A shower is a gift, not an entitlement. You should not EVER throw your own gift giving event. So if no one OFFERS to host (and you should NEVER ask someone to host), then you don't get one.

If you want to have a party, you can host a meet the baby or sip and see after the baby arrives.  

Liz4444:

Bad... And, if you don't have anyone around you who you are close enough to to throw it, who would you invite?

bazinga.  my thoughts exactly. 

Very bad.  If you don't have someone OFFER (which means you NOT begging), then you don't have a shower.  If you don't have anyone to throw one, who would you invite?  Its not about who will "step up", its about who will offer to throw you one.

A majority of me wants to think that this is MUD from someone who thinks the regulars on this board don't have any board etiquette and wants to point out how mean we are on this board.

Okay, that is kind of what I thought, which was why I phrased my question the way I did. I just didn't want to seem like a martyr either. Thank you for your responses.

And I have tried to look through many of the posts before hand, but there are just SO many here, quite a large board. I did notice that some people can be quite mean sometimes too.

JWilMommy:

Okay, that is kind of what I thought, which was why I phrased my question the way I did. I just didn't want to seem like a martyr either. Thank you for your responses.

And I have tried to look through many of the posts before hand, but there are just SO many here, quite a large board. I did notice that some people can be quite mean sometimes too.

Your point?

Oh good, another person getting bent out of shape over honesty. 

It is in bad taste to throw your own shower because it's a gift. Hopefully someone will offer to have one for you!

I also advise you to lurk on the boards a bit before you post. This is a hot topic on this board and will only get you flamed. GL! 

If you don't have any close friends who would throw you a shower, then who is going to come if you throw one yourself? 

Eyre2:

As a newbie myself I gotta say that you really REALLY need to troll the boards before you post questions like this.

MandJS:

A shower is a gift, not an entitlement. You should not EVER throw your own gift giving event. So if no one OFFERS to host (and you should NEVER ask someone to host), then you don't get one.

If you want to have a party, you can host a meet the baby or sip and see after the baby arrives.  

This. In your case, you could throw a Meet-the-Baby party or sip and see. 

PunkyBooster:

If you don't have any close friends who would throw you a shower, then who is going to come if you throw one yourself? 

I have friends who would come, just not really close ones who would offer to organize an entire party for me.

And I apologize about my comment about people being mean sometimes. I'm all for honesty, but you can be honest AND nice about it like MandJS, JenniD, and jobiann were. I didn't see a search feature off the bat (found it now, it's at the bottom) and didn't have time to "troll" every post (there are millions). I'm not easily offended and will be more careful about which topics I post about in the future. I'm definitely not going near the whole "chair vs floor seating" topic!

OP...I see you realize that hosting your own shower would be very bad.  I know you said you could BEG your mom to host a shower for you yet she isn't a "party person"...is it possible she would be host in name only (and possibly financially as well)?  Many mothers of the FTM's host their daughter's baby showers.  Perhaps she could be "hostess" but you could be "planner".  The guests don't need to know that.

The other suggestion of a Sip and See or a Welcome Baby Party after baby has arrived is another alternative.  I didn't look to see when you were due...but is it possible someone still might host for you?

Showers for babies are such a touchy subject and it always comes back to the gifts.  Consider a wedding registry and wedding.  Not many balk at a couple funding a wedding themselves these days. Certainly the bride and groom ask for items for their wedding presents - it's not like their MIL is picking out their new bedroom linens.  And I think an argument can be made that they don't NEED a panini press while a new mom certainly NEEDS a carseat.   Whether someone hosts your shower or not, the mom to be is usually putting together her own registry so aren't you already asking for gifts for yourself? 

With my son's shower my best friend very kindly offered a location as we were living in a studio and to throw the party for me - and then shattered her ankle on vacation and was restricted to the couch for the better part of 4 months.  Between her medical bills and being laid up just a couple weeks before the party- who do you think organized, prepped and PAID for it?  Should I have cancelled my shower 2 weeks before? Ultimately I felt better about doing it myself than having someone do it for me.   I felt putting the party on and doing so out of my pocket was a good way to thank my friends and family that were so generously (and gladly) gifting for the arrival of my son.   Honestly, I would have been ostracized by my family and friends if I didn't have a party! 

To me it's all really circumstantial - take good consideration of your local family and friends.  If they would be offended, it's probably not worth the stress.  But my take on showers? Hosted by the parents? Co-ed? Go for it! My biggest no-no's are if you have registered then under no circumstance may you have a pot luck. Never register for items that are for household use (stereos, tv's, etc.) Don't ask for gifts as well as a diaper trade-in for booze, make them part of the registry instead and the party should match the registry.  Asking for a $1500 stroller? You better not be serving $5 frozen pizzas.  In short - use as much common sense as possible :).  

 Rant over. 

raynadawn:

Showers for babies are such a touchy subject and it always comes back to the gifts.  Consider a wedding registry and wedding.  Not many balk at a couple funding a wedding themselves these days. Certainly the bride and groom ask for items for their wedding presents - it's not like their MIL is picking out their new bedroom linens.  And I think an argument can be made that they don't NEED a panini press while a new mom certainly NEEDS a carseat.   Whether someone hosts your shower or not, the mom to be is usually putting together her own registry so aren't you already asking for gifts for yourself? 

With my son's shower my best friend very kindly offered a location as we were living in a studio and to throw the party for me - and then shattered her ankle on vacation and was restricted to the couch for the better part of 4 months.  Between her medical bills and being laid up just a couple weeks before the party- who do you think organized, prepped and PAID for it?  Should I have cancelled my shower 2 weeks before? Ultimately I felt better about doing it myself than having someone do it for me.   I felt putting the party on and doing so out of my pocket was a good way to thank my friends and family that were so generously (and gladly) gifting for the arrival of my son.   Honestly, I would have been ostracized by my family and friends if I didn't have a party! 

To me it's all really circumstantial - take good consideration of your local family and friends.  If they would be offended, it's probably not worth the stress.  But my take on showers? Hosted by the parents? Co-ed? Go for it! My biggest no-no's are if you have registered then under no circumstance may you have a pot luck. Never register for items that are for household use (stereos, tv's, etc.) Don't ask for gifts as well as a diaper trade-in for booze, make them part of the registry instead and the party should match the registry.  Asking for a $1500 stroller? You better not be serving $5 frozen pizzas.  In short - use as much common sense as possible :).  

 Rant over. 

If they would've gotten mad enough to "ostracize" you, then why didn't they step up and throw it themselves?  This is an absolutely ridiculous post... 

So this person is completely clueless...yikes.

I love how she gives a list of "no-no's" while saying throwing your own shower is completely acceptable. 

Cranang:

raynadawn:

Showers for babies are such a touchy subject and it always comes back to the gifts.  Consider a wedding registry and wedding.  Not many balk at a couple funding a wedding themselves these days. Certainly the bride and groom ask for items for their wedding presents - it's not like their MIL is picking out their new bedroom linens.  And I think an argument can be made that they don't NEED a panini press while a new mom certainly NEEDS a carseat.   Whether someone hosts your shower or not, the mom to be is usually putting together her own registry so aren't you already asking for gifts for yourself? 

With my son's shower my best friend very kindly offered a location as we were living in a studio and to throw the party for me - and then shattered her ankle on vacation and was restricted to the couch for the better part of 4 months.  Between her medical bills and being laid up just a couple weeks before the party- who do you think organized, prepped and PAID for it?  Should I have cancelled my shower 2 weeks before? Ultimately I felt better about doing it myself than having someone do it for me.   I felt putting the party on and doing so out of my pocket was a good way to thank my friends and family that were so generously (and gladly) gifting for the arrival of my son.   Honestly, I would have been ostracized by my family and friends if I didn't have a party! 

To me it's all really circumstantial - take good consideration of your local family and friends.  If they would be offended, it's probably not worth the stress.  But my take on showers? Hosted by the parents? Co-ed? Go for it! My biggest no-no's are if you have registered then under no circumstance may you have a pot luck. Never register for items that are for household use (stereos, tv's, etc.) Don't ask for gifts as well as a diaper trade-in for booze, make them part of the registry instead and the party should match the registry.  Asking for a $1500 stroller? You better not be serving $5 frozen pizzas.  In short - use as much common sense as possible :).  

 Rant over. 

If they would've gotten mad enough to "ostracize" you, then why didn't they step up and throw it themselves?  This is an absolutely ridiculous post... 

So this person is completely clueless...yikes.

I love how she gives a list of "no-no's" while saying throwing your own shower is completely acceptable. 

raynadawn:

Ultimately I felt better about doing it myself than having someone do it for me.   I felt putting the party on and doing so out of my pocket was a good way to thank my friends and family that were so generously (and gladly) gifting for the arrival of my son.  

Soo... as a way to thank your friends for buying gifts for your baby, you invited them to your house to watch you open their presents for your baby? 

In some kind of weird way, I understand your logic.  These people are doing something very nice for me so I want to do something very nice for them.  But, a nice thing for them and an equal repayment would be more along the lines of buying them a gift for something that they need and I guarantee you that an afternoon watching you open presents and gush about your baby wasn't it.

The word gift implies no thought of repayment.  A shower is a gift.  All the guests bring gifts.  They aren't about making things even, they're about people bringing things out of the goodness of their hearts.  When the recipient starts asking for her own gifts (which you did by throwing your own shower) that whole generosity and goodness aspect is totally smashed.  It just looks like you want FREE STUFF!  MORE FREE STUFF!!!!! 

raynadawn:

Showers for babies are such a touchy subject and it always comes back to the gifts. nbsp;Consider a wedding registry and wedding. nbsp;Not many balk at a couple funding a wedding themselves these days. Certainly the bride and groom ask for items for their wedding presents it's not like their MIL is picking out their new bedroom linens. nbsp;And I think an argument can be made that they don't NEED a panini press while a new mom certainly NEEDS a carseat. nbsp; Whether someone hosts your shower or not, the mom to be is usually putting together her own registry so aren't you already asking for gifts for yourself?nbsp;With my son's shower my best friend very kindly offered a location as we were living in a studio and to throw the party for me and then shattered her ankle on vacation and was restricted to the couch for the better part of 4 months. nbsp;Between her medical bills and being laid up just a couple weeks before the party who do you think organized, prepped and PAID for it? nbsp;Should I have cancelled my shower 2 weeks before? Ultimately I felt better about doing it myself than having someone do it for me. nbsp; I felt putting the party on and doing so out of my pocket was a good way to thank my friends and family that were so generously and gladly gifting for the arrival of my son. nbsp; Honestly, I would have been ostracized by my family and friends if I didn't have a party!nbsp;To me it's all really circumstantial take good consideration of your local family and friends. nbsp;If they would be offended, it's probably not worth the stress. nbsp;But my take on showers? Hosted by the parents? Coed? Go for it! My biggest nono's are if you have registered then under no circumstance may you have a pot luck. Never register for items that are for household use stereos, tv's, etc. Don't ask for gifts as well as a diaper tradein for booze, make them part of the registry instead and the party should match the registry. nbsp;Asking for a 1500 stroller? You better not be serving 5 frozen pizzas. nbsp;In short use as much common sense as possible :. nbsp;nbsp;Rant over.nbsp;

Liz4444:

Baby shower does not equal wedding. Get it?

The fact that this even has to be said is sad.

Aleja0918:

Liz4444:

Baby shower does not equal wedding. Get it?

The fact that this even has to be said is sad.

The fact that a lot of the things on this board that are stated need to be said is sad... Or that people ask things like "Can I throw my own shower?" "Do I need to have enough chairs for all my guests?" etc. is sad. Common sense is apparently going the way of the dinosaur.

Liz4444:

raynadawn:

Showers for babies are such a touchy subject and it always comes back to the gifts. nbsp;Consider a wedding registry and wedding. nbsp;Not many balk at a couple funding a wedding themselves these days. Certainly the bride and groom ask for items for their wedding presents it's not like their MIL is picking out their new bedroom linens. nbsp;And I think an argument can be made that they don't NEED a panini press while a new mom certainly NEEDS a carseat. nbsp; Whether someone hosts your shower or not, the mom to be is usually putting together her own registry so aren't you already asking for gifts for yourself?nbsp;With my son's shower my best friend very kindly offered a location as we were living in a studio and to throw the party for me and then shattered her ankle on vacation and was restricted to the couch for the better part of 4 months. nbsp;Between her medical bills and being laid up just a couple weeks before the party who do you think organized, prepped and PAID for it? nbsp;Should I have cancelled my shower 2 weeks before? Ultimately I felt better about doing it myself than having someone do it for me. nbsp; I felt putting the party on and doing so out of my pocket was a good way to thank my friends and family that were so generously and gladly gifting for the arrival of my son. nbsp; Honestly, I would have been ostracized by my family and friends if I didn't have a party!nbsp;To me it's all really circumstantial take good consideration of your local family and friends. nbsp;If they would be offended, it's probably not worth the stress. nbsp;But my take on showers? Hosted by the parents? Coed? Go for it! My biggest nono's are if you have registered then under no circumstance may you have a pot luck. Never register for items that are for household use stereos, tv's, etc. Don't ask for gifts as well as a diaper tradein for booze, make them part of the registry instead and the party should match the registry. nbsp;Asking for a 1500 stroller? You better not be serving 5 frozen pizzas. nbsp;In short use as much common sense as possible :. nbsp;nbsp;Rant over.nbsp;

Brides set up a registry for the bridal shower, not the wedding. The bridal shower is hosted by someone othe than the bride. Bridal shower equals baby shower, wedding equals birth of baby. Baby shower does not equal wedding. Get it?

My brother's wife organized, planned, threw, and paid for her bridal shower. No one cared. What they did care about, however, was that no one got a thank you card. 

AmyLKorbal:

Liz4444:

raynadawn:

Showers for babies are such a touchy subject and it always comes back to the gifts. nbsp;Consider a wedding registry and wedding. nbsp;Not many balk at a couple funding a wedding themselves these days. Certainly the bride and groom ask for items for their wedding presents it's not like their MIL is picking out their new bedroom linens. nbsp;And I think an argument can be made that they don't NEED a panini press while a new mom certainly NEEDS a carseat. nbsp; Whether someone hosts your shower or not, the mom to be is usually putting together her own registry so aren't you already asking for gifts for yourself?nbsp;With my son's shower my best friend very kindly offered a location as we were living in a studio and to throw the party for me and then shattered her ankle on vacation and was restricted to the couch for the better part of 4 months. nbsp;Between her medical bills and being laid up just a couple weeks before the party who do you think organized, prepped and PAID for it? nbsp;Should I have cancelled my shower 2 weeks before? Ultimately I felt better about doing it myself than having someone do it for me. nbsp; I felt putting the party on and doing so out of my pocket was a good way to thank my friends and family that were so generously and gladly gifting for the arrival of my son. nbsp; Honestly, I would have been ostracized by my family and friends if I didn't have a party!nbsp;To me it's all really circumstantial take good consideration of your local family and friends. nbsp;If they would be offended, it's probably not worth the stress. nbsp;But my take on showers? Hosted by the parents? Coed? Go for it! My biggest nono's are if you have registered then under no circumstance may you have a pot luck. Never register for items that are for household use stereos, tv's, etc. Don't ask for gifts as well as a diaper tradein for booze, make them part of the registry instead and the party should match the registry. nbsp;Asking for a 1500 stroller? You better not be serving 5 frozen pizzas. nbsp;In short use as much common sense as possible :. nbsp;nbsp;Rant over.nbsp;

Brides set up a registry for the bridal shower, not the wedding. The bridal shower is hosted by someone othe than the bride. Bridal shower equals baby shower, wedding equals birth of baby. Baby shower does not equal wedding. Get it?

My brother's wife organized, planned, threw, and paid for her bridal shower. No one cared. What they did care about, however, was that no one got a thank you card. 

How do you know no one cared?  Do you have ESP so you know what they are all thinking?  Obviously, no one has ever lied and said they think something is wonderful when what they really think is the exact opposite.

Liz4444:

raynadawn:

Showers for babies are such a touchy subject and it always comes back to the gifts. nbsp;Consider a wedding registry and wedding. nbsp;Not many balk at a couple funding a wedding themselves these days. Certainly the bride and groom ask for items for their wedding presents it's not like their MIL is picking out their new bedroom linens. nbsp;And I think an argument can be made that they don't NEED a panini press while a new mom certainly NEEDS a carseat. nbsp; Whether someone hosts your shower or not, the mom to be is usually putting together her own registry so aren't you already asking for gifts for yourself?nbsp;With my son's shower my best friend very kindly offered a location as we were living in a studio and to throw the party for me and then shattered her ankle on vacation and was restricted to the couch for the better part of 4 months. nbsp;Between her medical bills and being laid up just a couple weeks before the party who do you think organized, prepped and PAID for it? nbsp;Should I have cancelled my shower 2 weeks before? Ultimately I felt better about doing it myself than having someone do it for me. nbsp; I felt putting the party on and doing so out of my pocket was a good way to thank my friends and family that were so generously and gladly gifting for the arrival of my son. nbsp; Honestly, I would have been ostracized by my family and friends if I didn't have a party!nbsp;To me it's all really circumstantial take good consideration of your local family and friends. nbsp;If they would be offended, it's probably not worth the stress. nbsp;But my take on showers? Hosted by the parents? Coed? Go for it! My biggest nono's are if you have registered then under no circumstance may you have a pot luck. Never register for items that are for household use stereos, tv's, etc. Don't ask for gifts as well as a diaper tradein for booze, make them part of the registry instead and the party should match the registry. nbsp;Asking for a 1500 stroller? You better not be serving 5 frozen pizzas. nbsp;In short use as much common sense as possible :. nbsp;nbsp;Rant over.nbsp;

Brides set up a registry for the bridal shower, not the wedding. The bridal shower is hosted by someone othe than the bride. Bridal shower equals baby shower, wedding equals birth of baby. Baby shower does not equal wedding. Get it?

Pretty sure plenty of people shop off the registry to purchase the wedding gift, whether or not they attended the bridal shower. It really should be NBD who throws the shower