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11-05-2012 at 9:55 AM
markhamgur...
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NBR: Social avoidance techniques, or... ?

Please forgive this if it comes across as a weird question, because I'm feeling a bit like a zombie today and maybe this is bothering me more than it should, but...

What would you do if a new couple was invited by others into your circle of couple friends, and due to never being properly introduced, you and this other couple never interacted - but just sort of co-existed at events?

This particular couple just arrived on the scene about a year ago, and because the wife is so outgoing, she's now on friendly terms with just about everyone.  However, her presence alone makes me uncomfortable because she consistently turns into the loudest and drunkest attendee at any of these get-togethers.  

It likely wouldn't bother me if we only saw them once a year, but lately it seems that they're being invited to everything that we're being invited to.  Perhaps if I was there along with everyone else getting plastered at the pub (instead of sipping my coca cola!), I'd find some of the things she said funny and we'd end-up speaking?

The only real interaction we've had is at a wedding a few months ago, she was complaining to the group of people we were standing with about the serving staff not doing a better job of serving her the hors d'oeuvres at cocktail hour.  When I pointed out that I actually felt a bit bad for them because they seemed like nice kids (obviously high-school age) who were just perhaps a bit timid, she snapped-back that they shouldn't be working in the industry, then.  Although a little taken aback by her response, I shrugged and said, "Well, I still feel for them".  Which was followed by an awkward silence and change of topic.

I just realized we're both attending another event this coming weekend, and instead of looking forward to seeing everyone again, I'm actually dreading going.  I dislike that I'm the one feeling borderline-ostracized as though I should decline the event just so I don't have to see her.  At the same time, I also don't want to continue to feel like I need to intentionally avoid her forevermore, because it appears as though she's not going away any time soon.  (And yes, I'm probably over-thinking this.  It's what I do best!).

Suggestions?  Thoughts? 

 
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11-05-2012 at 10:05 AM
mabenner1
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I think you're overthinking this. If you don't want to talk to these people, don't. End of story. You're turning this into be about you, when it seems like it is as simple as a difference in personality.
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11-05-2012 at 10:06 AM
bhjones198...
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Is she has been around for a year and it seems everyone else likes her, then maybe she isn't all bad (other than her being slightly obnoxious drunk).

I have had situations like this in the past that someone in my circle of friends rubbed me the wrong way but it was just because I hadn't gotten to know them.

Extend the olive branch and try to get to know her (before she gets drunk), then you can at least say you gave her a chance

and if you still don't like her than ignore ignore ignore in the future.

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11-05-2012 at 10:11 AM
markhamgur...
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markhamgurl is not online. Last active: 05-17-2013, 10:33 PMBronze

Too true.  Sometimes I think I'd benefit greatly from writing in a diary when it comes to stuff like this!  Oftentimes I just need to work through my problem in my head and decide on a plan of action.  

Too bad diaries are so last century.  I wonder if the iPhone has an app for that.... 
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11-05-2012 at 10:11 AM
RussianMom...
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Sounds like jealousy
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11-05-2012 at 10:58 AM
rayofsunsh...
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markhamgurl:

Too true.  Sometimes I think I'd benefit greatly from writing in a diary when it comes to stuff like this!  Oftentimes I just need to work through my problem in my head and decide on a plan of action.  

Too bad diaries are so last century.  I wonder if the iPhone has an app for that.... 


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11-05-2012 at 1:19 PM
steph620
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Sounds like you guys are just completely different people. When I come across people like this in a group setting, I just don't talk to them. Not in a mean way, but I focus my energy on people who I know I get along with and just don't waste my breath on the people I don't. If she talks to you then by all means, talk back. I'm just saying hang with the people you like, and maybe eventually you will get to know her and like her too.
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11-05-2012 at 2:21 PM
verovladam...
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This is tough. I second the suggestion to see if maybe there is a little more to her than you have seen. Maybe you just haven't found your common ground with her yet.

On the other hand, maybe she is really obnoxious and you have to kind of avoid her... Adding new people to groups that already have strong chemistry is always sticky. :( Good luck!
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11-05-2012 at 6:04 PM
pinottopar...
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I would introduce myself and get to know her. If you're completely opposed to being friends with her, then don't talk to her.
Amanda

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