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11-03-2012 at 9:17 AM
AlyDenee
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Shower for LO #2?

I say no. 

My mom says yes, if its the opposite sex, and no if its the same.

Friends say yes, a small one no matter what.

 

Opinions? 

 

 


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11-03-2012 at 9:43 AM
JenniD2
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I agree, I would say no. Just because you had a boy the first time and you are now expecting a girl (and vise versa), I think it is extremely rude to your friends and family to have them buy all new items in pink or blue.To me, it looks extremely gift grabby.

Generally, I am against second showers unless with extreme circumstances (like a 10 year age gap). Showers are really a gift to welcome a new mom into Motherhood.

Would your mom and friends settle for a sip and see or meet the baby party?


 
11-03-2012 at 10:11 AM
RoxyLynn
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Showers are for first-time Moms.  A no-gifts event, like a coffee, is fine.


I think it can be done well, and I would have loved it, but taking all of the crappy parts of school away from a kid isn't good for them in the long run.

There are lessons like "Not everyone likes you" and "Some people are douche bags" that you don't learn without socializing in a large group of poorly supervised children.
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11-03-2012 at 11:08 AM
BallSox
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I think either way, you have a good 4 months before you need to worry about this. 

However, my opinion is no.

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11-03-2012 at 12:09 PM
Bliss+Berr...
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FTMs only, IMO.  

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11-03-2012 at 1:39 PM
Estwd2
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BlissBerry:
FTMs only, IMO. nbsp;
Ditto.

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11-03-2012 at 2:11 PM
Cranang
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I hate the argument "if it's a different sex."  Poor 2nd kid...too bad it's got the same genitalia as the first.

However, I think showers are for first time moms.  If your friends want to throw you a small party, then go for but NO registries and keep the guest list REALLY small.  But, if you're not comfortable with it don't do it.  I wouldn't do it myself.


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11-03-2012 at 2:36 PM
Aleja0918
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RoxyLynn:

Showers are for first-time Moms.  A no-gifts event, like a coffee, is fine.

I agree.


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11-03-2012 at 5:02 PM
cwm11985
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You do know you're only 4 weeks pregnant, right?

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11-03-2012 at 5:02 PM
Worcbride
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had my kids 22 months apart--one girl, one boy--did not have a second shower.  

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11-03-2012 at 5:27 PM
The_Jen626
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In my circles of friends we celebrate all babies, regardless of sex or age of previous kids.  I wasn't expecting a shower at all for baby #2, and two different friends said they wanted to throw one for me.  I've been to numerous showers for 2nd or 3rd babies in the last few years, as all of my friends are now on their 2nd or 3rd kids.  I typically do smaller gifts for the later showers, so that's what I was expecting, and I was shocked that my friends were so generous this time around!

So, for baby #1 I had 4 showers total, my Mom's friends/family, MIL's friends/family, my friends (about 40 people total), and a small work shower.  For baby #2 only had a smaller shower, with 22 people invited and 18 came.  It was a blast and we all had a really good time.


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11-03-2012 at 5:46 PM
mrsmcdonal...
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My opinion is you must be really bored if you're already thinking about this. You're barely pregnant.

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11-03-2012 at 5:49 PM
Joy2611
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Showers are to welcome a woman into motherhood.  That happens roughly once.

My hatred for the "different sex" argument is really deep.  Your kid doesn't care if he's sitting in a pink bumbo.  You don't get ALL NEW stuff just because you don't want your little girl to use a blue blanket.  The entire fascination with gender is really starting to bug me.  Babies are babies - they all need the same stuff and it's up the parents to buy it for every. single. child.  

11-03-2012 at 6:29 PM
jasminelor...
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If someone else is hosting it and you're comfortable with that, then yes have a small shower. If you don't even want one to begin with, then tell everybody who offers "No thanks".

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11-03-2012 at 9:23 PM
rhubarb123
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Cranang:

I hate the argument "if it's a different sex."  Poor 2nd kid...too bad it's got the same genitalia as the first.

However, I think showers are for first time moms.  If your friends want to throw you a small party, then go for but NO registries and keep the guest list REALLY small.  But, if you're not comfortable with it don't do it.  I wouldn't do it myself.

I agree with this.  If you are really not into even a small sprinkle then go with a "welcome baby" party.

And to Jen...who feels all babies should be celebrated.  I couldn't agree more...BUT...the baby has to be born to be celebrated!  That can be done at a sip n see or a welcome baby party NOT a shower (unless it is held after the birth).  BTW...18 people is a lot of people to have at a shower for a 2nd shower IMO.

 

 
11-03-2012 at 9:31 PM
Colorado B...
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In my family, we do a big shower for the first baby and then small, immediate family/best friend gathering for the second. We love the party and welcoming each baby so it's not a big deal to us.  I had a 10 year old (with a baby shower), 5 year old (Family lunch) and then got pregnant with twins.  For the twins all my family and friends insisted on a shower.  It was nice.  My job also hosted a twin shower.  It was so nice of everyone.  The only way I think it is tacky is if you register after the first baby.  Then it looks gift grabby IMO.  I'm not sure who wrote the rule book about it having to be first time moms.  Sometimes kids are born years apart. JMO.
 
11-04-2012 at 7:40 AM
jquirke988...
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I don't think it should have anything to do with the sex of the baby. 

We celebrate all babies in my family.  I was given a large, traditional shower for my 1st.  My mom threw me a 2nd shower for these babies.  It was a small brunch at her house with 6 people (all close family).  No friends or extended family.  Just a small celebration. 


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11-04-2012 at 8:46 AM
Liz4444
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Colorado Babies 12:
In my family, we do a big shower for the first baby and then small, immediate family/best friend gathering for the second. We love the party and welcoming each baby so it's not a big deal to us. nbsp;I had a 10 year old with a baby shower, 5 year old Family lunch and then got pregnant with twins. nbsp;For the twins all my family and friends insisted on a shower. nbsp;It was nice. nbsp;My job also hosted a twin shower. nbsp;It was so nice of everyone. nbsp;The only way I think it is tacky is if you register after the first baby. nbsp;Then it looks gift grabby IMO. nbsp;I'm not sure who wrote the rule book about it having to be first time moms. nbsp;Sometimes kids are born years apart. JMO.

As opposed to mothers whose kids are born within weeks of each other?

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11-04-2012 at 9:31 AM
Joy2611
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Colorado Babies 12:
In my family, we do a big shower for the first baby and then small, immediate family/best friend gathering for the second. We love the party and welcoming each baby so it's not a big deal to us.  I had a 10 year old (with a baby shower), 5 year old (Family lunch) and then got pregnant with twins.  For the twins all my family and friends insisted on a shower.  It was nice.  My job also hosted a twin shower.  It was so nice of everyone.  The only way I think it is tacky is if you register after the first baby.  Then it looks gift grabby IMO.  I'm not sure who wrote the rule book about it having to be first time moms.  Sometimes kids are born years apart. JMO.

This entire post makes no sense.

11-04-2012 at 11:16 AM
MelRC117
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jquirke9881:

I don't think it should have anything to do with the sex of the baby. 

We celebrate all babies in my family.  I was given a large, traditional shower for my 1st.  My mom threw me a 2nd shower for these babies.  It was a small brunch at her house with 6 people (all close family).  No friends or extended family.  Just a small celebration. 

Baby showers does NOT equal celebrating the babies people! It's celebrating a woman going into motherhood. Just because my family doesn't throw a shower for subsequent children does not mean that new children aren't something to get excited about. 


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11-04-2012 at 11:18 AM
MelRC117
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Colorado Babies 12:
In my family, we do a big shower for the first baby and then small, immediate family/best friend gathering for the second. We love the party and welcoming each baby so it's not a big deal to us.  I had a 10 year old (with a baby shower), 5 year old (Family lunch) and then got pregnant with twins.  For the twins all my family and friends insisted on a shower.  It was nice.  My job also hosted a twin shower.  It was so nice of everyone.  The only way I think it is tacky is if you register after the first baby.  Then it looks gift grabby IMO.  I'm not sure who wrote the rule book about it having to be first time moms.  Sometimes kids are born years apart. JMO.

Do you give birth at these showers for people to welcome them. Welcoming the baby would mean the baby would have to be there.  


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11-04-2012 at 11:32 AM
new2011mom...
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A shower is a gift for the mom. You get "showered" with gifts. I had a beautiful shower for my first pregnancy. I would be embarrassed at a second shower and would not allow it. Sorry, I think second showers are tacky.

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11-04-2012 at 8:29 PM
SqueekyMom...
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Okay, for one thing, if a shower is for the mom, then how come all the gifts are for the baby?

 

That being said, I had my son nearly 5 years ago.  I had 2 very small showers (one work, one family - each with about 8 people there).  

I was not planning on a shower at all with this one (a girl, due in January).   But my dear friends at work are insisting on throwing me a bigger shower this time than I had 5 years ago.  I feel awkward but I'll admit, I'm grateful.  Not because baby NEEDS all new things, or because I deserve anything just for being pregnant but because we have so little of my son's stuff since it's been so long (his crib is now his bed, his infant car seat is expired, etc).  They asked me if I'd be willing to set up a registry, so I have - should I be ashamed?  I don't think so.  I have also made it quite clear that no one needs to bring a gift, and that second hand items are just as welcome as new!

I just found out last weekend that my mom and SIL want to throw me a sprinkle too.  And while I'd prefer at least one be AFTER baby is born, logistically that's not really possible for the family shower since they are planning it for during the long Thanksgiving weekend and it will be the last time many of them travel to our area for months.

The fact is that showers or "sprinkles" for second time moms are getting more common.  I think it would be one thing if a mom was trying to plan it for herself, but if her friends are doing it for her out of love and excitement for the new baby, then that's fine.


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11-04-2012 at 8:49 PM
Liz4444
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SqueekyMomma:

Okay, for one thing, if a shower is for the mom, then how come all the gifts are for the baby?

 

The gifts are for the mother's convenience.  The baby doesn't care if it is rocked in a swing or your arms.  The baby could also care less if you use Pampers or paper towels.   Heck, my child prefers a box of tampons to the million expensive toys that she has.


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11-05-2012 at 6:18 AM
Cranang
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SqueekyMomma:

Okay, for one thing, if a shower is for the mom, then how come all the gifts are for the baby?

That's just completely incorrect.  What a stupid argument.


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11-05-2012 at 8:02 AM
Gismo123
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rhubarb123:
Cranang:

I hate the argument "if it's a different sex."nbsp; Poor 2nd kid...too bad it's got the same genitalia as the first.
However, I think showers are for first time moms.nbsp; If your friends want to throw you a small party, then go for but NO registries and keep the guest list REALLY small.nbsp; But, if you're not comfortable with it don't do it.nbsp; I wouldn't do it myself.

I agree with this.nbsp; If you are really not into even a small sprinkle then go with a "welcome baby" party.
And to Jen...who feels all babies should be celebrated.nbsp; I couldn't agree more...BUT...the baby has to be born to be celebrated!nbsp; That can be done at a sip n see or a welcome baby party NOT a shower unless it is held after the birth.nbsp; BTW...18 people is a lot of people to have at a shower for a 2nd shower IMO.
nbsp;[/qu
ote]

I agree...18 people is way too many for a SMALL shower. That's how many I had at my first and only shower! Small
means like 5 to 8 people.

OP IMO it would be gift grabby and you don't feel comfortable anyway so I would politely decline the offer.



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11-05-2012 at 8:48 AM
PrimRoseMa...
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FTM only for our social circle.

STM and more usually have a Sip n' See to meet the baby. People usually bring gifts [because who doesn't love buying baby stuff?] but its not expected.

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11-05-2012 at 10:51 AM
The_Jen626
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rhubarb123:
Cranang:

I hate the argument "if it's a different sex."  Poor 2nd kid...too bad it's got the same genitalia as the first.


However, I think showers are for first time moms.  If your friends
want to throw you a small party, then
go for but NO registries and keep the
guest list REALLY small.  But, if
you're not comfortable with it don't do
it.  I wouldn't do it myself.



I agree with this.  If you are
really not into even a small sprinkle
then go with a "welcome baby" party.


And to Jen...who feels all babies
should be celebrated.  I couldn't
agree more...BUT...the baby has to be
born to be celebrated!  That can
be done at a sip n see or a welcome
baby party NOT a shower (unless it is
held after the birth).  BTW...18
people is a lot
of people to have at a shower for a
2nd shower IMO.


Well, what can I say? I have a lot of close girlfriends. Like I said above, I've been to lots of 2nd showers in the last few years, it's common here, and there were 15-30 people at all of them.

 


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11-05-2012 at 11:00 AM
The_Jen626
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Also, lol that everyone can only invite 5 to 8 people to a shower...my group of bff's is 11 people, we meet once a month at least for dinner and drinks. And my close group of "mommy friends" is 8 people, we get together weekly for playdates and i've been to their 2nd or 3rd showers recently.
So throw in 2 or 3 extras that had to be
invited to spare hurt feelings, and
there were 22 invited. It's not always possible to have a "small shower".
Again, it's common in my area and circles of friends. That's fine if it's not common in yours, but when 2 different friends say "hey can I throw you a party cause we want to celebrate you being pregnant and eat some cake" I don't see a problem with that.

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11-05-2012 at 11:30 AM
PrimRoseMa...
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The_Jen626:
Also, lol that everyone can only invite 5 to 8 people to a shower...my group of bff's is 11 people, we meet once a month at least for dinner and drinks. And my close group of "mommy friends" is 8 people, we get together weekly for playdates and i've been to their 2nd or 3rd showers recently.
So throw in 2 or 3 extras that had to be
invited to spare hurt feelings, and
there were 22 invited. It's not always possible to have a "small shower".
Again, it's common in my area and circles of friends. That's fine if it's not common in yours, but when 2 different friends say "hey can I throw you a party cause we want to celebrate you being pregnant and eat some cake" I don't see a problem with that.


The only problem I could see with showers for STM or more is that Showers, by definition, are a gift giving occasion. In some views a mom having a shower for baby number 2,3, or 4 could be perceived as greedy. You already have what you need and asking for more gifts is what seems to be the issue.

If it was just a party to "celebrate being pregnant" then why not forgo the shower label? If you are not out for gifts then its not a baby shower. A sip and see or meet the baby party would be the exact same thing with the bonus that the baby is there.

I see this justification of "celebrating being pregnant" as a thinly veiled way to cover up that you are hoping for more stuff.

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