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11-29-2012 at 4:01 PM
dflylover
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Joined on 08-20-2012
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dflylover is not online. Last active: 02-07-2013, 7:15 PMNewbie

Venting...husband complaints

Hi.  I don't visit the boards a lot, but I am really looking for support and figuring out if I'm solo in this.

My husband has been pretty terrible during this pregnancy.  He isn't violent and I'm not afraid of him.  He's completely unsupportive.  He doesn't try to feel the baby.  He won't rub my swollen feet or aching back if I ask for it.  He stays up til 2 or 3am, then comes to bed and disturbs me when I'm already having trouble sleeping.  I could go on, but I sound whiny even to myself.

I had a daughter with my ex-husband and it was the complete opposite.  Maybe I'm struggling because I had it so good that time.  Is anyone else in a similar situation?

 

Karen in NC, mom to angel Olivia 2-5-00~2-10-08, wife to Kelly

two mc's in 2011, IVF in June '12, baby boy Emory due 3-11-13

 
11-29-2012 at 4:09 PM
drewiekc
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Kansas City
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drewiekc is not online. Last active: 02-01-2013, 10:32 AMSilver
All men react to pregnancy differently, and not always in the way we'd hoped or imagined.  I would sit down with him and have a (non-accusatory) discussion about how his actions and apparent lack of interest are making you feel, and find out how he's feeling about it all.  Maybe he's scared and nervous, and that's why he's acting the way he is.  Best to sit down and talk it out instead of continuing to just let it upset you.

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11-29-2012 at 4:11 PM
JordynLeig...
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JordynLeighx3 is not online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 10:14 PMBronze
I would definitely sit down and have a talk with him. It's important that you express your feelings to him, he may be completely unaware of how his actions effect you. Not that this is any of my business and I don't expect you to answer them but I think a lot of questions could explain why he might feel this way.
1. Was this baby planned? Did he want to be a father?
2. Maybe the whole thought of pregnancy in general is just kind of weird to him?

Maybe he is looking for a way to talk to you about the way he feels, (this is a big life change for you and him as well and he could just be scared). You could be the first to initiate it.

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11-29-2012 at 4:57 PM
Spacebunny...
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orange county, CA
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Spacebunny19 is not online. Last active: 04-14-2013, 8:18 PMSilver
Ditto PP's suggesting talking to him.  I know our DD#1 was planned and wanted and DH did a good job through it, but now with DD#2 on the way, I think he doesn't get how much more taxing it is on me than when I didn't have a 2 year old to take care of (but was working full time through it.)  So I had to break a lot of stuff down for him:  I don't sleep well because I can't get in a good position, my hips hurt, and if I magically find a good position, DD#2 tapdances on my bladder and I have to go pee.  I'm exhausted and I can't do a lot of "relaxing" things (wine, sleeping pills, even time alone/relaxing time) because DD#1 is our priority.  So once we talked about it, his attitude became more understanding.  So, try laying it out for him, including how you would like him to be more involved, and finding out where he is coming from, too.

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11-29-2012 at 5:35 PM
BoatsNHoes
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BoatsNHoes is not online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 12:33 PMBronze
I just want to throw it out there that my husband also does not rub my feet, comes to bed later than me and often wakes me up in the process. While it can be annoying that alone doesn't make him unsupportive. He does a bajillion other little things tht really make my life easier. Like always making sure my car has gas, setting up my coffee so it's brewed when I wake up in the morning, taking DD to run errands so I can have a few minutes alone to breathe. Anyway my point is that men often don't show their support in the same way you or I might. Try and see if maybe he's doing stuff he thinks might help you. If he's truly being a douche canoe, sit down and tell him your expectations and feelings.

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11-29-2012 at 6:25 PM
milhausers
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milhausers is not online. Last active: 03-24-2013, 12:58 PMNewbie
by any chance is your husband a gamer(aka plays games all the time). im having problems with mine too. theres no use getting upset and all bothered about it. just explain to him that he needs to take care of you. 

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11-29-2012 at 7:26 PM
newmommiee...
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newmommiee91 is not online. Last active: 04-22-2013, 6:36 PMNewbie
Maybe he doesnt know? Sometimes guys can be clueless about their surroudings lol. I would not take it personally he just doesnt realize what he is doing, I would talk to him about it, be very nice and gentle and try to understand things from his point of view and he will surely do the same for you Smile

 
11-29-2012 at 11:46 PM
RockyTopVo...
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How would he not know? She asks him to rub her feet and back....


I lotion and massage my wife's feet.

 
11-30-2012 at 1:15 AM
AFBTB
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La la land
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AFBTB is not online. Last active: 04-26-2013, 6:48 AMBronze
Every husband is different. My DH doesn't rub my back or feet either, but that doesn't make him unsupportive. He comes to bed later than me as well, DH has always been a night owl. And even though I can feel baby doing the samba inside me he doesn't try to feel baby moving. But DH has never really been very involved during pregnancy not even during my first pregnancy, but he and DS are VERY close now. They adore each other. Some men just aren't into pregnancy/babies because it's not that exciting for them.

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11-30-2012 at 10:06 PM
dflylover
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dflylover is not online. Last active: 02-07-2013, 7:15 PMNewbie
There's no way to be more planned...IVF.  That's part of why I am so incredibly frustrated.
 
11-30-2012 at 10:21 PM
emolm
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emolm is not online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 9:32 PMSilver
dflylover:
There's no way to be more planned...IVF. nbsp;That's part of why I am so incredibly frustrated.


From what you've said, it's no big deal IMO.

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