You cannot tell people to send cash, checks or gift cards.  It is rude.  I would let your mom know that although you appreciate her wanting to have a shower for you it is completely unnecessary and would cause more stress then it would be worth.  If people want to get you gifts for the baby and they know you well enough to know you will be living in Hawaii then they will know they will have to send the gift.  Hopefully, they will figure out that it is less expensive to send a card with a giftcard or check in it then sending the actual gift.

This situation isn't unique - it happens all the time with bridal shower and baby showers.  It will probably happen to me when I'm pregnant and my mother insists on a shower.

It's inappropriate to ask for cash or gift cards.  If you want don't physical gifts, which is the sole purpose of a shower, then you should say no to the shower.  What about just having people over, hanging out, and getting to see you and your husband during the holiday season?  Don't make it about a baby.

However, if people do give you gifts, it is up to YOU to get them home.  It's not fair to pass the buck to anyone else.  You are free to return it and use the credit or whatever you want, but you can't go around dictating too much about gifts people want to give you.  

Unfortunately there is no way to put that on an invitation without being rude. Honestly, I think you should just forego on the shower.  Furthermore, if you parents can't pay their bills, spending money to throw you a party really is the last thing they need to be doing.  Firmly tell them no and be done with it.

rhubarb123:

You cannot tell people to send cash, checks or gift cards.  It is rude.  I would let your mom know that although you appreciate her wanting to have a shower for you it is completely unnecessary and would cause more stress then it would be worth.  If people want to get you gifts for the baby and they know you well enough to know you will be living in Hawaii then they will know they will have to send the gift.  Hopefully, they will figure out that it is less expensive to send a card with a giftcard or check in it then sending the actual gift.

But you missed the point- *nobody* knows that we will be living in Hawaii, except my parents. By the time we have everything figured it out it will be Christmas, right before when she wants to have the shower, and we don't want to tell anyone about the move until we actually have a solid plan. At this point, things are not set, and the last thing we need is everyone asking us a million questions that we don't have answers to.

Additionally, I never said that we were going to tell them to send cash/checks/gift cards, just that I wanted to ask for there to be no gifts at all, and I am looking for advice on how to phrase it to avoid exactly that- the impression that I'm asking for cash and being rude.

I've already spoken with my mom about this and about the stress of the whole thing, but like I said, this is her only chance to do something like this (this is my first and if my brother ever gets married or has kids, she mostly likely won't be the one throwing the shower) and I don't feel right taking that away from her. So we are having the shower. My mom's feelings matter more to me than the stress at the moment, and I'm just looking for a way to minimize the stress. I'm looking at the shower as a chance to see everybody before the baby is born and before our move, since the absolute earliest we could get home after this trip is Christmas 2013, and even that isn't definite. There will most likely be more people at the shower than will be at Christmas, because some of the family has been doing their own thing and won't be there, particularly the ones with small children and who live farther away. So at this point, I don't really want to give up the chance to everyone that I might not get to see otherwise. 

So, that being said, does anybody have any actual advice on how I can phrase something on the invitation that makes it clear that we really can't have them bringing gifts to the shower, or shipping them to our current address, without it coming off negatively? 

starshineamator:

Additionally, I never said that we were going to tell them to send cash/checks/gift cards, just that I wanted to ask for there to be no gifts at all, and I am looking for advice on how to phrase it to avoid exactly that- the impression that I'm asking for cash and being rude.

I've already spoken with my mom about this and about the stress of the whole thing, but like I said, this is her only chance to do something like this (this is my first and if my brother ever gets married or has kids, she mostly likely won't be the one throwing the shower) and I don't feel right taking that away from her. So we are having the shower. My mom's feelings matter more to me than the stress at the moment, and I'm just looking for a way to minimize the stress. I'm looking at the shower as a chance to see everybody before the baby is born and before our move, since the absolute earliest we could get home after this trip is Christmas 2013, and even that isn't definite. There will most likely be more people at the shower than will be at Christmas, because some of the family has been doing their own thing and won't be there, particularly the ones with small children and who live farther away. So at this point, I don't really want to give up the chance to everyone that I might not get to see otherwise. 

So, that being said, does anybody have any actual advice on how I can phrase something on the invitation that makes it clear that we really can't have them bringing gifts to the shower, or shipping them to our current address, without it coming off negatively? 

Your words from the OP: If people want to give us checks, or gift cards (Amazon would be great because they have everything for so much cheaper than stores plus free super saver shipping, even to Hawaii!), then that would be helpful, but anything else would just cause more stress. But how do I write that on the invitation without sounding ungrateful or greedy?  

Furthermore, we aren't missing the point, you are.  You said your parents have NO money.  You have NO way to get gifts to where you are going.  A shower is not some life changing event like a wedding or having a baby.  You and your mom are putting way to much importance on a baby shower. 

starshineamator:

rhubarb123:

You cannot tell people to send cash, checks or gift cards.  It is rude.  I would let your mom know that although you appreciate her wanting to have a shower for you it is completely unnecessary and would cause more stress then it would be worth.  If people want to get you gifts for the baby and they know you well enough to know you will be living in Hawaii then they will know they will have to send the gift.  Hopefully, they will figure out that it is less expensive to send a card with a giftcard or check in it then sending the actual gift.

But you missed the point- *nobody* knows that we will be living in Hawaii, except my parents. By the time we have everything figured it out it will be Christmas, right before when she wants to have the shower, and we don't want to tell anyone about the move until we actually have a solid plan. At this point, things are not set, and the last thing we need is everyone asking us a million questions that we don't have answers to.

Additionally, I never said that we were going to tell them to send cash/checks/gift cards, just that I wanted to ask for there to be no gifts at all, and I am looking for advice on how to phrase it to avoid exactly that- the impression that I'm asking for cash and being rude.

I've already spoken with my mom about this and about the stress of the whole thing, but like I said, this is her only chance to do something like this (this is my first and if my brother ever gets married or has kids, she mostly likely won't be the one throwing the shower) and I don't feel right taking that away from her. So we are having the shower. My mom's feelings matter more to me than the stress at the moment, and I'm just looking for a way to minimize the stress. I'm looking at the shower as a chance to see everybody before the baby is born and before our move, since the absolute earliest we could get home after this trip is Christmas 2013, and even that isn't definite. There will most likely be more people at the shower than will be at Christmas, because some of the family has been doing their own thing and won't be there, particularly the ones with small children and who live farther away. So at this point, I don't really want to give up the chance to everyone that I might not get to see otherwise. 

So, that being said, does anybody have any actual advice on how I can phrase something on the invitation that makes it clear that we really can't have them bringing gifts to the shower, or shipping them to our current address, without it coming off negatively? 

So what other options would be there if there are no physical gifts, but to give cash/gift cards etc?

I'm sorry, but I agree with the previous posters...there is no polite way to say that, even if your plans are not solidified and your intentions are well meaning. You should probably not be having a shower. Or just plan to pay some big bucks to ship the gifts back to wherever you're going to be living.

Just let people get you gifts and, if it's really such a burden to have them, return them to the store(s) for store credit.

You aren't as special as you might think, it's pretty common.  Honestly, anyone you are close enough to invite to a baby shower should know you live on the west coast and therefore not buy anything big and bulky for you to have to take back with you.  If they don't know where you live, they probably shouldn't be at your shower. 

There's no polite way to say it.

Bliss+Berry:

Your words from the OP: If people want to give us checks, or gift cards (Amazon would be great because they have everything for so much cheaper than stores plus free super saver shipping, even to Hawaii!), then that would be helpful, but anything else would just cause more stress. But how do I write that on the invitation without sounding ungrateful or greedy?  

Furthermore, we aren't missing the point, you are.  You said your parents have NO money.  You have NO way to get gifts to where you are going.  A shower is not some life changing event like a wedding or having a baby.  You and your mom are putting way to much importance on a baby shower. 

Yes, obviously checks and gift cards would be helpful. But the whole purpose of me stating it was that I don't want to say that and I don't want people to think that we are asking for that. I'm trying to NOT be rude, impolite, ungrateful, greedy, etc., and I thought I had made that clear from the very first post because I didn't even want the shower anyways!

The point is that this is really the only chance that the family has to celebrate the baby with us at all. It isn't important to me to have one, so how I'm putting too much importance on it I'm not sure. It IS important to her and she's already made it clear that not having one isn't an option, so what else am I supposed to do? Get into a fight with her about it? It isn't worth it to me to fight with her and make her upset. She's already dealing with enough as it is with me being so far away, even worse now that I'm pregnant and so far away and she doesn't get to be a part of it, us potentially being even farther away, and now having a grandchild that she'll be lucky to see once a year. So if this one thing makes it even a little bit better for her, what kind of person am I to insist on taking that away from her?! She isn't renting a fancy hall and getting it professionally catered; we are having it at the house, will make the food ourselves, and aren't having any crazy shower games or decorations. At this point, it is more of a family reunion with the purpose of celebrating the baby than a traditional shower. 

BallSox:

You aren't as special as you might think, it's pretty common.  Honestly, anyone you are close enough to invite to a baby shower should know you live on the west coast and therefore not buy anything big and bulky for you to have to take back with you.  If they don't know where you live, they probably shouldn't be at your shower. 

There's no polite way to say it.

It isn't about us living on the west coast, it is about us moving off the mainland. Everyone knows where we live now, and they would think that the solution is just to buy it and have it shipped directly to us. Because of the situation that we are currently in, that isn't an option either. That is what makes it unique, in my opinion, not because we live far away, but because we are also most likely moving in a few months where taking our stuff with us isn't an option. Most people that move even to another state can bring things with them- we can't.

So we are having the shower. My mom's feelings matter more to me than the stress at the moment, and I'm just looking for a way to minimize the stress.

You aren't putting your moms feelings above stress.  You're putting her feelings above politeness and ALL your guests feelings.

Past that - if you don't want GIFTS, then DON"T HAVE A SHOWER.  That is what a shower is 100% about- showering the MTB w gifts.

If she wants to throw a party so everyone can see you - go for it.  But do not make it about the baby and do not call it a shower.

To call it a shower then tell people "we can't take/ship gifts home" is telling them "we want cash.

That is rude. 

"But given that we live on the west coast, we will have literally no way to take gifts back with us."

You can mail them back using the post office. Yes, it might be expensive, but that is to be factored into travel costs.

"On top of this, we are possibly moving out of the mainland (to Hawaii) in early 2013, and will not be able to bring much with us at all."

Work with the situation you have now. Take what you can to Hawaii if you end up moving there. Again, you can always ship items ahead of time or donate/sell whatever you can't bring with you to the islands.

"So it is really important that we stress that physical gifts just cannot happen."
That is the point of a shower. If you are worried about this then don't have a shower. Have a sip and see or meet the baby party when you give birth or shortly after.

It is boorish, tacky and in poor tastes to ask people for cash, check, cashier's check or any other form of anything. Whatever they buy you should be appreciated, and that's it. If you can't manage that then don't have a shower. Its not the end of the world. 

My mom spoke with my aunt last night and she suggested we just write a line on it that says "we are having a "gift card" only shower" without a whole explanation (which is what I wanted to do), since everyone who is invited is close to us and knows our current situation (west coast) and won't think it is strange or rude because they already understand that bringing things back would be incredibly difficult if not impossible (there are still wedding gifts at my parent's house that didn't make the move out here). Apparently my aunt has been to plenty of showers where people have written this and it wasn't an issue, and she has even been to one where they wrote it was a "cash only shower" and a "money shower" as well. She said this is pretty common. My aunt said that saying this is exactly the same as saying "registered at xyz" - both are expecting/asking for gifts and could be easily seen as rude. My mom didn't really like it at first, but the more they talked about it and the more she thought about it she said it has grown on her and she wants to say that. Any thoughts or experiences with something like this? 

starshineamator:

My mom spoke with my aunt last night and she suggested we just write a line on it that says "we are having a "gift card" only shower" without a whole explanation (which is what I wanted to do), since everyone who is invited is close to us and knows our current situation (west coast) and won't think it is strange or rude because they already understand that bringing things back would be incredibly difficult if not impossible (there are still wedding gifts at my parent's house that didn't make the move out here). Apparently my aunt has been to plenty of showers where people have written this and it wasn't an issue, and she has even been to one where they wrote it was a "cash only shower" as well. She said this is pretty common. My mom didn't really like it at first, but the more they talked about it and the more she thought about it she said it has grown on her and she wants to say that. Any thoughts or experiences with something like this? 

 Really? Seriously? Its tacky, rude and inappropriate no matter how you phrase it. You can't do cash only, gift certificate only, howeveryouphraseittotrytomakeitsoundbetter-only anything.

You show up to the shower, visit, eat, collect gifts and ship them home. If you can't do any of that then you don't get the shower. I really don't understand how this is difficult concept. 

starshineamator:

Bliss+Berry:

Your words from the OP: If people want to give us checks, or gift cards (Amazon would be great because they have everything for so much cheaper than stores plus free super saver shipping, even to Hawaii!), then that would be helpful, but anything else would just cause more stress. But how do I write that on the invitation without sounding ungrateful or greedy?  

Furthermore, we aren't missing the point, you are.  You said your parents have NO money.  You have NO way to get gifts to where you are going.  A shower is not some life changing event like a wedding or having a baby.  You and your mom are putting way to much importance on a baby shower. 

Yes, obviously checks and gift cards would be helpful. But the whole purpose of me stating it was that I don't want to say that and I don't want people to think that we are asking for that. I'm trying to NOT be rude, impolite, ungrateful, greedy, etc., and I thought I had made that clear from the very first post because I didn't even want the shower anyways!

The point is that this is really the only chance that the family has to celebrate the baby with us at all. It isn't important to me to have one, so how I'm putting too much importance on it I'm not sure. It IS important to her and she's already made it clear that not having one isn't an option, so what else am I supposed to do? Get into a fight with her about it? It isn't worth it to me to fight with her and make her upset. She's already dealing with enough as it is with me being so far away, even worse now that I'm pregnant and so far away and she doesn't get to be a part of it, us potentially being even farther away, and now having a grandchild that she'll be lucky to see once a year. So if this one thing makes it even a little bit better for her, what kind of person am I to insist on taking that away from her?! She isn't renting a fancy hall and getting it professionally catered; we are having it at the house, will make the food ourselves, and aren't having any crazy shower games or decorations. At this point, it is more of a family reunion with the purpose of celebrating the baby than a traditional shower. 

You can't have it both ways. Do the shower to make your mom happy and donate all the physical gifts to a women's shelter or sell them on craigslist if you want OR skip it all together. But you really can't pull off a shower where people are told that they can bring cash/gift cards or nothing else. Since you're FINE skipping it all together I'd just have it and sort out the gift situation later. Chances are you'll get a large number of gift cards anyways since you love across the country.

EastCoastBride:

So we are having the shower. My mom's feelings matter more to me than the stress at the moment, and I'm just looking for a way to minimize the stress.

You aren't putting your moms feelings above stress.  You're putting her feelings above politeness and ALL your guests feelings.

Past that - if you don't want GIFTS, then DON"T HAVE A SHOWER.  That is what a shower is 100% about- showering the MTB w gifts.

If she wants to throw a party so everyone can see you - go for it.  But do not make it about the baby and do not call it a shower.

To call it a shower then tell people "we can't take/ship gifts home" is telling them "we want cash.

That is rude. 

All of this. Don't register. Don't mention the baby in the invitation. Just have a nice celebration with your family. Then there's no stress about transporting gifts at all.

starshineamator:

My mom spoke with my aunt last night and she suggested we just write a line on it that says "we are having a "gift card" only shower" without a whole explanation (which is what I wanted to do), since everyone who is invited is close to us and knows our current situation (west coast) and won't think it is strange or rude because they already understand that bringing things back would be incredibly difficult if not impossible (there are still wedding gifts at my parent's house that didn't make the move out here). Apparently my aunt has been to plenty of showers where people have written this and it wasn't an issue, and she has even been to one where they wrote it was a "cash only shower" and a "money shower" as well. She said this is pretty common. My mom didn't really like it at first, but the more they talked about it and the more she thought about it she said it has grown on her and she wants to say that. Any thoughts or experiences with something like this? 

We've already told you that a gift card/cash shower isn't okay.

We've already told you that you can't dictate gifts.

I understand your situation, but I'd really try to take the baby out of the equation now because of your limitations.  Invite people over.  Have a party.  Have it be about seeing, hanging out and catching up with each other and that will cover you and the baby.

If people want to get you gifts, they will whether you have a shower or not.

starshineamator:

My mom spoke with my aunt last night and she suggested we just write a line on it that says "we are having a "gift card" only shower" without a whole explanation (which is what I wanted to do), since everyone who is invited is close to us and knows our current situation (west coast) and won't think it is strange or rude because they already understand that bringing things back would be incredibly difficult if not impossible (there are still wedding gifts at my parent's house that didn't make the move out here). Apparently my aunt has been to plenty of showers where people have written this and it wasn't an issue, and she has even been to one where they wrote it was a "cash only shower" and a "money shower" as well. She said this is pretty common. My aunt said that saying this is exactly the same as saying "registered at xyz" - both are expecting/asking for gifts and could be easily seen as rude. My mom didn't really like it at first, but the more they talked about it and the more she thought about it she said it has grown on her and she wants to say that. Any thoughts or experiences with something like this? 

No thoughts or experiences with this. I would probably be offended if I were invited to a "cash only" or "money" shower. Not only are you telling people what to give you, you are telling them to give you money. I would find that rude.

The registry is a suggestion. No one has to buy you anything off the registry. 

I guess I misread your original post.  So...your family and friends don't know you "might" be moving to Hawaii?  Is that it?  I mean, it sounds like they do know you live on the west coast...far from where your mom lives...right?  If that is the case then they should be able to use common sense and realize that things either need to be shipped directly to your West Coast address or give you a gift card.  If they don't, hopefully they use your registry and you can return stuff while still visiting your mom and then rebuy it in Hawaii (or wherever you will be).

I do agree with others that you should not call it a shower if you don't want gifts.  If people know you are PG they will most likely bring a gift anyway (hopefully it can be returned or you'll be able to transport it home).  You said you aren't bringing luggage...but maybe you can buy or borrow a suitcase of your mom's to transfer small items to the West Coast.  Be sure your mom keeps it small...that way there won't be too many items.  It is possible people will just wait until after you have the baby to send a gift (since you will only be 22 weeks they might not even "think" gift at this time - unless your mom insists on calling it a shower).  Then you can let them know it is possible you might be moving to Hawaii.  After that they can decide if they want to send something just before the baby is due or after - hopefully you'll be able to update everyone as to your living arrangements once they are firm.

starshineamator:

My mom spoke with my aunt last night and she suggested we just write a line on it that says "we are having a "gift card" only shower" without a whole explanation (which is what I wanted to do), since everyone who is invited is close to us and knows our current situation (west coast) and won't think it is strange or rude because they already understand that bringing things back would be incredibly difficult if not impossible (there are still wedding gifts at my parent's house that didn't make the move out here). Apparently my aunt has been to plenty of showers where people have written this and it wasn't an issue, and she has even been to one where they wrote it was a "cash only shower" and a "money shower" as well. She said this is pretty common. My aunt said that saying this is exactly the same as saying "registered at xyz" - both are expecting/asking for gifts and could be easily seen as rude. My mom didn't really like it at first, but the more they talked about it and the more she thought about it she said it has grown on her and she wants to say that. Any thoughts or experiences with something like this? 

Oh, FFS, a money shower?  No, sorry that is nothing like saying registered at xyz.  At all. 

starshineamator:

My mom spoke with my aunt last night and she suggested we just write a line on it that says "we are having a "gift card" only shower" without a whole explanation (which is what I wanted to do), since everyone who is invited is close to us and knows our current situation (west coast) and won't think it is strange or rude because they already understand that bringing things back would be incredibly difficult if not impossible (there are still wedding gifts at my parent's house that didn't make the move out here). Apparently my aunt has been to plenty of showers where people have written this and it wasn't an issue, and she has even been to one where they wrote it was a "cash only shower" and a "money shower" as well. She said this is pretty common. My aunt said that saying this is exactly the same as saying "registered at xyz" - both are expecting/asking for gifts and could be easily seen as rude. My mom didn't really like it at first, but the more they talked about it and the more she thought about it she said it has grown on her and she wants to say that. Any thoughts or experiences with something like this? 

Yes, my thought is that telling people you are having a "gift card only" shower is one of the tackiest things I have ever heard of. Please just don't do it.

I've been reading this and trying to be open minded to your situation but you just keep digging the hole deeper and deeper.  Case in point:

My mom spoke with my aunt last night and she suggested we just write a line on it that says "we are having a "gift card" only shower"

I have NEVER heard of such of thing and if I was invited to one of these, it would make me very uncomfortable.  Here's why:  People don't alway shop off a registry. I a guarantee that I got many gifts (nice gifts) from people from places like Marshalls, TJ Maxx, off the clearance rack somewhere, etc.  (In fact, I just bought a $20 Carters blanket for $5 at Marshalls). They may have only been able to spend $10 but were able to get items that looked like they spent much more.  To have to hand you a gift card for a nominal amount knowing that others might gift you more, could be very uncomfortable for people.  (Don't say you won't read the amounts out loud - they know that you know how much they spent compared to others.)

I'm sorry, I truly think the only option for you if your mom is insisting on throwing you a shower and you want to honor that, is take the gifts people give you and return them for store credit or find a way to ship them back.  Everything other option seems tacky and gift grabby and places too much burden on your guests.

Why don't you ask your mom if she would be ok with having the baby shower after the baby is born? It might be complicated because you might be living far away but I'm just trying to help. Things might be settled by then. Just an idea and I've got lots of friends who've done this. If not, I would decline all together. I didn't have one with my first or second.

starshineamator:

My mom spoke with my aunt last night and she suggested we just write a line on it that says "we are having a "gift card" only shower" without a whole explanation (which is what I wanted to do), since everyone who is invited is close to us and knows our current situation (west coast) and won't think it is strange or rude because they already understand that bringing things back would be incredibly difficult if not impossible (there are still wedding gifts at my parent's house that didn't make the move out here). Apparently my aunt has been to plenty of showers where people have written this and it wasn't an issue, and she has even been to one where they wrote it was a "cash only shower" and a "money shower" as well. She said this is pretty common. My aunt said that saying this is exactly the same as saying "registered at xyz" - both are expecting/asking for gifts and could be easily seen as rude. My mom didn't really like it at first, but the more they talked about it and the more she thought about it she said it has grown on her and she wants to say that. Any thoughts or experiences with something like this? 

I can't think of anything more tacky honestly.  A registry is a suggestion - similar to giving people ideas if they ask.  Telling people gift cards/cash/etc. only is more than a suggestion - it's making it sound mandatory.  Definitely not the same. 

If you don't want to tell everyone about your situation and you don't want gifts, you have to forego the shower.  I'd just host a party and not call it a shower -- People will congratulate you and your mom on the baby anyway, and then you won't have to worry about the presents.

starshineamator:

My mom spoke with my aunt last night and she suggested we just write a line on it that says "we are having a "gift card" only shower" without a whole explanation (which is what I wanted to do), since everyone who is invited is close to us and knows our current situation (west coast) and won't think it is strange or rude because they already understand that bringing things back would be incredibly difficult if not impossible (there are still wedding gifts at my parent's house that didn't make the move out here). Apparently my aunt has been to plenty of showers where people have written this and it wasn't an issue, and she has even been to one where they wrote it was a "cash only shower" and a "money shower" as well. She said this is pretty common. My aunt said that saying this is exactly the same as saying "registered at xyz" - both are expecting/asking for gifts and could be easily seen as rude. My mom didn't really like it at first, but the more they talked about it and the more she thought about it she said it has grown on her and she wants to say that. Any thoughts or experiences with something like this? 

You are not understanding what these ladies are saying to you. It is rude to ask for money, gift cards, a showers purpose is to shower you with gifts not to say shower us with money. Get over yourself and realize that you should turn down the "shower" and move on. I've NEVER seen a "cash only" shower...I would not participate.

Im probably going to get flamed for this but its your family. You know how you guys do things and how it will be viewed by your family.

If your mom really wants to throw a shower and have the invitations say gift card only let her. People might still bring a regular gift because they want to but I bet most will understand and be happy to give you the gifts you need rather than what they want.

Ill be having a second shower for this baby because within my family and friends that's what we do. We celebrate every child not just the first one. In fact im helping throw a friends shower for her third. So while this board has great advise in general it does not have all the answers for what is right in every situation.

Congratulations on your baby and potential move!

ByeByeBooze:

Just let people get you gifts and, if it's really such a burden to have them, return them to the store(s) for store credit.

This. I totally get your situation and that you aren't the one who is pushing for the shower. That said, most people know the etiquette is to (a) use a registry and (b) include a gift receipt.  

So, I suggest you (a) register, (b) put at the registry list, "Gift cards welcome", (c) Don't register for ANYTHING large, (just things like bibs and clothes, which are small), and then you can return anything you don't feel like transporting to wherever it is you end up.  Heck, do it the day after the shower.  It's a hassle, but you could leave one or two stores with a good gift card and maybe just take an outfit or two that would fit in your own luggage.

However, other than registering and dropping hints that way, there is no polite way to tell people, "give us gift cards/cash."  None. 

Bliss+Berry:

Unfortunately there is no way to put that on an invitation without being rude. Honestly, I think you should just forego on the shower.  Furthermore, if you parents can't pay their bills, spending money to throw you a party really is the last thing they need to be doing.  Firmly tell them no and be done with it.

All of this.

I live in Nc and my shower is in STL. We are flying for the shower, I don't think I could handle a 15 hr drive at 30 weeks pregnant! 

I registered at amazon and diapers.com, both are online only with free shipping. So far people have been buying off the registry and shipping us the gifts. Whoever brings a gift to the shower , we will just ship it back ourselves. Everyone knows we are traveling though.