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11-20-2012 at 11:44 AM
onewaytick...
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DH brother going through awful divorce. Should we tell him?

We are 9 weeks pregnant with our first and my DH's brother (who is 1.5 years older) is going through a messy divorce right now. He is heart broken and has been married for less than a year. DH parents and sister know (because they visited us in New York) but his brother doesn't know yet.

Should we wait? Do you think this will cheer him up or make him more depressed?


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11-20-2012 at 11:49 AM
sunkissed7...
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Well...it will probably affect him in both ways.  I say tell him!  He will be okay and the fact that you included him may lift his spirits as well.  No one wants to be treated as a fragile flower.  He is capable of holding on to many emotions at once.

 CONGRATS to you and your family!!  :)

 
11-20-2012 at 12:20 PM
pepomntpat
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If you are telling everyone else, then you should probably tell him. Nothing like finding out from another source to make you feel like crap.

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11-20-2012 at 12:22 PM
onewaytick...
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I think you guys are right. We should tell him. I think we will wait until we are home for Christmas so we can tell him in person. We will do it in a happy way.. "you are going to be an uncle!!" Hopefully he doesn't find out before then.

 Thanks for the responses!


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11-20-2012 at 12:52 PM
coleann04
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pepomntpat:
If you are telling everyone else, then you should probably tell him. Nothing like finding out from another source to make you feel like crap.

Yes This.  He will find out sooner or later, you can't hide it forever.  I say just go on and tell him.


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11-20-2012 at 12:59 PM
GoldenPeac...
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coleann04:

pepomntpat:
If you are telling everyone else, then you should probably tell him. Nothing like finding out from another source to make you feel like crap.

Yes This.  He will find out sooner or later, you can't hide it forever.  I say just go on and tell him.

Agreed. He'll find out sooner or later either way. 



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11-20-2012 at 1:03 PM
Michelle30...
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Go ahead, and tell him.  It will bring some positive news during a troubling time.  Life goes on.

 
11-20-2012 at 1:06 PM
EASwimmer
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As someone who just went through a divorce, I would tell him.  However, don't be pissed off if he's not overly excited about it all the time.   Divorce is hard and he could be depressed from it.   He maybe be excited but just don't take offense if he isn't all the time.   It has nothing to do with you.  But yes tell him rather than him finding out from someone else.   If I found out from someone else I would think that was complete horse$hit.  Just giving my two cents. 
11-20-2012 at 1:18 PM
somerandom...
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onewayticket:
I think you guys are right. We should tell him. I think we will wait until we are home for Christmas so we can tell him in person. We will do it in a happy way.. "you are going to be an uncle!!" Hopefully he doesn't find out before then.
nbsp;Thanks for the responses!


If you're expecting him to maybe have mixed feelings about it, I would advise against telling him in an inperson, it's a big deal way. That puts pressure on him to show the appropriate amount of enthusiasm. And maybe he's not feeling very enthusiastic about anything right now. And for all anyone knows desire for babies could be part of his relationship woes.

It would be more tactful to tell him over email etc, so that he can process the information in his own way before being expected to say OMG GRATS! The same advice goes for notifying a friend or relative who hasn't been able to have children yet and struggles with infertility. If you put them on the spot, especially in front of other family members, you risk making their feelings a cause for guilt and or family drama. If you notify them by email etc, he can think about it and call you when he's ready to say OMG GRATS.
 
11-20-2012 at 2:02 PM
purplepean...
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pepomntpat:
If you are telling everyone else, then you should probably tell him. Nothing like finding out from another source to make you feel like crap.

this! 


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11-20-2012 at 2:02 PM
purplepean...
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pepomntpat:
If you are telling everyone else, then you should probably tell him. Nothing like finding out from another source to make you feel like crap.

this! 


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11-20-2012 at 2:41 PM
Bride-hild...
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TELL HIM!
11-20-2012 at 6:50 PM
Snapdragon...
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Well you're going to have to tell him at some point.  Just be sensitive about timing.  I have a friend whose sister was getting divorced, and some cousins decided to do the big reveal the day before her actual court date.  It wasn't pretty. 
 
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