like you are being singled out stuff like this....that the universe, karma, God, or whatever you personally believe "has it out for you" in some way. nbsp; I've been struggling with this feeling a lot in the last two weeks. nbsp; nbsp;If you are religious, it might help to talk with your priest, pastor, or other clergy. nbsp;If not, and these feelings persist, then it might help to see a counselor. nbsp;This is my plan...

I agree. Eff what the first poster said, go ahead and feel how you feel. I'm sure she's not wishing miscarriages on the other women, but it sucks that they don't understand how lucky they are. I would love to be puking my guts out. Ill even take an IV, often, which was the only time I felt good my whole pregnancy with S. It's not fair, and acting like you have to just accept it and move on makes me angry.

 BabyFruit Ticker
 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 
12-23-2012 at 2:58 PM
sonrisa
Top 500 Contributor
Joined on 07-31-2003
across the street from June Cleaver
9,506 Points
sonrisa is not online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 4:17 AMGold

margaret: I don't think you actually read my post. She has every right to feel how she does.  I suggested letting go of the "I'm more worthy/stoic/reasonable" perspective because I don't think it helps. Worthiness doesn't determine who gets pregnant or who gets to keep their baby. Anyone can have a loss. Every loss is awful and worth grieving.

Saying that someone who is having a tough time should just be happy to be pregnant is akin to telling a miscarrying woman with an older child that she should just be happy her other child is still alive. Live and let live. If you are in pain, you are in pain. Your pain is valid. It doesn't matter if someone else's pain is greater.

And honestly, I say all that because I've been there. I've been the stoic one who keeps everything in perspective. I've gone through the magical thinking that it will somehow prepare me or protect me. You know what? It doesn't. When things get awful, it's still awful and the only way out is through the pain. Deflecting to others just makes me feel more bitter in the end.

 
Hot Topics

New dad or dad-to-be? Chat with other dads here!
Visit the Dads & Dads-to-be board

Need baby shower inspiration? Get ideas here!
Visit the Baby Showers board

Chat with other crafty moms here!
Visit the Crafty Moms board

search boards

choose another board