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12-24-2012 at 8:24 AM
NJshore4ev...
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My 3.5 yo should be getting coal for Xmas.

Does anyone else have a toddler who is so bad and undeserving?  We bought our son pretty much everything he wanted and he's been nothing but bad.  Whining, crying, waking up his baby sister all hours of the night, etc.  just really bad.  Obviously I'm not going to take Xmas away but I don't know what I should do.  All those presents would be like rewarding him.  Btw, this has been going on for a year.  A YEAR!  Every night we put him to bed and he calls from his room and/or comes back down at least 4-5 times before going to bed.  Meanwhile I have a 6 month old trying to sleep across the hall.  I'm so sick of it and wonder when its going to end.  He thinks hes the boss and has terrible listening skills.

WWYD?  I don't know if he's doing it on purpose or if he truly doesn't know any better. 
 
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12-24-2012 at 8:32 AM
Brewtowngr...
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All i know is that it is normal and December is the worst month ever.  Way too much excitement and they don't know how to channel it in a positive way.  We have been trying to wear the boys out every day going outside or some other fun activity.  
Have you read 123 Magic?  It is only about $10 and you can read it in one sitting.  It has some great tips.  
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12-24-2012 at 8:52 AM
NJshore4ev...
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I haven't but ill try anything.  Thanks!  Today he has to write a letter to Santa apologizing and asking for forgiveness and then he's going to leave it with the cookies and milk in hope Santa will leave the presents.  Lol.
 
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12-24-2012 at 9:05 AM
fredalina
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IDK. We "do" Santa but we don't do the whole "naughty list" thing. I just don't want to be in the position you're in now lol.

Just my personal opinion though, it probably won't have a lasting impact if you do "reward" his bad behavior. I'm not really a punish and reward parent though. I am more of a "figure out how to solve problems together" parent. So I'm not sure I'm much help. But if you want book recs, I like "Positive Discipline" a lot. I am currently reading "Easy to Love; Difficult to Discipline" now and am finding it interesting.
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12-24-2012 at 10:43 AM
KKDRAGONFL...
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One thing that helps me is I chant to myself "she's 3.5, she's 3.5". It is our job to raise them right. This is a frustrating age. I'd buy the Farber sleep book. I think it will help your sleep issues.
DD conceived Cycle #1 April 2008, born Jan 2009
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12-25-2012 at 7:53 AM
mrsseguin
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It's a tough age...once DS turned 4, things got better.  We have more 'good days' than 'bad days'.
DS 11/14/2008 DD 12/20/2010  
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12-25-2012 at 9:59 PM
KathrynMD
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My kid is no angel and can certainly be a PITA at times, but I'd look at your own attitude and behaviors and see if there's something you can/should adjust.  It seems a little unfair to characterize a 3.5 yo as "bad" and undeserving.  I'd look at the sleep habits and work on that first and also make sure he's getting lots of chances to get his energy out and to explore the world independently, but in a safe setting - preschool/daycare, playdates, etc.
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12-26-2012 at 7:18 AM
wife07mom0...
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how are you dealing with it? what consequences does he have for bad behavior?

I use time out or put DD in the corner after a warning.  Somethings get no warnings like hitting or being mean to brother.

this IS a trying time but you have to be consistent with everything. these little angels push every limit known to man but remember, you are raising an adult, not a child. Keep being firm and consistent and the end result (yes a long time from now) is a well adjusted independent adult! 
My little girl is growing up! (born 12/09) Little brother is here! (born 5/2012) Thank you Lord for my precious family! 
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12-26-2012 at 9:08 AM
Jen748
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KathrynMD:

My kid is no angel and can certainly be a PITA at times, but I'd look at your own attitude and behaviors and see if there's something you can/should adjust.  It seems a little unfair to characterize a 3.5 yo as "bad" and undeserving.  I'd look at the sleep habits and work on that first and also make sure he's getting lots of chances to get his energy out and to explore the world independently, but in a safe setting - preschool/daycare, playdates, etc.

This. Sleep is almost always the huge problem in our house. If DD doesn't get enough sleep she's a mess. So, I'd start there. Second, what have you tried? Sticker charts? Time outs? Consequences? And how much exercise / free run time does he get?

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12-26-2012 at 12:36 PM
Mama2TwoBo...
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My advice is to check out a handful of parenting/discipline books from your library.

There are a ton of methods, and trains of thought on parenting, even on this board. And each parent is different. I could make a ton of suggestions and tell you what I do, and it probably won't be quite right for your family.

Get a few books, browse through. Return the crap. Then read in detail things that you think would work, then try implementing it for a few days/weeks, however long you're comfortable to try it. 

FWIW, my favorite parenting book was written by Jo Frost, the Super Nanny lady. I found it to be a very positive book, and yet realistic.

GL. 

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12-26-2012 at 8:17 PM
erbear
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3 year olds are the devil. Keep calm and carry on :)
"Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies. God damn it, you've got to be kind." - Kurt Vonnegut
 
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12-29-2012 at 11:44 AM
rosesandpe...
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fredalina:
IDK. We "do" Santa but we don't do the whole "naughty list" thing. I just don't want to be in the position you're in now lol.

Just my personal opinion though, it probably won't have a lasting impact if you do "reward" his bad behavior. I'm not really a punish and reward parent though. I am more of a "figure out how to solve problems together" parent. So I'm not sure I'm much help. But if you want book recs, I like "Positive Discipline" a lot. I am currently reading "Easy to Love; Difficult to Discipline" now and am finding it interesting.

This exactly.  You want to feed the good behavior and starve the bad behavior.  Meaning when he does a good thing make a big deal and when he does a "bad" thing just tell him what he did wrong and why it was wrong and move on.  Don't feed into the behavior because then he is getting attention for it.  To be honest they are just learning right from wrong and they actually don't really know what "sorry" is at this stage in the game.  They have to learn compassion on their own through us teaching them.

I learned a lot while teaching but boy is it different when its your own kids :) 
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12-29-2012 at 8:07 PM
kt77
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erbear:
3 year olds are the devil. Keep calm and carry on :)

 

Exactly this.  You're not alone.  When I first had DS #2, DS#1 had just turned 3 years old and I thought I was going to lose my mind he was so naughty.  I called my friend in tears and told her he was going end up a delinquent and the baby would remember the insanity when he was in therapy later in life:)  Fast forward a year later and things are going much better.  Some phases you just have to survive...wine and friends always helps.
 
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12-30-2012 at 7:36 PM
KL777
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That age for boys is very challenging.  They like to test boundaries.  I like the book "Tempering your child's tantrums" by James Dobson.  They sell it on Amazon.
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