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11-12-2012 at 1:56 PM
MrsMuq
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NBR: Etiquette/tacky question

How do I very politely explain to a MOH that it's extremely tacky to expect ppl to pay for their own food and drinks at a bridal shower???
Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Daisypath Anniversary tickers "The strong look for more strength; the weak look for excuses." 
11-12-2012 at 1:59 PM
Joy2611
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I wouldn't try to beat around the bush - I'd be straight with her.  Hosting a party means you host food, drink and entertainment for the guests.  Look at your budget, see how many people can adequately food, water and entertain and only invite that many people.

You could also send her here (or the Knot) and have her ask how to politely tell people to pay for their stuff at the party and she'll get about four pages worth of women telling her she's insane.  

Which would she be more responsive to?  :-)

** Your use of the apostrophe to pluralize words is making my eyes bleed. ** 
11-12-2012 at 2:05 PM
1026pumpki...
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Joy2611:

I wouldn't try to beat around the bush - I'd be straight with her.  Hosting a party means you host food, drink and entertainment for the guests.  Look at your budget, see how many people can adequately food, water and entertain and only invite that many people.

You could also send her here (or the Knot) and have her ask how to politely tell people to pay for their stuff at the party and she'll get about four pages worth of women telling her she's insane.  

Which would she be more responsive to?  :-)

This!  You could also suggest a punch and cake shower (not during a meal time)- you can get a giant sheet cake from Costco for about $20 and with punch, coffee, tea, probably keep the whole food budget under $50.
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11-12-2012 at 2:22 PM
MrsMuq
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1026pumpkin:
Joy2611:

I wouldn't try to beat around the bush - I'd be straight with her.  Hosting a party means you host food, drink and entertainment for the guests.  Look at your budget, see how many people can adequately food, water and entertain and only invite that many people.

You could also send her here (or the Knot) and have her ask how to politely tell people to pay for their stuff at the party and she'll get about four pages worth of women telling her she's insane.  

Which would she be more responsive to?  :-)

This!  You could also suggest a punch and cake shower (not during a meal time)- you can get a giant sheet cake from Costco for about $20 and with punch, coffee, tea, probably keep the whole food budget under $50.

This! Excellent idea! Thank you!

And FYI: all the other bridesmaids agree the MOH is being extremely tacky. She just doesn't seem to get it...

Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Daisypath Anniversary tickers "The strong look for more strength; the weak look for excuses." 
11-12-2012 at 2:23 PM
Estwd2
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Definitely don't beat around the bush. It's not acceptable, period. BUT, I have to ask, did this MOH offer to host a shower or is it just tradition in your circle for the MOH to host? I'm only asking because if she literally does not have the money to host, she shouldn't be the hostess. It's not traditional in my circle for the MOH to host, but I know many people expect that this is her role. If that's the case, did she know that prior? If it's a money thing she can either significantly cut back on costs, like with a very small shower at home, or back out.
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11-12-2012 at 2:29 PM
MrsMuq
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She's not a friend. I don't even know her, so I have no idea. Me and the other BMs are friends of the bride from college, but, we all live out of state from the bride and where the shower is supposed to be held, hence the dilemma.

I've been asking her what she needs/wants help with for 8 weeks. I've gotten no response. It's very frustrating.

Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Daisypath Anniversary tickers "The strong look for more strength; the weak look for excuses." 
11-12-2012 at 2:41 PM
Estwd2
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MrsMuq:
She's not a friend. I don't even know her, so I have no idea. Me and the other BMs are friends of the bride from college, but, we all live out of state from the bride and where the shower is supposed to be held, hence the dilemma.I've been asking her what she needs/wants help with for 8 weeks. I've gotten no response. It's very frustrating.
Ugh, that's tough. Are you all hostesses or is she the hostess? If it's just her, you can definitely tell her, but in the end it's her party. If it's all of you, you should all be in agreement, especially if you're all contributing financially. She sounds like a PITA. Sorry.
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