community

all boards


birth clubs



my blog

This thread is no longer active. See our most recent posts and join!
11-07-2012 at 9:08 AM
Rose120
Not Ranked
Joined on 07-27-2012
2,492 Points
Rose120 is not online. Last active: 06-16-2013, 9:29 AMNewbie

Mother vs. MIL

A post on the baby shower board made me start thinking of this. How competitive are your mother and mother in law when it comes to your baby/future baby? Do they get competitive with time/gifts, etc or are they pretty chill? My mom and mil live across the country from eachother so they dont argue or anything, but already things have come up that I didnt expect, like my mom finding out and being hurt that my in-laws knew I was pregnant before she did (it was unavoidable- they were in town for a visit the DAY I found out and we were going wine tasting) and them both wanting to specifically buy the crib even though we needed other nursery furniture too. They both insisted THEY wanted to buy the CRIB. haha.

 Anyway...just interested to hear what other fun I have to look forward to :) 

11-07-2012 at 9:24 AM
SaraSmile1...
Not Ranked
Joined on 11-01-2011
5,891 Points
SaraSmile19 is not online. Last active: 06-15-2013, 12:12 PMNewbie
My mom and MIL get along great.  It's my MIL and SMIL that are the problem.  They hate each other and constantly try to one up each other.  They'll gloat about whose house DH and I stay at over holidays, whose cooking we seem to like better, whose best suited to host a shower.  Dumb stuff like that.  However, I am worried after the baby gets here.  This is the first grandchild for my parents, my in laws already have two courtesy of my SIL.  I'm worried that my mom will get jealous about that, and how much time she gets to spend with LO as opposed to the in laws (Our in laws live about 4 hours away, my parents are across the country).  Only time will tell, I guess.

 BabyFruit Ticker Daisypath Anniversary tickers 
11-07-2012 at 9:33 AM
TMWarren85
Not Ranked
Joined on 07-04-2012
17,076 Points
TMWarren85 is not online. Last active: 06-05-2013, 2:03 PMBronze

My Mom and MIL are both local, my SMIL lives about 6 hours away. A lot of the battles were about who got to see DD when, and how much- it was like they were keeping score. My mom was really upset that DD spent the night at my IL's before she spent the night with them, but my mom has a crazy work schedule and couldn't keep her when we needed the help, and my IL's had set up a nursery and could watch her whenever (which usually ended up being on a weekend). My step-mom and dad tend to spend significantly more money on DD than either my mom or MIL are able to and I think they realize that now and don't try to compete.

It's always going to be a competition, just wait until your LO is old enough to show a preference- there's nothing worse than them being with one and they can't stop talking about the other. 


Lilypie First Birthday tickers 
11-07-2012 at 9:42 AM
Hesterlici...
Not Ranked
Joined on 06-11-2010
92,645 Points
Hesterlicious is not online. Last active: 06-17-2013, 9:31 PMGold
My mom jokes that she needs to be the favorite grandma and that she has to work harder because she lives so far away. DS seems to show no preference even though  he only sees my mom every month or two and MIL lives in town so  there are times where he sees her once a week. Things may change if DS picks up on his Daddies materialism. My mom is more financially capable of spoiling DS, she loves buying stuff  and is more willing to get off her butt and play with him.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic  Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers 
11-07-2012 at 9:58 AM
brevans02
Not Ranked
Joined on 10-09-2012
26,569 Points
brevans02 is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 4:32 PMBronze

Both my MIL and mom are great - I haven't witnessed any real competitiveness w/ dd at all. They do, however, interact completely differently with her.

MIL lives nearby and babysits quite a bit. She also likes to buy the grandkids lots of stuff - mostly trinkety stuff (dd gets lip balms, hair things, purses, shoes on occasion).

My mom lives about 4 hours away - we see my parents 6-8 times a year. My mom is goofy with dd - they do projects, read books and are just generally silly together. My mom does buy her things occasionally, but usually its a couple shirts at a garage sale or something, or she'll send a small package with some little goodies for Halloween or Valentine's Day.

 
11-07-2012 at 10:00 AM
Kota26
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-09-2011
5,842 Points
Kota26 is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 1:07 PMNewbie
My MIL has several grandchildren already so she is happy for us, but she has been through the ropes before.  For my mom this is her first grandchild so she has unleashed the crazy and wants to buyout the Amazon baby section.

 
11-07-2012 at 10:02 AM
TamaraR4
Not Ranked
Joined on 08-28-2012
20,283 Points
TamaraR4 is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 8:27 AMBronze

Despite that my Mom and MIL have met each other in passing many, many times, the competition seems to be entirely one-sided-- my Mom.  


Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers  
11-07-2012 at 10:02 AM
2moms2b
Not Ranked
Joined on 05-01-2012
27,511 Points
2moms2b is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 11:34 AMBronze

Up until becoming pregnant I hate that we live about 1.5 hours from each set of parents.  The biggest hassle with that is they are in opposite directions.  Now that I am pregnant I am thankful for it.  This means one grandma won't get an advantage of proximity.  

We have already told our parents we will come to their houses once per month on the weekend (Saturday or Sunday) and then we get the other two weekends to our family.  This has seemed to go over really well.  Plus we will also do other family stuff with them but they will get one weekend per month that is theirs.

I haven't seen any competition per say.  My MIL has made one side comment to the nature of has my mom left anything big available to get us or is she going to buy it all.  I have specifically stayed out of this.  I figure I cannot control how one spends their own money and it's not my place.  If my MIL is so concerned about things not being left for her to purchase, our registry has been done for about 2 months now so she is free to shop as she pleases. 

All I will say is we are going to make an effort to give each set of grandparents equal time at least until the "newness" wears off.  Then I don't think it will be that big of a deal.  I am concerned about my ILs as they do not have to "share" their other grand kids as my SO's brother has sole custody.

At least my MIL or my mom is not very vocal.  They will just deal and stew.  I am most concerned about the birth at the hospital over who will get to see/hold them first.  At least with twins each grandma can hold a baby at the same time.  I am actually more concerned someone other than my SO will try and hold them before I get to as I am having a c-section.  


M & M
06/12 - BFP!!!!
Beta #1 15dpo - 256
Beta #2 18dpo - 1097
6wk U/S on 07/02 ~ TWINS!!!
EDD 02/21/13
09/10/12 Found out it's two Boys!!!! Sam and Jake
Jacob and Samuel born 1/29/13 at 36 weeks.
 photo 5BB917AE-0698-4A89-819D-78D9077559E8-4876-00000416CE2D44BB.jpg Lilypie Premature Baby tickers 
11-07-2012 at 11:03 AM
VPGIRL06
Not Ranked
Joined on 09-19-2012
11,393 Points
VPGIRL06 is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 4:58 PMBronze

The only person who gets bent of shape is my MIL, due to the fact that my dad and step mom have a lot of money....so she feels insecure about her position in our lives in general.  

We made sure to tell his mom first, just due to the fact that she would get really upset if my dad and stepmom knew first....my mom didn't care when she found out, she just was happy for me and my dad and step mom completely understood.   We also live closer to my family than his (Recent moved to another state), and I don't know if that has anything to do with that. this will be the first grandchild on my side of the family for both my parents, and this would be his mothers third grandchild..and i just wanted my family to be able to share that special experience of having a new grandchild for a few years (we plan on moving back near his family) since she has already gotten to experience that.  

 So i think it's inevitable for certain personalities to get their feelings hurt.....it boils down to an insecurity and it's just about making sure that they are aware that no matter what they are important to your life and the baby's life, and their position is just as special.


 BabyFetus Ticker Little Riley-our first little girl coming March 1st, 2013 (or sometime around there;) 
11-07-2012 at 11:14 AM
drewiekc
Not Ranked
Joined on 04-30-2008
Kansas City
9,458 Points
drewiekc is not online. Last active: 02-01-2013, 10:32 AMSilver

Both of our moms are generally pretty good.  My ILs are local (live about 2 miles from us) and my parents are 3 hours away.  The ILs obviously see us/DD more often, and get the advantage of babysitting when DH and I go out, whereas we see my parents about once every 6 weeks or so.  MIL doesn't seem gloat-y about it, and my mom doesn't act bent out of shape.  So it works.

The only thing that bugs me is that sometimes MIL can seem a little territorial around DD with US.  Like she sometimes comes off as "expecting" to see her a certain time, or she'll bug us to "let" her babysit, stuff like that.  But nothing between her and my mom. 


 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
Here comes baby girl #2!  BabyFruit Ticker 
11-07-2012 at 11:39 AM
magnoliabl...
Not Ranked
Joined on 10-18-2010
12,652 Points
magnoliablossom00 is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 1:18 PMSilver

I think families will always have a little bit of tension about stuff like this.

My family lives 10 minutes away, and we see them probably 3x's a week. This really seems to bug my ILs, who live 4-5 hours away. We typically see ILs every 6-8 weeks. They haven't really said they're jealous per say, but they'll say stuff like, "how are the (lastname)'s doing it? were the (lastname)'s there with LO?" etc. ILs have more money than my parents, but they don't really buy LO a lot of stuff, and if they do, we try to hide most of it from my parents and just say we bought it. Additionally, we don't bring up to ILs when my mom babysits or we all go to church together, etc.

Seems silly to rub it in either family's face about how much money or time the other spends on LO, so we just avoid talking about the other family in front of them, kwim?


 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Lilypie Second Birthday tickers 
11-07-2012 at 1:08 PM
Mama-Bear
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-02-2009
19,348 Points
Mama-Bear is online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 6:20 PMBronze
No competition for our families.  Could your mom/MIL give you money towards a crib, and when you get 2x the crib money put it towards other nursery furniture?  Not sure how others might feel about this, but then each could feel like they bought the crib?

baby baby
GSx1 - 5/13/2013  
11-07-2012 at 1:13 PM
lkm2006
Not Ranked
Joined on 11-02-2008
MS
32,047 Points
lkm2006 is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 4:53 PMSilver
If it were a competition, it would be a joke. Both my mom an MIL live in the same city as us. Me and LO see my mom every single day. We hear from MIL every few weeks, lately it has been once a week though.

Granted, I SAH so that makes it easier for me to see my mom, but MIL rarely even tries. Up until about a month ago, she saw DS once a month and he had no idea who she was.

I think MIL is just at a different stage in her life and being a grandparent isn't top on the list. DS is her first grandchild and she just really isn't into it. My mom has 4 grandkids all 2 and under so she's really into them right now.

 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker  Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
11-07-2012 at 4:48 PM
dmbrydon
Not Ranked
Joined on 04-13-2010
San Diego
1,448 Points
dmbrydon is not online. Last active: 04-26-2013, 4:31 PMNewbie

My mom and MIL are generally fine with one another.  Since having DS, though, I have noticed that my MIL is a very jealous person and I find it annoys me more than my mom.  My parents are more financially capable of helping us out with buying some of the expensive things that we need for the baby.  My MIL will sometimes make comments like "I wish we could help you out that way."  I never really know what to say to that.  I'm constantly reassuring her that she helps in other ways like babysitting, but its getting old.

My parents live a 2 hour plane ride away and ILs live a 30 min drive away.  So, they see DS all the time.  When my family comes out to visit (which is maybe 4 times a year) my MIL will make a comment like "I won't get to see DS this weekend"  For one thing, it's not like she sees him every weekend and for another, one weekend isn't gonna kill you.

 Then, DS starting calling my parents Grandma and Papa.  He called ILs Nana and Papa.  MIL keeps asking me what DS calls my dad.  When I told her he calls him Papa she said, "well that's weird because that's what he calls FIL"  I wanted to ask her what her point was.  I just said told her that he calls him that because that's what all my nieces and nephews call him.  It's like she's possessive of the names.  The annoying part is that she keeps asking me, like maybe one day the answer will change.  Sorry, this post just brought out some pent up emotions that I had to get out ;-)  


Anniversary  Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker  Pregnancy Ticker  
11-07-2012 at 6:01 PM
LadyDelila...
Not Ranked
Joined on 04-17-2008
California
22,286 Points
LadyDelilah is not online. Last active: 05-27-2013, 2:10 AMGold
My Mom and my MIL HATE eachother. So they try to avoid eachother as much as possible. Im good with it.

 photo 81661696-0ba5-4e08-893b-62b596b12dfc_zpse7c7c5fc.jpg  Pregnancy Ticker  Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
11-08-2012 at 10:30 AM
MBush4
Not Ranked
Joined on 03-19-2012
16,663 Points
MBush4 is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 2:01 PMBronze
My MIL and mom get along okay, I guess. There isn't a lot of interaction between the two since they live 6 hours apart. But my mom was super p!ssed off in the beginning because we didn't want to tell her and my dad's best friends family because we hadn't yet told my in-laws at that point. I was pretty ticked. They spilled the beans anyway even though I had only known for a few days myself.

Anniversary
 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
Hot Topics

New dad or dad-to-be? Chat with other dads here!
Visit the Dads & Dads-to-be board

Need baby shower inspiration? Get ideas here!
Visit the Baby Showers board

Chat with other crafty moms here!
Visit the Crafty Moms board

search boards

choose another board

From The Nest Boards:
"Thrown under the bus …"
tiffwins on 9 to 5

"Please tell me my husband is NOT the only one …"
IDO2008 on
Entertaining Ideas