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11-26-2012 at 11:21 AM
Sand34
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Last Name Dilema

Hi ! I'm not sure what last name to give the baby..I currently still use the last name I was given when I was married (which I no longer am). My maiden name means nothing to me since my father left when i was a baby and my mom had a different last name then my maiden name.. And then there's the father of this baby to be - do I use that last name even though technically we are not together.. I was thinking of using the current last name I have (which was my exhusbands last name) but that last name will have no tie in to the baby.. Any suggestions?? My last name (which is exhusband), my maiden name (which means nothing to me) or the father of this baby's last name (which I am not technically with)??
 
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11-26-2012 at 11:36 AM
sweetie022...
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sweetie0228 is online. Last active: 05-21-2013, 5:18 PMBronze

This can depend on your state laws.  You may be only allowed to give your LO's your legal last name if you are not married to the father of the LO.

SOME states you can give your baby any last name you want even if you made it up.

You will want to look up your state's laws.

But really don't over think this one.  Your baby is your baby and it doesn't matter what last name you all have.

Personally,

My dd has my maiden name, my ds has my 1st married name/last name of their father and I now have my Forever Husband's last name.  We have 3 different last names and my kids are full blood siblings.  It was just how it worked out and I've never had a problem claiming my children.  Sometimes I get Mrs. wronglast name but matches the child we are talking about.  That is a quick correction and move on.

 
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11-26-2012 at 11:41 AM
Sand34
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Sand34 is not online. Last active: 01-31-2013, 9:11 AMNewbie
Thanks- I live in New Jersey.. I'll look into it.. I think I want the last name that I have but that last name does not represent the baby in anyway so I don't konw if that would be taking away from him/her.. However, I prefer not to use the last name of the father because I dont have that name. I don't know=-im confused...
 
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11-26-2012 at 7:43 PM
tifanico
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tifanico is not online. Last active: 05-21-2013, 12:32 AMSilver

That last names does represent something, YOU have it now, regardless what was the reason. 

I'm also in the camp of thinking that last names are not a big deal. DD has her dad's last name and I don't regret it one bit. 
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11-26-2012 at 7:58 PM
steffiluv
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steffiluv is not online. Last active: 04-25-2013, 12:07 AMNewbie
Agree with it means something now that you have the last name. Personally I gave my LO my last name and her father is pissed, but I know we won't be together forever and it will just be easier. Plus,  the same last name is a bond in itself, I'd think. 
 
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11-26-2012 at 9:21 PM
tifanico
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tifanico is not online. Last active: 05-21-2013, 12:32 AMSilver

steffiluv:
Agree with it means something now that you have the last name. Personally I gave my LO my last name and her father is pissed, but I know we won't be together forever and it will just be easier. Plus,  the same last name is a bond in itself, I'd think. 

DD doesn't have my last name and I don't think my love or bond with her is any less than if she had my last name.  
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11-26-2012 at 9:54 PM
mamastich
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I kept my married name which my DD had already had - i wanted that with her.

my mom took her maiden name back and me and my sisters had my (deadbeat) dads last name - we always hated it.

Its more important to me to be identified with my daughters last name than to take any other last name back.
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11-27-2012 at 6:27 AM
Sand34
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Thanks so much for all the feedback!!! I know the father will be pssd if I don't use his name but he's given me so much grief and I know he will not be there always.. I think the best name to use is the name that I have as most of you have said...That's most important!!! The tie that I have with my baby, right?! :) This has been so worrysome and I'm just glad we have these boards to talk about things...i could really vent about the lack of support I am receiving from the father etc..through this pregnancy but that would take toooo long!!!
 
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11-27-2012 at 12:25 PM
septmom11
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If DDs father was going to be apart of her life i would have probably given her  his last name.  He never was and is still not so I am glad with my choice to give her my last name.  I didnt want her to have a strangers last name. 
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11-27-2012 at 6:20 PM
tifanico
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tifanico is not online. Last active: 05-21-2013, 12:32 AMSilver

septmom11:
If DDs father was going to be apart of her life i would have probably given her  his last name.  He never was and is still not so I am glad with my choice to give her my last name.  I didnt want her to have a strangers last name. 

Yes, if you already know that he wont be around don't even think about it. 

In my case BD is very involved and we are on great terms.  
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11-28-2012 at 8:39 AM
UberBiz
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Sand34:
Thanks- I live in New Jersey.. I'll look into it.. I think I want the last name that I have but that last name does not represent the baby in anyway so I don't konw if that would be taking away from him/her.. However, I prefer not to use the last name of the father because I dont have that name. I don't know=-im confused...

I had my daughter in NJ and she has my last name (maiden, never married), but since her father is on her birth certificate, I could have given her his last name if I chose to.

I live in NY now, and this baby will have his father's last name even though it will be different from mine and my daughter's. Even if I didn't have my daughter, I'd give the baby the father's last name, even though mine wouldn't be the same.

 
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11-29-2012 at 8:12 AM
haleyanna1...
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As long as you're keeping your last name you have now, I would definitely use it.  I didn't give my baby his dads last name because we are never getting back together. 
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11-30-2012 at 6:54 AM
Snow__Whit...
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tifanico:

septmom11:
If DDs father was going to be apart of her life i would have probably given her  his last name.  He never was and is still not so I am glad with my choice to give her my last name.  I didnt want her to have a strangers last name. 

Yes, if you already know that he wont be around don't even think about it. 

In my case BD is very involved and we are on great terms.  

I gave LO her dad's last name instead of mine and while he is a part of her life now (we are a couple) I know it won't last much longer and I have regretted give her his last name from the second I filled out the paperwork for her birth certificate. I feel a little left out every time I take her to the doctor and they have the same name, but I don't. Sending out birth announcements was awkward in my opinion. 
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11-30-2012 at 8:34 AM
Monkeybird...
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My DS, now 8 days past due, will not have his father's last name because the man has had no involvement since I moved out and very little contact with me about the baby. I am giving my baby MY last name despite threats from his father to basically walk out and have nothing to do with his kid.

 
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11-30-2012 at 2:59 PM
kaykrash
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kaykrash is not online. Last active: 01-16-2013, 2:59 PMNewbie
In my opinion, if the father of the baby is going to BE the father, all responsibilities included, then the baby should have his last name. If not, then give the baby your last name (not your exhusbands), because whether your dad was around or not, it's still your last name. And if you don't have any other children to keep your exhusbands last name, then change your last name too.
 
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12-01-2012 at 6:53 PM
tifanico
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tifanico is not online. Last active: 05-21-2013, 12:32 AMSilver
Snow__White__Queen:
tifanico:

septmom11:
If DDs father was going to be apart of her life i would have probably given her  his last name.  He never was and is still not so I am glad with my choice to give her my last name.  I didnt want her to have a strangers last name. 

Yes, if you already know that he wont be around don't even think about it. 

In my case BD is very involved and we are on great terms.  

I gave LO her dad's last name instead of mine and while he is a part of her life now (we are a couple) I know it won't last much longer and I have regretted give her his last name from the second I filled out the paperwork for her birth certificate. I feel a little left out every time I take her to the doctor and they have the same name, but I don't. Sending out birth announcements was awkward in my opinion. 

Do you have to include your last names for the birth announcements?

I would only use first names for Christmas cards. Snow white and Luna wish you happy holidays, etc.

I really do not regret giving her BD's last name. Its just a part of who she is and its a connection she has with her other side of her family. I think, I just got used to it and think that my bond with her has nothing to do with the last name she carries. 
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