As other pps have said...confirm the date is good for you and give her a guest list (once you find out how many she can accomodate). If she asks for any other input you can give it but under no circumstances do you pay for any of the shower except maybe the favors. When I host I do not pay for the favors...if the MTB wants them then it is up to her to provide them.
Never heard that one. That's like saying you're hosting a kids birthday party and charging for the goodie bags....
Really...how do you come up with that analogy? It is NOTHING like charging guests for a goodie bag (favor). I said I (as the host) do not pay for favors. It is up to the mom to be to provide them if SHE wants to thank her guests for coming. I don't feel it is up to me (as the hostess) to do that. I'm already feeding people, providing entertainment (games) and prizes. I know a lot of hostesses who DO provide favors at showers...but I don't. I DO provide favors when I have people come to our house for our annual Christmas party...but then it is MY party...not someone else's that I'm hosting for. I really don't feel favors are even necessary at showers, birthday parties, weddings, or Christmas parties. It is just something I personally do...for MY guests.
By being the hostess of the shower, this IS YOUR PARTY. You are throwing it, so yes, you ARE responsible for thanking guests for coming. MTB is the guest of honor, not the hostess. There is a difference.
Im not arguing the point on whether they are necessary, that's a different debate. But to tell someone that you are throwing them a party, butif they want XYZ, they need to pay for it is beyond tacky and rude.