community

all boards


birth clubs



my blog

Sort:
11-30-2012 at 2:37 PM
Spacebunny...
Not Ranked
Joined on 02-19-2010
orange county, CA
14,480 Points
Spacebunny19 is not online. Last active: 04-14-2013, 8:18 PMSilver

wrangling 2 y.o. while PG

So, 2nd (& 3rd & beyond) mommas, how did/are you handling wrangling uncooperative older kids when PG?   

My DD is 2 (as of last month) and she's never been a terribly cooperative child, although she's a sweetheart and I love her dearly.  But things like getting her in a stroller, car seat, or shopping cart have always been a battle, depending on her mood, which is unpredictable and she can go from sweet as pie and ready to roll to flipping out at the drop of a hat (and for no reason).  

It's hard enough now at 21 weeks, but I am a wreck thinking about how to manage when I'm 9 mos or dealing with a newborn.  

I've tried bribery (doesn't often work and i hate the precedent it sets, but I get desperate some times and have "emergency bribes" of cookies in the car), distraction (never works), and of course asking nicely.  That never works either unless she's already in a cooperative mood.  I've read multiple parenting books (no suggestions I haven't tried) and my husband has the same issue with her (although she's usually better when it's just him, but not always) and generally, the solution that works (after exhausting everything else) is physical force to get her in the car seat or stroller, etc., and she's absurdly strong (sometimes takes both of us to get her latched in.)  And for things like her stroller and all shopping carts, she can get out without blinking.  

So I'm at a loss.  Today I was at Target and she wouldn't stay in the cart when she didn't get her way and I ended up having to hold her/push the car with her half sitting on the handle while i held her.  Needless to say, I won't be able to do this when I'm 9 mos. PG or have a newborn in the cart.  I will need her to behave, but nothing I have tried has worked.

Suggestions?  (And please, offer away.  If I've already tried it, then I've already tried it, but there's got to be something out there I haven't tried yet.) 


 BabyFruit Ticker 
11-30-2012 at 2:44 PM
highlights
Not Ranked
Joined on 11-30-2012
12,740 Points
highlights is not online. Last active: 06-19-2013, 9:58 PMBronze
Duct Tape.

 BabyFruit Ticker  Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
11-30-2012 at 3:01 PM
Max'smom
Not Ranked
Joined on 02-26-2008
6,042 Points
Max'smom is not online. Last active: 04-29-2013, 5:00 PMSilver

DS1 was a pretty easy toddler and younger but it was still hard being pregnant. DH really had to start picking up more of what I had trouble doing, bedtime, bathtime were really hard for me in the later months. DS1 hit the terrible twos when DS2 was a few months old breastfeeding and wrangling a two year old is not any easier. We survived (although we opted to wait on TTC #3 until we were out of that craziness).

My personal feeling about going to the store with a LO is I ONLY take them when I have to. I would rather shop at 9pm or on the weekend than take a cranky kid to Target. If I am not up to shopping than DH will go. I only send him when I really can't handle it because I just prefer to do it myself.

I am not sure if you stay at home with DD and you didn't talk much about her schedule, but at 2 she may be seeking more structure in her day. Assuming you stay home you might look into a MDO or preschool program.

I have read all kinds of books on behavior and discipline but it is really hard for me to follow a real method. It all sounds good but putting into action is what I struggle with. But what most books have in common is to be committed to your plan, be consistant, and keep your cool. Nothing escalates a situation more than a mommy tantrum. I sort of follow a combo of 123 Magic and Love and Logic. Different things work for DS1 and DS2.  

Hope that helps.


Max Wyatt born 1-12-08 10:08 am: 4lbs 11 oz 16 3/4 inches. Sam Dean born 12-21-09 7:36 am: 8lbs 7 oz 19 3/4 inches.  
11-30-2012 at 3:02 PM
courtneyt1...
Not Ranked
Joined on 02-09-2010
Colorado
7,400 Points
courtneyt13 is not online. Last active: 04-04-2013, 4:02 PMBronze

I have that problem with DD at the store sometimes. I don't let her out of the cart. I buckle her in and let her scream while I get our groceries. Then I just talk to her normally about random stuff around the store (while she is screaming) and that for some reason seems to calm her down when she realizes she isn't getting her way.

We have a 45 min commute each way to work and school. So I am pretty good about keeping her interested in getting in the car. She has special car toys that can not go in the house. We also have a special "Elmo" music CD that she can only listen to in the car. And I have goldfish crackers in the car for her- she doesn't get these often at home. To keep things special, I only offer her one thing a day and not even everyday. Just when she seems like she needs it.

That being said, DD layed on the floor cyring for about 10 minutes this morning because it was time for school. I left her there and finished getting ready. When it was time to go I picked her up and put her in the car. I guess I just mostly ignore it or redirect. I use time outs for hitting and that seems to work well. We have only had to have time outs- maybe 5 times.

I have no idea what I am going to do when I am bigger (and can't carry her) or when I have a newborn.


Image and video hosting by TinyPic  Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker  BabyFruit Ticker 
11-30-2012 at 3:17 PM
frecks2112
Not Ranked
Joined on 05-09-2007
CO
3,677 Points
frecks2112 is not online. Last active: 04-08-2013, 10:55 PMBronze

I struggle with this too, I am 25 weeks pregnant.

This is some of my little tricks, although they are rarely 100% successful all day and there is BOUND to be a meltdown.

I avoid take DS to the grocery store if I can. If I do take him, it's for short trips where I know I could leave if things got dicey.  I get the "car" cart and that works for abut 10 minutes. I also bring snacks.

For getting in the car/getting pants on for bed etc, I have tried letting him make decisions. I'll say, if you climb into your carseat, you can get your own vitamins (he gets vitamins in the car every morning and I know he likes getting them out of the case) or I will let you have a Squeezy. I also say if he gets in the car like a good boy I will sing with him. Either way, he's getting in the car. Today he freaked and wanted to "stay home mom NOW!!" and so I kinda forced him into the backseat of the car ( I was getting pretty heated too) and then closed the door. After a few minutes, he decided that it was better to get in the seat and have mommy in the car, than be in there alone. Last night, he didn't want to put on his diaper or jammies, so I said, you have 3 minutes to get your diaper/jammies on, if you do not put them on, I will not be reading stories to you tonight. He normally says "oh okay mommy" and behaves. 

I also try to let him have A LOT of choices throughout his day, especially on things I know will start a fight if not handled properly. Instead of saying "let's get our shirt on" I say "which shirt do you want to wear today?" and then I might ask "do you want mommy to put it on or do you want to do it yourself". 

He still says "no" a lot and misbehaves, but during those times you have to realize that this is a stage, it will not last forever, you can get through it.

You can't worry about the future, about what it will be like at 9months pregnant or with a newborn because all of the worry in the world isn't going to change it. You will get through it!!


Lilypie Second Birthday tickers  
11-30-2012 at 3:59 PM
Sagen
Not Ranked
Joined on 06-17-2012
23,039 Points
Sagen is not online. Last active: 06-19-2013, 11:18 PMBronze

My kids are 23m and 21 mo apart (my last that I am pregnant with will be 4 1/2 years apart from the youngest). What I am going to say is going to sound utterly ridduculous but it really is the answer, you just do it. For the most part I would try my very hardest not to shop with my DD if I were you, even if that means going an hour before they close after she is in bed. If you have tried it all, it might be best to take a break and revist the store thing a little latter. That being said you can't always do that, you might need something right now and DH is at work. Even if you are 40+ weeks you will manage running in for whatever wrangling her, and you will come home tired, but you will do.

 I think the scariest time in my life of chaos with 3 little ones is when I went to the library and my oldest who was 3 at the time had an accident and in embarassement went to run to the car. I am sitting there with my brand new baby who decided to start crying at that very moment, and my 1 year old buy our stuff, so I had tiny kids all over and I was stressed as can be. I yelled at my oldest to stay by the door, dragged the screaming baby to all of our crap, thankfull the one year old left pretty easily but I had o time to put the baby in the carseat so like a pack mule loads of crap where thrown in one are baby in the other this point screaming bloody mudder. My wet three year old is crying by the door alone and other concerned moms are asking where her mom is, oh vey. We made it out, and I swore I would never do it again, but I did about a month later, and stratigized a bit better for emergent situations. :)

One more thing.. the other day I was at walmart shopping and there was this kids just crying way loud. We were on a different isle but you could here him from somewhere. My kids who are now 8,6,4 were holding onto the side of the cart all angelic like. One asked for something the oldest reminded him we were not getting any treats this trip. An older lady looking in said "my you have the most well behaved kids." That was one hard earned moment, my kids are older and I have had plenty crying at the store, plenty of times where I had to leave the cart and go to the car for a time out. More than enough times where I wanted to die of embarassement. You will get to that point, 2 is a rough age, and you probably are doing nothing wrong. Keep your head up, try to go to the store solo, and if you can't try to be in and out fast :)


Mom to 4 cute kids! 8 yo girl 6 yo boy 4 yo boy and new baby boy!  
11-30-2012 at 4:14 PM
daylights1
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-27-2012
62,357 Points
daylights1 is not online. Last active: 06-20-2013, 4:00 AMGold

Here are some suggestions

Leashes 

 

traps 

 

cages 

 

potty prison 

 

duct tape 

 

get another one and have a stand off 

 

Happy to help!  

arg my pips wont work 

 


***June PAL Siggy Challenge - Parenting Fails ***
Just stay here
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
This duck will keep you company

Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Lilypie First Birthday tickers Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers
Photobucket
¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»★Everyone is welcome ¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»★ 
11-30-2012 at 4:19 PM
daylights1
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-27-2012
62,357 Points
daylights1 is not online. Last active: 06-20-2013, 4:00 AMGold



***June PAL Siggy Challenge - Parenting Fails ***
Just stay here
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
This duck will keep you company

Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Lilypie First Birthday tickers Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers
Photobucket
¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»★Everyone is welcome ¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»★ 
12-03-2012 at 2:38 PM
kellpaluga...
Not Ranked
Joined on 10-18-2012
2,876 Points
kellpaluga13 is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 10:59 PMNewbie

I have a soon to be 3 yr old and I am 15 weeks preggo.  My DS was really pretty good kid until a couple weeks ago.  He started throwing tantrums, talking back and just being bossy.  When he is throwing tantrums, I tell him that I will talk to him when he has calmed down.  If we are at home he goes to his room until he is down with the tantrum.  Talking back he gets a time out.  When he is being bossy, I remind him that people don't like to be bossed and I am not going to do what he is telling me to do until he asks nicely.

Now, this morning he throw a fit because he wanted me to carry him around the house and carry him out to the vehicle when we were leaving.  He seriously had a meltdown when I told him that I couldn't and that he was a big boy and he can walk.  He wouldn't move expect for kicking is feet.  He was screaming and crying.  I didn't pick him up and the meltdown was about 20 mins.  I was late for work, but I won't give in because I cannot be carrying a 3 year old and a newborn.  It is not going to happen!  I will definitely cuddle with both of them at the same time, but carrying both of them around will not!

I wonder if they are pushing limits because they now something is about to change?!?  I don't know.  Sometimes all you can do is pray for strength and guidance.  Remember, this is not forever, it is just a stage and you will make it!!!


 Pregnancy Ticker  Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Anniversary 
12-03-2012 at 6:06 PM
Spacebunny...
Not Ranked
Joined on 02-19-2010
orange county, CA
14,480 Points
Spacebunny19 is not online. Last active: 04-14-2013, 8:18 PMSilver
kellpaluga13:

I have a soon to be 3 yr old and I am 15 weeks preggo.  My DS was really pretty good kid until a couple weeks ago.  He started throwing tantrums, talking back and just being bossy.  When he is throwing tantrums, I tell him that I will talk to him when he has calmed down.  If we are at home he goes to his room until he is down with the tantrum.  Talking back he gets a time out.  When he is being bossy, I remind him that people don't like to be bossed and I am not going to do what he is telling me to do until he asks nicely.

Now, this morning he throw a fit because he wanted me to carry him around the house and carry him out to the vehicle when we were leaving.  He seriously had a meltdown when I told him that I couldn't and that he was a big boy and he can walk.  He wouldn't move expect for kicking is feet.  He was screaming and crying.  I didn't pick him up and the meltdown was about 20 mins.  I was late for work, but I won't give in because I cannot be carrying a 3 year old and a newborn.  It is not going to happen!  I will definitely cuddle with both of them at the same time, but carrying both of them around will not!

I wonder if they are pushing limits because they now something is about to change?!?  I don't know.  Sometimes all you can do is pray for strength and guidance.  Remember, this is not forever, it is just a stage and you will make it!!!

If DD only recently started behaving this way I might say it's related to her knowing about Sprout (DD#2's NN until she gets a real name) but she's always been like this.  She's polite and sweet when she's in a normal mood, but when she decides something is *NOT* what she wants to do (put on shoes, get her hair washed, get in stroller/carseat/shopping cart) then she is a wild thing who is very hard to wrangle, and she's been like this pretty much...oh, since she started walking at 8 mos.  She's *spirited*..  And we love her and love her personality but reasoning with a little one doesn't really work, and talking to her about her feelings etc. doesn't really accomplish much either (though we try).  

She is on a "structure" in that most days we have a mid-morning activity (story time at library M, T, W, and every other Thursday, we have MOPS at church. and we visit my sister on off days,) so most mornings it's get up, have breakfast, shower/bath, get ready, go to activity, come back, eat lunch, nap time...etc.  It's the off mornings when I'll do shopping or whatnot, so it's just an example that we had an issue shopping (because the same thing can happen with me trying to get her back into her car seat after storytime or on the way to storytime.)  

My husband wants to get a "leash" and he apparently was on was as a kid but I think they're degrading and would rather just strap her back into a stroller (at least when DD#2 is born) but he thinks we should have both options.  Ugh. 


 BabyFruit Ticker 
Hot Topics

New dad or dad-to-be? Chat with other dads here!
Visit the Dads & Dads-to-be board

Need baby shower inspiration? Get ideas here!
Visit the Baby Showers board

Chat with other crafty moms here!
Visit the Crafty Moms board

search boards

choose another board