Have a meet the baby party then you can host it yourself, celebrate the baby and do whatever you want.

Let someone throw you a traditional baby shower if they offer and just smile through it. 

I love the idea. I don't think I would call it a baby shower though. First of all, you aren't supposed to plan your own shower, so unless you have a friend that will do everything you dictate, I'd come up with something else.

 Since you have been blogging about your journey, maybe call it a celebration or something? I think calling it a shower will confuse more traditional guests.

Also, I think it is polite to open the gifts that night. I would very much open them as people come in, then display them on a table by the door? You can greet guests and open gifts? Or open them at the end of the night in a quite corner where guests can continue to mingle and you can open gifts while the older guests watch?

Liz4444:

I you want to have your party, don't call it a shower, don't mention gifts or registries, just have a party... Don't mention pregnancy or baby at all. If someone does offer to throw you a shower, I'm sorry, but aside from date and guest list, you really have no say.

This exactly!

Yeah, I agree with PPs. If you end up having a shower hosted by someone else (as it's supposed to be), then it's really rude not to open the gifts. And it certainly doesn't have to take 3 hours, even if you have a lot of gifts. Open, say thank you, and move on. People who take forever to open gifts do so on purpose.

If you want to throw a party for yourself, just call it a dinner. To me, if you say it's a celebration of the baby, I think people will assume it's a shower and bring a gift, which means you're throwing your own gift-giving event, which is tacky. So I'd personally just call it a dinner and not do formal, printed invites. If you want to specifically call it a celebration of the baby, then I'd wait till the baby was actually here and have a Meet the Baby party, which you can host yourselves.

ETA: And congratulations! 

Since a shower is a gift itself, you really don't get much say in the planning other than the date and guest list, unless of course the host asks for your input.  

Also, since gifts are kind of the purpose of the shower, it would be rude of you not to open them during the party.  I've been to some fairly large showers and gift opening has never taken more than 45 minutes, certainly not 3 hours.

You are right, it is super early, better wait until someone at least offers to throw you a shower first. 

In tradition, my family usually throws the shower. I have two older sisters, so they with my mother, and probably my mother in law, would be throwing it. I've discussed the idea with my mother in law a few times. My husband is fully aware and completely agrees with the idea. 

I understand you can't control what others want to do for you, but I'd think that they'd want to respect my wishes. Most of my family are young and open minded, so I doubt any of them would be opposed. (Besides, I'm incapable of surprising. They learned that at our Jack & Jill.)

I don't want to just "have a party". I want my baby shower to be a party. I want everyone to be included. Not just the women. Does that make sense?  

Invitation thought was instead of saying "Baby Shower", use "A Party to Welcome Baby ______" 

Cealbadeal:

In tradition, my family usually throws the shower. I have two older sisters, so they with my mother, and probably my mother in law, would be throwing it. I've discussed the idea with my mother in law a few times. My husband is fully aware and completely agrees with the idea. 

I understand you can't control what others want to do for you, but I'd think that they'd want to respect my wishes. Most of my family are young and open minded, so I doubt any of them would be opposed. (Besides, I'm incapable of surprising. They learned that at our Jack & Jill.)

I don't want to just "have a party". I want my baby shower to be a party. I want everyone to be included. Not just the women. Does that make sense?  

Invitation thought was instead of saying "Baby Shower", use "A Party to Welcome Baby ______" 

Firstly - congratuations! I get where you're going with your ideas and understand you want it to have a different "vibe" than a traditional baby shower.  That's totally cool.  But, like pps' suggested, you really should bow out of the planning once you share your ideas with your mom, sisters, etc.  If they honor them, great; if they have different ideas, then you should graciously accept the "gift" they are giving you.  With respect to your suggestion above about the invitation saying "A Party to Welcome Baby ____," to me, that sounds like a "meet the baby" party for after the baby is born, not a shower.  It's okay to want a shower and to also want it to be non-traditional, but from an etiquette standpoint some things are just considered poor form - e.g., the MTB doing the planning/dictating what the shower should be like, and not opening gifts. If you really want a party to celebrate your baby in the way that meets your vision, then I would suggest you and your husband throw a meet the baby party once the baby has arrived, and just let your family throw the shower they want to give you and sit back and enjoy it.

This post is filled with so much "I want, I want, I want".  You're not even 8 weeks pregnant. Most women don't even tell others that that they are pregnant. Some don't even know they are pregnant yet when they are as far along as you.  There's a lot that can happen in the next few months that honestly, some pretty pretty princess day of a shower should be the least of your concerns.  If you're someone who has struggled to get pregnant, I would think you would appreciate that.

A shower is a gift given to you. You don't get to dictate every detail.  If your hosts (someone has to volunteer to host, btw. Only gimmee pigs throw their own showers) ask for your input on particular items, then you can make suggestions. Otherwise, you need to keep your opinions to yourself.

Also realize what you're asking for doubles the cost. Going from a traditional women-only shower to include the male half of the family doubles the costs. Plus, keep in mind that many men would rather chew their own arm off than go to a baby shower.

If you had the kind of Jack and Jill party that is essentially a shake down of your friends and family as a fundraiser for your wedding, then this post certainly does not surprise me.

First, congrats on your pregnancy.  Sounds like you have had a long road.

I understand that you and your DH (and probably your respective parents) are really excited-- and you should be.  Having a baby is a joyous, life changing event.  But only for you, and your DH really.

If someone offers to throw you a baby shower, traditional or not, accept that gift (which is what a baby shower, is) graciously.  Let your host(s) plan it as they see fit.

What I think would be fun for you and your friends/ family would be a meet the baby party.  You can host it yourself, make it as nontraditional as you like, people won't be required to bring a gift (which you said you don't care about) and invite both male and female friends.  (Although, I have to agree with PPs that say that as supportive as your male friends are, they aren't typically impressed or interested in anything baby-- even if they are already fathers themselves).

Good luck to you.  I hope you have a healthy 9 months.

Wow, some of you need to settle down. I was simply asking opinions and thoughts on having a non traditional shower. It has taken me 4 very long years to get to this point. I realize people don't tell anyone at the state I'm in, and that's exactly why I've been blogging. All these stereotypical handbook ideas that everyone is supposed to follow in life is crazy. 

I don't EXPECT a shower by any means. I know my family, and they have already said they are thrilled one day to host a shower for us. I expect nothing. I'm not a little princess and making this all about me. I will welcome whatever someone wants to do for us. I will not however listen while some of you sit there and judge me based on a simple question. 

And for anyone else that has worked hard to get pregnant, I'm sure you can understand my excitement in all that is to come. I am still scared to death of all the things that can go wrong. But I try to be positive in all I do. Even though I've miscarried once before, I'm hopeful for our growing child. I was just wondering how others felt about non-traditional showers.

So before you go and try to rip me a new one, you should really think about what you're saying to someone you've never met before. You know nothing about me except what I have asked in this post.

And this is exactly why I've avoided these forums. Judgement. There is nothing wrong with knowing what you want and voicing your opinions. Especially when your family openly asks for them. 

Cealbadeal:

Wow, some of you need to settle down. I was simply asking opinions and thoughts on having a non traditional shower. It has taken me 4 very long years to get to this point. I realize people don't tell anyone at the state I'm in, and that's exactly why I've been blogging. All these stereotypical handbook ideas that everyone is supposed to follow in life is crazy. 

I don't EXPECT a shower by any means. I know my family, and they have already said they are thrilled one day to host a shower for us. I expect nothing. I'm not a little princess and making this all about me. I will welcome whatever someone wants to do for us. I will not however listen while some of you sit there and judge me based on a simple question. 

And for anyone else that has worked hard to get pregnant, I'm sure you can understand my excitement in all that is to come. I am still scared to death of all the things that can go wrong. But I try to be positive in all I do. Even though I've miscarried once before, I'm hopeful for our growing child. I was just wondering how others felt about non-traditional showers.

So before you go and try to rip me a new one, you should really think about what you're saying to someone you've never met before. You know nothing about me except what I have asked in this post.

And this is exactly why I've avoided these forums. Judgement. There is nothing wrong with knowing what you want and voicing your opinions. Especially when your family openly asks for them. 

I still like your idea. I think you are fine with telling your family "this is what I want," so long as there aren't any demands and it won't be financial strain.

 What I'm hearing is that it really will be a baby shower. I think that means that you need to open gifts that day, and step away from the planning process, and let your family plan it. There is nothing wrong with letting them know your vision, again, as long as you won't be disapointed with what it ends up to be.

 Good luck!

Cealbadeal:

Wow, some of you need to settle down. I was simply asking opinions and thoughts on having a non traditional shower. It has taken me 4 very long years to get to this point. I realize people don't tell anyone at the state I'm in, and that's exactly why I've been blogging. All these stereotypical handbook ideas that everyone is supposed to follow in life is crazy. 

I don't EXPECT a shower by any means. I know my family, and they have already said they are thrilled one day to host a shower for us. I expect nothing. I'm not a little princess and making this all about me. I will welcome whatever someone wants to do for us. I will not however listen while some of you sit there and judge me based on a simple question. 

And for anyone else that has worked hard to get pregnant, I'm sure you can understand my excitement in all that is to come. I am still scared to death of all the things that can go wrong. But I try to be positive in all I do. Even though I've miscarried once before, I'm hopeful for our growing child. I was just wondering how others felt about non-traditional showers.

So before you go and try to rip me a new one, you should really think about what you're saying to someone you've never met before. You know nothing about me except what I have asked in this post.

And this is exactly why I've avoided these forums. Judgement. There is nothing wrong with knowing what you want and voicing your opinions. Especially when your family openly asks for them. 

I don't think anyone "ripped you a new one", but you have to expect if you are posting a message asking for opinions on a public message board, you are going to get a bunch of different responses, yanno?

Anyway-- you know your friends and family best.  If you think they will enjoy a shower like you described in your OP, go for it.

I think the idea of having a gigantic party is awesome.  Hubby and I plan on doing the same thing, a "NON-TRADITIONAL welcome the baby party" with men and women.  After all, it's not just my baby.  My hubby is just as excited about this baby as I am. 

I think we are overly excited because of all the complications we've had in the past.  This is our first child that had to be conveived through IVF and we want to celebrate that with everyone we know because everyone we know is aware of what we have gone through to have a baby.

My BBFs offered to throw us a simple baby shower and I know I'm not supposed to host my own.  They argeed to just help me in that they will do all the planning but I will fork out the money to have a big ass party. Sitting for 3 hours in a boring restaurant, opening gifts in front of friends is not my style.  And everyone that knows hubby and me know that we are always over the top with parties and such. 

We plan on an all day party where our guests are invited with their kids.  We will have catering and alcohol along with games for the kids to play and games for the adults to play.  It IS a celebration and should be treated as such.  This may be the last big ass party we have for a long time after the baby is born.

We aren't expecting gifts but if we do get them, we will open them as we are given them and display them in the house.  Of course, I will keep track of gifts to send Thank You cards.  Non traditional doesn't mean not polite.

Don't worry about boring the men invited. If you're planning the same thing as we are, I'm sure they will know you're having a PARTY not a baby shower. 

And don't feel bad registering.  It's not asking for stuff.  No one in their right mind ever goes anywhere empty handed anyway. At least a registry will give your guests a "go by" rather than them just bringing any old thing.

Celebrate your bundle of joy any way you want to !!!

Highlights & Estwd2: Thank you! I appreciate your input on the gift opening. My suggestions are not demands, just simple suggestions of what I prefer. I would never demand my family to do as I say. Just like we did for my sister, we asked her specifically what she wanted, and didn't want. I'm sure they will be doing the same for me. I just wanted some opinions before they asked. Which I know is much further down the road. I greatly appreciate your suggestions on the gifts. 

I find it funny though that in a lot of other questions about showers, everyone always says "people will be insulted if you don't open their gift". Do people really feel this way? I know I don't. (I'm guessing I'm not the norm.)

Smelly Mac:

I think the idea of having a gigantic party is awesome.nbsp; Hubby and I plan on doing the same thing, a "NONTRADITIONAL welcome the baby party" with men and women.nbsp; After all, it's not just my baby.nbsp; My hubby is just as excited about this baby as I am.nbsp;
I think we are overly excited because of all the complications we've had in the past.nbsp; This is our first child that had to be conveived through IVF and we want to celebrate that with everyone we know because everyone we know is aware of what we have gone through to have a baby.
My BBFs offered to throw us a simple baby shower and I know I'm not supposed to host my own.nbsp; They argeed to just help me in that they will do all the planning but I will fork out the money to have a big ass party. Sitting for 3 hours in a boring restaurant, opening gifts in front of friends is not my style.nbsp; And everyone that knows hubby and me know that we are always over the top with parties and such.nbsp;
We plan on an all day party where our guests are invited with their kids.nbsp; We will have catering and alcohol along with games for the kids to play and games for the adults to play.nbsp; It IS a celebration and should be treated as such.nbsp; This may be the last big ass party we have for a long time after the baby is born.
We aren't expecting gifts but if we do get them, we will open them as we are given them and display them in the house.nbsp; Of course, I will keep track of gifts to send Thank You cards.nbsp; Non traditional doesn't mean not polite.
Don't worry about boring the men invited. If you're planning the same thing as we are, I'm sure they will know you're having a PARTY not a baby shower.nbsp;
And don't feel bad registering.nbsp; It's not asking for stuff.nbsp; No one in their right mind ever goes anywhere empty handed anyway.nbsp;At least a registry will give your guests a "go by" rather than them just bringing any old thing.
Celebrate your bundle of joy any way you want to !!!
nbsp;
nbsp;

Cealbadeal:

Smelly Mac:

I think the idea of having a gigantic party is awesome.nbsp; Hubby and I plan on doing the same thing, a "NONTRADITIONAL welcome the baby party" with men and women.nbsp; After all, it's not just my baby.nbsp; My hubby is just as excited about this baby as I am.nbsp;
I think we are overly excited because of all the complications we've had in the past.nbsp; This is our first child that had to be conveived through IVF and we want to celebrate that with everyone we know because everyone we know is aware of what we have gone through to have a baby.
My BBFs offered to throw us a simple baby shower and I know I'm not supposed to host my own.nbsp; They argeed to just help me in that they will do all the planning but I will fork out the money to have a big ass party. Sitting for 3 hours in a boring restaurant, opening gifts in front of friends is not my style.nbsp; And everyone that knows hubby and me know that we are always over the top with parties and such.nbsp;
We plan on an all day party where our guests are invited with their kids.nbsp; We will have catering and alcohol along with games for the kids to play and games for the adults to play.nbsp; It IS a celebration and should be treated as such.nbsp; This may be the last big ass party we have for a long time after the baby is born.
We aren't expecting gifts but if we do get them, we will open them as we are given them and display them in the house.nbsp; Of course, I will keep track of gifts to send Thank You cards.nbsp; Non traditional doesn't mean not polite.
Don't worry about boring the men invited. If you're planning the same thing as we are, I'm sure they will know you're having a PARTY not a baby shower.nbsp;
And don't feel bad registering.nbsp; It's not asking for stuff.nbsp; No one in their right mind ever goes anywhere empty handed anyway.nbsp;At least a registry will give your guests a "go by" rather than them just bringing any old thing.
Celebrate your bundle of joy any way you want to !!!
nbsp;
nbsp;

We are completely on the same page! Glad you get what I'm saying!

Estwd2:

I believe I answered your question about opening gifts, as did some other posters. If you get gifts at a shower, you should open them. And to be more specific, no I don't like the idea of opening them as people arrive because people will likely arrive at the same time, which creates a line of people waiting to get to you so you can greet them and open their gift. It also makes it look like they're paying an entrance fee to get in. I'd do a designated gift opening time and like I said, it will only take forever if you let it take forever. Opening gifts is not as traumatic as some women seem to think it is. Have fun.

Liz4444:

You asked for opinions and you get them. Just because you didn't like what you heard doesn't make them any less valid. I'm sorry you had a hard time getting pregnant, by that still doesn't mean that people are going to throw glitter all over you around here.

And you're right, we only know about you from what you post. Maybe you should reread you posts and you will see why you got the responses you did.

Cealbadeal:

I find it funny though that in a lot of other questions about showers, everyone always says "people will be insulted if you don't open their gift". Do people really feel this way? I know I don't. (I'm guessing I'm not the norm.)

I've been to one shower that did this- didn't open the gifts.  Honestly, at the time I didn't care.  It was co-ed and more of a party - I was fine w/ not seeing my gift opened.  (I will tell you what annoyed me - the "thank you note" that was just a birth announcement w/ "Thank you for your support and generosity" and not a lick of a personal note written to us about our gift.)  But there are people who will care.

And I'll say this- I kind of get annoyed at the "because it took me so long to get PG" as some kind of excuse to do stuff out of the norm.  I think ALL women (at least those actively trying to get PG!) are "overly excited" to get PG.  THis shouldn't be held out as an excuse as to why "you" (women who deal w/ IF, of which I am one) should somehow be above normal etiquette rules. 

Liz4444:

Cealbadeal:

Smelly Mac:

I think the idea of having a gigantic party is awesome.nbsp; Hubby and I plan on doing the same thing, a "NONTRADITIONAL welcome the baby party" with men and women.nbsp; After all, it's not just my baby.nbsp; My hubby is just as excited about this baby as I am.nbsp;
I think we are overly excited because of all the complications we've had in the past.nbsp; This is our first child that had to be conveived through IVF and we want to celebrate that with everyone we know because everyone we know is aware of what we have gone through to have a baby.
My BBFs offered to throw us a simple baby shower and I know I'm not supposed to host my own.nbsp; They argeed to just help me in that they will do all the planning but I will fork out the money to have a big ass party. Sitting for 3 hours in a boring restaurant, opening gifts in front of friends is not my style.nbsp; And everyone that knows hubby and me know that we are always over the top with parties and such.nbsp;
We plan on an all day party where our guests are invited with their kids.nbsp; We will have catering and alcohol along with games for the kids to play and games for the adults to play.nbsp; It IS a celebration and should be treated as such.nbsp; This may be the last big ass party we have for a long time after the baby is born.
We aren't expecting gifts but if we do get them, we will open them as we are given them and display them in the house.nbsp; Of course, I will keep track of gifts to send Thank You cards.nbsp; Non traditional doesn't mean not polite.
Don't worry about boring the men invited. If you're planning the same thing as we are, I'm sure they will know you're having a PARTY not a baby shower.nbsp;
And don't feel bad registering.nbsp; It's not asking for stuff.nbsp; No one in their right mind ever goes anywhere empty handed anyway.nbsp;At least a registry will give your guests a "go by" rather than them just bringing any old thing.
Celebrate your bundle of joy any way you want to !!!
nbsp;
nbsp;

We are completely on the same page! Glad you get what I'm saying!

Well that wasn't predictable or anything.

Cealbadeal:

Estwd2:

I believe I answered your question about opening gifts, as did some other posters. If you get gifts at a shower, you should open them. And to be more specific, no I don't like the idea of opening them as people arrive because people will likely arrive at the same time, which creates a line of people waiting to get to you so you can greet them and open their gift. It also makes it look like they're paying an entrance fee to get in. I'd do a designated gift opening time and like I said, it will only take forever if you let it take forever. Opening gifts is not as traumatic as some women seem to think it is. Have fun.

I would never create a line at the door and not let people in until they gave a gift. Remind me where I said I'd be doing that.

It's not going to work.  This isn't to "rip you a new one" or whatever - it's just pointing out the logistics of what you're proposing.

i can understand people r not going to agree with some posts, but u dont have to b rude about it. sorry but mama bear was down right rude. wth?!