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11-26-2012 at 9:20 PM
ehicks
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Joined on 09-24-2008
Pittsburgh, PA
10,705 Points
ehicks is not online. Last active: 02-19-2013, 12:30 PMSilver

Awkward work situation [long]

I get along really well with the other ASM at my store. I was the one who trained her and got her to move up so quickly in the company, so we are basically work friends. We never hangout outside of work because she is younger and goes out a lot and I'm a boring old mom haha

Even though we get along great I still try to keep our lives outside of work separate. I mean, she knows what goes on in my life but not super personal stuff. 

Anyway.... 2 weeks ago she came to me in private and told me she was pregnant and wanting to get an abortion. I told her I felt bad she was in this situation and it was her business how she handled it but I really didn't want to know much else, not because I don't care but because I didn't want to cross that line at work. I would be there for her if she needed anything but I didn't want to stand around discussing the matter.

The next day I came in and found out that she told our manager, which I understand, but also told some of the associates. I can understand telling your boss so you can have some time off but I think as a leader you should keep that sort of thing private with the other employees. But that is her business.

After I found this out she now makes little side comments during the day that make me feel awkward. I told her the other day I would let her borrow a top I can't fit into for work and she said "well if I can't afford to take care of this I'll be as big as you!" or she goes around asking what to buy but then says "oh yeah I have to save my money to take care of the little one."

Now I'm pro-choice and would never turn this into some political discussion at work... but I'm killing myself to be at work 40 hours a week, on my feet, working until I have my csection and hardly ever complaining or asking for favors. I never leave early and pick up shifts when some girls can't make it in. The comments make me really uncomfortable and I feel weird talking about my own pregnancy around her now without feeling like I may get a weird comment back. 

She gets this weekend off because that is when she scheduled it... but her bday is two weeks after and she requested that whole weekend off too. So this week I have an awful schedule (8 days in a row) so that she can be at home resting.

I'm just a little resentful and offended and I don't know if I have the right to be because I do feel bad that she is in this situation and probably going through a lot right now. But I really don't know what to do. She deserves to have the time off but the little comments make me mad that she is allowed to have the time off... working retail we don't get weekends off at all in Dec for managers. 

 

Should I say something? Keep my mouth shut? I'm just confused and frustrated because I'm tired and miss my family and have been on a short fuse lately haha thanks hormones!


 
11-26-2012 at 10:06 PM
nk1220
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Joined on 02-15-2011
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nk1220 is not online. Last active: 05-07-2013, 2:09 PMBronze
Unfortunately, I know your position all too well.  I was an ASM for years and I HATED when the holiday season came around and the weekends off would rotate, yet someone would get 2 in a row when I busted my hump for sometimes 8+ days in a row.  I know how bad this sucks.  I say that for now, let her do what she needs to do.  If this continues to be an issue, let your SM know and have her deal with it.  I mean, she is granting the time off, so I'm guessing she is okay with the other ASM having time off like this.  I am also thinking that your SM is rationalizing your time off for maternity leave and the work that they will be putting in when you're out.  This happened at my store last holiday.  One of the other ASM's were pregnant, she was worked to the bone until she went out on leave.  It was very sad to see this happen and I would pick up the slack and show up early to relieve her because she was so miserable.  I think that at the same time though, you know your work situation best.  If this is something that continues to happen (weekends off in a row while others work 2x as hard) I would say something.  Also, she needs to keep her personal matters about the baby to herself.  There is no place for this in the work place and this can cause drama among the associates...We've had our share of this at my store too.  GL! HTH!

We can't wait to meet baby Mason!  
11-27-2012 at 8:51 AM
ClaryPax
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Joined on 04-25-2012
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ClaryPax is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 2:53 PMBronze

I don't know there is much you can say about her comments on pregnancy.  I think she is trying to work through what she is going to do and this is her way of going about it.  Since she mentioned saving the money for the baby it sounds like she hasn't 100% decided on the abortion maybe.  If it is awkward then don't discuss your pregnancy with her. 

As far as working 8 days in a row, I don't work retail so I can't compare.  But when I was going to have to work 8 days  in a row I took some PTO time in the middle of the week to give my self a break.  I know its the busy season, but is there any time when you are fully staffed in the middle of the week where you could take a day off and rest.  I didn't think I would make it 8 days in a row being pregnant, so I took steps to avoid that.  

 
11-27-2012 at 9:47 AM
2moms2b
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Joined on 05-01-2012
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2moms2b is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 2:28 PMBronze

First I agree with you, it's completely awkward that she would be so open about something so insanely personal (regardless of outcome or belief).  Not to mention I would think that would be grounds for some type of HR violation as that is such a sensitive subject.  On top of that should could loose the respect of some staff members speaking so openly about such personal matters.  I am of the honest belief that my personal life gets left at the door when I go to work.  I don't even discuss my pregnancy for fear that others might be dealing with issues I am unaware that my pregnancy might trigger.  I only answer questions asked if I feel ok to do so.

My recommendation would be to have a very candid talk with your boss.  I would even leave the other ASM out of the conversation and focus it on your and the stores well being.   I would let your boss know at this point in your pregnancy you would prefer if at all possible to have your days off break up your work days into smaller amounts so that you may continue to work until your expected leave date.  With the other ASM needing time off right now you would hate to work so many days in a row and possibly go into labor early or have your doctor pull you out of work before they have the proper coverage to cover you.   Again it's just a request but then should something happen you at least made your concerns known.  I too feel as though work can rationalize our upcoming maternity leave as an extended vacation instead of a necessary medical leave.  Therefore they expect us to buck up and just deal with the schedule they give us leading up to it.  On the subject of the other ASM I would personally leave this alone as what is done is done and maybe say something if she comes back talking about it.

I'm sorry you are in this situation as it truly is uncomfortable.  Best of luck! 


M & M
06/12 - BFP!!!!
Beta #1 15dpo - 256
Beta #2 18dpo - 1097
6wk U/S on 07/02 ~ TWINS!!!
EDD 02/21/13
09/10/12 Found out it's two Boys!!!! Sam and Jake
Jacob and Samuel born 1/29/13 at 36 weeks.
 photo 5BB917AE-0698-4A89-819D-78D9077559E8-4876-00000416CE2D44BB.jpg Lilypie Premature Baby tickers 
11-27-2012 at 9:57 AM
Mitsya
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Joined on 11-16-2006
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Mitsya is online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 3:18 PMNewbie

nk1220:
...Also, she needs to keep her personal matters about the baby to herself.  There is no place for this in the work place and this can cause drama among the associates...

I totally agree. It doesn't matter what the particular subject, she should not be having such personal conversations with her subordinates while all involved are on the clock.  Hell, many businesses have policy against having such intensely personal interactions off the clock.  She's acting in an incredibly unprofessional manner & the store manager &/or HR need to put the smack down for that reason.


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11-27-2012 at 11:37 AM
rmaxim
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Joined on 03-15-2008
Rockville, MD
11,376 Points
rmaxim is not online. Last active: 04-22-2013, 12:24 PMBronze
2moms2b:

My recommendation would be to have a very candid talk with your boss.  I would even leave the other ASM out of the conversation and focus it on your and the stores well being.   I would let your boss know at this point in your pregnancy you would prefer if at all possible to have your days off break up your work days into smaller amounts so that you may continue to work until your expected leave date.  With the other ASM needing time off right now you would hate to work so many days in a row and possibly go into labor early or have your doctor pull you out of work before they have the proper coverage to cover you.   Again it's just a request but then should something happen you at least made your concerns known.  I too feel as though work can rationalize our upcoming maternity leave as an extended vacation instead of a necessary medical leave.  Therefore they expect us to buck up and just deal with the schedule they give us leading up to it.  On the subject of the other ASM I would personally leave this alone as what is done is done and maybe say something if she comes back talking about it. 

This is a great suggestion. Surely there is *someone* else who can work at least enough that you don't have to work extra days in a row. I would even drop hints that if they push you too hard, your Dr may write a note requiring a reduced schedule. It's simple not cool to penalize the 9mos pregnant one  simply because "your leave is coming soon".


Jude Wayne - Born 4/23/10 Violet Patricia - Born 12/5/12 Breastfeeding, baby-wearing work-at-home mom of 2 living in Rockville, MD 
11-27-2012 at 12:59 PM
hindsight'...
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Joined on 05-07-2008
Savannah, GA
7,175 Points
hindsight's_a_biotch is online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 3:22 PMPlatinum

I think your lack of compassion, understanding, or introspection is appalling. Her pregnancy isn't about you. She certainly isn't asking for time off to screw with you. Also, if you'd been even the least bit understanding or IDK, friendly, perhaps she wouldn't have felt the need to talk to other people. You mentored her for her position and when she came to you for help, you basically brushed her off and told her to bother someone else.

 

Very professional of you. 




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11-28-2012 at 5:24 PM
Mitsya
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Joined on 11-16-2006
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Mitsya is online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 3:18 PMNewbie
hindsight's_a_biotch:

I think your lack of compassion, understanding, or introspection is appalling. Her pregnancy isn't about you. She certainly isn't asking for time off to screw with you. Also, if you'd been even the least bit understanding or IDK, friendly, perhaps she wouldn't have felt the need to talk to other people. You mentored her for her position and when she came to you for help, you basically brushed her off and told her to bother someone else.

 

Very professional of you. 

Huh.  Something tells me you're not in management.  Professional coaching is one thing, but the workplace is not the right spot for deep personal counseling.  The other ASM is acting in a highly unprofessional manner for divulging her personal medical info to her subordinates while on the clock.  The OP did the right thing & tried to help define that line gently & her colleague didn't get the clue.


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