You cannot tell people to send cash, checks or gift cards. It is rude. I would let your mom know that although you appreciate her wanting to have a shower for you it is completely unnecessary and would cause more stress then it would be worth. If people want to get you gifts for the baby and they know you well enough to know you will be living in Hawaii then they will know they will have to send the gift. Hopefully, they will figure out that it is less expensive to send a card with a giftcard or check in it then sending the actual gift.
But you missed the point- *nobody* knows that we will be living in Hawaii, except my parents. By the time we have everything figured it out it will be Christmas, right before when she wants to have the shower, and we don't want to tell anyone about the move until we actually have a solid plan. At this point, things are not set, and the last thing we need is everyone asking us a million questions that we don't have answers to.
Additionally, I never said that we were going to tell them to send cash/checks/gift cards, just that I wanted to ask for there to be no gifts at all, and I am looking for advice on how to phrase it to avoid exactly that- the impression that I'm asking for cash and being rude.
I've already spoken with my mom about this and about the stress of the whole thing, but like I said, this is her only chance to do something like this (this is my first and if my brother ever gets married or has kids, she mostly likely won't be the one throwing the shower) and I don't feel right taking that away from her. So we are having the shower. My mom's feelings matter more to me than the stress at the moment, and I'm just looking for a way to minimize the stress. I'm looking at the shower as a chance to see everybody before the baby is born and before our move, since the absolute earliest we could get home after this trip is Christmas 2013, and even that isn't definite. There will most likely be more people at the shower than will be at Christmas, because some of the family has been doing their own thing and won't be there, particularly the ones with small children and who live farther away. So at this point, I don't really want to give up the chance to everyone that I might not get to see otherwise.
So, that being said, does anybody have any actual advice on how I can phrase something on the invitation that makes it clear that we really can't have them bringing gifts to the shower, or shipping them to our current address, without it coming off negatively?