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11-01-2012 at 12:44 PM
grace1404
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MIL wants in the delivery room! (Need to Vent)

So from day one I only wanted my husband and mother in the delivery room with me, but the other day at 38 weeks my MIL and FIL sat me down for a talk.  They told me that are always left out (constantly make themselves the victims) and that they should be in the room too, and that DH and I's decision to have bonding time with baby before visitors came in was selfish.  Basically they had me crying telling me that I was treating them unfairly for an hour. It was horrible.  Talked to DH about how uncomfortable I would be, especially with FIL, my own dad isn't in coming in there. So DH says if I don't want them in there then my mother shouldn't be either because it wouldn't be fair, SERIOUSLY!! Is it just me or should what the woman who will be giving birth  get to decide this and not be questioned on it. I am now torn I don't want to fight with my husband or in laws but I want to have a comfortable environment while in labor. 
 
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11-01-2012 at 12:49 PM
MissNikki0...
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Your vagina is the one that will be on display, therefore, you are the one that gets to decide who's in the room.
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11-01-2012 at 12:51 PM
bearkatjen
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Your DH and your in-laws are being ridiculous. You are the one laboring and pushing the baby out. It's not an event for spectators. The only people who need to be in the room are people that you need for support and coaching. If that's your DH and your mom, well then that's that. This is about YOUR needs, and nobody else's. Selfish? Give me a break!
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11-01-2012 at 12:52 PM
livelaughl...
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It's all up to you. If you don't feel comfortable with all of them in the room then that's your decision. I am only letting SO and my mother in the room.

 
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11-01-2012 at 12:58 PM
g8trkim
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Stand your ground! YOU are the one giving birth and YOU decide who you feel comfortable having in there. The nerve of them to put you in that situation, especially for them to ask about FIL being in there too. And I'm disappointed in your DH too, he needs to grow a pair and stand up to his parents. Have you asked your hospital how many people can be in the delivery room? My hospital only allows 2 people anyway.
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11-01-2012 at 12:58 PM
magnoliabl...
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I don't mean to be disrespectful, but I truly do not understand these posts. No one gets a "say" in your birth. No one. It is entirely up to you and dh.

And speaking of your dh, he has NO IDEA how much pain you are about to be in, or he'd fully support your mother being there for support. My husband still says he will never forget feeling so helpless while I labored and how terrible he felt watching me cry out in pain (my epi failed and there was no time for another, plus dd was sunny side up and got stuck in my pelvis). Anyway, tell him to quit being a d*ck and realize that your entire woo-ha is about to be ripped to shreds, so he needs to be quiet and do what is best for you!

Tell your FIL to stop being creepy and wanting to see your vag get blown to smithereens. Ha. What a weirdo.

Also, take all the time alone with the baby that you want. You will never get to meet your baby for the first time every again, so take your time and keep everyone away. Besides, do they even realize that you will be getting sewn up during that time? It took them TWO HOURS to sew me up after only a level 2 tear. 

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11-01-2012 at 12:58 PM
Mrs&Dr2b
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Is your mom leaving right after the baby is born so you and DH can bond? That is the only place I would have a question about it. If your mom is there to support you and then leaving before holding the baby and coming back in with your in-laws later then this seems totally fair. If she is going to get to hold and meet the baby before your in-laws then I see your DH's point.
 
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11-01-2012 at 12:58 PM
snowflake9...
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grace1404:
So from day one I only wanted my husband and mother in the delivery room with me, but the other day at 38 weeks my MIL and FIL sat me down for a talk.  They told me that are always left out (constantly make themselves the victims) and that they should be in the room too, and that DH and I's decision to have bonding time with baby before visitors came in was selfish.  Basically they had me crying telling me that I was treating them unfairly for an hour. It was horrible.  Talked to DH about how uncomfortable I would be, especially with FIL, my own dad isn't in coming in there. So DH says if I don't want them in there then my mother shouldn't be either because it wouldn't be fair, SERIOUSLY!! Is it just me or should what the woman who will be giving birth  get to decide this and not be questioned on it. I am now torn I don't want to fight with my husband or in laws but I want to have a comfortable environment while in labor. 

Your DH should be supporting YOU during labor, not making sure his parents are happy.  It isn't about your in-laws, it is about you, your H, and your new baby.  I would not budge and if your H wants to be ridiculous, then he can sit in the waiting room with them while your mom supports you through labor.

 
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11-01-2012 at 12:58 PM
Mom2aBoy
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Umm no way in HELL will any man (who is not a medical professional or the one who knocked me up) be in that room with me.  NO WAY! 

Also what PP said.  It's your body.  DH and his family will have to suck it up.  If you want your mother in there and not his, that is your choice.

Could you maybe change your rule to allow them to see the baby sooner than everyone else but tell them you do not want them in the room with you?  This way they feel included but you don't have to be on display.
 
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11-01-2012 at 1:01 PM
rnfromtn
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Many facilities recommend/allow only 2 people present in the delivery room.  Talk with your doctor and then maybe tell your inlaws "my doctor prefers that only 2 people be present..my husband and my mom."

When our DS was born, we had already agreed that it would only be the two of us.  Thank GOD!  By the time he was delivered, after 3 1/2 hours of pushing, there were 3 staff nurses, a nursing student, an OB resident, my doctor and 3 NICU nurses.  Plus my husband, equipment, the bed...it was a tight "party".  There were some issues immediately surrounding his birth, the cord was doubly wrapped around his neck, he was anterior presentation (ouch!) he wasn't breathing and had to be "jump started".  I can only imagine how emotional and possibly annoying it could have been if there were other famly members in the room.  My doctor had even made it respectfully clear that the only person he answers to in the delivery room is the birthing mother.  Not the grandparents or inlaws who may have "questions and concerns".
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11-01-2012 at 1:04 PM
snmcfarlin
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bearkatjen:
Your DH and your in-laws are being ridiculous. You are the one laboring and pushing the baby out. It's not an event for spectators. The only people who need to be in the room are people that you need for support and coaching. If that's your DH and your mom, well then that's that. This is about YOUR needs, and nobody else's. Selfish? Give me a break!

 This!!! Sending you love and strength so you can be assertive about your needs! 
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11-01-2012 at 1:04 PM
b0710
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I would definitely stand your ground about who you want in the room.  If it becomes an issue tell them you will not call them until you are ready....it might change their perspective. I do agree with a PP though, if your mom gets to see the birth, the hold the baby and everything before or during your's and DH's bonding time, that doesn't seem fair.  Having her support you during the labor, then head out for a bit seems like a fair compromise.  Show DH a couple of  labor videos, remind him that will be you, then maybe he'll see things your way :)
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11-01-2012 at 1:08 PM
brooke&rya...
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It is your decision.

Hands down.

Period.

Do not let them guilt you into being uncomfortable. DH needs a huge reality check about trying to tell you what is and isn't fair in this situation. The important thing is who will be there for YOU and who will be supporting you. I'm wishing you the best of luck for L&D and hoping your ILs get a freaking clue.
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11-01-2012 at 1:08 PM
rnfromtn
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Also,  I don't get this whole "it's only fair who gets to hold the baby first" stuff.  I could really care less who feels like it was "fair" that they were first, second or last.   Guess what? I will be the FIRST person to hold my baby (aside from medical personnel.) 

A friend of mine felt totally cheated because her inlaws, sister AND mom ALL held her baby while she was being stitched up.  That to me is horrific.  I wouldn't want that possibility.  Nope.  Your mom and your inlaws already got their moments in the sun when their children were born.  This is your delivery, your moment in the sun.  Your decisions. 

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11-01-2012 at 1:09 PM
MrsT1108
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Grow a pair.  Seriously.

You're a big girl.

 
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11-01-2012 at 1:10 PM
discobelle
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They are being ridiculous.

It's not a spectator event, and it's not a time for social hour.  There's not a lot of space in those rooms, and you don't need it jammed up with a bunch of people.  The medical staff needs that space to do their jobs.

 

 

 
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11-01-2012 at 1:15 PM
jessalared
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MrsT1108:

Grow a pair.  Seriously.

You're a big girl.

This. It's your decision not anyone else's. Your husband should be supporting you not trying to baby his parents. 
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11-01-2012 at 1:15 PM
grace1404
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Mrs&Dr2b:
Is your mom leaving right after the baby is born so you and DH can bond? That is the only place I would have a question about it. If your mom is there to support you and then leaving before holding the baby and coming back in with your in-laws later then this seems totally fair. If she is going to get to hold and meet the baby before your in-laws then I see your DH's point.

Yes the plan was for my mom to leave right away 
 
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11-01-2012 at 1:19 PM
Jen748
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MissNikki007:

Your vagina is the one that will be on display, therefore, you are the one that gets to decide who's in the room.

This. And legally, you are the patient so I'm pretty sure YOU AND ONLY YOU get to decide who is in that room.

Tell DH to shut up, tell your IL's to shut up.

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11-01-2012 at 1:20 PM
grace1404
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Thank you ladies, I am one of those people who compromises on a lot to avoid any confrontation, and know with a little validation I am feeling better about standing up for myself.
 
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11-01-2012 at 1:27 PM
snowflake9...
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grace1404:
Thank you ladies, I am one of those people who compromises on a lot to avoid any confrontation, and know with a little validation I am feeling better about standing up for myself.

Do not compomise here.  First of all, the more stressed out and uncomfortable you are, the more stress you will put on the baby.  Tell your H that - would he want to risk the health of the baby in order to make his mommy happy?  Your MIL had her moment when she had her kid(s).  Now it is your turn.  She'll get over it.

 
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11-01-2012 at 1:37 PM
Jimsgirl58...
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This is by far one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. The day DH would expect me to allow my FIL (or even MIL) to see my vagina would be the day hell froze over. Shame on them for stressing you and making you cry during this time. Absolutely ridiculous. Your mom is there to support her baby going through something that can be painful, scary, etc. The fact that someone thinks they should be in on the "show" so everyone can feel even is ridiculous. I would sit DH, FIL and MIL down, tell them all "Okay FIL and MIL, show me your penis and vagina and DH you go show my mom your goodies, then we will be all even you can come in the room". Do NOT cave and DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. You do what is healthiest and least stressful for you.  
 
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11-01-2012 at 1:42 PM
CurlyQ284
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Tell him if his mom and dad are there, he has to drop trou, spread his legs and give both your parents a nice view of his twig and berries. He has to stay on display for 1048 hours. Its only fair.
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11-01-2012 at 1:42 PM
NicoleWI
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What the heck is wrong with people? It is not their call and I don't see why they wouldn't understand your need for privacy!!! Why the heck would they WANT to be there?? Isn't it enough to see the baby after it's born?

My hospital has a policy that you only get one support person unless you make special arrangements. I guess you don't have anything like that to help you out?
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11-01-2012 at 1:45 PM
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MissNikki007:
Your vagina is the one that will be on display, therefore, you are the one that gets to decide who's in the room.


This exactly!!
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11-01-2012 at 1:50 PM
katiebird1...
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Good.  You never know-you may kick your mom and DH out at any time too!
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11-01-2012 at 1:54 PM
macylynn27
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g8trkim:
Stand your ground! YOU are the one giving birth and YOU decide who you feel comfortable having in there. The nerve of them to put you in that situation, especially for them to ask about FIL being in there too. And I'm disappointed in your DH too, he needs to grow a pair and stand up to his parents. Have you asked your hospital how many people can be in the delivery room? My hospital only allows 2 people anyway.

 

That is awful! You could also as your doctor to fib a little and say that only two are allowed...? 
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11-01-2012 at 1:56 PM
tortuga47
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Mrs&Dr2b:
Is your mom leaving right after the baby is born so you and DH can bond? That is the only place I would have a question about it. If your mom is there to support you and then leaving before holding the baby and coming back in with your in-laws later then this seems totally fair. If she is going to get to hold and meet the baby before your in-laws then I see your DH's point.

Agreed. This would be the only point I'd find iffy. 
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11-01-2012 at 1:57 PM
hansonam44...
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Just tell them

 

Seriously though, you have the final say. And why do they want to be there anyway? It's not some public service; it's labor. They'll get to see and hold the baby in due time but this is your body, your baby, and your decision. They'll get over it.

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11-01-2012 at 2:00 PM
kaimom2
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I agree with the PP that it is your decision and your body.  But with that being said, I have a friend that recently delivered that went through a very similar situation.  Her MIL is very overbearing and extremely loud and pushy.  Originally she was only going to have her husband and her mother in the room.  Her husband is an only child and she began to feel bad about her MIL never having the experience of being in the delivery room.  In the end, she decided to allow her in.  Amazingly enough, she was a huge help for my friend's mom and her husband and she did not interfere at all. 

Ultimately it is your desicion - no one else's.  The fact that your FIL wants to be included seems extraordinarly creepy!!!  He can wait just like everyone else. 

I personally will not have my MIL in the room and don't feel bad about the decision at all.  I want her to be included in my child's life as much as my parents but the delivery room is not about that!

GL with your decision.  T&P your way!
 
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