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11-19-2012 at 2:06 PM
alohachris...
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alohachrissy2 is not online. Last active: 03-24-2013, 7:37 PMNewbie

Am I in the wrong about name?

Ok....so yesterday I posted that I had my name (and I'm still in love and wanting to use it) BUT I'm scared my best friend isn't happy. and when I say BFF I mean since 8th grade but we only see each other maybe once a month due to her busy schedule. She has a 6 yr old and no other children. Now when I started talking names she told me Emily was her #1 choice IF she ever has another child and its a girl. (which I was scared of because it was on our list) Well before we 100% decided on it I talked to her and asked her if they were going to start trying for another and she is still undecided after all these years. So I took it that it was safe to use that name since she wasnt' trying.

well I announced that Emily was going to be my little girl's name yesterday and she didn't or hasn't said anything.......so now I'm worried shes mad about a name that she wanted to use for a baby that she may or may not ever want to have...

Should I keep the name or find another one. She hasn't said anything and I know she won't she'll just ignore me and I really don't want to hurt her feelings, but is it worth giving up the name I love for someone that MAY or MAY Not ever have another child?
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11-19-2012 at 2:09 PM
dbowitz
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When it comes to names, whoever gets pregnant first wins. She may or may not have another baby, and that baby may or may not be a girl. You got pregnant with a girl first, if you want her name to be Emily, then her name should be Emily. Don't pass on a name you love because your friend may or may not use at some unspecified date in the future.
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11-19-2012 at 2:10 PM
evertz
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You should ask her if she's upset. Then you know for sure instead of tip-toeing around her feelings. IMO a BFF shouldn't have to do that.
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11-19-2012 at 2:11 PM
Idani
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You are pregnant she is not. You can't claim names on unborn hypothetical children. Use Emily. If she ever has another kid and it is a girl she can still use Emily, it's not like it's not a popular name that no one else will ever use.
 
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11-19-2012 at 2:13 PM
Estwd2
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How did you announce the name? Was she physically present or on the phone with you or something? Was it by any chance on Facebook? Because I don't think anyone has an obligation to comment on a FB post. Maybe she didn't see it. Maybe she doesn't care. Maybe you're imagining a problem without proof that there is one. I hold by the rule that nobody owns a name; use whatever name you want. She may feel differently, although I would call her immature for being upset. If you're that worried about it, then ask her. No point in worrying if she's not actually upset.
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11-19-2012 at 2:14 PM
evertz
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Idani:

You are pregnant she is not. You can't claim names on unborn hypothetical children. Use Emily. If she ever has another kid and it is a girl she can still use Emily, it's not like it's not a popular name that no one else will ever use.

In addition to my last reply I completely agree with this.
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11-19-2012 at 2:15 PM
Crys1925
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dbowitz:
When it comes to names, whoever gets pregnant first wins.

Idani:
You can't claim names on unborn hypothetical children.

Both of these statements exactly!

 
 
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11-19-2012 at 2:19 PM
LolaBelle5...
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No one can "claim" a name, as you say. You should definitely be able to use the name. 

At the same time, it is clear that you knew that was her favorite name, and that she may name a potential daughter Emily some day.  I don't believe that means you shouldn't use it, but since she had a strange reaction, I would approach her (taking the high ground) and have a conversation about this NOW.

She sounds like a very important, long-time friend to you.  You should be able to have a deep/difficult conversation about this and make sure that it doesn't haunt the relationship, if indeed, she is having a hard time with it.  Better to talk now than to wait than have her be (unecessarily) mad for years on end...

 
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11-19-2012 at 2:38 PM
rpalen29
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i picked out names years ago, and my cousins took all of them. I had to start from scratch when I got pregnant. She'll love another name just the same. 
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11-19-2012 at 2:45 PM
heather519...
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I kind of went through this with my bff. She got pregnant and couldn't figure out a name and I said that I loved the name Kamryn for a girl. A few weeks later she told me that they were having a girl and that they had come up with Kamryn. I said hey thats my name and she was more then willing to change it. I reminded her that she was the one that was pregnant and that I wasn't having a baby any time soon. She named her daughter Kamryn. Hopefully your friend can be open to the idea of you using the name. Good Luck!
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11-19-2012 at 2:46 PM
starshinea...
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I agree with all the PPs, you are having a girl right now, you get your choice of name. This is exactly why most people don't share the names that they want to use on their kids with anyone. Then if someone else uses it first, you can't blame them.

I would talk to her though- I too wonder how it was "announced" and how exactly it came about that she didn't say anything. I wouldn't leave anything unsaid though if it were me.  
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11-19-2012 at 3:04 PM
plunderb
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I could understand being upset if you really wanted to name your daughter Desdemona and your BFF swooped in and "stole" your name. But Emily? Seriously, there are a bajillion Emilys.
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11-19-2012 at 3:14 PM
LadyDelila...
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My cousin whom I see once every two or three years got mad at me For Evangelina, cause she wanted to use Evangeline. My DD is two and shes just now pregnant with a girl. Plus I didnt know she wanted that name. Just like you didnt know Emily when you and DH discussed it Im sure, if shes mad I promise she will get over it. Youre pregnant now and shes not even TTC. Youre not wrong.
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11-19-2012 at 3:17 PM
526SadieSa...
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For family members, whoever has a baby first get to use the name.  With friends, I really don't see why you both can't have a daughter named Emily.  It's a pretty common name and the kids wouldn't be related, I think you would be fine both having Emilys.

Don't hold back on the name if you love it.  You have no way of knowing when or if your friend will ever have a baby girl and you have no way of knowing if the two of you will remain close friends forever.  You might end up regretting not naming your daughter Emily if you and this friend drift apart in the coming years.
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11-19-2012 at 3:20 PM
alohachris...
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Guess I was just guilty feeling :( .....she finally messaged me and everything is ok! were getting together this weekend for dinner so I think I'm going to casually bring it up just to make sure still. we both are pretty sensitive and don't communicate feelings much so I want to make 100% sure she's ok with it. I just really want her to know that its been on our short list (which she knows) I've been telling her for months the top few names and she's never said "NO" or "don't use it" just not hearing from her got me scared and bad feeling. Especially since she means so much to me

Thank ya'll for your help I guess I"m just being a worry wart and need to not worry about it. If she was upset I know she wouldn't be talking to me.
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11-19-2012 at 4:59 PM
MommaG123
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LolaBelle515:

No one can "claim" a name, as you say. You should definitely be able to use the name. 

At the same time, it is clear that you knew that was her favorite name, and that she may name a potential daughter Emily some day.  I don't believe that means you shouldn't use it, but since she had a strange reaction, I would approach her (taking the high ground) and have a conversation about this NOW.

She sounds like a very important, long-time friend to you.  You should be able to have a deep/difficult conversation about this and make sure that it doesn't haunt the relationship, if indeed, she is having a hard time with it.  Better to talk now than to wait than have her be (unecessarily) mad for years on end...

 

All of this.  Just talk to her. 
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11-19-2012 at 5:45 PM
abell77
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Do not change the name.  I think it would be childish and unfair for your friend to be upset or treat you differently.  Nobody owns a name.  Honestly, if she does have another and wants to name her Emily too I truly think that's perfectly acceptable.
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11-19-2012 at 5:48 PM
alohachris...
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Thank you girls!!

Turns out I was being silly and hormonal and worrying for nothing!! I just talked to her and she said I was so silly, she loves that I am using the name and thinks Emily Marie is beautiful for us! :) yay! now I can just enjoy Emily and her name and not worry about feelings!
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11-19-2012 at 6:06 PM
FrecklesIn...
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dbowitz:
When it comes to names, whoever gets pregnant first wins. She may or may not have another baby, and that baby may or may not be a girl. You got pregnant with a girl first, if you want her name to be Emily, then her name should be Emily. Don't pass on a name you love because your friend may or may not use at some unspecified date in the future.

This 100%. Your friend is being childish. 
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11-19-2012 at 6:23 PM
MrsJ723
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plunderb:
I could understand being upset if you really wanted to name your daughter Desdemona and your BFF swooped in and "stole" your name. But Emily? Seriously, there are a bajillion Emilys.

Exactly. If she had mentioned a more unique name or one you knew had significance to her, perhaps I could understand her being upset, but not with the name Emily.
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11-19-2012 at 6:24 PM
this decaf...
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If you already announced it then it would definitely be more awkward to take it back now and find a different name. I think it would become a "conflict name" that way and neither of you would end up using it! Emily is a pretty popular & pretty name so it's not really fair of her to have hypothetical dibs on the name.

Don't give it up, hopefully she'll get over it soon and congratulate you. [Just remember she can still use the name if she ever has another kid so don't ever hold that against her.] 

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