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12-04-2012 at 11:14 AM
ashfann
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Need help making hubby understand

I am about 13 weeks pregnant, and exhausted all the time. I've had bad all day nausea for six weeks. This is normal, I know, but I need advice on making my husband understand. He's always on me, that I should be exercising, not napping, that i have to eat more, even waking me up at 8am saying that I 'need to get used to waking up early for the baby'. (I know that doesn't sound incredibly early but I am a manager at Starbucks and often work closing shifts, getting home at midnight.) 

I don't want to make him sound like a villain, he's an amazing guy, I love him to pieces, and his intentions are good. And his suggestions aren't mean so much as annoying. How can I help him to understand?
 
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12-04-2012 at 11:16 AM
Chocodoxie...
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I love my husband too, and if he did those things I think I would go absolutely bonkers. I would lose my crap. He has NO IDEA what pregnancy is like, and therefore it is very arrogant of him to assume that he knows what you should and should not be doing with regard to exercise or sleep. You absolutely should be doing what your body is telling you to do and not one iota more. Tell him that. 
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12-04-2012 at 11:21 AM
mcooper014
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You should tell him that getting more sleep is the best thing you can do now for the baby, show him this article:

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/81623.php

He sounds like he doesn't know a lot about what women go through when they are pregnant.  Maybe he needs to be more informed. 

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12-04-2012 at 11:41 AM
pamperedgi...
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I'm blessed to have an understanding husband. i was absolutely exhausted in the 1st tri. so i explained to him that the baby needs all my energy to grow. and tell him that he is going to have to trust that you are doing what your body needs to do in the best interest of the baby. and when it came to food my family kept on insisting that i eat for 2. i kept telling them that im eating as healthy as i can (since alot of things made me neausous) and i eat as much as my body will allow me to. and as the saying goes "happy wife happy life". in my case that means let me sleep if im tired, let me eat what im craving or can just keep down, and in general do not push me to do anything.
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12-04-2012 at 11:42 AM
jlpev
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I hear ya!! Dh is always on me about working out. I am a stay at home mom and chase a 23 month old around all day from when he wakes up and goes to sleep. Dh doesn't help much due to his work schedule. He does help watch him while I cook if he's in the house.
But when DS naps I try to clean up! I dont want or dont have time to workout. And I'm exhausted whenever he goes to bed.

Guys just don't get it how tired we are and I get up like 2 or 3 times a night to pee! Good luck!! Hopefully you get more energy and start feeling better soon!!
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12-04-2012 at 11:43 AM
highlights
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Put a stop to that *** yesterday.

Tell him you are a big girl and you can take care of yourself thankyouverymuch.

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12-04-2012 at 11:46 AM
Trish&Pete...
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My advice is to have him do some more research. Until he has some basic facts that HE has found on his own (not just told to him by you) he will be more understanding. I am pg with my 3rd and DH still doesn't always "get it". But since this is the 3rd time around he has done alot of research so that he can somewhat understand what I am going through. Sure he still tells me not to eat that bag of chips or I should probably spend more time outside, going for a walk or something. He is right in most cases, but is also ALOT more understanding as well
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12-04-2012 at 11:50 AM
allydncr
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I hear you! My hubby is the same way. I think he's starting to get used to it now, but he still doesn't like it that I don't have energy anymore (mostly because I was always the one getting stuff done!). He was bugging me about working out, but that pretty much got put to a stop when 1) I told him how much it was bugging me 2) he started gaining a little weight himself and now has to keep his big mouth shut - hehe and 3) I lost a pound instead of gaining, and told him that the doctor scolded me (she didn't, but he doesn't need to know that!)

Whenever he bugs me about being lazy, I just yell at him that I'm busy creating life, or making a miracle, and he rolls his eyes and walks away. As you said, my DH is really not that bad and has been more helpful than usual, but they just don't get it. I think part of it is just that men don't like change... so they complain about it. Sorry that I don't have better advice for you.

PS. If my husband woke me up, there would be hell to pay. Heads would roll! 
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12-04-2012 at 11:52 AM
MourningMi...
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I agree with mcooper. Apparently your husband has never really been around pregnant women and is only getting half the information he needs. Introduce him to this website's Dads-to-be section and don't be afraid to hand him all those free magazines you will be  getting. As soon as we found out I was expecting my husband starting reading and even downloaded an app that told him what changes my body was going through and gave him tips on how to help me. He loves it. Yes, exercising is great, if you have the energy. But def don't push yourself. And TALK to him. If this is your first pregnancy read some of those articles together and discuss them. There is a wealth of information out there for both of you. Discuss your fears and anxieties as well as your excitement, this is a good time for you to learn a lot about each other. Good luck
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12-04-2012 at 12:01 PM
elmoali
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Like others have said, he needs to do some research.  But I have to LOL at the "getting used to" getting up early.  Just like you can't bank sleep now for when you're not getting it later, there is no way to prepare for the (potential) insanity that is lack of sleep with a newborn.  I say potential because not all kids are up all the time but I would say most are and it's just not something you can "get used to."  You just do it in the moment because you have to :)
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12-04-2012 at 12:14 PM
lovingmygi...
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I'm lucky that my DH has not been on me about much but the last thing I told him which seemed to get through was "When you are growing a life within you, we'll talk"...lol, he pretty much keeps his opinions to himself
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12-04-2012 at 1:26 PM
jyoung630
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My DH did something similar at the beginning of this pregnancy.  I just reminded him that it is all part of the process and my body is working for two now and I needed his help.  He did come to my next appointment so he could ask the dr if that was true.  When the dr confirmed that this is a normal part of being pregnant, DH took up the slack.  He lets me sleep in an extra hour in the mornings, makes sure what food is in the fridge is what I can eat that day, and does all the heavy lifting (ie laundry).  I think he just needed to hear it from someone who knows more about it than he does so he asked the dr.  I don't think he can truly understand but he behaves in a more understanding way.  He has even taken to trying to listen to himself and see how he comes across.  We still have to talk about that once in a while but it is not as bad as it was. 

You might consider scheduling a separate consultation appointment for your H with the dr or nurse so he can ask his questions and know a little more about what to expect as your pregnancy progresses.   
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12-04-2012 at 2:23 PM
CRLSMC2011
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jyoung630:

My DH did something similar at the beginning of this pregnancy.  I just reminded him that it is all part of the process and my body is working for two now and I needed his help.  He did come to my next appointment so he could ask the dr if that was true.  When the dr confirmed that this is a normal part of being pregnant, DH took up the slack.  He lets me sleep in an extra hour in the mornings, makes sure what food is in the fridge is what I can eat that day, and does all the heavy lifting (ie laundry).  I think he just needed to hear it from someone who knows more about it than he does so he asked the dr.  I don't think he can truly understand but he behaves in a more understanding way.  He has even taken to trying to listen to himself and see how he comes across.  We still have to talk about that once in a while but it is not as bad as it was. 

You might consider scheduling a separate consultation appointment for your H with the dr or nurse so he can ask his questions and know a little more about what to expect as your pregnancy progresses.   

This is my suggestion as well. Coming from you anything is adversarial and you being a whiny hormonal *****.  Bring him to your appointment and have the OB/MW/nurse explain things and say you need as much sleep as you can get and that right now it is more important that you eat what goes down than that you eat super healthy. 

And know you are not alone.  As you can see from PPs, we are all struggling with the same things with our husbands.  On my day off, do NOT wake me to say goodbye.  Stop telling me the baby needs vegetables.  Stop calling me lazy and telling me I do nothing around the house. 

At one point I told him I would do more around the house if he would take a turn growing the baby.  That shut him up.
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12-04-2012 at 2:38 PM
HoolahZing...
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Any chance you have the book What To Expect When You Are Expecting? If so, there's a good section in there just for dads. He really needs to read up on how to be a great encourager/supporter. 

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12-04-2012 at 2:45 PM
ShadyKull
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I agree with the PP who said to make sure he comes to your next appointment and bring up the topics of first trimester exhaustion and nausea so that he can hear from a medical professional that you really are THAT exhausted/sick and getting more sleep and eating whatever you can manage to stomach is a good thing right now.

Have you explained to him how you feel about all his "suggestions"? If he genuinely wants to be supportive, he will knock it off if he knows that you are really bothered by his pestering.


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12-04-2012 at 3:24 PM
lucky713
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I know my husband was really concerned about me not eating much in my first trimester.  He relaxed a lot when he went with me to a dr appointment and he voiced his concerns.  The doctor shot him a glare and told him, "she's sick!  It's called morning sickness.  She will start eating when she can."  Since then he's been fine.  Hope you can catch up on some sleep and hopefully your round of morning sickness will be done soon!
 
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12-04-2012 at 3:52 PM
Lexy and C...
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Maybe he would be more convinced if you could get your doctor to weigh in...just call your doctor's office and explain how you feel, what your husband's thoughts are, and ask if you can go with your gut feeling. GL!
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12-04-2012 at 4:30 PM
mommacakes...
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My DH gets upset at me sometimes when I go to bed early, like the second he walks in the door. But he understands that I am home all day with 2 kids, pregnant, and I have just gotten over my horrible all day sickness. He is usually pretty good about just saying ok, but there are time he is mad. I try to stay up a little later at least 2 days during the week so we can spend some time together after the girls go to bed. It is just so hard somedays!!
 
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12-04-2012 at 5:47 PM
nomadgirl
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Go on to Amazon and buy him The Expectant Father.  It's a book written for the guys from a guy's perspective.  It will completely change his perspective.  While my husband was reading that book, he kept quoting facts and items to me.  It's written in a light and breezy style and does an amazing job at getting them on the same page as you, without sounding condescending (my husband HATED the dad section in WTEWYE because he felt like it made all men sound like they were just sex-crazed, ignorant idiots).  My husband seriously asked my ob/gyn as many questions as I did when we met her the first time because he used the questions that his book gave him as a guide.  

 I have consistently heard every woman whose husband has read it say that they think it's one of the best things their husband did while they were pregnant.
 
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12-05-2012 at 3:25 PM
pinottopar...
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If my husband tried to tell me that shyt, I would seriously CUT him. You will probably feel WAY better soon, so I would just tell him to give you a few more weeks. You'll hopefully get your energy back soon. I pretty much don't feel pregnant at all except for my ever-expanding belly and appetite!
Amanda

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12-05-2012 at 5:23 PM
letzgoraci...
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I feel like the more I show....the more understanding my boyfriend is.  During my first Trimester he did many of the same things your husband is doing.  I was NOT happy when he said that kind of stuff.   But I honestly think (in his mind) if he could not 'see' evidence of my pregnancy then I should be acting like my old self.

I don't think you are making him out to be a villain.  I do think he is clueless to what you are REALLY going through.  He really needs to go to a Doctor's appt with you and let you address some of this stuff while he is there to listen to the Doctor.
 
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