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11-26-2012 at 1:21 PM
MBush4
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Alternative to favors?

A poster on my birth month wall asked this question and I was wondering what you ladies would think.

Would you think it odd if, instead of a regular favor you take home and eat right away or let take up space in your house, the hostess made a donation to a local children's hospital in the amount of what she would have spent on the favors?

I thought it was actually a really good idea simply because with the last few showers I've attended/helped with people usually forgot to grab favors and the hostess was left with lots of left over favors that she had spent time preparing and stuff.

What are your thoughts?
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11-26-2012 at 1:26 PM
526SadieSa...
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I'd rather not get a favor at all than get a card that said a donation was made in lieu of a favor- I don't get the point.  It makes me think of that Seinfeld episode when George made up a fake charity so he could give out phony cards at holiday time.

I'd be especially irritated if the donation was made to a charity I didn't support.

Favors aren't musts.
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11-26-2012 at 1:28 PM
Las135
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I loooove that idea.  For my wedding we had 2 favors, one was a donation of $1 made to St. Jude in honor of each guest.  Depending on how much you spend, certain charities will send you bookmarks or little scrolls stating that donated in honor of the guest.  We got cute little bookmarks made and wrapped them with ribbon.  Everyone seemed to love the idea.
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11-26-2012 at 1:28 PM
discobelle
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I would think it was odd.

I think it's fine to skip favors all together, but the donation in lieu of sounds kind of awkward.
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11-26-2012 at 1:29 PM
MBush4
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I see what you mean. Well, mostly... I never really got into Seinfeld so I don't know that episode.
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11-26-2012 at 1:30 PM
Allycat11
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526SadieSadie:

I'd rather not get a favor at all than get a card that said a donation was made in lieu of a favor- I don't get the point.  It makes me think of that Seinfeld episode when George made up a fake charity so he could give out phony cards at holiday time.

I'd be especially irritated if the donation was made to a charity I didn't support.

Favors aren't musts.

Exactly this.  Even a charity that it seems like everyone would support may be a charity that not everyone agrees with.  There are charities that I would like to support but never will because of how they use funds or various other reasons.  No favor is better than a donation IMO.  

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11-26-2012 at 1:32 PM
526SadieSa...
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MBush4:
I see what you mean. Well, mostly... I never really got into Seinfeld so I don't know that episode.

Cliff's Notes edition: George is a cheapskate and not particularly etiquette-friendly.  He came up with the idea of handing out cards to his co-workers saying in lieu of a Christmas gift, he had made a donation in their name to The Human Fund (which didn't exist).  He got away with it until his boss made out a check to The Human Fund and tried to get George to donate it.  The boss figured out the scheme and it got really awkward, as you can imagine.
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11-26-2012 at 1:33 PM
Disneygeek...
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I don't know.  That just strikes me as weird and a little like...bragging.  I mean if you want to make a donation, make a donation.  Don't make a big show about it at a friends baby shower. 
 
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11-26-2012 at 1:34 PM
526SadieSa...
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Allycat11:
526SadieSadie:

I'd rather not get a favor at all than get a card that said a donation was made in lieu of a favor- I don't get the point.  It makes me think of that Seinfeld episode when George made up a fake charity so he could give out phony cards at holiday time.

I'd be especially irritated if the donation was made to a charity I didn't support.

Favors aren't musts.

Exactly this.  Even a charity that it seems like everyone would support may be a charity that not everyone agrees with.  There are charities that I would like to support but never will because of how they use funds or various other reasons.  No favor is better than a donation IMO.  

Yes!!  A friend of mine donates regularly to a well-known animal rights charity but she did some investigating and found out they spend more money on advertising for donors than they do on actually helping needy animals.  Stuff like that really sticks in my craw.

ETA: my cousin worked for an internationally known charity and found out they had forged the signature of a sports celebrity on a piece that was going up for a charity auction (she found a piece of paper that was obviously someone practising the signature).  She tried to blow the whistle and they "downsized" her.  I still get upset when I see commercials for them on TV.
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11-26-2012 at 1:38 PM
blush64
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I don't consider it a favour if you are making a donation in someone's name. IT's not really for that person who attended the shower.

I like to donate money where i choose to donate money. If I went to a shower where they did that I wouldn't care but I would assume they wanted to save money. (donating less than favours would cost, or just not really donating)
 
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11-26-2012 at 1:39 PM
MBush4
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526SadieSadie:
Allycat11:
526SadieSadie:

I'd rather not get a favor at all than get a card that said a donation was made in lieu of a favor- I don't get the point.  It makes me think of that Seinfeld episode when George made up a fake charity so he could give out phony cards at holiday time.

I'd be especially irritated if the donation was made to a charity I didn't support.

Favors aren't musts.

Exactly this.  Even a charity that it seems like everyone would support may be a charity that not everyone agrees with.  There are charities that I would like to support but never will because of how they use funds or various other reasons.  No favor is better than a donation IMO.  

Yes!!  A friend of mine donates regularly to a well-known animal rights charity but she did some investigating and found out they spend more money on advertising for donors than they do on actually helping needy animals.  Stuff like that really sticks in my craw.

ETA: my cousin worked for an internationally known charity and found out they had forged the signature of a sports celebrity on a piece that was going up for a charity auction (she found a piece of paper that was obviously someone practising the signature).  She tried to blow the whistle and they "downsized" her.  I still get upset when I see commercials for them on TV.

 

Very good point!
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11-26-2012 at 2:03 PM
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526SadieSadie:
I'd rather not get a favor at all than get a card that said a donation was made in lieu of a favornbsp;I don't get the point.nbsp; It makes me think of that Seinfeld episode when George made up a fake charity so he could give out phony cards at holiday time.
I'd be especially irritated if the donation was made to a charity I didn't support.
Favors aren't musts.


This. I wouldn't do it. Either do favors or don't.
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11-26-2012 at 2:12 PM
cole2144
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I personally like this idea. For my destination wedding, we donated money to a music program started in honor of my cousin who died at the age of 21, two years before my wedding. It was way more meaningful to us and the members of our family who attended than some favor that would probably be thrown away. We told guests that a donation was made but not the amount. Just do your research about wherever you choose to donate. As long as the money is going where they say it is, I can`t see how you could argue with donating to a children`s charity.
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11-26-2012 at 2:16 PM
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discobelle:

I would think it was odd.

I think it's fine to skip favors all together, but the donation in lieu of sounds kind of awkward.

 This. For some reason, "in lieu of" reminds me of what you would do for someone who has passed away. Sorry.

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11-26-2012 at 2:19 PM
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cole2144:
I personally like this idea. For my destination wedding, we donated money to a music program started in honor of my cousin who died at the age of 21, two years before my wedding. It was way more meaningful to us and the members of our family who attended than some favor that would probably be thrown away. We told guests that a donation was made but not the amount. Just do your research about wherever you choose to donate. As long as the money is going where they say it is, I cant see how you could argue with donating to a childrens charity.


Both my mother and grandmother are severe diabetics. DH and I made a donation to the American Diabetes Association in lieu of favors at our wedding. Maybe it's regional, but making a donation is quite commonplace in NYC.
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11-26-2012 at 2:20 PM
526SadieSa...
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If you choose to donate to a charity, by all means, donate.  But telling people you donated is kinda braggy and "Look at us, aren't we good people for making this donation?!"  It can certainly be taken that way.
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11-26-2012 at 2:24 PM
Cranang
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I think donations made in someone's name is a little preachy.  And braggy.

If your friend wants to donate money to some charity, that's fine. But this would be like announcing how generous and thoughful you are.  And that's annoying.  I've gotten these cards before, and I've actually said "oh how sweet."  Inside I was saying, "You're a pretentious jerk."

Either do favors or don't.  I get offended when people donate in my name.  I will give my money to the charities I support.  Don't do it for me without my permission.

 
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11-26-2012 at 2:24 PM
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As pp have said, favors are not a must. The last wedding we went to they have a tiny live plant as favors, I really liked it, and carried it back in the plane with me for 4 hours!!! I thought it was a lot better use of money than food item, there was so much food in the party. For baby shower, flower seeds or bulbs could be nice, too with a note tying the theme with the baby.

 
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11-26-2012 at 2:33 PM
Estwd2
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This is definitely an interesting debate. I agree that you can't always guarantee your guests will appreciate the charity of choice. For example, I'd be annoyed as hell if I got a card saying they had made a donation to something like PETA because, you know, they suck. Of course I'd never say anything because without getting into the whole backstory of why PETA sucks, you might find yourself on the other end of a question like "So what, you hate animals or something?" Same thing with Komen. That organization has gotten a mega sh*t ton of negative press lately about their business practices, but if you say anything it's like "What, you don't want to cure breast cancer?" Why potentially make your guests feel awkward if you don't have to? Give me chocolates or nothing at all.
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11-26-2012 at 2:43 PM
cole2144
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526SadieSadie:
If you choose to donate to a charity, by all means, donate.  But telling people you donated is kinda braggy and "Look at us, aren't we good people for making this donation?!"  It can certainly be taken that way.

Some people will always look for the worst in others. I chose this rather than favors to feel honor my dead cousin whose absence was very much felt at my wedding, so sorry if that comes off as braggy.

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11-26-2012 at 2:44 PM
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I have only seen this done at weddings, and it's unless something that is very near and dear (read: personal) to the bride and or groom's heart, I would roll my eyes.

I don't think favors are necessary.  

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11-26-2012 at 2:45 PM
cole2144
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SunshineMuffin:
cole2144:
I personally like this idea. For my destination wedding, we donated money to a music program started in honor of my cousin who died at the age of 21, two years before my wedding. It was way more meaningful to us and the members of our family who attended than some favor that would probably be thrown away. We told guests that a donation was made but not the amount. Just do your research about wherever you choose to donate. As long as the money is going where they say it is, I cant see how you could argue with donating to a childrens charity.
Both my mother and grandmother are severe diabetics. DH and I made a donation to the American Diabetes Association in lieu of favors at our wedding. Maybe it's regional, but making a donation is quite commonplace in NYC.

Yeah maybe, I am from Philadelphia and it`s fine here as well. 

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11-26-2012 at 2:45 PM
526SadieSa...
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cole2144:

526SadieSadie:
If you choose to donate to a charity, by all means, donate.  But telling people you donated is kinda braggy and "Look at us, aren't we good people for making this donation?!"  It can certainly be taken that way.

Some people will always look for the worst in others. I chose this rather than favors to feel honor my dead cousin whose absence was very much felt at my wedding, so sorry if that comes off as braggy.

Don't go taking it personally, no one was pointing at you. 

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11-26-2012 at 2:51 PM
cole2144
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526SadieSadie:
cole2144:

526SadieSadie:
If you choose to donate to a charity, by all means, donate.  But telling people you donated is kinda braggy and "Look at us, aren't we good people for making this donation?!"  It can certainly be taken that way.

Some people will always look for the worst in others. I chose this rather than favors to feel honor my dead cousin whose absence was very much felt at my wedding, so sorry if that comes off as braggy.

Don't go taking it personally, no one was pointing at you. 

IMO it is personal, where I come from, people make a donation rather than giving favors because it is a cause close to their heart and therefore much more personal than a favor. 

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11-26-2012 at 3:01 PM
526SadieSa...
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Cole, no one is attacking you for your choice.  It's my opinion and several other posters that donations i/o favors is braggy.  No one said you personally were AWing.

 
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11-26-2012 at 3:05 PM
cole2144
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526SadieSadie:

Cole, no one is attacking you for your choice.  It's my opinion and several other posters that donations i/o favors is braggy.  No one said you personally were AWing.

 

I understand that, but it was also a very special moment that was shared with my family where we all stopped in the midst of a beautiful day to think about someone whose absence was deeply felt. I think if it is an organization that is that personal to you than it is absolutely a good thing and makes that day even more meaningful and I would hate for someone to try and tarnish that. 

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11-26-2012 at 3:05 PM
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Dude, calm down.  She was just giving her opinion, an opinion I share.  I am from the Midwest and yes it would be weird if someone did that here.  No one is saying you shouldn't donate to a cause that is close to your heart.  I guess what people are saying is that a baby shower that you are hosting for someone else might not be the most appropriate to do so.  A donation made to say a memorial fund of someone close to the MTB wouldn't be too weird, but yeah just picking a random charity would be. 

Again, no one is saying you shouldn't donate to a cause, but what might make people uncomfortable is being so public about it. 

Oh and I know this is totally off topic but I love your pic.  We also went to Disneyworld in the fall time and loved it.  Can't wait to go back. 

 
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11-26-2012 at 3:15 PM
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stw_77:

Dude, calm down.  She was just giving her opinion, an opinion I share.  I am from the Midwest and yes it would be weird if someone did that here.  No one is saying you shouldn't donate to a cause that is close to your heart.  I guess what people are saying is that a baby shower that you are hosting for someone else might not be the most appropriate to do so.  A donation made to say a memorial fund of someone close to the MTB wouldn't be too weird, but yeah just picking a random charity would be. 

Again, no one is saying you shouldn't donate to a cause, but what might make people uncomfortable is being so public about it. 

Oh and I know this is totally off topic but I love your pic.  We also went to Disneyworld in the fall time and loved it.  Can't wait to go back. 

I understand that but I completely disagree. Thank you, Disney is beautiful that time of year.

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11-26-2012 at 3:17 PM
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cole2144:
stw_77:

Dude, calm down.  She was just giving her opinion, an opinion I share.  I am from the Midwest and yes it would be weird if someone did that here.  No one is saying you shouldn't donate to a cause that is close to your heart.  I guess what people are saying is that a baby shower that you are hosting for someone else might not be the most appropriate to do so.  A donation made to say a memorial fund of someone close to the MTB wouldn't be too weird, but yeah just picking a random charity would be. 

Again, no one is saying you shouldn't donate to a cause, but what might make people uncomfortable is being so public about it. 

Oh and I know this is totally off topic but I love your pic.  We also went to Disneyworld in the fall time and loved it.  Can't wait to go back. 

I understand that but I completely disagree. Thank you, Disney is beautiful that time of year.

Well OP, as you can clearly see some people think it is fine and other don't.  I would err on the side of caution and not do it. 

 
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11-26-2012 at 3:41 PM
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Personally, I usually feel like favors from baby showers are a waste of money. At weddings, it's usually a keep sake that people keep and use for a while after, so I can see why its a bigger deal then. I personally would not side eye donations being made to a charity instead of favors for a shower. But that also means I think you can skip that aspect all together. IMO, as long as you feed me and send me a thank you card after, my expectations will be met.
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