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11-01-2012 at 12:55 PM
erb82
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Throwing a shower for a control freak

Okay ladies, I need your help. I offered to throw a shower for my best friend, and am very happy to do it for her.  I started asking general questions (do you want to play games, ladies only or co-ed, any food she specifically wants or can't stand to be around), and she basically started planning the shower herself.  Everyday she sends me pictures and says let's do this at my shower.  Where is the line between getting her input so that she enjoys the day and saying back off, I'm throwing this thing?  I'm pretty worried because I threw her bridal shower a few years back and in the end she outright rejected all my plans, told me what we were going to do (like gave me a menu and a schedule) and I just financed it and pretended to be the hostess.
 
11-01-2012 at 1:05 PM
RoxyLynn
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Crazy + hormonal?  Fun!  ;)

Tell her you're glad she's so excited, but this time she gets to just sit back and enjoy what's being planned for her.  If she persists and demands, then tell her - with time for someone else to do the planning - that you're not comfortable and perhaps another hostess would suit her better.


I think it can be done well, and I would have loved it, but taking all of the crappy parts of school away from a kid isn't good for them in the long run.

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11-01-2012 at 1:33 PM
jnjmommy06...
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When you offer to host YOU have the input. Not her. Stand up for yourself. I mean if you truly want to do the things she offered then awesome..but don't spend cash just to please her every demand

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11-01-2012 at 1:52 PM
EastCoastB...
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Can you just say "Thanks for the idea!  I'll keep it in mind" then just plan what you want to plan?  Once she shows up at the shower - there isn't anything she can do to change or reject your ideas!

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11-01-2012 at 2:28 PM
Estwd2
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EastCoastBride:
Can you just say "Thanks for the idea!  I'll keep it in mind" then just plan what you want to plan?  Once she shows up at the shower - there isn't anything she can do to change or reject your ideas!

I'd do this first. If she gets more aggressive or demands anything, then I'd do as PP suggested and lay down the law.


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11-01-2012 at 3:16 PM
erb82
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Thanks for the good ideas ladies.  From here on out, I'll smile and nod and take her ideas as suggestions not demands.  :)
 
11-01-2012 at 7:54 PM
BallSox
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erb82:
Okay ladies, I need your help. I offered to throw a shower for my best friend, and am very happy to do it for her.  I started asking general questions (do you want to play games, ladies only or co-ed, any food she specifically wants or can't stand to be around), and she basically started planning the shower herself.  Everyday she sends me pictures and says let's do this at my shower.  Where is the line between getting her input so that she enjoys the day and saying back off, I'm throwing this thing?  I'm pretty worried because I threw her bridal shower a few years back and in the end she outright rejected all my plans, told me what we were going to do (like gave me a menu and a schedule) and I just financed it and pretended to be the hostess.

So why did you offer a second time?  I wouldn't have, at least with out some specifications.  I mean, I love my best friend, but to just finance her shower for her isn't my idea of a fun time. 


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11-01-2012 at 8:54 PM
erb82
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I have a selective memory, I guess.  I totally forgot about the drama with her bridal shower until I started planning this one.  She's absolutely great except when I'm throwing her a party.
 
11-01-2012 at 9:05 PM
rhubarb123
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If her ideas are something you are comfortable or what to do then go with it.  After a couple more times of her giving you "ideas" I would just say that you have taken her ideas into consideration and everything now is "set in stone".  Hopefully she gets the hint that she no longer has to send you "ideas".  If she doesn't get the hint then just ignore her ideas.  She can use them when she hosts someone else's shower.
 
11-02-2012 at 10:38 AM
PrimRoseMa...
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EastCoastBride:
Can you just say "Thanks for the idea!  I'll keep it in mind" then just plan what you want to plan?  Once she shows up at the shower - there isn't anything she can do to change or reject your ideas!

Yes. This is what I did for my very type A friend for her Shower. She loved it. Naturally, I listened to most of her suggestions, but mostly did what I felt comfortable doing and within my budget. 


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11-02-2012 at 7:05 PM
MCRM22011
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Honestly, I'd yes her to death. When she shows up and sees things differently than what she suggested, what would she do? Stomp her feet and cry? This is definitely a passive aggressive way of dealing with her control issues. I would not give in to anything you can't afford.

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