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I know exactly what you're saying. I also have tried for two years, gone through IVF, miscarried in June, and just found out a couple days ago that we will have to terminate this pregnancy at 18 weeks. I think it's unfair that when you've been through so much you don't let yourself enjoy it. Or you're "guarded" to use your term. I have shed tears at different times. Mostly just randomly, sitting on the couch, for no reason. I have not had a "HUGE" meltdown. There are moments that I can talk about all of this very matter-of-factly, and I wonder if the people I'm talking to think I'm some sort of emotionless freak. I also feel as though I didn't think of baby as real, until now, which is ironic. Now that I will be losing him/her it feels very real. I'm sorry you've endured so much. To me, there is no rhyme or reason for this. It isn't fair, and that's that. Please know that there are other people out there going through what you are. However you handle it will be the right way. I do see a therapist regularly, and I think that definitely helps, as I also have a hard time getting emotional about things. Please PM me if you you'd like to talk. :0)
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