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11-29-2012 at 3:40 PM
Laur7
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Conflicted about breastfeeding

I have been going back and forth for weeks about breastfeeding. Some days I want to give it up, other days its not so bad. My LO (who will be 6 weeks tomorrow) feeds about 7 times a day. We recently started giving him 2 bottles of formula at night just so I could have a break. And now I'm questioning if I should continue breastfeeding, or just switch to formula completely. I am going back to work in 5 weeks, so he will have to have bottles while I am gone which isn't a problem for him. My big beef with breastfeeding was that it is so demanding on me, and only me, emotionally, physically, etc. I want my body back, as in, back to myself. I want to take my regular birth control pill and get my hormones back to normal. But now I'm questioning if I'm being selfish or not, and if I should continue to feed 5 out of 7  times a day until I go back to work. And it sucks that no one but me can make this decision- my husband just tells me that he will support me no matter what I choose :/
 
11-29-2012 at 3:46 PM
kateraid
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Your LO is only tiny once. Try and think of it as a positive bonding experience. My LO is a milk-a-holic and eats sometimes 15x a day and I'm thinking I might not even want to pump because I like to be selfish with him. If it really is affecting your mental well being though you need to take care of yourself so you can take care of baby. 

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11-29-2012 at 3:48 PM
Idani
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You are right that no one but you can decide.  What I can say is DO NOT let yourself feel guilty for thinking or even deciding to strictly FF.  6 weeks is still great. With my first I did it for 2 months but with the feeding, pumping and supplementing I was a wreck. Emotionally and Physically.  My son was also not happy. When I switch to all formula we were all happier and I felt like I really started to get myself back, again both physically and mentally. That is just my experience but I wanted to throw it out there. Good luck in whatever you decide.


 
11-29-2012 at 5:02 PM
mpeanut515
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I am going through a similar issue. I deal with anxiety and depression and am of my meds so I can breastfeed but I am starting to lose it LO is 3 weeks old. The couple of times I have given him a bottle of pumped instead of BF I felt a lot more relaxed. But I may not even be able to continue to pump bc I feel like I need to get back on my meds bc I feel myself slipping into old ways.
I have been struggling so so much though with doing that. I feel selfish and like a bad mom but even my OBGYN said I need to take care of myself first bc only then can I really take care of my son.
And it is also a big relief to just think that I can feed in public the thought of breastfeeding in public stressed me out or have others feed him to give me a break.
Praying that you can have peace of mind. I am still trying to figure it out for myself.

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11-29-2012 at 8:20 PM
kgopel
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Idani:

You are right that no one but you can decide.  What I can say is DO NOT let yourself feel guilty for thinking or even deciding to strictly FF.  6 weeks is still great. With my first I did it for 2 months but with the feeding, pumping and supplementing I was a wreck. Emotionally and Physically.  My son was also not happy. When I switch to all formula we were all happier and I felt like I really started to get myself back, again both physically and mentally. That is just my experience but I wanted to throw it out there. Good luck in whatever you decide.

This is well said.  What is best for baby is a happy mama.  If bf-ing is what you have your heart set on doing, then do it.  If you feel more comfortable FF, then that may be what is best for your family.  Pumping is another option. Follow your heft and comfort level.  Best wishes 





 
11-29-2012 at 8:38 PM
g8trkim
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If it aint broke, I don't think you should fix it. My advice would be keep BFing for the next month. Do the formula thing a couple times a day to give yourself a break. Maybe even continue to BF in the evenings when you go back to work. I don't think it's selfish of you to stop, but I do think you may regret it later on.

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11-29-2012 at 9:53 PM
thatonered...
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I had horrible guilt about not being able to handle BFing, like to the point that I would hold back tears (not always successfully) if I was asked about. 

So you know what my best option is? Formula. I do the very best I can do for my child, as far as my limits will go. If you're at your limit, then switch. If you can hang on for a few more weeks- Why not? 

Good luck in your decision. I know it's a hard one. 


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11-29-2012 at 10:24 PM
Jbleigh
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Does it have to be an all-or-nothing? BF as much as you are able to (mentally, physically and emotionally), and give formula when you need a break.
 
11-29-2012 at 11:22 PM
bmoscowitz
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Do whatever works best for you.  I do not think it is being selfish or anything, your baby will be just fine with formula if that is what you choose because this is too hard on you.  Don't let other people pressure you or affect your decision, it is your personal choice.  Funny thing is, there are so many people out there that try to make you feel guilty or inadequate, and then if you ask them if their mothers BF or FF them when they were small, and they were FF.  I like to ask those people if they feel it affected their intelligence, or if they grew up alright :P
 
11-29-2012 at 11:56 PM
LadyDelila...
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Idani:

You are right that no one but you can decide.  What I can say is DO NOT let yourself feel guilty for thinking or even deciding to strictly FF.  6 weeks is still great. With my first I did it for 2 months but with the feeding, pumping and supplementing I was a wreck. Emotionally and Physically.  My son was also not happy. When I switch to all formula we were all happier and I felt like I really started to get myself back, again both physically and mentally. That is just my experience but I wanted to throw it out there. Good luck in whatever you decide.

This. I made it to 6mo and felt guilty but it was what was best for me and DD at the time. GL!


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11-30-2012 at 12:47 AM
SeaConques...
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mpeanut515:
I am going through a similar issue. I deal with anxiety and depression and am of my meds so I can breastfeed but I am starting to lose it LO is 3 weeks old. The couple of times I have given him a bottle of pumped instead of BF I felt a lot more relaxed. But I may not even be able to continue to pump bc I feel like I need to get back on my meds bc I feel myself slipping into old ways. I have been struggling so so much though with doing that. I feel selfish and like a bad mom but even my OBGYN said I need to take care of myself first bc only then can I really take care of my son. And it is also a big relief to just think that I can feed in public the thought of breastfeeding in public stressed me out or have others feed him to give me a break. Praying that you can have peace of mind. I am still trying to figure it out for myself.

There are medications that you can take for depression and anxiety that are compatible with nursing. It doesn't have to be an either/or situation. Please talk to your doctor and take good care of yourself. There is no reason to suffer in silence with PPD. Hugs.  


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11-30-2012 at 5:13 AM
achelray4
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I started supplementing formula at 3 weeks, and slowly the formula became his main food. My baby ate every 1-2 hours (eating 12-16 times a day) and had latching problems leaving me tired and sore. Now I only breastfeed a couple of minutes a day because he's so use to formula, and I regret it so much. My husband didn't want to help make a decision, and my mother kept saying he wouldn't get enough from breastfeeding. I wish someone had encouraged me to not give it up. I felt guilty realizing he wouldn't get all the benefits. I'm working harder now to try to get him back into breastfeeding. I hope you stick with it. He'll start sleeping more soon and developing his own feeding schedule. Good luck!
11-30-2012 at 5:33 AM
mpeanut515
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I have looked into the meds that are allowed but either they at ones I was previously on and didn't work or they are ones that after researching I decided would not be good for me. Unfortunately I have been through a lot with my depression and anxiety issues so I have a good idea of what works for me. Also, I can feel when I am slipping into old ways.
I will figure it out though. So far the plan is to EP and see if that helps.

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11-30-2012 at 11:14 AM
morayme1
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selfish.
 
11-30-2012 at 4:22 PM
ambrlynn8
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Don't let anyone feel guilty about the decision that you make. It's your body, your choice.

I breast fed with my first for 2 months, but I started pumping early on, because I was honest enough with myself to admit I needed a break. That made me feel better. Plus, I refused to BF in public, or even in front of family, so I would always have to take the baby away to go BF. 

I was pretty discouraged by my ex's family, though. They kept telling me the baby wasn't getting enough milk, even though he was always in the 75-90th percentile. 

You could consider pumping, so someone else could feed the baby once in a while, or switch to formula. It's all up to you. I really want to stress, though, that you shouldn't let other guilt you into BFing if you truly aren't happy with the experience. Happy mama's are always better.

 
11-30-2012 at 5:45 PM
RachelD158
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I felt the same way that you did for the same reasons. I actually hated breastfeeding and would get anxious about it when feeding time was getting close. For some reason when my Lo hit 8 weeks I didn't hate it anymore. I don't like it like some people do....it just is what it is. My suggestion is to set small goals for yourself. My Lo is almost 11 weeks old and I go back to work after next week...my goal is to make it to Xmas vacation I'm a teacher and then decide if I can handle. Whatever you decide is the right decision. You are a mom and know what's best. Gl!


 
11-30-2012 at 7:36 PM
newly_naug...
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That's great that you made it 6 weeks! Wow! I only made it a week with DS and felt so gulity. It was so painful that I started to dread each feeding. I understand how overwhelming it can be and to just want to be your "regular" self. It's not an easy decision, so I don't really have an answer for you. Sometimes it's easier to take things one day at a time (or one feeding at a time) instead of looking at the big picture.

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11-30-2012 at 11:07 PM
AmyG*
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mpeanut515:
I have looked into the meds that are allowed but either they at ones I was previously on and didn't work or they are ones that after researching I decided would not be good for me. Unfortunately I have been through a lot with my depression and anxiety issues so I have a good idea of what works for me. Also, I can feel when I am slipping into old ways. I will figure it out though. So far the plan is to EP and see if that helps.

AmyG 
11-30-2012 at 11:14 PM
AmyG*
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mpeanut515:
I have looked into the meds that are allowed but either they at ones I was previously on and didn't work or they are ones that after researching I decided would not be good for me. Unfortunately I have been through a lot with my depression and anxiety issues so I have a good idea of what works for me. Also, I can feel when I am slipping into old ways. I will figure it out though. So far the plan is to EP and see if that helps.

If you know the med you think you need to take, I can look it up for you with Dr. Hale.

Or you can call infant risk--google for he phone number or check their website.

Depending on where you did your research you may not have the full picture of whether a drug is safe, unsafe or unknown.  For instance I've seen so many drugs where the Physician's desk reference says "do not breastfeed when taking this med" but the info that Dr. Hale has collected in his studies paints a totally different picture.  All meds are rated by Dr. Hale (an expert on maternal medications and breastfeeing and a pediatrician as well) on a scale of 1-5.  very few drugs are rated 5 = do not breastfeed, some are 4= recommended not to breastfeed,  many drugs are rated L3= moderately safe, which is the default for medications that have not been greatly studies but show no risk.  Lots of drugs are L2=safer, and many are L1=safest, which are the drugs like Amoxicillin or motrin or tylenol that have been studied a lot and are usually given to babies directly which shows more safety.

 

I wouldn't want any mom to choose to not take anti-drepression or anti-anxiety meds while breastfeeding thinking that no med is safe.  Realize also that drugs that worked or didn't work when you were pregnant or before you got pregnant, will not necessarily act the same for you now that you are breastfeeding.  A lot of depression and anxiety are effected by hormones and your hormones when breastfeeding are totally different now--a lot of moms find that a super small dose of a drug that they previously did not have good success will work perfectly for them while they are breastfeeding because of the differences that hormones makes.  So it's something to consider.

 


AmyG 
11-30-2012 at 11:46 PM
AmyG*
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to the op.

never quit on a bad day, never quit at night when things look dark (literally)

realize that nursing tends to get easier each week, so set an attainable goal for yourself to continue for another week or another 3-5 dadays and then re-evaluate.

know that even if you wean you will never be the same.  You are now MOM.  You will be needed, sometimes only Mom will do, even for tiny babies who are fed by bottles.  Baby developementally their brain still doesn't realize they are separate being from mom, and they kind of freak out if they aren't with mom.

taking hormonal birth control doesn't make your hormones normal, they just make your hormones different.  hormones while breastfeeding begin to settle down somewher between 6 weeks and 12 weeks, and you are gettig pretty close to there.

Feeling touched out is not exclusive to breastfeeding moms. it is ok to hand baby to dad and make dad be in charge.  if you want to pump and give dad a bottle do so, if you think you are going to go crazy, give dad a bottle and a can of formula and go do something without baby.  For a lot of moms, a BREAK is the answer, rather than weaning.  For other moms, giving themselves permission to give a bottle of formula once a week or once a day is the answer to staying with it so they can continue to nurse.

Regardless of your decision, be sure that you change slowly from nursing to formula, so that first bottle of formula that releaves your stress a bit is the beginning of weaning.  but it doesn't have to be all or nothing.  I know moms that fed bottles during the day and nursed nights, mornings and over night for 8-10 months.  what works, is what works, eh?

 


AmyG 
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