I am 21 and going to have my second child, I had my first at 19. My first was unexpected but embraced. The father was 31 at the time we had our first.And I can relate to some of what is going on with you.
When we first got together, he drank everyday. We went to the bar everyweekend.He didn't have a job. We got pregnant the first time, and didn't find out for a little over a month. By the time we found out, he had already slowed drinking down to only the weekends when we went out. At his own choice, not mine. When we found out we were expecting he went off and got a job. He wanted to support this child. As time went on, drinking became less and less, we still went out to the bar, just to dance. I lived with my mother at the time, and she was all for him moving in with us if he wanted to. I waited a while before I gave him the option. By that time, he had lost a job, but had found another within the week, because HE wanted to be able to help support us. Drinking still lessend to where it was once or so a month.
My Ex tried to bash him as much as possible. Saying I could take the baby and come be with him, that he would help support the baby and all. My mind was not there. I had seen my boyfriend change on his own, to a man that people told me he would never become. He would help out at home, and help pay bills. The Ex continued to bug me, saying he wanted to be the father of the child. I left the Ex for a reason,and a very good one. I still love him in some way, but not enough that I would ever be back there.
I have been with my boyfriend-now H for over 3 years, Our first is 2 and a half, we have our own place, we planned the child we are expecting now. H works hard at his job, he has made some mistakes, and he is trying to fix those. He has been Alcohol free completley for over a year, and again, that was his choice.
What you need to look at is that if the boyfriend isn't going to change himself for himself, if he dosne't want to change, than he isn't going to. Jumping into a relationship with an Ex is not the solution either. There is always the risk that eventually he will not like the fact that he is caring for a child that is not his. WHat you really need to do is find family or friends to live with. If your boyfriend is texting other women, and spending money on things he wants, with no real care, he is not ready. You don't need to be in a relationship to have and raise a child. Take some time first if you need to.