Get The Bump digital magazine >

tools: Pregnancy Calendar | Baby Namer | Gender Chart | How Big is Baby?

community

all boards


birth clubs


nest boards


my blog

my photos

my boards


200+ Easy Weeknight Meals!

Green living: Eco-friendly tips & tricks!

< Previous topic | Next topic >

All Boards > Infertility

Sort:
11-08-2012 at 8:37 AM
Dori2011
Not Ranked
Joined on 09-24-2010
364 Posts
957 Points
Dori2011 is not online. Last active: 03-24-2013, 3:20 PMNewbie

Do you feel like IF is ruining your marriage?

...because I do! And I want to know I'm not alone. I feel like we are both so frustrated and have a blow out fight at least every 2 weeks. We also had a terrible loss in January (lost our twin son and daughter at 18 weeks due to pre-term labor). I really feel like he's missing a sensitivity chip with IF. For example, he still has not mastered a better way to share pregnancy news with me. He just thinks we should be happy for everyone. I am happy for my friends but of course the news stings as it's seemingly easy for everyone else to get pregnant and we have struggled for over 2 years.

Please someone tell me I'm not alone :(

My Ovulation Chart 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
11-08-2012 at 8:47 AM
J&D2007
Not Ranked
Joined on 02-22-2007
1,074 Posts
19,831 Points
J&D2007 is not online. Last active: 04-28-2013, 8:12 AMBronze
I'm sorry. This can be so stressful and difficult. I certainly think what you are experiencing is normal. We defefinitely have our moments, too. Sometimes I think that it has brought us closer and sometimes I think he has no empathy whatsoever. I think that is the sticking point for us most of the time. I just don't know that he understands what I'm going through, that it takes up 90% of my life sometimes and he carries on blissfully unaware. But, on the other hand, we have thankfully weathered all this well so far. I think you definitely need to take time off sometimes and go out, take a trip, etc. when IF doesn't even enter the picture. I know that is what works for us anyway. Try not to worry too much, this is probably one of the hardest storms any of our marriages will go through and we will come out stronger!

Me: 35, DH: 36, ttc: 3+ years, dx: unknown
10/11: after 2 years, saw a RE, FSH 5.4
11/11: BFP! (surprise after thyroid med & normal hsg),
12/11: missed m/c after 7 week u/s,
1/12: D&C,
6/12 IUI #1: clomid, 5 mature follicles, excellent sperm,= BFN,
7/12: IUI #2: clomid, 3 mature follicles, excellent sperm= BFN,
8/12: IUi #3: clomid, 5 follicles, = BFP!, C/P
10/12 IVF #1: FSH 5.4, estradiol AFC: 14, long Lupron 150/bravelle75,5R/5M/4F, all 4 made it to 5dt, 1 blast and 1 8 cell transferred. No frosties. BFN
IVF #2: AFC 21, MD lupron 12/25, 225bravelle/150men, 4R/4M/3F, 5dt of 1 blast BFN
IVF #3: natural start antagon, starting 3/30, ER 4/11, 12R,11M,10F
.
[IMG]http://i248.photobucket.com/albums/gg174/pixydust3084/April_V2.jpg%5B/IMG] 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
11-08-2012 at 8:54 AM
precious72...
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-07-2008
Jupiter, Florida
341 Posts
6,499 Points
precious72381 is not online. Last active: 05-22-2013, 6:23 AMNewbie
Do not feel alone! I am in the same boat. First off, so sorry for your loss! I cannot relate to that or understand what you went through but I am very sorry you had to go through that. I was going to post something about IF and marriage issues but then felt like I was reading about a lot of supportive DH's and just thought I was screwed. If my own husband tells me to relax or that I don't have control over this whatever happens will happen one more time, I think I might shove a progesterone insert up his...anyway. I am having a hard time drawing a line between what is stress from the IF and what are the real issues. I think he forgets that he is not a bystander in all this like the rest of our friends and family. He is the other half of this whole process. I could go on and on. I know he cares, I know he loves me, and I know he wants this almost as much as I do but DHs do NOT understand at all and it is very frustrating. That is why I post so much on here. Just to vent to people who understand and don't say the wrong things all the time! And be careful who you vent to, my friends with children love to tell me wait till you have a baby and all that stress. Gee, thanks, I am waiting and waiting and waiting to have a baby! Please know that you are not alone. This is such a long, unfair journey and it is hard to do it when you feel alone. It is hard to remember some days that this is the person I want to have children with but then I just try to remind myself that that is the IF stress talking!
Me = 31 husband = 35 Married 6/27/2009 TTC since 8/2010 (off BCP since 8/2009)
Unexplained Infertility,I'm a Hemocromotons mild carrier, also have single mild copy of MTHFR
6/2010 FSH 7.2 4/2013 FSH 8.6 AMH 1.4
I have primary lymphedema in my right leg which as far as I know, is not affecting my IF but not many studies out there.
7/2011 Natural cycle with 25mg clomid BFN
8/2011,1/2012,3/2012 IUI #1-3 25-100mg clomid BFN
6/2012 IVF#1 9ER 5 fertilized 2ET ICSI & assisted hatching BFN
8/2012 IVF#2 FET 2ET BFN
11/2012 IVF#3 7ER 5 fertilized naturally!!!! My hubby can fertilize my eggs :) 11/11 2ET 2 of 5 embryos made it to 5dt
11/19/2012 8dp5dt BFP beta 53 p4 7, PIO shots started ,11/21 beta 138 p4 29! 11/26 beta 698 11/29 beta 1942 12/3 beta 6640
12/10/2012 U/S #1 6w4d - One little baby with heartbeat of 124bpm :)edd 8/1/13
12/26/2012 U/S #2 8w6d - No heartbeat,only measured 6 weeks, dx missed miscarriage
12/28/2012 D&C
1/17/2013 Chromosome testing came back as normal male :(
1/19/2013 RPL testing normal
4/3/2013 SIS showed asherman's syndrome caused by D&C (scar tissue)
4/4/2013 Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue
June 2013 IVF planned
5/12/2013 SURPRISE BFP! Natural cycle 12dpo beta 93 progesterone 43 5/20/2013 15 dpo Beta #2 466!!! Progesterone 57 5/22/2013 Beta #3 *****ALL WELCOMED*****
Image and video hosting by TinyPic

 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
11-08-2012 at 9:22 AM
Citygirl10...
Not Ranked
Joined on 02-16-2010
Philadelphia, PA
1,452 Posts
7,030 Points
Citygirl1015 is not online. Last active: 05-22-2013, 6:02 AMBronze

You are not alone!! When we first started going through IF, it totally brought us closer together. Now that we've been TTC for over 3 years, it has definitely put a strain on our marriage. We're both frustrated and disappointed, and everyone has their own limits for how much they're willing to take/endure in this IF struggle. Not to mention that IF affects so much more than just your emotions, among other things it tests your finances which is another huge potential strain on a marriage! Try and work through your emotions and feelings with him, and weather the storm as best you can. Hopefully someday we'll come out on the other side stronger and more united than ever.

TTC #1 since Oct 2009, Dx: Unexplained Infertility
HSG: Right tube all clear, left tube inconclusive
3 failed Clomid Cylces
4/5 lap revealed blocked left tube, but right tube is open
April/May- 50 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI #1= CANCELLED left ovary ovulating
June 1- 100 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI #1 = BFN
June 28- 100 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI #2 =BFP!
7/12 Beta #1= 14 Beta #2= >5 Chemical Pregnancy :(
July-Nov long break to recover emotionally and financially
Nov 24- 100 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI #3= BFN
Jan 22- Gonal-F + Ovidrel + IUI# 4 = CANCELLED no response on right
IVF #1- Start stims 4/7, ER 4/20, 21R, 14F, 6 frosties, ET 4/25, 2 embryos transferred= BFN :(
FET #1- June 2012, Lurpon starts 5/27- CANCELLED
FET #1 take 2- August 2012, delayed until Sept-CANCELLED
FET #1 take 3- ET 10/11, 2 embryos transferred,= BFFN
FET #2- Transfer 12/4--Cancelled, no embies survived thaw :(
Next steps-- IVF #2 with new RE in March
HOLY SURPRISE BFP 2/15/13!!!! Beta 1- 286, Beta 2- 782, U/S shows baby in uterus and healthy heartbeat


BabyFruit Ticker

 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
11-08-2012 at 9:43 AM
diamante11...
Not Ranked
Joined on 02-22-2011
348 Posts
2,676 Points
diamante1181 is not online. Last active: 05-21-2013, 8:52 PMNewbie

It used to affect us a lot more, but now we just realize that we have to put our marriage first, and try to keep a happy environment at home. That doesn't mean we don't have fights (though rare) or crying moments, just that we decided it wasn't going to run or ruin our life.

I'm so sorry for your losses. Perhaps a counseling session would improve the communication between you guys? Or a weekend getaway where IF doesn't come up? Bottom line, don't let IF control you or your marriage. You guys need each other to get through it. :)
Me: 31, PCOS (insulin resistance) TTC since 05/11. DH: 31 Great SA after multivitamins and diet improvements 6/25 IUI #1 cancelled IVF #1 w/ICSI on 8/23 CANCELLED due to ovulation. IVF #1.2 BFN 11/6 3 snowbabies. FET #1 12/20. Beta 12/31-BFFN FET #2 scheduled for 6/12. Everyone WELCOME!!  
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
11-08-2012 at 10:18 AM
peanut126
Not Ranked
Joined on 05-09-2012
406 Posts
4,437 Points
peanut126 is not online. Last active: 04-22-2013, 6:03 PMNewbie
diamante1181:

It used to affect us a lot more, but now we just realize that we have to put our marriage first, and try to keep a happy environment at home.

This! I feel like it's put more stress in the relationship but we try to take some time to not think about it. 

Me (30) Him (29) married since 9/4/10 Tubes completely blocked due to endo, his swimmers are perfect IVF#1 5/15 - started lupron, 5/30 - baseline ultrasound, 6/1 - follistim,6/13- ER 21 embies, 6/18- transferred 1 perfect blast, 6/28- beta- BFP, 6/30- threatened mc, 7/2- confirmed mc FET #1 8/6- started BCPs, 8/18- Lupron, 9/4- Baseline, 9/6- Estrace, 9/17- ultrasound, 9/25- embie transfer, 10/5- Beta BFN FET #2 10/12-started BCPs, 11/02-Lupron, 11/14-Baseline, 11/15-Estrace, 12/4-transfer Hoping for the ultimate Christmas Present! PAIF/SAIF Welcome  
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
11-08-2012 at 10:46 AM
lincoln79
Not Ranked
Joined on 10-24-2011
1,464 Posts
16,128 Points
lincoln79 is not online. Last active: 05-22-2013, 8:14 AMBronze

it is definitely a strain. for us it goes in cycles. we have finally figured out that it causes more strain when the burden is uneven. for instance, when i have to deal with meds/monitoring/hormones and he really doesn't have to do anything.

we finally sat down and i made a list of how he could do other things to ease the burden. he wanted to help, he just didn't know how. he didn't initially see that he could help more with laundry during times when my ovaries are the size of softballs and that it was a huge help!

in turn, i committed to doing everything I could to ease my own stress. i starting going to acu and having counseling with our pastor.

hope this helps, it is definitely tough! 

 
TTC #1 since 12/2010 DH: MFI, cancer survivor Me: Resected septate uterus, lap treated mild endo, tubes open, ovulate on own. 3 Failed IUI's (2/2012, 4/2012, 6/2012) IVF #1 August 2012. BFP! Beta #1 56.7 Beta #2 150 One baby, one heartbeat on 9/20/12! no h/b @7w6d. dandc @8w0d Praying unceasingly for a miracle. PAIF/SAIF welcome Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic  
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
11-08-2012 at 10:47 AM
Juicy71
Not Ranked
Joined on 11-18-2011
3,891 Posts
23,905 Points
Juicy71 is not online. Last active: 05-21-2013, 4:11 PMSilver

You may want to look into getting him the book "What to Expect When She's Not Expecting".  I didn't end up giving it to my husband as he finally started to get on board emotionally with me, but I did get it just in case and I did read it.  I think it's a great book, written from a man who has been through it all.

Good luck to you!
Me: 41 DH: 37 - AMA, DOR
BFP 2.12.2012, c/p 2.17.2012
IUIs 1-3 = BFFN :(
IVF #1 - Sept 2012 = BFFN :(
IVF #2 - Dec 2012 = BFP!! EDD 9/4/2013
Beta #1 = 107, Beta #2 = 4,650!! U/S 1/15/2013
Everyone welcome!
Team Pink!!
BabyFruit Ticker Anniversary

 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
11-08-2012 at 10:58 AM
BellaLux
Not Ranked
Joined on 07-24-2008
3,109 Posts
11,542 Points
BellaLux is not online. Last active: 05-21-2013, 7:11 PMSilver
It has definitely put a strain on us. DH is typically very calm and can compartmentalize very well, so when he needs to focus on other things, he is able to with great ease in spite of the turmoil going on around us. Well, it's not so easy for me and let's face it, when going through trx, it is us who have to go through teh meds, dr's appt etc and quite often alone. Often, I do feel as though he doens't understand the extent of my pain and loneliness, but he tries. We are trying to do a much better job in communicating what we need from one another as far as support.
~TTC#1 Since July 2011~
Dx: 10/10 - Fibroids; 6/12 - Tubal Infertility
9/12 -IVF w/ICSI (Antagonist Protocol)=BFFN
Next: Feb 2013 -Myomectomy
S/PAIF Welcome
Daisypath Anniversary tickers  
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
11-08-2012 at 12:38 PM
Laurakat81
Not Ranked
Joined on 05-29-2008
Louisiana
9,679 Posts
45,201 Points
Laurakat81 is not online. Last active: 05-21-2013, 9:53 PMGold
I'm so sorry you're having a rough time! You absolutely are NOT alone. IF and loss nearly destroyed my marriage. We were on the brink of divorce at the beginning of the year and finally decided we had to see a counselor. Best decision ever! We meet weekly, together and individually and it's been such a blessing. It took us two tries to find the perfect therapist for us but in the end it's been worth every bit of it.

((((Hugs))))


TTC, Loss, and IF History


Lilypie Pregnancy tickers


My Blog: Grow Baby Grow 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
11-09-2012 at 7:49 PM
katekat872...
Not Ranked
Joined on 07-03-2010
1,230 Posts
5,796 Points
katekat8721 is not online. Last active: 04-20-2013, 5:52 PMBronze
You're not alone! IF wears on any relationship. Hubby and I are trying to focus more right now on working on our marriage, rather than working on a baby. It's all about perspective! Best of luck to you guys.
S/PAIF Welcome
Off BCP March 2010
TTC #1 since June 2011
BFP 12/10/11, M/C 12/16/11
DX: MFI - low count and lowish Testosterone, medium varicocele
July/Aug '12: 50 mg clomid + IUI#1 = BFN
Aug/Sept '12: 50 mg clomid + menopur + ovidrel + IUI#2 =BFN
Sept/Oct '12: Treatment break for vacation and to regroup
Oct/Nov '12: Natural IUI#3 - functional cyst on right side = BFN
Nov/Dec '12: Natural IUI#4 = BFFN
Dec/Jan '12: 50 mg clomid + menopur + ovidrel + IUI#5 = BFN
Jan '13: 50 mg clomid + menopur + ovidrel + IUI#6 = BFFN
Tired of all this crap. Taking a break. Plan: hubby on 50 mg clomid to try to raise count. T levels have tripled! Repeat SA in March.
My Ovulation Chart
 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
11-10-2012 at 4:35 AM
jadwedd
Not Ranked
Joined on 04-29-2003
1,461 Posts
21,407 Points
jadwedd is not online. Last active: 05-22-2013, 6:08 AMBronze
We have our blow ups. Most of the time he thinks that it is the meds and I try to tell him that it is not the meds, sometimes he is just being stupid.  But he doesn't believe me.  One timehe tried to equate an iui not working to him losing a crappy temp job that he had for a week.  They just don't get it sometimes.
Married 12-12-04
TTC since 07
me-36 PCOS, Tubal Problems, and polyps removed 7-12
DH - 36 extremely handsome and no fertility problems
IUI 8-12 and 9-12 failed
IVF 12-21-2012 - 2 I think perfect no matter what the dr graded them (2B)embryos transferred Beta on 12-31-12 Positve - Beta is 21
Beta 2 1-2-13 - 31
Beta 3 1-4-13 - 53
Beta 4 1/9 - 212!
Ultrasound 1/10 - Nothing completely empty uterus Beta 1/14 - 743; Beta 1/17 - 1704 ultrasound shows nothing. Officially a miscarriage. 1/21 Beta 3900 Dr. says it ectopic. Ultrasound shows a miracle heartbeat right in the uterus where it belongs! Dr. says I can be cautiously optomistic!!! Hang in there baby!

 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
Hot Topics

New dad or dad-to-be? Chat with other dads here!
Visit the Dads & Dads-to-be board

Need baby shower inspiration? Get ideas here!
Visit the Baby Showers board

Chat with other crafty moms here!
Visit the Crafty Moms board

search boards

choose another board

most active posters
sunlavende...
967 posts
BayleighPa...
914 posts
minicheezb...
416 posts
sheacox
372 posts
Nest Cayla
367 posts
*Mrs*Rohrb...
237 posts
Love4Labs3...
202 posts
jertie
107 posts
KimberHill...
71 posts
sarisosrWe...
50 posts

connect with these online bumpies
PhilaPhan kschref
ttuprincess jbatch
KateMinota bosha711
mnbv9502! Spooko
Jkearney0418 bridge2005
classybride143 La Olivia
slcamacho mattsgirl2004
holly753 ABs0710
KateMW dbucks
Mrs. Mo morsecodejo
zigspective saullen54
lex52890 samjen2010
caitlynh Abbystorkel
shephotogs Enndea
msspeedymarie apollonia10
From The Nest Boards:
"Finding couple friends?"
marinomelissa on Relationships

"Favorite pumpkin recipes?"
laurasr1984 on What's Cooking?