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11-22-2012 at 4:19 PM
oO Angie O...
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oO Angie Oo is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 10:37 AMNewbie

Do you share your IF struggles w/ all your friends and fam??

With today being Thanksgiving we are going to DH's parent's house and I need to pull it together.  They know we've been together for 6 years w/ no baby and they know small details of our struggles to have a baby but we do not share much info with them.  My bro in law had a baby w/ his gf a few months into their relationship and he was over here a few weeks ago wanting to break it off complaining about how tired he is from working (a desk job, mind you) and then coming home and having to take care of his baby who needs to be fed and held, and bathed and a gf he doesnt find attractive anymore.  I wanted to punch him in the face.  Sometimes I feel bad for not sharing my IF w/ some of the people who are closest to us- but I think that's my way of not losing it everyday.  I'm just wondering how open you ladies are with your families and friends or if I'm the only weirdo?? haha.  

 
Me: 29 w/ unexplained IF DH: 32 perfect and healthy Married: 10.25.07 Unexpected and very surprising BFP in Feb 2007. M/C April 2007. :( TTC since 2008 Metformin- no improvement Clomid 50mg/Provera cycle #1 7/2009 - BFN Clomid 50mg/Provera cycle #2- 8/2009- BFN Clomid 100mg/Provera cycle #3- 1/2010- BFN ...Took a break... 2012- Met with RE DH sperm analysis- all good Prescribed Synthroid for slightly elevated TSH levels 11/12- HSG all clear 1/13- IUI with Femara and trigger shot on 1/31- BFN 2/13-IUI #2- cancelled due to low response 3/13- IUI #3 Femara and trigger shot- BFN 4/13- IUI #4 in the works.  
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11-22-2012 at 5:14 PM
Laurakat81
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Everyone knows. It's a double edged sword though. On one hand I cannot imagine going through it without their support but on the other it means I have to listen to unsolicited advice, insensitive but well meaning comments, and yes, even some family that want to make our personal struggles into their own personal drama. I only talk to a handful of family about it, in regards o keeping them constantly up to date with treatment or how I'm doing emotionally but I keep a blog that everyone has access to and slowly over the years my entire family, extended too, reads it at least occasionally. So it's no secret here. Truthfully the good outweighs the bad just from having the support.

If you're ready then I think you should tell at least a few family members about it. Just remember you can't go back once it's done though! But most people genuinely want to support you even if they don't know how.


TTC, Loss, and IF History


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11-22-2012 at 5:41 PM
interzone
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My mom knew about it, but no one else.  The only reason I talked to her about it was that I knew she had IFand m/c issues and I wanted her advice.  This is probably a pretty unpopular opinion here, but I'm totally baffled as to why some people share non-essential and highly personal details of their medical issues.  I really don't want to hear about my uncle's IBS, so I can't imagine me talking about our IVF cycle would make him anything other than totally uncomfortable.

08/20/2011: BFP! 03/25/2012: A & O were born at 34w6d

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11-22-2012 at 6:33 PM
DoublePort...
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Only a handful of family and friends know and some of them I didn't even tell. Nice. I only wanted to share with those I knew would be supportive. I don't want to have to discuss it with everyone or receive advice from people who have no clue what they're talking about.
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Me: 29 ~ Stage IV Endo ~ AMH .38 ~ AFC 8
AMH .97 as of 4/2012!
Him: 27 ~ perfect swimmers
Laparotomy with partial oophorectomy 8/2009 to remove cysts/endo. Stopped BC 4/2010.
Multiple clomid rounds from 11/2010 to 6/2011. ~ All BFN
IUI w/clomid 7/2011. IUI w/clomid & injectables 11/2011 & 1/2012. ~ All BFN
Occasionally using acupuncture.
IVF #1:EPP 5/2012 ~ (4R, 3M, 2F w/ICSI). Both embies txfrd. ~ BFN
BCP to manage Endo from 10/2012 to 12/2012.
PAIF/SAIF always welcome!

If you're wondering about my avatar...it's a fried pickle chip shaped like a fetus! 
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11-22-2012 at 7:03 PM
MsGMChick
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I didn't realize MH told his whole family.. so everyone today asked how things "were going" or if we had "good news" yet? 

Sigh. I don't mind talking about it... but I didn't know I was going to have to all day.  
. .
|| 3 years TTC, 2 M/Cs 4 failed IUIs, 1 failed IVF...
and we're moving on! Domestic Infant Adoption ||


He who has a why to live, can bear almost any how... 
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11-22-2012 at 7:22 PM
DoublePort...
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MsGMChick:

I didn't realize MH told his whole family.. so everyone today asked how things "were going" or if we had "good news" yet? 

Sigh. I don't mind talking about it... but I didn't know I was going to have to all day.  

Huge ((hugs))! I would be so pissed at my DH! 
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Me: 29 ~ Stage IV Endo ~ AMH .38 ~ AFC 8
AMH .97 as of 4/2012!
Him: 27 ~ perfect swimmers
Laparotomy with partial oophorectomy 8/2009 to remove cysts/endo. Stopped BC 4/2010.
Multiple clomid rounds from 11/2010 to 6/2011. ~ All BFN
IUI w/clomid 7/2011. IUI w/clomid & injectables 11/2011 & 1/2012. ~ All BFN
Occasionally using acupuncture.
IVF #1:EPP 5/2012 ~ (4R, 3M, 2F w/ICSI). Both embies txfrd. ~ BFN
BCP to manage Endo from 10/2012 to 12/2012.
PAIF/SAIF always welcome!

If you're wondering about my avatar...it's a fried pickle chip shaped like a fetus! 
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11-22-2012 at 7:43 PM
Laurakat81
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interzone:

My mom knew about it, but no one else.  The only reason I talked to her about it was that I knew she had IFand m/c issues and I wanted her advice.  This is probably a pretty unpopular opinion here, but I'm totally baffled as to why some people share non-essential and highly personal details of their medical issues.  I really don't want to hear about my uncle's IBS, so I can't imagine me talking about our IVF cycle would make him anything other than totally uncomfortable.

See I do disagree with this. I DO want to hear about how someone I love is doing even if it's regarding their IBS. Im not talking about going to dinner and discussing how my latest vaginal exam went or if Uncle Bob had diarrhea last night. But i do want and genuinely care about the health and wellbeing of the people I love. I wouldn't want them to suffer through anything alone. We support one another.

TTC, Loss, and IF History


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11-22-2012 at 8:39 PM
interzone
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Laurakat81:
interzone:

My mom knew about it, but no one else.  The only reason I talked to her about it was that I knew she had IFand m/c issues and I wanted her advice.  This is probably a pretty unpopular opinion here, but I'm totally baffled as to why some people share non-essential and highly personal details of their medical issues.  I really don't want to hear about my uncle's IBS, so I can't imagine me talking about our IVF cycle would make him anything other than totally uncomfortable.

See I do disagree with this. I DO want to hear about how someone I love is doing even if it's regarding their IBS. Im not talking about going to dinner and discussing how my latest vaginal exam went or if Uncle Bob had diarrhea last night. But i do want and genuinely care about the health and wellbeing of the people I love. I wouldn't want them to suffer through anything alone. We support one another.

 

I don't mean this in a snarky way, but What kind of support do you expect from friends/family when it comes to IF, especially if they've never been through it?  I would have been absolutely mortified if someone offered sympathy after an unsuccessful cycle.  I guess I dealt with IF kind of like my grandmother dealt with her cancer diagnosis:  she didn't tell anyone until her treatments were almost finished because she didn't want anyone to feel sorry for her or bother her about it.  I don't think most people know how to deal with friends/family who have IF issues, and judging from these boards generally respond with a mixture of unsolicited and useless advice, nagging about how treatment is going, and pity.  The first two are just annoying, but pity is the pits.

08/20/2011: BFP! 03/25/2012: A & O were born at 34w6d

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11-22-2012 at 9:29 PM
Laurakat81
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interzone:
Laurakat81:
interzone:

My mom knew about it, but no one else.  The only reason I talked to her about it was that I knew she had IFand m/c issues and I wanted her advice.  This is probably a pretty unpopular opinion here, but I'm totally baffled as to why some people share non-essential and highly personal details of their medical issues.  I really don't want to hear about my uncle's IBS, so I can't imagine me talking about our IVF cycle would make him anything other than totally uncomfortable.

See I do disagree with this. I DO want to hear about how someone I love is doing even if it's regarding their IBS. Im not talking about going to dinner and discussing how my latest vaginal exam went or if Uncle Bob had diarrhea last night. But i do want and genuinely care about the health and wellbeing of the people I love. I wouldn't want them to suffer through anything alone. We support one another.

 

I don't mean this in a snarky way, but What kind of support do you expect from friends/family when it comes to IF, especially if they've never been through it?  I would have been absolutely mortified if someone offered sympathy after an unsuccessful cycle.  I guess I dealt with IF kind of like my grandmother dealt with her cancer diagnosis:  she didn't tell anyone until her treatments were almost finished because she didn't want anyone to feel sorry for her or bother her about it.  I don't think most people know how to deal with friends/family who have IF issues, and judging from these boards generally respond with a mixture of unsolicited and useless advice, nagging about how treatment is going, and pity.  The first two are just annoying, but pity is the pits.

Honestly I think that sounds incredibly sad and lonely but to each their own I suppose. But I don't "expect" anything from people, but the people I'm closest too (family in particular) have been incredibly supportive, ranging from a shoulder to cry on, a person to listen while I rant and show my "ugly" side with how upset and angry I am about the cards I've been dealt. The people I'm closest too don't pity me. They genuinely hurt when I hurt. And vice versa. Sure people say the wrong thing but I guess I have a close enough relationship with my friends and family to say, "Really?! That's not helpful." I think bottling it up and assuming everyone is judging you and pitying you is horribly unhealthy and a really sad way to live.

I'm not saying it's necessary to shout it to the whole world but I cannot imagine going through this alone.


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11-22-2012 at 10:07 PM
jschwind22
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DH's parents and a few of my friends have known about our IF for quite awhile.  I recently told my mom before we started IUI's and now she knows about IVF.  My boss knows since I need time off for appointments and procedures, and she has done 2 IVF's in the past so she's a great support most of the time.  I'm finding it easier to tell people now rather than trying to make up excuses or try to hide it.  Although it's still hard to hear the well-meaning comment that comes as a slap in the face, I feel like I've gotten stronger when it comes to handling that and its easier to explain why certain things hurt if I can tell them where I am coming from.
My Chart
May 3T Siggy Challenge- Dream Vacation- Italy
May TTGP Siggy Challenge- Superheros

TTC #1 since February 2011
Me: 29 (high NK cells diagnosed 3/5/13)
DH: 28 (MFI low morph and motility diagnosed 5/8/12).
RE is recommending IVF but we want to start with IUI. DH was unwilling to pursue treatment until 7/21/12.
Cycle #21- Injects + IUI #1= BFFN
Cycle #22- HSG 9/21/12 all clear= BFFN
Cycle #23- Injects + IUI#2= BFFN
Cycle #24- IVF #1- ER 12/6/12 (14R, 11M, 9F), ET 12/9/12 transferred 2 day 3 embies
Beta #1 10dp3dt=3 (-). Beta #2 12dp3dt=6.6 (+). Beta #3 39.1 (+)
Bleeding and low betas=very cautious Image and video hosting by TinyPic C/P 5W3D
Cycle #26- Diagnosed high NK cells 3/5/13. FET scheduled 3/20/13- CANCELLED- lining issues
Cycle #27- Starting Trental for 3 months for new FET protocol. Natural cycles until FET in August
PAIF/SAIF/ALL Welcome! 
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11-23-2012 at 2:02 AM
zazu13
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Everyone in my family knows, but nobody really asks about it. It seems that after the losses nobody knew what to say (including me) and they all know we are saving up to try again so there is nothing really to update in the meantime. It can be awkward.
Age: 34 TTC since 2005, MFI & DOR
IVF #1 Sep '11 canceled
IVF #2 Nov '11 chemical
IVF #3 April '12 M/C
FET #1 Aug 2012 BFN
new RE IVF #4 Jan '13 BFN :( ... IVF #5 TBD  
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11-23-2012 at 7:05 AM
Maybe Jole...
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If you're a weirdo, I probably fit into that category, too.  Stick out tongue

For the first 15 months of TTC we didn't tell anyone.  My mom got very sick last Christmas and I wanted her to know.  That started the ball rolling for letting our families know. I went through 5 IUIs without flinching, but when we started down the IVF road I told a few of my girlfriends if it came up in conversation.  DH & I were away on vacation when Hurricane Sandy was heading our way. With $3K+ of Gonal-F pens in the frig and the threat of power outages, I came clean with another friend/MY HERO who drove to our house to collect and protect my meds!  (Of course our power didn't even blip.)

I have one friend (who just lapped me with #2) that I've been trying to find a way to tell, but honestly it is just easier to avoid her & her annoying husband. Embarrassed

 

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Me: 40, DH: 40 Married since 4/2009, TTC since 10/2010
FSH= 5.4, AFC= 11 Dx: Unexplained w/2% morphology
IUI 1-3: Clomid, Gonal F, Ovidrel + Prometrium = BFN
Acupuncture starting January 2012; IUI 4-5: Gonal F, Ovidrel + Prometrium = BFFN
IVF #1 (Antagonist) w/ICSI & AH: ER 8/7/12--7R/4M/4F; ET 2-8-cells + 1-7-cell embies= BFN
IVF #2 (MDLF)w/ICSI & AH: ER 11/26/12--23R/14M/6F ET 11/29 1 early morula + 2 8-cells; Beta 1 (15dp3dt)= 408; Beta 2 (17dp3dt)= 649 Beta scare :/ ; Beta 3 (19dp3dt)= 1485; 1st u/s 12/28/12= 1 sac with 2 HBs 113bpm EDD= 8/19/13; MIssed MC of identical twin boys D&C @ 8w3d on 1/10/13

PAIF/SAIF welcome!
 
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11-23-2012 at 9:32 AM
BrideJacki...
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My family and DH's mother all know.  Several people at work know including my training director and attending supervisors (I am in residency).   I don't want anyone to think that I am slacking off when I call in sick for the ER and ET or have to leave early for an appointment.  They are also allowing me to use vacation days instead of some of my 9 sick days.  My  family has been a huge support.  They want to know all about it.  They even showed up to my pre-op appointment on Wednesday since DH was working and they were in town for Thanksgiving.  My mom has started humira injections for rheumatoid arthritis so we have been comparing injection techniques.  I don't think I could keep it from my family.

Married June 2011
Dx: anovulatory due to prolactinoma (1.5cmx 1.5cm in 2006)
April 2012: MRI- questionable cyst 8mg by 12mm in pituitary
referred to RE by Ob-gyn after amenorrhea x 4+ months, provera ineffective, low estrogen level
cycle 1: May 2012, clomid 50mg; cycle cancelled, thin lining, no response
cycle 2: June 2012, femara 5mg; cycle cancelled, no response
cycle 3: July 2012, femara 7.5mg; cycle cancelled (largest folli on Cd12 & cd 16: 11, lining 4)

Aug. 8: met with RE, move to injectables if HSG and SA normal
Aug. 23: HSG all clear; DH- perfect
Switched to a new RE in early Sept. IVF here we come
Genetic testing reveals: Fragile X- Intermediate risk/grey zone.
IVF#1: ER 11/30: 14 retrieved, 10 mature, 7 fertilized. E2 prior to trigger 5200. Decision made to freeze 6 embryos and transfer later due to OHSS.
IVF#1.2/FET #1: estrogen injects start 1/18, FET delayed to try to thicken lining. lining 5.4mm. FET- 2/18- transferred one 3AA expanded blast. BFP 5dp5dt. Beta #1- 2/27 9dp5dt- 102.27 beta #2 3/1: 147 :(, beta #3 3/4: 268 stop meds. #4: 269, #5 133, #6 72, still in beta hell. Beta 7 (3/25) 29. 
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11-23-2012 at 9:54 AM
tptbabe
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We've shared with some, but not all. The first person I told was my mom, after our loss last year, and to be honest, she has been the least supportive person out of everyone. She constantly questions every single decision we make! I wish I could take back telling her, but I thought I needed her at the time.

Others we've told as the topic comes up. I'm not the type to just randomly share. There are a few people that we've made a concious decision not to tell because they can't keep their trap shut, or they're negative people in general.
My Ovulation Chart
TTC with MFI and poor ovulation since 03/11
TCM and progesterone supplements
Early loss in 08/11
MFI Dx in 03/12 Low count, low motility, poor morphology and high levels of anti-sperm antibodies
Treated with supplements and TCM. Much lower on all factors. Count too low to test for anti-bodies
Met with new urologist 11/12
IUI #1 12/12: Letrozole + Gonal-F = BFN
DH started Clomid 01/13
New SA shows 33 million sperm! Thank you Clomid!!!
Discovered I am hypothyroid 04/13 waiting for specialist appointment
Hoping to try IUI again in July?
 
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11-23-2012 at 10:16 AM
interzone
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Laurakat81:
interzone:
Laurakat81:
interzone:

My mom knew about it, but no one else.  The only reason I talked to her about it was that I knew she had IFand m/c issues and I wanted her advice.  This is probably a pretty unpopular opinion here, but I'm totally baffled as to why some people share non-essential and highly personal details of their medical issues.  I really don't want to hear about my uncle's IBS, so I can't imagine me talking about our IVF cycle would make him anything other than totally uncomfortable.

See I do disagree with this. I DO want to hear about how someone I love is doing even if it's regarding their IBS. Im not talking about going to dinner and discussing how my latest vaginal exam went or if Uncle Bob had diarrhea last night. But i do want and genuinely care about the health and wellbeing of the people I love. I wouldn't want them to suffer through anything alone. We support one another.

 

I don't mean this in a snarky way, but What kind of support do you expect from friends/family when it comes to IF, especially if they've never been through it?  I would have been absolutely mortified if someone offered sympathy after an unsuccessful cycle.  I guess I dealt with IF kind of like my grandmother dealt with her cancer diagnosis:  she didn't tell anyone until her treatments were almost finished because she didn't want anyone to feel sorry for her or bother her about it.  I don't think most people know how to deal with friends/family who have IF issues, and judging from these boards generally respond with a mixture of unsolicited and useless advice, nagging about how treatment is going, and pity.  The first two are just annoying, but pity is the pits.

Honestly I think that sounds incredibly sad and lonely but to each their own I suppose. But I don't "expect" anything from people, but the people I'm closest too (family in particular) have been incredibly supportive, ranging from a shoulder to cry on, a person to listen while I rant and show my "ugly" side with how upset and angry I am about the cards I've been dealt. The people I'm closest too don't pity me. They genuinely hurt when I hurt. And vice versa. Sure people say the wrong thing but I guess I have a close enough relationship with my friends and family to say, "Really?! That's not helpful." I think bottling it up and assuming everyone is judging you and pitying you is horribly unhealthy and a really sad way to live.

 

I'm not saying it's necessary to shout it to the whole world but I cannot imagine going through this alone.

 

I don't think I bottled anything up, I just didn't let IF define my life.  I knew we'd either have a family or cope with being child-free.  I feel sorry for the people who post that they can't go to baby showers or rant about Facebook pg announcements.  IF sucks, there's no two ways about it, but it seems more unhealthy to me to make it such a major focus in your life that you cant enjoy social gatherings or you need to "vent about the hand you've been dealt".  But to each their own I suppose.

08/20/2011: BFP! 03/25/2012: A & O were born at 34w6d

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11-23-2012 at 11:06 AM
LaineyPane...
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PAIF response here.

Part of our situation came as the aftermath of Hubby having illness and surgeries, which inevitably would affect our fertility. So family knew. The advanced endo that blocked the tubes---well, that was the game changer from IUI to IVF. 

All of our family and friends knew. I'm an open book kind of gal, and I was amazed at how many other women out there also struggle. By talking about it, others seemed comfortable talking to me about it, and we were able to support each other. Or---by talking about it, others would say, "Oh, we did IVF for ----insert child's name here---." Then they'd share their stories/journey with me, and I found it comforting....or comforted by the fact that I knew I had another gal in my corner to give me a shot if I got in a pinch! 

I didn't worry about others feeling sorry for me. I appreciated their thoughts and prayers. I also didn't mind talking with people about it b/c mentally and emotionally it has been such an all-consuming journey, that it felt good to talk out loud about it. 

 
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11-23-2012 at 12:00 PM
HannahsHop...
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I am very open with most of my friends and family. I really feel that by sharing our struggles, we gain insight and knowledge that we might not otherwise have. But, I am also not a very private person.
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11-25-2012 at 2:03 AM
chucktgirl
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No. NO one knows. No family, no friends. Not even my boss. (I told her I was going through something, not life threatening, and asked for some leeway.) There is no one who could give me appropriate support. The only thing that would come from spilling the beans would be pity and additional heartache. That would make things worse. This is private and will remain so...with the exception of telling my every dirty detail to all of my anonymous sisters here on the Bump! Zip it!

My (old) BLOG: www.ivfbabyquest.wordpress.com
TTC since Jan 2010 with OPKs. Me: 41, Hypothyroidism, hetero MTHFR C677T, hetero Factor V Leiden (no previous clots) Dx: DOR due to AMA. Rx: 100mg Levothyroxin, FaBB tab, Spring Valley Prenatal Vitamins, Vitamin D. Hubby: 34, Hyperthyroidism, Fragile X carrier, Great swimmers!
Natural PG 9/27/11; MC at 8wks. Used Cytotec to expel: 1/20/12 (unpleasant)
First RE visit: 8/8/12, Saline Sonogram: 8/28/12(4cm unknown mass in upper left of uterus) 2nd Saline Sonogram: 10/2/12 (mass disappeared!) IVF injection class: 10/11/12
IVF #1: 10/17/12 Baseline: FSH- 9.4, E2- 24, LH- 3.7, Progesterone- 0.3. 6 follicles in my right ovary & 9 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle & 150 Menopur SQ in AM. 10/21/12: Add Ganirelix SQ in PM. 10/26/12: hCG Trigger IM. ER 10/28/12: 13R, 7M, 6F. 5 Made it to PGS. ET 11/2/12: CANCELED. PGS: All 5 have "severe abnormalities." Devastated. Begged RE for back-to-back IVFs; Started Provera 11/2/12. AF said FU and came anyway, destroying any chance for a Dec IVF. Maxed out lifetime IF meds insurance. I can barely breathe, waiting to get through this process, hoping for my take-home-baby.
IVF #2: 1/7/13 Baseline: FSH- 8.8, 4 follicles in my right ovary & 6 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle & 150 Menopur SQ in PM. 1/11/13: Add Ganirelix SQ in AM. 1/16/13: hCG Trigger IM. ER 1/18/13: 9R, 5M, 5F. 2 Made it to PGS. ET 1/23/13: CANCELED. PGS: All embryos have "multiple severe abnormalities." RE recommends we stop trying and focus on living childless, due to the repeated extremely poor quality of my eggs. I don't even know what to do with that.
IVF #3- NEW RE! 100% OOP: 3/1/13 Baseline: FSH- 9.6, E2- 61, Progesterone- 0.94, 3 follicles in my right ovary & 4 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle & 150 Menopur SQ in PM. 3/7/13: Add Ganirelix SQ in AM. hCG Trigger 3/9/13 SQ. 3/11/13 ER: 6R, 2M, 2F. Day 3: one 8 cell, grade 0. 3/16/13 Five day ET: one early blast, grade Fair. 3/24/13 Started period a day before beta. BFN.
IVF #4 (FINAL) (Added acupuncture to this cycle.): 3/25/13 WTF & Baseline: FSH-11.8, E2- 56, Progesterone- 0.84 3/26/13 Start stims. 3/30/13 u/s: 5 follicles in my right ovary & 4 in my left. Rx: 225 Bravelle & 225 Menopur SQ in PM. 3/31/13 Add Ganirelix SQ in AM. hCG Trigger 4/3/13 SQ. 4/5/13 ER: 5R, 3M, 3F naturally. Day 3: two 8 cell, grade 0, one 8 cell, grade 2 (Scale 0-best to 3-worst). 4/10/13 Five day ET: two blastocysts (the 3rd stopped growing.) 4/18/13 Beta: 2.5 BFFN.
No DE or adoption for us, FIRM.
That’s it for us. I am beyond devastated and have no idea how to proceed from here. My life has been forever altered by this experience. Best wishes to all in their journeys! 
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