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12-04-2012 at 2:07 PM
mrshudson6...
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mrshudson618 is not online. Last active: 06-19-2013, 2:53 AMNewbie

how to share BFP with someone T-TTC?

My sister in law and I are very close, and have been commiserating for the last year and a half as we have both been trying to get pregnant. My husband and I succeeded and are are planning on telling our families this weekend-I will be 10 weeks. However, my sister in law and her husband JUST found out that he is not producing any sperm. They don't know why yet, so they don't know if anything can be done about it, Needless to say, they are fairly devastated. How do we tell the family our exciting news without feeling like we are rubbing it in their faces?

Thought the ladies still on TTC might have good input on this. 6 months ago, when I had been trying for over a year I cried myself to sleep when I found out my sister was having number two. That was hard, but this seems worse.

What is the best way to hear someone else's news, when its always hard to hear?
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12-04-2012 at 2:13 PM
BrazilianP...
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The consensus in the 3T world is that email is the best way to provide the news. That way you allow the person to read, digest, react, and reach out to you to congratulate. 
TTC#1 since Feb 2011
CD3 & SA All Normal
HSG - Tube Sightly Blocked - Cleared by dye
Moved to RE - DX Mild PCOS
August 2012: 2nd SA - Count = 51Mil, Motility 75%, Prog 2-3, Morph 33%. Good to proceed with IUI
August 2012/December 2012: Femara + Metformin +Follistim + Trigger + IUI #1-4 = BFFN
March 2013: IVF #1

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12-04-2012 at 2:15 PM
charlydoom
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Think of it this way...When you found out your sister was pregnant, even though you cried, were you still happy for her? If you SIL is close to you, she will be happy for you, she knows it wasn't easy for you to get where you are. Just make sure you phrase it in a way that can't be taken wrong and that she knows you will continue to support her.


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12-04-2012 at 2:22 PM
BrazilianP...
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charlydoom:

Think of it this way...When you found out your sister was pregnant, even though you cried, were you still happy for her? If you SIL is close to you, she will be happy for you, she knows it wasn't easy for you to get where you are. Just make sure you phrase it in a way that can't be taken wrong and that she knows you will continue to support her.

I don't think it is a matter of being happy for someone. If she just got news that her husband has azoospermia, emotions are a bit raw. It's always safe to allow someone to have some time to digest the news. The SIL will be happy, of course! But what you are trying to avoid here is the shock of the news. 
TTC#1 since Feb 2011
CD3 & SA All Normal
HSG - Tube Sightly Blocked - Cleared by dye
Moved to RE - DX Mild PCOS
August 2012: 2nd SA - Count = 51Mil, Motility 75%, Prog 2-3, Morph 33%. Good to proceed with IUI
August 2012/December 2012: Femara + Metformin +Follistim + Trigger + IUI #1-4 = BFFN
March 2013: IVF #1

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12-04-2012 at 2:26 PM
MrsM507
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BrazilianPeach:
The consensus in the 3T world is that email is the best way to provide the news. That way you allow the person to read, digest, react, and reach out to you to congratulate. 

This. Let her decide when to take the next step and actually congratulate/discuss it with you.
TTC#2 Since July 2011
Me: 29, had two blocked tubes - left was cleared during lap&dye, right was unable to be cleared. PCOS & Stage 2 Endo. DH: 31, SA = perfect.
CLOMID: 4 rounds, 50mg + TI = BFN's.
FEMARA: 1 round = no response.
12-24-2012 : Laparoscopy, Softball sized cyst/endo/scar tissue removed.
Cycle #14 - Feb 2013 : 50mg clomid. Ovidrel Trigger. IUI on 2/14/13 = thin lining, multiple cysts.
Cycle #15 - no meds, still have cysts, no follicles. Boo!
Forced break. Continuous BCP for 6 weeks to give my jacked up ovaries a break.
Cycle #16 actively trying (May/June): Femara, TI = BFN
Cycle #17 Med break = ?

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12-04-2012 at 2:31 PM
Stabward
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BrazilianPeach:
The consensus in the 3T world is that email is the best way to provide the news. That way you allow the person to read, digest, react, and reach out to you to congratulate. 

This. I (personally) would also explain why I'm sending am email instead of telling her in person. If it were me I would feel weird if someone that I was close to just sent me an email instead of telling me in person. But again, that's me. I think you'll know if your sister in law would feel the same.

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12-04-2012 at 2:36 PM
katyj25
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I fully agree with BP. Also, make sure to tell her before you tell anyone else. I would put some time in between the announcement also. It would give her the time to "digest" things first. It would be horrible for her to find out from others before you tell her.


*3 and a half years, 1 failed Clomid/TI cycle, 2 failed Femara/TI cycles, 2 failed IUIs.
*3/22 Surprise BFP! EDD 12/2/13!
Beta #1 @ 11dpo 27.5, beta #2 @ 14dpo 174.4!!!!!!!!
 
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12-04-2012 at 2:37 PM
mrshudson6...
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This is what I am leaning toward- Just finding the right balance of giving her time to digest vs. not hurting her feelings by not telling her in person.
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12-04-2012 at 3:32 PM
runningpen...
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katyj25:
I fully agree with BP. Also, make sure to tell her before you tell anyone else. I would put some time in between the announcement also. It would give her the time to "digest" things first. It would be horrible for her to find out from others before you tell her.

I also agree with telling her ahead of time, not only to give her time to digest but to also protect herself from the inevitable well meaning souls who'll probably say something like "Welp looks like your next" and not know the whole story. 

 



 
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12-04-2012 at 5:39 PM
KateLouise
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As well as what pp said I would let her know when you plan to announce to your family, so she can be prepared for lots of excited, "did you hear about..." baby talk.

I've been in a similar situation in that my sister has been TTC for years, and I think they've reached the point of not pursuing any further IVF, so it was really hard telling her about both my pregnancies. 
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12-04-2012 at 5:55 PM
princessis...
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MrsM507:

BrazilianPeach:
The consensus in the 3T world is that email is the best way to provide the news. That way you allow the person to read, digest, react, and reach out to you to congratulate. 

This. Let her decide when to take the next step and actually congratulate/discuss it with you.

 I totally agree, the last thing I would want is to get the announcement at a family dinner and have to hold back tears and have all my emotions on display. 

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12-04-2012 at 7:57 PM
Cara1024
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princessisadora:
MrsM507:

BrazilianPeach:
The consensus in the 3T world is that email is the best way to provide the news. That way you allow the person to read, digest, react, and reach out to you to congratulate. 

This. Let her decide when to take the next step and actually congratulate/discuss it with you.

 I totally agree, the last thing I would want is to get the announcement at a family dinner and have to hold back tears and have all my emotions on display. 

Yup. All of this.
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Married October '09. Me 28 H 27.
TTC #1 since April 2012.
DX with Fibromyalgia in 2004.
DX with Undifferentiated Collagen Vascular Disease Feb 2012.
HSG - both tubes clear, DX Bicornuate Uterus Sept 2012.
1st SA Sept 2012 = very low count: 2 mil. low morph
March 2013: trigger + IUI#1 = BFN
April 2013: trigger + IUI#2 = Canceled :(
MRI of my uterus April 30th, result = Arcuate Uterus
May 2013: Femara + trigger + IUI#2 = BFP!!! Due 1.25.14
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12-04-2012 at 8:01 PM
jschwind22
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Stabward:

BrazilianPeach:
The consensus in the 3T world is that email is the best way to provide the news. That way you allow the person to read, digest, react, and reach out to you to congratulate. 

This. I (personally) would also explain why I'm sending am email instead of telling her in person. If it were me I would feel weird if someone that I was close to just sent me an email instead of telling me in person. But again, that's me. I think you'll know if your sister in law would feel the same.

All of this!  I would definitely explain why you are chosing to send and email so that is not misintrepreted. 

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TTC #1 since February 2011
Me: 29 (high NK cells diagnosed 3/5/13)
DH: 28 (MFI low morph and motility diagnosed 5/8/12).
RE is recommending IVF but we want to start with IUI. DH was unwilling to pursue treatment until 7/21/12.
Cycle #21- Injects + IUI #1= BFFN
Cycle #22- HSG 9/21/12 all clear= BFFN
Cycle #23- Injects + IUI#2= BFFN
Cycle #24- IVF #1- ER 12/6/12 (14R, 11M, 9F), ET 12/9/12 transferred 2 day 3 embies
Beta #1 10dp3dt=3 (-). Beta #2 12dp3dt=6.6 (+). Beta #3 39.1 (+)
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Cycle #26- Diagnosed high NK cells 3/5/13. FET scheduled 3/20/13- CANCELLED- lining issues
Cycle #27- Starting Trental for 3 months for new FET protocol. Natural cycles until FET in August
Cycle #28- BFN; Cycle #29- BFN; Cycle #30- ????
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12-04-2012 at 8:27 PM
Ruger04
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jschwind22:
Stabward:

BrazilianPeach:
The consensus in the 3T world is that email is the best way to provide the news. That way you allow the person to read, digest, react, and reach out to you to congratulate. 

This. I (personally) would also explain why I'm sending am email instead of telling her in person. If it were me I would feel weird if someone that I was close to just sent me an email instead of telling me in person. But again, that's me. I think you'll know if your sister in law would feel the same.

All of this!  I would definitely explain why you are chosing to send and email so that is not misintrepreted. 

This is what I would want! GL and congrats!

ITS A GIRL!!! TTC 8/11 November Clomid 150mg+trigger+IUI+TI= BFP
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' Eleanor Roosevelt
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