Single Parents

BD in car accident

Roxalot — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 13:44:57 GMT

Hey guys-

I guess I'm mostly conflicted about the news I heard. BD was in a nearly fatal car accident, his psychotic girlfriend was driving and hit a car. I wasn't given all the details but I heard she walked away virtually unscathed which tells me she was hammered. BD is banged up pretty badly and contacted me to try to talk. He said nearly dying gave him some perspective and that he wants to be there for DD. I told him that I still didn't want him to see her in person, that if he really changed he had to prove it. However, I did concede to allow him to see pictures. I posted a status last night on facebook that the ban of pictures was lifted and one of my best friends asked me why. I had told her about the accident earlier in the day and then she went off on me about it. She told me that I was being too nice and that he keeps telling me that he's changed and I keep believing him. I think she thinks he is attempting to get back together, even though she knows I'm seeing someone (and I told this to BD too).

I don't wish death on anyone. Not even the psycho (I'd rather she just disappeared). I'm just not sure what to think right now...

Twatwaffle STBXH

MamatoA2010 — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 20:04:36 GMT

Anyone have one? My DD's father and his girlfriend had a baby boy a year ago and yesterday he felt the need to tell me that his son's first word was my daughter's name. Ugh. Anyone else have a DB/twatwaffle STBXH?

I'm furious!

MomToNeeners — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 03:56:09 GMT

So my DD is with my mom because I was out of work for a while and I had to get a new job. I'm trying to get caught up on bills and everything. My DD comes back in August. My mom's a doctor and she hasn't gotten DD any new clothes for summer so I call to find out if she's in 18 months of 24 months...she grows super fast so I bought a but load of both, but not a lot of summer stuff.

I call and my sister answers my mom's phone....I was not happy and I said I would call my mom back and I hung up on her without saying bye or anything. I just hung up.

I don't like my sister and I do not want my sister around DD. My sister is a drunk. She has 2 college degrees and works as a waitress not because it's hard to get a job in her field, but she decided right before graduating college it was a great idea to go get a ton of tattoos and piercings. She also thought it was a good idea to dye her hair neon pink and purple. My sister is on her 2nd husband. They get married this month. She has had him send money to her (He lives in the UK) 3 times to pay her bills. He works at a grocery store....my mom also pays her bills. She thinks she's going to make it into law school even though she's taken the LSTAT's 3 times and gotten extremely low scores every time. I had gotten viral encephalitis in 2011, almost died, before I got accepted into nursing school. It took a long time for me to get over it, but I still worked while living with my mom. My sister convinced my mom I didn't need to get my treatment (neck adjustments at the Chiropractor) and that it would be better if I moved out and got a job....I had a job and I was waiting to move as soon as I got accepted into nursing school. My sister had no job and even then my mom was paying her bills. I could keep going on and on about her, but I will stop with the laundry list of things wrong with her.

I am at the point of dropping ties with my mom after I pick up DD. My mom likes to go do things with my sister and not me. This is an on going problem. It has been since I was little.

Maybe I'm over reacting...but I'm sick of this crap.

Need advice

sexymommy2beofone — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 01:39:42 GMT

My boyfriend and I of 5 years recently broke up. Im 36 weeks pregnant and we broke up because I yelled get out. He packed his stuff and left. I want him to come home. Ive been praying and apologizing to him. I have tried to give him space but I cant. I just want him home. I know he doesn't want to be at his parents house. This is our 1st child together. We have done this before. Where he has moved out but he has always came back. I don't know if this is the same. I do everything for him. Im lonely and trying not to be depressed right now. I have been wanting sex lately ( I believe its hormones or the mentality to get the baby out) He said he will come over when he returns Wednesday. Do you think this is a sign that we will get back together?

Sad to be here.

hjweber — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 01:00:02 GMT

Not only am I a mom to a beautiful little girl who will be 2 next month, I am also 15 weeks pregnant tomorrow. My husband just moved out. We have been having some issues for a while but I didn't expect this, especially after finding out we were going to have another baby. Just introducing myself here. This is still a fresh wound and I am pretty hurt. Any words of encouragement would be great or even to hear personal experiences of others. Thanks.

When do you stop trying?

axidnqc — Sat, 01 Jun 2013 14:54:09 GMT

Five years, one son, one on the way and tired of trying to make it work. We are both clearly done with each other. Good days turn bad; bad days turn ugly. I tried and I was lied to. He was cheating and I'm still trying to make things cordial. I'm tired of trying alone. Problem is we live together and I need the financial help. What to do?

New here.....

Akiratani — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 07:31:43 GMT

Hi, I am 19 years old and a (single?) parent to my amazing 16 month old son. I am kind of iffy on the single part because his father helps me with him still. Here is a little back story: I found out I was pregnant right after I turned 17 the father was 21. We had been friends since I was 11 and he was 15. We started dating when I was 16. Our son was born on Feb. 8th 2012. We had been fighting since I got pregnant but it was never that bad. After our son was born everything went downhill. He was working all the time and I was having to take care of the baby by myself which (although it sounds selfish) upset me because I felt like he didn't even try to be a father (he really didn't). I started college four months after DS birth and my boyfriend was always complaining about how he didn't want me to go to school. He wanted me to stay home and clean/take care of the baby. Well, since last December (2012) I had been considering moving out and moving back in with my mom. On June 1st I left. It has been hard but he has still helped me a lot with DS. My mom and sister helps me a lot too. I am just feeling like.... bleh. We still fight pretty much every time we are around each other but I know that I still miss him. Still, I know this is the best choice for me and DS right now also. Sorry it's so long I just wanted to try to get the gist of my situation out there.

Happy Father's Day to me!

tracy41 — Sun, 16 Jun 2013 17:53:59 GMT

Happy Father's Day to me and all the other single moms playing both roles in their kid's life! You all rock!

Okay and a token happy Father's Day to my oldest son's dad who didn't blink when I dropped him off wet, dirty, and starving...and apparently in the process of pooping...after my mom's bday party yesterday. I really, really didn't do it in purpose. But it was funny.

And for BD of my younger son...dude, you suck! And you probably don't realize you have less than 24 hrs to serve me or I get default child support with no input from you. Ha!

Carry on.

Worst thing....

Bump Jackie — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 14:10:42 GMT

Hey all!

Question for you --- putting something together and would love your input!

What is the WORST thing ever said to you as a single parent? (Could be mean, funny, anything that really stands out to you....)

Looking forward to your responses! Single parents are super heroes in my eyes - you all rock :)

Bump Jackie

His name or yours?

L Ros — Sun, 02 Jun 2013 03:07:03 GMT

My ex and I are still fairly civil, and he is extremely excited for the pregnancy and baby. However, he hasn't always been such a great guy. Because of this, Im struggling with wether to give the baby his last name or mine. Have any of you been in similar situations, and if so, what did you end up doing?

BD humor - Image fixed!

babymama619 — Sat, 15 Jun 2013 02:51:48 GMT

A friend sent me this for my BD (who lied about a vasectomy!) Too funny, thought you girls might get a laugh.

Father's Day...

MomToNeeners — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 04:18:16 GMT

I don't talk to my BD, and I won't be wishing him a happy father's day. I instead am hoping that he will feel awful about what he did and the fact he doesn't have anything to do with DD.

Instead I'm going to wish her god father's a happy father's day because they fill his role in her life and go above and beyond to make sure she knows she's loved and spoiled rotten.

I'm bitter.

She is here!!!

mimimimimiiii — Wed, 05 Jun 2013 06:59:03 GMT

She is finally here!!! She was born n May 27th, 7.06 lbs:) BFing is so tough, I don't have much milk for her and she drinks up to 4oz each meal, I don't even get enough sleep everyday. But I'm so blessed to have her in my life:)

Disgusted

Kathy1013 — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 05:55:31 GMT

So I was with my ex for 8 years. We broke off our engagement when I was about 2 months pregnant I am now 5 months we just couldn't get along. Anyways he begged me to take him back about a month ago and thinking about all the years we spent together and giving my daughter a chance to be born into a family with mom and dad together. Well last week his phone was going nuts at 2:30am and I finally picked it up and there were texts from a girl he was obviously messing around with. He admitted to me he slept with her about 2 weeks before. I am so disgusted, upset and feel so betrayed. Why beg to come home and you cheat?! I obviously kicked him out again and am done for good and he keeps saying how sorry he is and blah blah blah but I just feel so dumb. I cried from Saturday night until Monday morning and actually made myself so sick I had to call into work today. I don't understand 8 years and a baby on the way and he threw it away. I know who the girl is and it's taking all of my power not to send a nasty message to her on Facebook, I know it wouldn't make anything any better if I did it but I want to so bad! Thanks for listening to my rant, I just don't really have anyone to talk to.

So I talk to one of my oldest friends today..

pregokat — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 07:33:21 GMT

We went to highschool together, and have stayed close even though we both have moved around as adults..

He tells me how he just got a Dna test done and he's pissed off because this chic "just wants my money" she doesn't want anything to do with him, doesn't want him to meet his kid, (who is apparently 5 yrs old) and kept calling it a "kid" instead of son or daughter.. (I still am not sure if he has a boy or girl.. )

He went on to say how his new girlfriends kids are his children, and he's trying to have a baby with her and he doesn't like how this *** just wants "my money" shes trying to take away from my kids, bills keep piling up, blah blah blah

Anyways.. I'm like in the exact opposite situation, & he knows it.. He knows I recently filed for child support for my 6 month old, he knows the father has ignored me since the day I told him I was pregnant, He knows that my sons sperm donor went on to create (and play daddy to) another baby just 2 months after creating my child...

I don't want the kids dad involved.. He's a bad person.. if he files for visitation and wins of course I will do what the courts say i have to do... I think my son deserves help from his other creator though... the $ will go to him not me..

But My friend knows all of this and it just frustrated me so bad while he was ranting about it & as soon as he was finished he changed the subject & ended the convo< it completely took me by surprise that he was being such an ..

He doesn't want to meet this kid or try to be in its life or anything and I'm just beyond myself not knowing how to process that one of my closest friends is choosing to do this..

Idk what would you ladies do in a situation like this.. ? how would you talk to your friend? or just avoid the subject.. ?

I kinda want to tell him "you have a right to file for visitation and custody & I kinda think its the right thing to do"

In need of unbiased opinions/advice

NavyWifeTrivette — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 20:36:19 GMT

So most of you probably recall my situation. Well about a month or month and a half ago I started talking to my husband again. He has gotten back on the right track and is working really hard, and I got all that information from his family who wouldn't lie to me about it. We talk every day now because we wanted to be able to be civil and friends for our son's sake and for him to have both parents in his life. Things have been going good with the talking. Although, my family does not yet know I am talking to him again because I know they would freak out. But now, he is saying he wants to work things out and try again. He knows he screwed up big time, but he says he still loves me and he wants to make things right.

I don't know how I feel about this. On one side I want to give it a shot because I do still love him. He is my husband and the father of my son so I will always love him and have a connection to him. Plus I want our son to have both parents, preferably living in the same roof and still very much in love. But on the other side, I don't know if I can every fully trust him again or if I can look past this and start anew. I don't want to keep wondering "what if", which I tend to do a lot right now. But I also don't want to try and have it fail again. In the end I want whatever is best for my son, whether that be working it out or not. But I don't know what is best and I don't know what to do. I have been going back and forth between the pros and cons and I still have no idea. I can't talk to family about it because of course they are biased now and still mad at him for what he did in the first place. They keep saying that people like that don't change. But I have a hard time believing that because I have seen people like that change first hand. My father for example. He was a horrible dad when I was younger, and it took him a long time to change (mostly because he didn't want to at first), but not he has changed and he is a really good guy now. So what if my husband can change? Is it worth trying? Or should I just cut my losses and run for the hills so I don't risk further heartbreak?

Sorry that ended up kind of long. My mind is just kind of a jumbled mess right now. Any opinions/advice are greatly appreciated.

Life insurance

Roxalot — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 16:57:50 GMT

Has anyone gotten life insurance? I need to look into this and was wondering if anyone had recommendations for companies. Want to make sure DD is squared away for life if something should happen to me.

name change! Help!!

katy121432 — Wed, 29 May 2013 16:31:16 GMT

My son has his fathers last name. Me and him are not together. and i wanted to changed my sons last name to mine. the thing is he didnt even file the birth certificate. So it says father not stated. just wondering how much it would cost to get it changed if anyone knows? thanks :)

Father's Day Gifts for XH

tracy41 — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 23:38:46 GMT

Ladies with absentee BD's please ignore!

Moms with XH's or involved BD's what are you helping your kids do for Father's Day? DS is still a little young to pick anything out so I'm going for something small but sentimental. I bought some canvas boards and was going to have DS put his handprints on one in fingerpaint. Coincidentally I was planning on doing this for myself anyway with both boys. Lol. Plus I bought a book Father to Son. That's about what I can handle. Anyone else?

And I'm back

tracy41 — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 22:53:25 GMT

I know you missed my hugely popular thought of the day while I was dying! Btw that was totally the stomach flu and not the fault of my antibiotics! Worse mom of the week goes to mine who despite knowing I was dying and had both kids didn't call to check on me because she was mad I didn't call my stepdad on Father's Day. Leaving aside the fact the man never acted as a paternal figure in my life, I always call anyway, and Father's Day is next week, Mom! Worse dad of the week goes to my ex who couldn't take our son while I was dying because he was taking his girlfriend's kids to an amusement park. Way to go!

I'm kidding, there are far worse people in the world but let me vent since I feel better!

Moving on, my thought for the day...actually I'm blank. Anyone got anything?

Single Parent Thought of the Day

tracy41 — Wed, 05 Jun 2013 21:00:21 GMT

Since this board is so slow here's another thought for the day:

Never compare yourself to others. You'll become either vain or bitter.

SP Thought for the Day

tracy41 — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 00:19:11 GMT

I started writing a diatribe on the way single mothers are viewed as an evil scourge to blame for all the ills of society because something got me riled up, but since I assume you are all on board with my thoughts I decided not to preach to the choir. Maybe I will submit an opinion piece somewhere it can stir up some right wing lunatics.

Instead, my positive thought for the day is the oft quoted poem by William Purkey:

You've gotta' dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth.
(And speak from the heart to be heard.)

New here

Perkinsisabella — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 13:12:03 GMT

Hi everyone! I am 22 weeks pregnant with a baby girl,and im newly single. I planned this baby with the daddy, and he now tells me that he fell out of love with me. Fun stuff

I'm in teething hell.

Runaway22 — Sat, 08 Jun 2013 01:55:00 GMT

Dude. Will it ever end? LO is so sweet, tho. He goes from yelling to crying to grunting to laughing. Poor baby.

New here

yayamag — Sun, 09 Jun 2013 02:03:35 GMT

So this is my first time posting on the single board. This is kind of a lot of going on and I just need some advice.

My ex and I started dating when I moved up to Northern California, I thought we were making progress on getting together until I found out I was pregnant. He kind of pulled a 180 on me and that day was the last of our relationship. At first he was a big jerk and really didn't want anything to do with things, he was insistent on me having an abortion and pissed when I wouldn't have one. It took a few months for him to come around but he finally did. Now he is excited about his son and loves him very much but sometimes he just doesn't get that he isn't all that involved as he thinks he is.

We are trying to work things out on our own and I am having a hard time. We are still friends and he has tried to show me he is going to be there.

We both intend to move back to LA after 3 years because both our families are there and we want our son to grow up around them, but we need to gain more experience in our careers first. There are a few things in the meantime that I am just not sure I am making the best decisions over:

1) We have talked about buying a house together. I can't afford it on my own nor do I have the credit to purchase a home. Both our names would go on the title. He will not live there but will be paying part of the mortgage.

2) (goes with 1) since he is contributing to the mortgage, plus his own rent we decided to lower his child support in the meantime. We agreed to $250 plus $400 for the mortgage while we have the house, after that it will be $550. When we sell the house we will split it 50%. We are splitting all major expenses such as the rest of daycare, medical expenses etc.

3) He works for a company that contributes to childcare. They will give us $3500/year on the condition that he claims him on his taxes. This is where I have my biggest issue. We had agreed that due to my lowering child support and him being able to claim the house that I would get to claim our son. I don't know if I am ok with this.

Anybody have any advice? I trust him very much but at the same time I have been very hurt by him and I feel like my judgement may be lacking. I just don't know what to do. This is all just happening so fast and our son will be born in less 3 months so I just feel like we need to have all this sorted out before then.