warning: This may seem like a
The way we
handle SD was probably different in our situation, because DH and I were both
finishing up our last year of college when we got engaged and moved in
together. Our crazy schedules the last semester meant I spent more time with SD
than anyone. DH was taking 18 hours and working 3 part-time jobs to get him done
with school and work around his class schedule.
When we were
finishing school, I was the one to pick up SD from school, help her with
homework, feed her, and get her ready for bed.
DH often came in at the last minute and kissed her goodnight right
before she fell asleep.
expected to be a part of SD's everyday life. I knew BM rarely has SD on
weekends. (She now has her every Sunday, but this just happened six months ago.
She has only had her ONE Saturday in the last two years, and no Fridays.)
I knew I
would not get to be the typical newlywed. We never go out on weekends. This
actually took a long time for me to come to grips with, and I still struggle
with getting angry with SD, when it's not her fault that BM doesn't want to
give up her party nights. We have
changed our weekly date night to Tuesday, and just doing that was like a huge
sigh of relief.
I’m not sure
if I’m answering your question, or just letting you know that my case was kind
of extreme for a while. I was the
primary parent figure in SD’s life for about four months, because I was the
best person for the job. BM never
complained when SD talked about me when she went to her house, because BM knew
that SD was being taken care of. BM and I
have better communication than she and DH do, so it was never an issue with
It has since
settled down considerably. DH just got a
new job that works perfectly with our current parenting plan. He is always off work before dinner, and on
our days to take SD to school, he makes sure he never goes to work early enough
to have to take her to daycare before school starts. He has spent much more time with her, and
they are incredibly close.