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11-19-2012 at 9:39 AM
rpalen29
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moms- Q about hospital and pushy family members

I'm wondering when you called or notified your immediate family about starting contractions/labor, or if you would change anything or wait. With my SIL, she's called them when shes situated in the hospital, and close in contractions, almost in active labor. When the baby is immediately here, she calls all of the family members in. All 3 instances with her children, my FIL's gf has pushed everyone else out of the way, to be the first to hold the baby. This really upset my SIL, and I don't want the same thing to happen to me.

I also read posts where family members don't leave, and are shooed out of the room once she starts pushing, and a minute later is back in the room holding the baby for the next 5 hours. I feel like that might be a possibility with some of my family members. I love my family, but I think labor, and the first few hours of the baby being here should be for the parents. How did you deal with pushy family members?


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11-19-2012 at 9:46 AM
BoatsNHoes
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I made it absolutely clear there'd be no guests in my room during any part of my labor except my husband.  They knew I was there and both ILs and my parents waited most of the day in the waiting room.  They came in an hour-an hour and a half after DD was born and we did skin to skin, nursed, vitals, etc.  I wouldn't change a single thing.  I didn't want anyone but us there as we met out little one.  Nurses are wonderful if your family is pushy.  They will literally make up some reasons to get them out of the room, and your pushy family can't really argue with the medical staff.  Well they can but it's not going to get them far.  Bonus is that the nurse is the bad guy, not you.  I really suggest making a plan ahead of time and standing firm on it.

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11-19-2012 at 9:46 AM
mabenner1
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If you have pushy family members, don't call them until LO is born and you've bonded. It is that easy. If they find out you're in labor and come to the hospital uninvited, advise the hospital staff and they won't let them back. The L&D department/floor usually isn't open to just anyone-our is locked down, and you have to be buzzed and escorted back by a nurse.

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11-19-2012 at 9:49 AM
cmhicklin
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The nurses wouldn't let anyone back until we were ready.  Unfortunatley baby girl had some fluid on her lungs, so she was in the nursery for a bit.  Fortunately, we didn't have to deal with people holding her.  Everyone who was in the waiting room did come back to see me after I had her, but that is because I told the nurses it was okay.  It was my dad, MIL&FIL, and my 2 best friends.  YOU get to decide who (if anywone) will hold the baby and when.  If someone is being a baby hog, take the baby back.  A person can not hold your baby for 5 hours without your consent.

ETA: They knew I was being induced, and came in the late afternoon or evening after they got off work. We had to tell the nurses ahead of time who we wanted there while in labor and while pushing etc.


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11-19-2012 at 9:59 AM
DChunt09
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This is really a personal preference thing. I knew from the start that I didn't mind visitors during labor, but wouldn't want them around during birth or immediately after. During birth, it was just my husband and I, which was great. We had family in the waiting room but they knew ahead of time I wanted some alone time with baby and dad to feed and have some moments to rest. Ds was actually put in the NICU for a few hours, so I especially wanted to get my hands on him before family came in.

As far as telling them when to come, I was scheduled to be induced on a Monday night. Everyone knew the date and I told them it was okay to come the following day whenever they wanted, just know that they could be shooed to the waiting room at any point.  I was pretty open before hand about what my "rules" were. It sounds silly, but it was important to me and Dh and it really helped to have a stress free experience where we were in control. Nurses help out a lot too! They'll tell family visiting hours are over if they know you want family out.


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11-19-2012 at 10:00 AM
brevans02
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With dd, we didn't call anyone until after she was born - actually we waited about 8hrs since she was born at 5 to midnight.

This time, SOMEONE will have to know when we go to the hospital, so they can watch dd, but no one will actually be there until well after the birth. If you really think you'll have trouble w/ your family, just let the nurses know you don't want anyone in the room until you say it's okay.


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11-19-2012 at 10:09 AM
osirismama
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I would make a plan now, and tell them about your plan now. If you want to let them know when your labor has started, tell them. And if you want to give them a heads up that you are close to having the baby, tell them. Then when the baby arrives, tell them, If you want to send a quick snapshot of the baby to them if they have cell phones, go for it. And then enjoy your time with the LO, and when you are ready, call and let them know they can come visit now. Explain to them before hand what you are going to do. Let them know that you will not be allowing visitors in until you feel comfortable. Let the nurses know when you get there, so that they won't make a mistake of letting anyone in. Set boundaries, and make sure they are aware of them.

I have a big family. My mother was in with me when I had DS along with H. We gave everyone a heads up when contractions started, and when my water broke 10 mins later, and when I got to the hospital and they told me I was ready. We sent a quick text out saying DS would be here soon. Then when I had him Mom took a picture of me and him and sent it out giving them the time and such. Everyone else waited until we told them they could come. We let MIL come first, to meet him, and then my brothers, and then some friends. My dad was traveling to us fromm 9 hours away, and got there later. I let him know when contractions started that he should just head out because there was no chance he wouldn't arrive that day. If you are worried about FIL girlfriend hogging LO first, than make a order list of who will be seeing baby first. If people think you are being to contolling blame it on the hormones. LOL


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11-19-2012 at 10:25 AM
Monsieur_e...
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I am very lucky that my hospital has strict visiting hours: 6PM-8PM, with siblings being allowed to visit an hour early.

Are you delivering at the same hospital as your SIL? If not, I suggest looking into your hospital's policies. Maybe that'll solve your problem.

If not, I would either:

A) warn all family members that you and your H wish to spend those first few moments/hours alone, as  family of 3 - See with the hospital staff if they will help with this request (aka: if they will turn away people who would decide to show up anyways) 

B) Wait until you're ready for visitors before telling anyone the baby is there. You can always say you got so caught up in the moment your forgot to call (but your fam might call you out on it, so I would probably not recommend it)

C) Do both A and B. And if anyone says anything, you tell them you had already told them about your wish to spend that time alone, so there was no point in calling them early anyways.

Good luck

Also, I think I might give my own family a head start, just to make sure your FIL's gf is NOT the first one to hold the baby. Just because I can be a b!tch that way.


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11-19-2012 at 10:53 AM
kmb_nrb201...
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We are pregnant with our first, so we are going to tell people when we go to the hospital and when the baby is born, but my husband and I will be the only ones with the baby for the first 2 hours for kangaroo care. Family members are more than welcome to come into the room AFTER the 2 hour period. My sister in-law may be in the room for the delivery and after, just for photography.


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11-19-2012 at 10:55 AM
mrs.birdie
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Last time, no one was in the room except for DH and me. Since the family all knew we were in there, they crowded the waiting room for the 6 hours I was in labor. FIL and BIL posted on facebook and made calls. FIL held DD on her way to the nursery.

This time, we have decided not to tell anyone until DS is here and we have moved into the recovery room and are ready for visitors. We haven't told any family this plan because it's none of their business and would only cause drama. 

11-19-2012 at 11:15 AM
jannv11
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I wouldn't call my family pushy and I had my mom in the room with DH and I.  My sister and dad were in the waiting room.  They came in shorty after everything was cleaned up and settled.  And that was fine with me.  IT was late at night so no one stayed long.  I really didn't like the rest of family visiting the next day in the hospital and wish everyone would of waited till we were home.  Just don't get much rest and by the time we got home I was horrible tired!!!   If I get a say :)  I would just have grandparents visit for a short time and my sister (only 1 in the area).  Everyone else can wait for a few days!

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11-19-2012 at 11:22 AM
candreco
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My parents are local, we called them once I was admitted and settled in L&D.  They knew I didn't want anyone hanging around in the hospital, let alone actually in the room.  We called them again once things had calmed down  to let them know, and said that we thought we'd be about ready for visitors in an hour.  They got there just in time to help move stuff from L&D up to the maternity floor.

We called my MIL at the same times, but she lived about 3 hours away and wasn't planning on coming up until the next day.  Other family got calls from my mom and MIL, but no one else lives close enough to show up quickly.

If anyone had been pushy about being there, or wanting to come in right away, I would have 1) not called them, or 2) made sure the nurses knew I didn't want visitors- they're big on crowd control at my hospital.



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11-19-2012 at 12:05 PM
evelyntayl...
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You should be specific with each family member about visiting the baby. You can ask your nurse to put a sign on your door requesting no visitors. I work in L&D and honestly, visiting is really no fun for family until you're home with the baby.

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11-19-2012 at 12:18 PM
BekW2009
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We let our family know when we were on the way to the hospital. While they came in and out during labor, once my legs went in the stir-ups we made it clear early on that everyone had to go to the waiting room. The first hour is a whirl-wind at least for me. They immediately put the baby on you, then they take them to do the prelim response tests (in your room). Then give the baby back to you so you can feed them... If your going to breast feed its important to do it in that first hour, baby is most alert. Just start telling people now, exactly who will be in the room and the order of events as soon as the baby comes out.

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11-19-2012 at 12:20 PM
MommaG123
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I'm kind of in a unique situation because ILs are 12 hours away and my family is 4 hours away so when I was induced they knew it was scheduled and came in before.  They waited in the waiting room while I was delivering and then they came in afterwards.  

I'm also usually a little different from the norm in that I didn't care that they were there all the time.  I was glad to have company because I got tired of being stuck in the hospital room.  

This time if I am not induced again (which I hope I'm not) we will probably call as soon as I start contracting so that someone can get here to watch DD1 while we're at the hospital. 


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11-19-2012 at 1:52 PM
shibby00
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I had literally all DH's fam, my immediate fam, and close friends in the waiting room for hours waiting for DD to arrive. Whatevs. They all knew it takes awhile to have a baby, so I didn't care that they were all waiting. I held DD in recovery, then everyone else held her. I'm a big girl and have no problem telling anyone I want my baby back if they are being a baby hog. I also had no problem telling people to GTFO in labor. I'm sure we will call all the same people again when this LO is on his way. They can stay in the waiting room again, lol.

 
11-19-2012 at 1:57 PM
RootBeerFl...
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I had a scheduled c-section scheduled at 12:30pm, I told family they could come after 2pm.  They were all in my pre-op room at 10:30am, they flat out ignored my wishes. 

This time I'm flat out lying to them and not saying a word until the baby is here.  I'm attempting a VBAC and no one is getting called to know I'm in labor except for the people who will be watching my DD.


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11-19-2012 at 2:01 PM
LadyDelila...
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We told MIL and my Mom and called my grandparents (they like to pray) and my BFF who was going to be in the room with me. My Mom, DH and BFF were the only ones there my grandparents came to see the baby but DH was the only one there when I was actually delivering.

No one had a problem with being asked to leave for that either.


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11-19-2012 at 2:16 PM
alohachris...
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Nurses are angels! they will be your voice! every nurse I have had when I get situated asks me the plan and what I want. They tell me to say "green popsicle" when I want the room cleared ;) I have my mom, sister and hubby in the delivery room. My Daddy stayed with my DS last time and he will be staying with both my son's this time so he'll bring my boys when were ready for them. My MIL and FIL usually come after but wait until I and the baby are cleaned up and done nursing to come in they do not ask to hold the baby that first day. (I'm very lucky to have IL's that have boundaries) then the next day after work they come and will hold the baby same with my dad and bring my boys to meet. I am so lucky to have a understanding family thats not pushy.

I would just let them know your in labor and in the hospital and you will call them when your ready for visitors...


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11-19-2012 at 2:17 PM
PansyPants
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We called my mom when my water broke (she lives 800+ miles away and needed to get a plane ticket) but we didn't tell any of our local family until a couple hours after baby arrived. I was absolutely set on not having anyone come to the hospital and wanted people to wait a couple days until we were home. Unfortunately my MIL through a fit and so my husband told her what hospital we were at and she came up the day after the baby was born.

I feel very strongly that not passing a baby around during the first few hours and having a ton of time for baby and momma to be close together significantly helps with breastfeeding and making sure that everyone gets grounded and comfortable after the process of labor and delivery. I have no basis for this other than my personal feelings. 


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11-19-2012 at 2:23 PM
rpalen29
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Monsieur_et_Madame_Ha:

I am very lucky that my hospital has strict visiting hours: 6PM-8PM, with siblings being allowed to visit an hour early.

Are you delivering at the same hospital as your SIL? If not, I suggest looking into your hospital's policies. Maybe that'll solve your problem.

If not, I would either:

A) warn all family members that you and your H wish to spend those first few moments/hours alone, as  family of 3 - See with the hospital staff if they will help with this request (aka: if they will turn away people who would decide to show up anyways) 

B) Wait until you're ready for visitors before telling anyone the baby is there. You can always say you got so caught up in the moment your forgot to call (but your fam might call you out on it, so I would probably not recommend it)

C) Do both A and B. And if anyone says anything, you tell them you had already told them about your wish to spend that time alone, so there was no point in calling them early anyways.

Good luck

Also, I think I might give my own family a head start, just to make sure your FIL's gf is NOT the first one to hold the baby. Just because I can be a b!tch that way.

Good idea about calling later! And we're delivering at another hospital. I think we'll just call a few hours after we have the baby. 


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11-19-2012 at 6:58 PM
laurakaz13
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Our family did not get a call until LO was born.  They live far away anyway, but if they were close it would have been the same thing.  I will never understand why anyone feels obligated to inform their entire family when they go into labor, or have a million people in the room.  Ugh!

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11-19-2012 at 9:24 PM
yecal262
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I ended up having to have a c section due to preeclampsia, so it was already a stressful and scary situation. Most of my and Dh immediate family were in the waitig room. I will be having a repeat c section with the next one and the one thing I will be absolutely sure about is that I get to hold the baby before anyone else gets to him. She was in my room before I was there and so was the family. There were pictures of my daughter on fb before I even ha a chance to hold her. Rude! Ok vent over. I will be more vocal about y wishes this time because my family didn't give me time to heal. They were so excited and while I love that the point of me being in the hospital was for four days was for me to heal. My nurses were awesome though. One nurse kicked everyone out when she could tell I was just exhausted and was just being polite. I hope I have her again.

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