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11-29-2012 at 1:11 PM
BlueGirl96...
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UPDATE: I need a drink, advil and a giant hug.

And no this is not a CD 1 woe is me post.  Even though my stress is making my cramps horrible. 

Long story short my sister is bi-polar.  She's been up and down for awhile and refusing any treatment.  She lives about an hour away from my mom, an hour and a half from me and three hours away from my dad.  There is no reason for her to live out there, she's 30 minutes west of her job so she COULD move a little farther east and be closer to everyone.  She compalins that we are so far away but I've been in my house for almost 5 years, my mom at hers for 7 and my dad at his for 10!  We have not moved SHE did.

So anyway she's on a major manic state right now.  She cannot tell the difference between reality, other peoples memories and then just flat out lies she's convinced herself of being true.  Anyone that is associated with someone who is bi polar, then you know about the ups and downs.  Getting angry easy, impulsive actions, constant lies, and trouble knowing what is real and what isn't.

And to make everyone worse, I KNOW that my parents are having a hard time.  I'm just glad that they are at a good point in their lives that they can talk to each other like adults and not like ex-spouses.  But at the same time I just feel like I am being pulled in all these directions. I have my dad venting to me and my mom doing the same. I want to be there for them but i just don't know what to do or say.  I want to make it better and I just can't.  

I feel terrible for them.  Especially my mother.  I mean that is her first born child that is having so much trouble in life.  She is just terrified that she will just kill herself.   And as bad as this sounds...I just wish my sister would threaten suicide so that we could force her to go to the hospital and get treatment at the stress center.  And I feel terrible at myself for saying and thinking that, but she won't go on her own and we can't FORCE her unless she threatens to kill herself.

I'm not really looking for answers here.  I just needed a vent and a little support.  Thank you ladies.

 

UPDATE:

My sister and I talked for about an hour yesterday.  She was out of her manic state.  She is going to move in with my mom and step dad.  She was being really hard on herself and calling herself an "a 31 year old loser" and I said that if she had cancer and needed chemo and care, would she feel like a loser then if she needed her mothers care?  She said "No...you're right"

So we shall see what happens in the next few months. 


My gorgeous girl in the snow.  

11-29-2012 at 1:14 PM
BlueGirl96...
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And yesterday when I talked to my sister, she made no sense what so ever.  She wasn't even putting whole sentences together.  Then when I'd ask her to clarify, she'd just say the same jumble of words again.

And I just hate that we are all terrified that she will kill herself but by law we CANNOT do a damn flucking thing until she says the words "I want to kill myself"  That is just flucked up on so many levels.  


My gorgeous girl in the snow.  

11-29-2012 at 1:15 PM
JET29
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I'm really, really sorry that you are going through that. My MIL is bipolar so I understand the effect it has on family members, and how hard it is to deal with someone when they are acting like that. I hope things get better and your sister gets the help she needs. 

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11-29-2012 at 1:15 PM
princessve...
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To You:

  

From Me.

I'm sorry that you are going through such a rough time right now.  I wish I had something more to say, but I have no experience with dealing with something so tough. 


 
11-29-2012 at 1:15 PM
orangemell...
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Sending hugs your way, I have an extended family member with similar mental health issues and I know it can be very challenging. I hope things get better.

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11-29-2012 at 1:17 PM
BrazilianP...
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I have no experience on what you are going through but I wanted to send you a virtual hug. Family problems can be devastating.

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11-29-2012 at 1:19 PM
emmajoy552...
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As a licensed clinical social worker and as a fellow granddaughter/niece/etc. of several family members with bipolar d/o, I am so sorry from the bottom of my heart. I know how difficult it is. Hugs, drink, and advil to you and if you ever need to vent or talk more, please feel free to PM.
 
11-29-2012 at 1:19 PM
hqinmd
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I've dealt with depression myself, and I know that's affected my husband. Not the extremes you are dealing with, of course, so I can just imagine how hard this is on you. I'm sure you've heard this before but one of the best things you can do when dealing with something like this is keep taking care of yourself, even when it means you can't be there for your sister as much as you might feel you should be. Hugs!

Edit: stupid phone posted early

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11-29-2012 at 1:21 PM
MJHershey
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*HUGE HUG*

 

Are there any resources in your area for family members of people with bipolar disorder? You might at least get some extra support and maybe advice. 


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11-29-2012 at 1:22 PM
rmcgibbon
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I'm so sorry you are having to go through this Sad. I don't have any experience with someone who is bi-polar, but I think you should try to focus as much on your own life as you can. I know it sucks really bad when someone in your family is going through something and all you want to do is make it better, but unfortunately we don't have the power to do that, no matter how close or far away we are. You can only live your life and change what is going on with you, not anyone else. The more you worry about her, the more stress you cause yourself. It's okay to take a step back and let her live her life and make her own mistakes. And you should never feel bad about what she is doing...you are responsible for you, and she is responsible for herself.


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11-29-2012 at 1:23 PM
BlueGirl96...
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emmajoy5524:
As a licensed clinical social worker and as a fellow granddaughter/niece/etc. of several family members with bipolar d/o, I am so sorry from the bottom of my heart. I know how difficult it is. Hugs, drink, and advil to you and if you ever need to vent or talk more, please feel free to PM.

Thank you.  My dad is also bi polar and I know its very hard on him.  And at the same turn its hard on my mom because she went through this with my dad.  This was in 99 so the information we have now was not what we had then.  But it led to my parents divorce, my dad spending a year in prison and a restraining order that lasted 8 years. 


My gorgeous girl in the snow.  

11-29-2012 at 1:24 PM
sueann911
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I know you said she won't go on her own to be checked into a center but would she agree to go to an ER for a psych eval? Or is she refusing any help at all?

Is she a threat to herself or others?

I know this is a tough situation and she can't be forced into treatment. I'm so sorry you all have to deal with this. I understand you statement that you wish she would make the threat. Unless she makes that threat she can't be forced by hospital, EMS or police to get treatment. I hope she can get the help she needs. Hugs

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11-29-2012 at 1:26 PM
pantherRN
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BlueGirl9603:

And I just hate that we are all terrified that she will kill herself but by law we CANNOT do a damn flucking thing until she says the words "I want to kill myself"  That is just flucked up on so many levels.  

In many states, this is not the case. I suggest that you investigate your state's involuntary commitment laws. Many actions, such as someone not taking care of themselves or their home, not eating, or bizarre behavior, can be seen as something that could hurt themselves or others. 

NAMI is a fantastic organization and their website is a great resource too. Do you have a crisis center near you? Or even something through your insurance? They are often helpful with situations like this and can help you navigate the world of mental health treatment as a family member.

Thinking of your and your family, Blue. 

ETA for clarity. 



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11-29-2012 at 1:30 PM
BlueGirl96...
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pantherRN:
BlueGirl9603:

And I just hate that we are all terrified that she will kill herself but by law we CANNOT do a damn flucking thing until she says the words "I want to kill myself"  That is just flucked up on so many levels.  

In many states, this is not the case. I suggest that you investigate your state's involuntary commitment laws. 

NAMI is a fantastic organization and their website is a great resource too. Do you have a crisis center near you? Or even something through your insurance? They are often helpful with situations like this and can help you navigate the world of mental health treatment as a family member.

My mom was on the phone for an hour with someone from the stress center.  He clearly stated unless she threatens suicide we can't force her to get treatment.  We can give her the information and offer help but that is it.  She has to willingly sign herself over to any form of treatment since she is over 18.  


My gorgeous girl in the snow.  

11-29-2012 at 1:31 PM
hqinmd
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What Panther said. Those words are not the only way to demonstrate that someone presents a danger to herself or others.

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11-29-2012 at 1:32 PM
smscartozz...
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I am SO sorry....my BFF just got married and her sis, who was the maid of honor, is bi-polar.  I watched her struggle through family feuds over her wedding and her sisters craziness.  I can't imagine how stressful it is...I just hope it lightens up for you!  Your parents know you are trying your best to help be supportive I am sure.

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11-29-2012 at 1:33 PM
gonzol
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(((hugs))) I hope she is able to agree to treatment or something soon!



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11-29-2012 at 2:06 PM
crystaleye...
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I am so, so sorry to hear about this. I do not have any personal experience with a family member with bi-polar, but I am in the mental health field and I know how much it can impact not just the individual, but the family as well. Has your sister received any help before for her bi-polar? Does her manic phase last very long? Has your family as a group tried to express their concerns for her when she wasn't manic? 

Sending lots of virtual hugs your way! GL! 


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11-29-2012 at 2:08 PM
kgoldsmith...
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Thoughts and prayers for you and your family!
11-29-2012 at 2:16 PM
ColeRose
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I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have a close family member who is bipolar so if you ever need to vent or hear how I've coped through the tough times please do not hesitate to send me a PM.

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11-29-2012 at 2:17 PM
JonBon18
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I'm sorry you and your family are going through this, I hope things get better. Sending you big e-hugs!

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11-29-2012 at 2:20 PM
ColeRose
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BlueGirl9603:
pantherRN:
BlueGirl9603:

And I just hate that we are all terrified that she will kill herself but by law we CANNOT do a damn flucking thing until she says the words "I want to kill myself"  That is just flucked up on so many levels.  

In many states, this is not the case. I suggest that you investigate your state's involuntary commitment laws. 

NAMI is a fantastic organization and their website is a great resource too. Do you have a crisis center near you? Or even something through your insurance? They are often helpful with situations like this and can help you navigate the world of mental health treatment as a family member.

My mom was on the phone for an hour with someone from the stress center.  He clearly stated unless she threatens suicide we can't force her to get treatment.  We can give her the information and offer help but that is it.  She has to willingly sign herself over to any form of treatment since she is over 18.  

Having worked with psychologists for many years, I can attest to the fact that it is extremely difficult to have someone committed involuntarily. They must present a danger/harm to themselves or others to meet the criteria in most places. Sometimes it is not just saying those specific words, but having a plan in place, or carrying weapons will sometimes lead to interventation as well.


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11-29-2012 at 2:32 PM
coraggiosa
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I have people in my family who suffer from bi-polar disorder. It is definitely a terrible illness, and I am sorry that you are going through this right now. My thoughts will be with you!

Just out of curiosity, is she on any medication? Has she stopped taking it?

 



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11-29-2012 at 2:33 PM
megaboosmo...
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Obviously I know nothing about your family or the current stability of the relationships, but does your dad have any ideas or advice, having been through this himself? Could he maybe relate to her on a level that you and your mom can't, or tell her the details of his experience and why she should seek treatment immediately?
I'm very sorry you're going through this and feeling so helpless. It's always difficult to watch loved ones struggle.

 
11-29-2012 at 2:44 PM
direy25
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So sorry you're going through all of this.  T&P's to you and your family.  
11-29-2012 at 2:58 PM
BlueGirl96...
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megaboosmom:
Obviously I know nothing about your family or the current stability of the relationships, but does your dad have any ideas or advice, having been through this himself? Could he maybe relate to her on a level that you and your mom can't, or tell her the details of his experience and why she should seek treatment immediately? I'm very sorry you're going through this and feeling so helpless. It's always difficult to watch loved ones struggle.

He's tried but she shuts him out.  She's still angry with him for his abusive past.  In her rational mind, she knows it was his bi-polar and he did things that in his sane state he would never do.  In fact he does not even remember most of the abuse because he has the type of bi-polar that causes black outs.  My sister has the same as she often forgets days at a time.

But when she's manic, she just gets so angry with everyone.  Including my mother.  She blames my mom for the abuse my dad inflicted on her asking why my mom stayed.  My mom feels terrible about it but she was so mentally beat down by my dads abuse that she couldn't think clearly.  My mom has apologized and both my mom and dad have agreed to go to family counseling.  Then she just screams at them saying she doesn't need medication and she doesn't need counseling she just NEEDS her family to support her.  BUT then she then turns around and says that we need to leave her alone.

And no she isn't on any medication.  She says she doesn't need it.  But yet she constantly self medicates with alcohol.  Half of the time I can't tell if she's drunk or just in a manic state.  


My gorgeous girl in the snow.  

11-29-2012 at 3:24 PM
LilSip0611
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I am so so sorry you are going through this. My younger sister is also bi-poloar and a recovering addict. I know first hand what you're going through and it is terrible and it is really stressful when you're TTC.

I know there isn't anything we can say to make it better, but if you ever need to talk, please feel free to PM me.

Sending big hugs and good thoughts your way!

11-29-2012 at 3:26 PM
krptcmschf...
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Ugh, Blue I'm sorry you're going through this. MIL is bipolar, but not this extreme of a state and is medicated. I hope she comes back to herself soon, or that you can get her help.


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11-29-2012 at 3:31 PM
jaytee16
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I don't have any experience with this or words of wisdom, but I'm sending T&Ps to you and your family.  Stay strong :)

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11-29-2012 at 4:07 PM
Foxlover
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I am so sorry for what is happening to your family. I can't imagine what your sister is going through, and how she might feel when she comes out of her manic state. To yourself, your mom, and your dad, I pray you are all continue to be able to support and communicate with each other as this happens. Sticking together as a family during this time might be the only thing that can keep you all strong and sane. 

((hugs))

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