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11-27-2012 at 8:13 AM
ANA6
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Baby Shower question

It's been 3 years since Kenley was born, after I had her I thought I wasn't going to have anymore so I go rid of somethings. My question is

Would you throw a second baby shower? DH and his family have not gone through one. DD was from past marriage. I am not sure if it's ok to have another since we are in a new town and this is DH's first one.


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11-27-2012 at 8:16 AM
jlpev
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I would think its probably ok. I especially think a family one would be good since his family hasn't had one with this being his first child.

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11-27-2012 at 8:37 AM
egb+jaf
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im assuming someone has offered to throw you the shower? because if not, its def not ok to throw your own.

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11-27-2012 at 8:42 AM
doribeth85...
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I'm not a fan of showers for STMs, but to each their own.

If no one has offered to throw a shower for you, do not throw one for yourself. 


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11-27-2012 at 8:45 AM
Bliss+Berr...
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First and foremost, you shouldn't be the one throwing the shower regardless of whether its your first or fifth baby.

IMO, showers are for first time moms only. Its not something that's done in my social circle.


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11-27-2012 at 8:47 AM
jlpev
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Yea you definitely shouldn't throw one for yourself but like I said before that a family shower would be nice for his family but that's only if someone offers.

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11-27-2012 at 9:35 AM
stilts1
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Unless someone is offering, I wouldn't throw yourself a shower.  It screams tacky and gift grabby.  If you need to find some inexpensive baby items check craigslist, ebay, garage sales. 

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11-27-2012 at 9:38 AM
TX-Bride
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If hosted by someone from his side of family, it's ok. I am sure your in laws want to spoil the LO and are looking forward to it.
 
11-27-2012 at 9:46 AM
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I say Yes! Have one enjoy the whole experience with your partner. Its been 8 yrs for me, this is my 2nd marriage I'm having one.

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11-27-2012 at 9:52 AM
elmoali
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TX-Bride:
If hosted by someone from his side of family, it's ok. I am sure your in laws want to spoil the LO and are looking forward to it.

This.  Yes, showers are for FTMs but it's often something the grandmothers are really into as well and I bet your DH's mother is excited.  If someone on his side wants to throw you one for the family/friends on that side, I think that's totally fine.   


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11-27-2012 at 10:03 AM
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egb+jaf:
im assuming someone has offered to throw you the shower? because if not, its def not ok to throw your own.

This. If someone offers, I don't see any harm in accepting. But it's definitely not something you should mention/hint to or throw yourself.


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11-27-2012 at 10:45 AM
asibilrud
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doribeth851:

I'm not a fan of showers for STMs, but to each their own.

If no one has offered to throw a shower for you, do not throw one for yourself. 

Yes I would honestly only think its ok if its a different family and if this LO is a boy...


 
11-27-2012 at 11:00 AM
elmoali
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asibilrud:
doribeth851:

I'm not a fan of showers for STMs, but to each their own.

If no one has offered to throw a shower for you, do not throw one for yourself. 

Yes I would honestly only think its ok if its a different family and if this LO is a boy...

I've never understood this line of thinking. I know it doesn't apply to the OP because she didn't think she was having ANY other children.  But why does someone deserve a shower because they were too short sighted the first time around to register for gender neutral items?


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11-27-2012 at 11:16 AM
skio
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elmoali:
asibilrud:
doribeth851:

I'm not a fan of showers for STMs, but to each their own.


If no one has offered to throw a shower for you, do not throw one for yourself.



Yes I would honestly only think its ok if its a different family and if this LO is a boy...


I've never understood this line of thinking. I know it doesn't apply to the OP because she didn't think she was having ANY other children. But why does someone deserve a shower because they were too short sighted the first time around to register for gender neutral items?


Clothes. All of our gear is gender neutral, but we have very few clothing items that could be used for a boy aside from onesies. Not that I expect a shower if I have a boy this time, I'm against it. But that's what I thought people meant by the 'second shower for a different sex' thing. I would absolutely think it tacky for someone to register for a bunch of big gender specific gear items for a second baby.

I'm in the no showers for STMs camp, but I do think it's okay under certain circumstances. In this case, I would think it okay for someone from the father's side to throw it, as some others mentioned. Absolutely NOT okay for the parents to throw it themselves.



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11-27-2012 at 11:24 AM
PrimRoseMa...
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A couple of things:
A] its not anyone's fault you got rid of the stuff and chose sex specific items the first time around. Neither of these things, IMHO, entitle you to another shower. It's up to you to provide for your new addition.

B] if someone offers you can accept but throwing one for yourselves is rude and tacky. It looks gift grabby.

C] the only time it is socially acceptable in my social circle is a long time [say, 10 years] between births or a different father/mother.

If you want to "celebrate the baby" you can do so with a Meet The Baby Party after delivery. People who want to bring gifts will, though it won't feel mandatory to bring one like it would be for a shower. Showers are gift giving events.

Good luck!

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11-27-2012 at 11:26 AM
watermelle...
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Bliss+Berry:
First and foremost, you shouldn't be the one throwing the shower regardless of whether its your first or fifth baby. IMO, showers are for first time moms only. Its not something that's done in my social circle.

ditto


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11-27-2012 at 12:03 PM
asibilrud
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elmoali:
asibilrud:
doribeth851:

I'm not a fan of showers for STMs, but to each their own.

If no one has offered to throw a shower for you, do not throw one for yourself. 

Yes I would honestly only think its ok if its a different family and if this LO is a boy...

I've never understood this line of thinking. I know it doesn't apply to the OP because she didn't think she was having ANY other children.  But why does someone deserve a shower because they were too short sighted the first time around to register for gender neutral items?

I never suggested they deserve it more. I merely said that if its a different family that makes it a little better and on top of that, if its a different gender it might make it slightly better. Overall, I am against the idea of a baby show for STMs. To me, its not any different than expecting gifts and a shower for a second wedding which I find incredibly tacky.

First babies (like first weddings) are used as a means to help a couple first starting out. If you can afford more kids and more wedings, you shouldn't expect your friends and family to pour money into it every time.


 
11-27-2012 at 1:22 PM
meheron80
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My suggestion (or what we are going to do) is have an open house/sprinkle.  I will be arranging a diaper party for my H through his best friend offically hosting at Hooters apx 1 month before the baby.  During the start of his diaper party my sister is going to host an Open House/Sprinkle at my house.  We will have the baby room completed at this time.  Gifts are not expected but if people feel the need I will be registering (plus the gifts for registering are nice).  I am hoping that the ladies can mingle while the guys are at hooters.  Then the guys can join us later and hang out.  There will be snack food and a cake.  I will prob have something for the guest to do besides seeing the new room, maybe a station for positive thoughts for the baby or playdoe for everyone to make a baby (just to make fun of each other's creations).  Nothing formal, no games or anything like a traditional baby shower. 


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11-27-2012 at 1:44 PM
BlueRidge8
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meheron80:

My suggestion (or what we are going to do) is have an open house/sprinkle.  I will be arranging a diaper party for my H through his best friend offically hosting at Hooters apx 1 month before the baby.  During the start of his diaper party my sister is going to host an Open House/Sprinkle at my house.  We will have the baby room completed at this time.  Gifts are not expected but if people feel the need I will be registering (plus the gifts for registering are nice).  I am hoping that the ladies can mingle while the guys are at hooters.  Then the guys can join us later and hang out.  There will be snack food and a cake.  I will prob have something for the guest to do besides seeing the new room, maybe a station for positive thoughts for the baby or playdoe for everyone to make a baby (just to make fun of each other's creations).  Nothing formal, no games or anything like a traditional baby shower. 

Indifferent 


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11-27-2012 at 2:19 PM
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meheron80:

My suggestion (or what we are going to do) is have an open house/sprinkle.  I will be arranging a diaper party for my H through his best friend offically hosting at Hooters apx 1 month before the baby.  During the start of his diaper party my sister is going to host an Open House/Sprinkle at my house.  We will have the baby room completed at this time.  Gifts are not expected but if people feel the need I will be registering (plus the gifts for registering are nice).  I am hoping that the ladies can mingle while the guys are at hooters.  Then the guys can join us later and hang out.  There will be snack food and a cake.  I will prob have something for the guest to do besides seeing the new room, maybe a station for positive thoughts for the baby or playdoe for everyone to make a baby (just to make fun of each other's creations).  Nothing formal, no games or anything like a traditional baby shower. 

No one wants to see your baby's room.


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11-27-2012 at 2:40 PM
missmommy2...
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meheron80:

My suggestion (or what we are going to do) is have an open house/sprinkle.  I will be arranging a diaper party for my H through his best friend offically hosting at Hooters apx 1 month before the baby.  During the start of his diaper party my sister is going to host an Open House/Sprinkle at my house.  We will have the baby room completed at this time.  Gifts are not expected but if people feel the need I will be registering (plus the gifts for registering are nice).  I am hoping that the ladies can mingle while the guys are at hooters.  Then the guys can join us later and hang out.  There will be snack food and a cake.  I will prob have something for the guest to do besides seeing the new room, maybe a station for positive thoughts for the baby or playdoe for everyone to make a baby (just to make fun of each other's creations).  Nothing formal, no games or anything like a traditional baby shower. 

So let me get this straight: you planned your own diaper party/sprinkle under the facade that your DH's friend and your sister were hosting? Seriously? This is so incredibly tacky on so many levels, words are failing me. 

 
11-27-2012 at 2:45 PM
Spacebunny...
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watermellens:

Bliss+Berry:
First and foremost, you shouldn't be the one throwing the shower regardless of whether its your first or fifth baby. IMO, showers are for first time moms only. Its not something that's done in my social circle.

ditto

Yep.

If people know you are pregnant, they may choose to give you gifts anyway.  Otherwise, prepare to get what you need for this child on your own. 


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11-27-2012 at 2:46 PM
Bliss+Berr...
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meheron80:

My suggestion (or what we are going to do) is have an open house/sprinkle.  I will be arranging a diaper party for my H through his best friend offically hosting at Hooters apx 1 month before the baby.  During the start of his diaper party my sister is going to host an Open House/Sprinkle at my house.  We will have the baby room completed at this time.  Gifts are not expected but if people feel the need I will be registering (plus the gifts for registering are nice).  I am hoping that the ladies can mingle while the guys are at hooters.  Then the guys can join us later and hang out.  There will be snack food and a cake.  I will prob have something for the guest to do besides seeing the new room, maybe a station for positive thoughts for the baby or playdoe for everyone to make a baby (just to make fun of each other's creations).  Nothing formal, no games or anything like a traditional baby shower. 

Oh, FFS.  Really?  Buy your own damn diapers.   


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11-27-2012 at 2:48 PM
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BlueRidge8:
meheron80:

My suggestion (or what we are going to do) is have an open house/sprinkle.  I will be arranging a diaper party for my H through his best friend offically hosting at Hooters apx 1 month before the baby.  During the start of his diaper party my sister is going to host an Open House/Sprinkle at my house.  We will have the baby room completed at this time.  Gifts are not expected but if people feel the need I will be registering (plus the gifts for registering are nice).  I am hoping that the ladies can mingle while the guys are at hooters.  Then the guys can join us later and hang out.  There will be snack food and a cake.  I will prob have something for the guest to do besides seeing the new room, maybe a station for positive thoughts for the baby or playdoe for everyone to make a baby (just to make fun of each other's creations).  Nothing formal, no games or anything like a traditional baby shower. 

Indifferent 

 

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11-27-2012 at 2:59 PM
drewiekc
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Personally, I am pretty anti-showers for STMs.  However, since this is the first baby for you and your DH, his family may be excited and want to throw you a shower.  I dont see a big problem with that.  But no, dont throw yourself one, and dont go soliciting one.

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11-27-2012 at 3:32 PM
HoolahZing...
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It totally depends on your social circle. In my area, a second shower is no big deal. Throwing your own shower, on the other hand, is very tacky. 


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11-27-2012 at 4:03 PM
vaness1229
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 I threw my SIL a surprise sprinkle for her third baby which was her first boy. She had no idea. She never ever asked for a sprinkle nor did she expect one. She was not registered anywhere. It was adorable and she was so appreciative. However, I do think an actual shower for a STM where she is aware and registers is a little tacky.


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11-27-2012 at 4:44 PM
Mrs E in O...
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Yes, if someone like his mother wants to throw you guys a shower that would be great. Usually they are smaller, "sprinkles" not showers. So you don't necessarily do all the games, the full on spread, etc. But if this is his first kid, or you have a small extended family, make it inclusive of the men in your family too. If this is your mother in law's first g-kid or first of whatever sex, she'll want to go all out I'm sure. :) Have fun!!!


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11-27-2012 at 4:47 PM
mommacakes...
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No to a 2nd shower. When I had D2 it was my DH's 1st child. I had everything from my daughter and his family didnt do anything for him. It is tacky to want a second shower ok maybe if its been like 10 years. It doesnt matter if you are having a boy and dont have anything, family and close friends will more than likely already get you outfits without a party. When I had my 2nd anyone who came to visit in the hospital brought something, no i didnt expect it but it was really nice. If you insist on having something and throwing it yourself do it after the baby is born adn have a meet and greet, although Im not sure what new parents are ready to host a big party after having a baby.

 
11-27-2012 at 8:43 PM
meheron80
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cjl5072:
BlueRidge8:
meheron80:

My suggestion (or what we are going to do) is have an open house/sprinkle.  I will be arranging a diaper party for my H through his best friend offically hosting at Hooters apx 1 month before the baby.  During the start of his diaper party my sister is going to host an Open House/Sprinkle at my house.  We will have the baby room completed at this time.  Gifts are not expected but if people feel the need I will be registering (plus the gifts for registering are nice).  I am hoping that the ladies can mingle while the guys are at hooters.  Then the guys can join us later and hang out.  There will be snack food and a cake.  I will prob have something for the guest to do besides seeing the new room, maybe a station for positive thoughts for the baby or playdoe for everyone to make a baby (just to make fun of each other's creations).  Nothing formal, no games or anything like a traditional baby shower. 



Indifferent 



 


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Wow I have never understood the rudeness on this site or in people in general. Sprinkles are a big thing in my area. My H bff brought the hooters party up again this time bc they didnt get to last time. He is a procrastinator so he asked if I can get the date, time and addresses to hooters. They do all the work from there, bff will greet and be there first. My H is a firefighter and everyone is excited about it. The guys are very used to these "parties". My sister asked about wanting to throw another shower. I said no but I was fine with a sprinkle esp for all the ladies not going to hooters. Honestly in our social network an open house is considered fun and Yes seeing the new baby is a highlight of hanging out together. Its an easy way to get all of the firefighters wives over to ooo and ahh at once, for the kids to play and a good excuse to hang out... not that we one since a bunch were over last week to watch a game on tv. But any excuse to have family and friends over is good and celebrating the upcoming arrival of a new baby is a good reason. I can also tell you that after the baby is here these amazing ladies and guys will stock our fridge with great food, clean, babysit, whatever we need because that is what "Family" does. Our guys have each others backs in horrible situations and us ladies support each other in the support department. I have sat in a hospital lobby for hours holding a wives hand after her husband was injured, we have supported each other when we lose one of our own and when we have something to celebrate. One of the ladies had new baby last week. My day is Friday to drop off dinner to her family. She has asked for a few hours of quiet time to do whatever so I will be watching her new one during that time. I love being apart of such an amazing social group.

And to the author: Dont let the ladies on The Bump influence you. Everyone has a right to degrade us or praise us. Constructive feedback is appriciated. Rudeness is not and I feel sorry for people like that. Think about your social network, those that love you and support you. If its right for your group then do it. A baby is something to celebrate no matter what number or gender they are.

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