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11-25-2012 at 7:54 PM
CurlingRoc...
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Joined on 10-12-2009
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CurlingRocks is not online. Last active: 06-19-2013, 1:21 PMGold

My cousin is probably getting divorced, I need some advice

Sorry to board crash! 

My cousin recently separated from her husband, largely because she wants kids and he doesn't.  (I don't know of any other issues, though there may be some.)  She hasn't really advertised this to anyone outside family and close friends, but the news is now grapevining through the family.  (This is how our family does things; please don't think it's vicious gossip.  She gave her mom permission to spread the word this way.)

DH and I want to be supportive and helpful since she needs it, but we aren't exactly sure what to do or say.  Her husband is a pretty nice guy and fun to be around, so I don't think we'd be likely to ex-bash.  But we've always thought it was odd that she married someone who so adamantly did not want to be a parent when she places such high value on family, including kids.  I know other members of the extended family don't really like her H, though I don't know their reasoning.  She's in her early 30s, so if she does leave him, she still has some time to meet someone new and have children.

What are some things we should absolutely avoid saying/doing while she goes through this? 

What are some things we could say/do that would be supportive/helpful as she goes through the separation and probably divorce?

TIA!


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11-25-2012 at 8:20 PM
CurlingRoc...
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CurlingRocks is not online. Last active: 06-19-2013, 1:21 PMGold
And because it looks like you guys get lots of trolls on here: I'm a frequent poster on several other boards, definitely not a troll.  (Silver status!  Feel free to view my recent posts; I don't think I've ever filled in my profile.)  I really would appreciate some advice on this.  I don't want to alienate my cousin, and I don't know many others IRL who've gotten divorced, especially not people who she's sharing the news with...  TIA!

Preemie Resources: http://preemiemomblog.blogspot.com/ Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Premature Baby tickers Lilypie Maternity tickers 
11-26-2012 at 11:41 AM
sweetie022...
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Chester County, PA
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sweetie0228 is not online. Last active: 06-17-2013, 4:05 PMBronze

I think just reaching out and syaing you are available and support her decisions.  IS really the only thing you can do here.  Stay out of any negative gossiping, stay neutral, but she's family and she's the one you are sticking by.

 

Take her lead, but don't let her wallow too long in any negative conversations.  Redirect and ask about future plans and find any excitement you can like helping her redecorate her new place, or ask her out for coffee/lunch/dinner/movie if you are local.

 

She's got a lot of sorting and rearranging to do.  And while he's not dead, the dream of what she thought he was, where she thought they were going is dead and she will mourn that.

 


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11-26-2012 at 4:03 PM
CurlingRoc...
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CurlingRocks is not online. Last active: 06-19-2013, 1:21 PMGold
Thank you!  That was really helpful.  I'm the type that always wants to give advice, and I just haven't been through anything remotely like this, so I know I'll say the wrong thing if I offer any advice.  I'll try to do more listening and following; it just seems counter-intuitive to my personality.

Preemie Resources: http://preemiemomblog.blogspot.com/ Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Premature Baby tickers Lilypie Maternity tickers 
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