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11-20-2012 at 10:08 PM
Ladymouse
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Ladymouse is not online. Last active: 01-23-2013, 1:17 PMNewbie

What to do with mom?

There's about a 30% chance I will go into labor before my mom is scheduled to get here.  She wanted to be here for the labor, then put off coming until right before my due date (her boss approved working remotely, btw).  Whenever I call now, she thinks I'm calling to tell her I'm in labor and that she'd somehow get her plane tickets re-arranged, her stuff packed, drive to the airport (2 hours away), fly out here (4 hours minimum, plus an hour of airport time), then drive out here (1.5 hours, if the car rental company is ultra-fast) in time to be here for active labor.  If you figure at least an hour to go "maybe I should time these" and another hour to establish "yep, these are regular", that's over 10 hours into labor.  Once I'm to that phase of labor, the fewer interruptions, the better.

How would you handle this?  Leave it be, hoping you don't have to deal with it?  Explaining that it's not worthwhile for her to try to change her tickets to get out here earlier when I'm already in labor?  Point out that my midwife doesn't DO cervical checks until I'm in active labor, so there's no telling how close I am (other than the fact that I'm already having 50+ second contractions at least every 90 minutes)?  Call her during labor anyway (the plan was to only call DH and the midwife, to avoid interruptions)?

Am I just over thinking this? 

 
11-20-2012 at 10:36 PM
TofuMama7
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Is it important to you that your mom be there for labor, or is this more something she wants?

If it's really important to you I would let her know when you start having contractions, if it's not that important to you I would just stick with your plan of calling your DH and midwife. You could text her and let her know that you're in labor and look forward to seeing her when she is able to come.


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11-20-2012 at 11:11 PM
discobelle
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discobelle is not online. Last active: 05-22-2013, 1:55 AMSilver

I was in labor for 34 hours.  I called my mom when things first started, and she booked a flight, flew cross country, and still got there with 12 hours to spare.

If you want her there, call and let her try to make it.  If you don't want her there at that point, then wait. 


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11-21-2012 at 1:38 AM
thehauffam...
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thehauffamily is not online. Last active: 01-25-2013, 2:51 PMNewbie
I was in labor for 12 hours once my water broke.  I agree with the pp.  If it's not that big of a deal for her to be there, then I would hold off calling her. Personally it was nice for my mom to be there at the beg, but once it got to the "tough part" of labor, I just wanted my husband and for everyone else to leave me alone!   If you really want her there, then call her once you feel that first contraction.  

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11-21-2012 at 5:09 AM
stardust31...
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I've never been in labor (c/s) so I'm not sure how much help I will be. If it is important for you to have your mom there, then i would tell her how you feel and discuss her concerns with you. If she is the one that wants to be there, then I would just follow the original plan. I've heard stories where people were only in labor for an hour to an hour and a half, and I've heard stories whirr people were in labor for hours. It could go either way.
11-21-2012 at 6:29 AM
ForeverEve...
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ForeverEverAfter is not online. Last active: 05-21-2013, 12:22 PMBronze
My mom had to book a firm date no extra to switch, so she's coming the day after my due date for 2 weeks so that even if I go late she'll get to see the baby. But now she keeps checking in to make sure I still 'hope' to go late. So annoying, like I have any control over it! I think for you it depends on if you want her there. Still let her know you're in labour so that she feels she's a part of the experience, but if you're in active labor you can tell her she won't make it in time. If you have no preference she can then decide if she wants to come right away.

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11-21-2012 at 8:58 AM
*LrCg*
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*LrCg* is not online. Last active: 05-21-2013, 11:02 AMBronze
I would start preparing yourself and your Mom for her not being there.  I think its unrealistic for her to rearrange her flight thinking she'll make your birth.  FWIW- my first birth was 4 hours!  My midwife almost didn't make it!  Constant calls and even cervical checks during labor could actually stall your labor (are you sure your midwife is even doing cervical checks during active labor- most don't).  I would just let it be and let your Mom know that its okay that she gets there when she gets there.  Its suppose to be a fun and loving time giving birth (yes I did say fun- I loved my births), enjoy it vs. having constant intrerruptions about travel plans.
 
11-21-2012 at 10:53 AM
shell04178...
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TofuMama7:

Is it important to you that your mom be there for labor, or is this more something she wants?

If it's really important to you I would let her know when you start having contractions, if it's not that important to you I would just stick with your plan of calling your DH and midwife. You could text her and let her know that you're in labor and look forward to seeing her when she is able to come.

This. If it's for you, I'd call early. If it's for her, do what you need to do for you and she'll figure herself out.


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11-22-2012 at 9:00 PM
Kingston54
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Kingston54 is not online. Last active: 05-20-2013, 11:24 PMGold
I agree that you have to decide how important it is that she's there.  If it is that important, develop an early labor plan!

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11-23-2012 at 7:29 PM
Ladymouse
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Ladymouse is not online. Last active: 01-23-2013, 1:17 PMNewbie

It was kind of important to me until she put off coming almost a week PURELY because the airport would be crowded on the day she initially planned to come out.  She flies out of an airport where it takes less than an hour to get through security on the busiest days of the year - each security line serves 4 gates.  My dad is dropping her off, and now has to take off work to do so, unlike with the original plan.  

(Sorry, I get a little ranty here.)  Then she has the nerve to say "well, if you do go into labor before then, keep your legs crossed until I get there."  Because she doesn't want to stand in line for an extra half hour.  As of tomorrow, this pregnancy will be longer than my mom's was with me - an optional c-section (my brother was an optional c-section after 6 hours of labor.  She scheduled me early to avoid labor.)  As of the time she planned on getting here, only one birth from the last two generations will have gone that long - when I pointed that out, she went "well, I'll come two days earlier then."    My mom's birth choices don't bother me, but considering them, she has NO right to even joke about me "holding him in" for 10 hours just so she doesn't have to stand in line for an extra half an hour!  And she does it EVERY time she calls.  

 
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