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12-24-2012 at 9:27 AM
melpatbat
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How would you handle this? XP from AP

I thought I'd throw this out to you guys too.  I know I'm a bit of pain in the a** for even bringing this up but I just need a few opinions.

My very good friend just got engaged and is getting married a month after I am due.  I happened to see her parents the oither and her mom asked me when I'm due.  I told her and laughingly said "I guess both of my kids will have gone to weddings at a really young age since we had to bring DS1 to a wedding when he was about a month old as well."  She sort of sneered at me.  She is planning the wedding since my friend lives out of town and is a crazy control freak, we're talking scary crazy lady here (my friend knows this but has never said a negative thing about her mother).  I know I shouldn't have said anything but the woman makes me nervous and it just sort of came out.

There is no way I am leaving a one month old with anyone to be able to go to the wedding.  To make things worse I think I might be in the wedding party.  I know my friend would be ok with me bringing a newborn given the circumstances but her mother will cause problems. 

Do I even bother bringing the subject up now since none of this is happening until July?  Do I give my friend a heads up now?  I know this is going to cause some serious stress in her life.  Or, do I just show up with the baby on the day of and pretend I assumed I could bring them? 

For what it's worth my parents and DH will also be attending the wedding as well as some of my other friends so there would be no shortage of people to hold the baby.  I would just wear them a sling the way I did with DS at the 4 weddings he attended before 3mo.  Obviously if the baby were making a fuss we would just leave and not let them interrupt things.
 
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12-24-2012 at 9:38 AM
SouthSideD...
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When you get the invite if your kids are invited its a moot point, no biggie. If your kids aren't invited ask if you can bring just your nursling. If you can't send your regrets. It doesn't need to be big drama, and you needn't worry about interpreting your friends moms sneer. 
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12-24-2012 at 9:42 AM
LexiLupin
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What does 'I think I might be in the wedding party' mean?

If you think there's a good chance you'll be asked, I would tell your friend about when you're due now so she realizes that there's a conflict if she does plan to ask. If you plan to leave if the kids get fussy, that obviously wouldn't work too well if you're in the party.
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12-24-2012 at 9:47 AM
KlondikeBa...
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If you are asked to be in the wedding party, discuss the logistics with the bride then. If you aren't, wait for the invitation. If children aren't invited, get a sitter and have a fun night out by yourself.
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12-24-2012 at 9:52 AM
LoisLayn23
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Tell her mother to kindly STFU.

Seriously though, you have a 1 month old. Hell, you could have a 2 week old. Either way, it's too young to leave. The baby goes with you or you don't go, make it that simple.

I hate pushy mothers.

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12-24-2012 at 9:59 AM
EastCoastB...
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I agree - if you're asked to be in the wedding, talk logistics then.  If you aren't, wait for the invitation and see what it says.

And if sometime between now and the wedding you all talk about the wedding and there is a natural way to bring it up, then do so.

But I wouldn't make a point to pre-emptively go to your friend and tell her what happened w/ her mom.  Just sit on it for now and see how it plays out. 

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12-24-2012 at 10:01 AM
SarahL77
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SouthSideDrea:
When you get the invite if your kids are invited its a moot point, no biggie. If your kids aren't invited ask if you can bring just your nursling. If you can't send your regrets. It doesn't need to be big drama, and you needn't worry about interpreting your friends moms sneer. 

Always the wise one. I agree.
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12-24-2012 at 10:13 AM
seahorse10...
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Well if you really can't leave your baby and your friend really doesn't want children at the wedding then I guess you really aren't going to that wedding. 

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12-24-2012 at 10:41 AM
BostonKiss...
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SouthSideDrea:
When you get the invite if your kids are invited its a moot point, no biggie. If your kids aren't invited ask if you can bring just your nursling. If you can't send your regrets. It doesn't need to be big drama, and you needn't worry about interpreting your friends moms sneer. 

Agree.

If you are asked to be in the wedding party, broach the subject with the bride at that time and see what she says.
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12-24-2012 at 10:53 AM
mbenit4
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I would wait and see. You haven't received an invite yet. You don't know if you are in the wedding. Seems like you are worrying about a lot right now. I would just wait and see.

I don't really see the big deal in leaving a one month old but I respect that you may be uncomfortable with it. 

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12-24-2012 at 11:34 AM
LuckyDad
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Bring it up now with the bride and ask what she would prefer you do. Generally brides have the final say about children at weddings.
-My son was born in April 2012. He pretty much rules. -This might be the one place on the internet where it's feasible someone would pretend to be an Adult Man. 
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12-24-2012 at 12:19 PM
kwitt22
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To me a one mos old is hardly a "kid a wedding". Its not like the baby would be running around making a scene. The LO would probably just sleep and would be held by other people. I am sure if you bring it up to the bride it will be ok. Maybe if you are in the wedding and want to leave LO with someone for the night they can bring her to you to nurse in between the ceremony and reception if you are worried. Bring a pump so you can stick to a nursing schedule?
 
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12-24-2012 at 1:52 PM
melpatbat
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melpatbat is not online. Last active: 05-21-2013, 10:22 PMBronze

Thanks for the replies ladies (and gent).  I'm going to sit on it and wait and see.  My friend is coming over in a couple of days and if I'm in the wedding party I'll mention it, but otherwise I'll keep my mouth shut and see what happens when I receive the invite.
 
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