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12-04-2012 at 9:36 AM
mrshudson6...
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mrshudson618 is not online. Last active: 05-25-2013, 2:57 PMNewbie

telling family who just got bad news?

My sister in law and I have been commiserating for the last year and a half as we have both been trying to get pregnant. My husband and I succeeded and are are planning on telling our families this weekend-I will be 10 weeks. However, my sister in law and her husband just found out that he is not producing any sperm. They don't know why yet, so they don't know if anything can be done about it, Needless to say, they are fairly devastated. How do we tell the family our exciting news without feeling like we are rubbing it in their faces?

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12-04-2012 at 9:37 AM
mystererae
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E-mail them ahead of time explaining that you know this might be a difficult time for them to hear your news and be excited for you and that you completely understand.

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12-04-2012 at 9:46 AM
onewaytick...
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My husband's brother is going through a messy divorce. She left him only a few months after getting married and he is devastated. He also really wanted to start a family right away.

We were holding off on telling him and had planned on telling him in person around Christmas time when we were both in California (where he lives). Unfortunatley, he found out from my sister (who can't keep secrets) on Thanksgiving. It was not the best way to find out and my husband was really bummed that he didn't tell him first.

Whatever you do, just make sure they don't find out from somebody else because that is the worst way to get the news.


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12-04-2012 at 9:53 AM
pantsarell...
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mystererae:
E-mail them ahead of time explaining that you know this might be a difficult time for them to hear your news and be excited for you and that you completely understand.

This. 100%. Give them time to process your news in private. They'll be happy for you in time, but they need to have a safe place to process their own feelings.  



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12-04-2012 at 10:38 AM
Lissa832
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Email or text. Don't be offended if you get no response right away, or a very small response. They need time to have their initial reaction. 

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12-04-2012 at 10:41 AM
1220winter...
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mystererae:
E-mail them ahead of time explaining that you know this might be a difficult time for them to hear your news and be excited for you and that you completely understand.
email is a great way to give them time to process your news in private.


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2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.


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12-04-2012 at 10:50 AM
earychener
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I'm just a lurker, for now, but my DH and I went through a similar situation when we found out we were expecting our DS last year.

DH's sister had just found out that there was nothing more they could do with regards to fertility treatments (not sure of the details, but it took her a while to conceive their son, with the help of fertility treatments, and he is going to be 6 this year). So, basically, a few weeks before we found out, they had come to the realization that they probably wouldn't have any more children, and she was pretty devastated, to say the least. They were recommending a hysterectomy when she was done having children, so double whammy.

DH and I talked about how we were going to break the news, and we decided on this: DH went over to his sister's house (without me), and just sat them down and let them know. He basically said, "I know that you're happy for us, but I wanted to let you know privately so that you could react however you wanted without an audience. We know that the news you got might make you react in a way that you would not want people to see. Not exactly those words, but you get the concept. She of course cried, but she was very grateful that we handled it that way. She said, obviously, that she was very happy for us, but it was still just a little raw since she was still in the grieving process.

Hope that helps in your decision. It's a tough one, but just remember that no matter how the immediate reaction to the news goes, that they most likely are very happy for you both.


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12-04-2012 at 11:34 AM
hoopduck
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earychener:

I'm just a lurker, for now, but my DH and I went through a similar situation when we found out we were expecting our DS last year.

DH's sister had just found out that there was nothing more they could do with regards to fertility treatments (not sure of the details, but it took her a while to conceive their son, with the help of fertility treatments, and he is going to be 6 this year). So, basically, a few weeks before we found out, they had come to the realization that they probably wouldn't have any more children, and she was pretty devastated, to say the least. They were recommending a hysterectomy when she was done having children, so double whammy.

DH and I talked about how we were going to break the news, and we decided on this: DH went over to his sister's house (without me), and just sat them down and let them know. He basically said, "I know that you're happy for us, but I wanted to let you know privately so that you could react however you wanted without an audience. We know that the news you got might make you react in a way that you would not want people to see. Not exactly those words, but you get the concept. She of course cried, but she was very grateful that we handled it that way. She said, obviously, that she was very happy for us, but it was still just a little raw since she was still in the grieving process.

Hope that helps in your decision. It's a tough one, but just remember that no matter how the immediate reaction to the news goes, that they most likely are very happy for you both.

 

Well said - here is a great solution.


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12-04-2012 at 12:49 PM
mrshudson6...
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I am going back and forth between telling them in person privately, or telling them through email and and then telling them in person with the rest of the family.

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12-06-2012 at 10:01 AM
earychener
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This is just my opinion, but I think telling them via email is a little "cold", if you know what I mean? Especially if they are family...but that's just me.

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12-06-2012 at 11:09 AM
wedbliss5
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earychener:
This is just my opinion, but I think telling them via email is a little "cold", if you know what I mean? Especially if they are family...but that's just me.

I think it totally depends on the people.  Some people may WANT the privavcy of reading over email verse face-to-face, especially people who would NOT want to cry in front of others.  I think its a tough call and I wish OP all the luck in the world to make the best decision.


 
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