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11-15-2012 at 1:10 PM
rnfromtn
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I know I sound bratty...

but I am so tired of my inlaws offering to come over and "hold the baby" after the baby is born.  I am so jealous of you guys who have mom's and inlaws who offer to come over and HELP.  I know my dad will come over to help if I wanted, but I honestly think I will be fine.  I just get irritated that people expect to come over so I can pretty much be a hostess while they are here enjoying the baby and while I am tired and recovering from delivery.  Thank goodness it is going to be flu season and I can be a little guarded about a lot of people coming over.  Just a quick vent.  Thanks.  Flame away ladies.

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11-15-2012 at 1:18 PM
MommyLujan
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I'm beginning to get irritated with people offering to "babysit" as well. It's kind of them to try and help but I fully intend on spending as much time with LO as possible for the first few months. A friend of mine told her daughters that she was going to be watching my baby girl a couple weeks after I had her. Um... no?


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11-15-2012 at 1:35 PM
jiffy-pop
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After having DD, I really didn't want company because I felt like I couldn't relax and rest even if it was just my mom. Just having DH around to help was enough and I couldn't have done it without him. Although, someone dropping off a meal was super helpful!

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11-15-2012 at 1:40 PM
dandlelyon
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You don't sound bratty AT ALL!  No flames coming from this direction.

ETA:  I learned from the first go around that I ahve a hard time relaxing with others "helping" as well.  We are going to be saying thanks, but no thanks to a lot of the offers.  We will say please and thank you for the food though!!


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11-15-2012 at 1:41 PM
mabenner1
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No flames!  If people want to come, they'd better be doing your cooking and cleaning while you get to feed and bond with your LO. I don't understand how oblivious people can be--they just want to barge into someone's home (someone who just gave birth!), and expect them to cater to them...blows my mind.

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11-15-2012 at 2:00 PM
rnfromtn
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Thanks ladies! My MIL recently made a comment about visiting SIL after she had her baby about how she "came over and held the baby for 2 hrs because she is the GM and that is what GM's get to do." Uh, not in this house. My SIL has been very sweet offering to help me "get ready for LO 2" eventhough she has 2 kiddos herself. I know we will be fine, just don't like people assuming they can just come over and plop down with my nb while I cater to them being "guests"

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11-15-2012 at 2:06 PM
choppinbro...
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No, no flames from me. I feel you. This is what happened with my first. I did dishes and laundry and cleaned the house while my mother held my daughter. However, it also stresses me out to have my mother clean for me while I sit, so, this time it's going to be different. I have a growing list of projects and things that I can keep her busy with, which I feel are appropriate for someone her age and which I am willing to let her do. She is planning on camping out for 5 weeks, so it's totally necessary to plan how I'm not going to blow up on her. :)


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11-15-2012 at 2:22 PM
drpayne
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In our birthing class last time around, our teacher said the rule is "Mom takes care of baby and everyone else takes care of mom."  Makes sense to me and I think most people know this.  For those who don't, maybe DH can help intercept.

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11-15-2012 at 3:02 PM
Kern91
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I don't think your vent is bratty at all! My in laws came over last time which was not even 5 mins after I got home and all I wanted to do was sit on the couch, eat something and then stare at baby and soak it in for a little while then take a nice long shower at home...ohhh but no I couldnt even do that once they came over it was mass confusion! I barley ate anything my mother in law had baby in a half poop diaper in her bed!! and the changing table was right behind her and yelling for my husband because she didnt know how to change a "girls" diaper! There was poo everywhere and I didn't understand why should would do that if she "didnt know how". I was pretty pissed! I think I took a shower at like midnight that night which wasnt how I pictured that going down!

I already told my husband we are to not tell anyone when we come home until I'm all ready for visitors. They can just assume we are still at the hospital.


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11-15-2012 at 3:15 PM
sozimek
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Got the same offer for "help" but my MIL wants me to go to her house so she can hold baby while i nap. UMM I will not be sleeping in her bed while the baby hangin her smoke filled house. 

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11-15-2012 at 3:23 PM
KailaAK
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I agree with everyone, I don't think this is bratty or flammable at all and if it is then I'll join ya. 

I'm super worried about my overbearing mother..she lives less than a mile away from us and I know is going to be a major baby hog. I already had to kind of blow up on her once for already pulling the "well I'm the grandma" crap. Hopefully she learned her lesson and eases up once LO actually comes but I doubt it.. =/  


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11-15-2012 at 3:38 PM
mrstorrest...
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jiffy-pop:
After having DD, I really didn't want company because I felt like I couldn't relax and rest even if it was just my mom. Just having DH around to help was enough and I couldn't have done it without him. Although, someone dropping off a meal was super helpful!

This EXACTLY.  Except, no one brought us any meals :/  DH was cooking all 3 meals a day for us for a full week.  He was seriously awesome.


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11-15-2012 at 3:41 PM
AimeeL85
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I agree.  Why do people think the last thing you'll want to do after you give birth is hold your baby yourself?

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11-15-2012 at 4:14 PM
Chocodoxie...
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My response to those comments is, "Lord knows I won't need help holding her. She will weigh like 7lbs. However... my laundry is really heavy!". Then laugh. 

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11-15-2012 at 4:19 PM
mejane123
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sozimek:
Got the same offer for "help" but my MIL wants me to go to her housenbsp;so she can hold baby while i nap. UMMnbsp;I will not be sleeping in her bed whilenbsp;the baby hangin her smoke filled house.nbsp;


Uh...how can she possibly think you packing the baby and all the baby stuff up and driving to her house and napping in a strange bed is helping you alleviate stress?
 
11-15-2012 at 4:22 PM
froggystom...
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You ladies have made me very happy I chose to continue apartment living. Control access doors means when the pushy starts- I simply don't have to let them in. 

 


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11-15-2012 at 4:31 PM
Lotus1279
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If they want to come over to clean or cook for you, sure by all means. But let the Mama, Dad and siblings if there are any bond with the new babe. You dont need people coming over to hold your baby, you need help.

 
11-15-2012 at 5:32 PM
MrsMuq
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rnfromtn:
but I am so tired of my inlaws offering to come over and "hold the baby" after the baby is born.  I am so jealous of you guys who have mom's and inlaws who offer to come over and HELP.  I know my dad will come over to help if I wanted, but I honestly think I will be fine.  I just get irritated that people expect to come over so I can pretty much be a hostess while they are here enjoying the baby and while I am tired and recovering from delivery.  Thank goodness it is going to be flu season and I can be a little guarded about a lot of people coming over.  Just a quick vent.  Thanks.  Flame away ladies.

When I was 36w pregnant, my DH politely called all immediate family members and stated we would not be having any guests the first week home, that we would not be "hosting" people to come "see" the baby, and that I would be BFing, so no one would be visiting for extended periods of time.

We had very few hiccups after that. :)

GL!


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11-15-2012 at 6:20 PM
FirstBabyM...
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I don't think you sound bratty, I don't want to play hostess either. And last time, I just....didn't. People came over to visit and my house was a mess, both DH and I were exhausted and in sweats, we had nothing much to serve them (maybe water) and not one person complained. Honestly, it was kind of nice to have people around to "hold the baby" because it meant I could shower or nap!

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11-15-2012 at 6:33 PM
HappyMama3...
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Chocodoxies:
My response to those comments is, "Lord knows I won't need help holding her. She will weigh like 7lbs. However... my laundry is really heavy!". Then laugh. 

This sounds like a good response to me!  My MIL and FIL are amazing and will be here for a few weeks after LO arrives.  They cook, clean, hold baby when asked, and watch my other little ones too.  They are very understanding of the postpartum time (they had five kids!)  Hope you get the help you need!


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11-15-2012 at 7:01 PM
MrsBigTime
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You definitely don't sound bratty! You want to spend time with your baby!

I've been stressing about the same thing for months. My MIL has been saying for years that she will "take my baby until she's two" because that's what her family did (crock of sh*t, btw) and I know that when she comes to visit all she is going to want to do is hold the baby. I can see her trying to do everything for the baby and not letting me, and especially my DH, have the opportunity to care for our daughter ourselves. 

I wanted to try to honor her being a grandma for the first time, but I have finally come to a place within myself that if she can't honor my requests as a FTM, she will just have to go along with my plans or leave. 

Thankfully, my DH is on the same page as me, and I've been already talking about ways our visitors can help us while we are at home (grocery shopping, light cleaning, cooking, freezing meals). I've made it pretty clear that anyone who is to visit may visit with the baby, but it is our job to take care of her and anyone wanting to help can help take care of us not her.

Hopefully things will go more smoothly than I imagine them going in my head, but in the end, I guess it will be our first step in Mama-bear-hood and putting our feet down for what we feel is right for our children (and parents having those precious first weeks and days to bond with their new babies is absolutely what is right!).

11-15-2012 at 8:14 PM
laurakaz13
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MrsMuq:

rnfromtn:
but I am so tired of my inlaws offering to come over and "hold the baby" after the baby is born.  I am so jealous of you guys who have mom's and inlaws who offer to come over and HELP.  I know my dad will come over to help if I wanted, but I honestly think I will be fine.  I just get irritated that people expect to come over so I can pretty much be a hostess while they are here enjoying the baby and while I am tired and recovering from delivery.  Thank goodness it is going to be flu season and I can be a little guarded about a lot of people coming over.  Just a quick vent.  Thanks.  Flame away ladies.

When I was 36w pregnant, my DH politely called all immediate family members and stated we would not be having any guests the first week home, that we would not be "hosting" people to come "see" the baby, and that I would be BFing, so no one would be visiting for extended periods of time.

We had very few hiccups after that. :)

GL!

Your DH is awesome!  Mine ensured our guests helped around the house and that's it.  If I wanted a break from the baby, I would let them know.  Luckily our families live far away, and are actually very respectful. 


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11-15-2012 at 8:32 PM
Kingston54
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I just ignore everything eveyrone says and take confidence in the fact that once I have the baby, I will make all decisions about who comes, how long they stay, etc.  And for sure - I will not be waiting on anyone when they come over.

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11-15-2012 at 8:38 PM
mrsneau
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seriously what is wrong with people? didn't they have babies at one time or another? we will be needing help, not someone to come "take over" and mother our children for us wtf

 

 

 


 
11-15-2012 at 9:11 PM
pitterpatt...
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Chocodoxies:
My response to those comments is, "Lord knows I won't need help holding her. She will weigh like 7lbs. However... my laundry is really heavy!". Then laugh. 

This is the best response ever and I totally plan on stealing it!  At least this time, I can just be like, "How about you take DS to the park to play?" since I'll have a two year old running wild while I'm dying for nap. :)

 


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11-15-2012 at 9:50 PM
thehauffam...
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I don't think you sound crazy!  I'm sorry your MIL is being like that.  I have to say my mom and nana (both live within a mile or so from us) have both volunteered to come over and do laundry (I won't be able to get up and down the stairs after my c/s) and bring us supper.  My mom has also offered to come and get the kids when she or my dad get off work.  I know they will be over to see baby and dropping off supper is just an excuse to come over and see baby.  But they will help and I know that.  Plus I'll need a few breaks and if they come over help and then hold the baby while I take a shower or take a much needed nap while watching my other 2 I'm ok with that :)  

 

I hope your Hubby steps in or you can find a polite way to tell everyone to stay away!!!   


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11-16-2012 at 6:19 AM
Linnya
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You don't sound bratty.  Your feelings are understandable.  However, don't discount how nice it might be to have someone loving cuddle your baby while you take a nap or get a shower. I know they say "sleep when the baby sleeps", but that just isn't always possible.  And I can tell you there have been many times when my boys were tiny that a peaceful, long, hot shower was more desirable than anything else.

Guests, even grandparents, are not obligated to do your laundry, dishes, etc.  It is a very kind thing for someone to do, but a little unrealistic to expect it.  If you have guests who expect you to play "hostess" while they put their feet up with baby...well, that is unrealistic on their part, too.  A house with a new baby is all about the new baby.  Usually that means things slide a little with housework.  You shouldn't be expected to "entertain" anyone.  I see nothing wrong with telling someone to help themselves to a drink from the fridge or a cup of tea or whatever. 


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11-16-2012 at 10:07 AM
ashcody2
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My fiance's parents INFORMED me that they will be coming and staying for a week (a week!) after LO is born, I wouldn't even want my own mother there for that long, let alone my fiance's mother & stepfather! His stepfather is one of those types "this is how it's going to be..." and it's annoying. I honestly have thought about not even telling them the baby is born until after I've been home for a couple of days, terrible I know!

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11-16-2012 at 4:18 PM
jvdavisbab...
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I wish I could be like all you ladies!! my family all lives out of state.... they are all flying here before EDD so they can all be here when she is born.... and they all HATE eachother.... seriously none of them have been in the same room together in like.... ever lol (bad divorce and stepmom and mom do not get along whatsoever) I wish I could tell them I don't want anyone here until she is home for a few weeks. I need to grow some balls.


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